Full speed ahead or hold back?

[The Comeback Kid]

I haven't posted a question here in a little while, but I hope you guys can help me out on this little situation.

I shared a couple classes with a girl I like last semester. Not until late in the semester did I realize I am interested in her. Over the break, I texted her on two occasions, both C+F things (once when a team she says she likes lost, the other time it was about some playful banter we had before break, and something reminded me of it). She responded both times and played along. In short, we do get along and have good rapport, but I'm not in real tight with her, not yet atleast.

Once we were back at school, I called her up to see if she'd like to go out for coffee this coming week. When I called I got no answer, but two hours later she called back (I wasn't around my phone at the time though). Soon after, we finally reached each other. I told her we should get some coffee at (place near where I live on campus) at (time of day) this coming week, with Day A and Day B being the two days I know I'm not bogged down with things. She seemed interested, but she has class at my time (I threw one of the days and times at her). She then began to hold a conversation about a class I once took that she'll be in now (small, hands-on class), asking what I thought of the class, what I liked/didn't like, what were some things I did in the class, etc.

You could probably pick out the sore spot here. I don't like uncertainty. She's the type of girl who "has her head on her shoulders" and is respectable, but I'd like to get a date and time locked into place. I can either:
1.) Take action - this means calling tomorrow afternoon. If she's in class, she will see the missed call and hopefully calls me back like she did the first time. I'll explain to her that I have a pretty busy rest of the week ahead and would like to lock in the date and time. The drawback here is it could make me look a little needy.
2.) Let's see if she sticks to her word. - While this makes you look less needy and if she does stick to her word she's likely interested, I am not leaning towards this one. I believe Pook said that the man must persist to set up the first few dates in a relationship.

What do you guys think? I'd rather control my own destiny than let someone else control it; basically I want to either sink or swim based on something I do. Your thoughts?

 

[The Comeback Kid]

I know it's not a MAJOR issue, but I'd appreciate any help here. I don't want to do the wrong thing and then be screwed over b/c of it. I believe I talked myself into what I believe is the "right" answer (#1), I just want to make sure.

 

[TheSplat]

I think you should wait a day or two and then call her and set up the date. But I wouldn't do lunch. Lunch is a quick route to friend zone.

 

[Interceptor]

CK, the "right" answer is that 'it doesnt matter WHAT she does'.

You cant control someone else's behavior. Nor can you control their perception filters.
You also cant expect a woman who doesnt know you very well to drop everything for an essentially unproven, unknown entity.
So you cant ever become frustrated, needy, clingy, or desperate.
This means you have to do your part as a Man, offer to meet up with her someplace, and leave it up to her to decide what she wanst to do.

Worrying about things you cannot control is the path to anxiety, stress, frustration, and depression.

Life is too short. There are only so many hours in the day.
You resources are valueable.
And you deserve to be with someone who respects them.

And until this woman proves that she is worthy of them you should NOT let her control your resources.
Your peace of mind is high priority, and no one is entitled to take it away from you.

Right now, you two barely know each other, so start to let go of high expectations.
Keep in contact with her, but realize that SHE'S the one who has to decide if she wants to be with you or not.
Until then concern yourself with matters that are of utmost importance to you.

You probably want techniques and tactics, etc..
But the best strategy is that you come from a place of self satisfaction, and non neediness or desperation.
And that your life is as fulfilling that you dont get into a headspace where you start worrying about what some random chick is doing.
Spending time worrying, analyzing, coming up with the right plan for a woman who isnt your GF , whom you barely know, whom you dont even know if she is even attracted to you is poor use of your limited ,and precious time and resources.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks guys. TheSplat...I made the call this past Friday, so I would think today is enough time to pop in again. This would be a very quick coffee date, I have classes during the week so there isn't a ton of time to do things in the middle of the day. Interceptor...thanks for the very solid advice as always. You're right in that, well as you know, I overthink things. The only thing I may not have mentioned is I know her more than "barely." Sure, we don't talk all the time, but I had a few classes with her this past semester (again, I didn't gain interest in her until towards the end), so I did get to know her a bit.

Again though, very good advice and I won't let this all get to me...I'll keep on living my life, I'll call her if I feel I want to :rockon: , and if I do I'll let her know what's up. If she says yes, great. If not, then it might hurt for a day or two, but I'll move on. I have before.

 

[TheSplat]

Attaboy CK. Just remember to keep the plates spinning.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Attaboy CK. Just remember to keep the plates spinning.

Well at the moment, I'm scoping the scene to find some other nice plates lol.

As for this girl, I like Interceptor's ideal of not giving this girl so much time (in my mind)...I know I'm no whiz at ultimatums of this sort, but would something like what this SS article suggests work?: http://www.sosuave.com/quick/tip167.htm?forum

I know her enough that we get along well and we have similar interests (we've talked a bit). However, I would also like to get a final answer, I don't like getting the runaround and having to wait things out. Keep in mind I gave her a call, there's a good chance she had class since it was the middle of the day, but I haven't heard back, not yet atleast. I may call later in the day tomorrow (give her around 24 hrs, prob. more), the text her with what the article describes..."hey (name), either you can either call me back and we make plans or there is no sense in me pursuing this any further." I then threw in a C+F one-liner about the class she just started (the one I had last year).

 

[imaginemypotential]

just be smooth she will call or she wont, sometimes stuff comes up, am pretty u were interested in a chick but got so busy u aint call her back till like 2 days later, your starting to think irrational

 

[Interceptor]

CK, do NOT give her anything resembling an ultimatum.

Call her, and/or leave a message about your plans, where, and what time, and that you'd love her to be with you that time.
Offer this to her, and leave it up to her to accept it or not.

Women can spend hours and hours talking and texting with their friends, do you really think she's just 'too busy'?

Just leave the ball in her court, and leave it at that.

Stay social, stay upbeat, and keep working on yourself,and improving your quality of life.
Your optimum health, wealth, and well being are your primary concern.

 

[The Comeback Kid]

Thanks guys. I'm a bit too impatient, so I'm trying to not let that get the best of me. That's why I usually post here before I go through with a questionable call.

I can call her tomorrow or on Thursday. If she doesn't pick up, I may or may not leave a message (she'll see the missed call anyway, but the message adds something to it perhaps). I'll let you know how it goes.