From the Other Side of The Dating Matrix (i.e. Why I give "Warped" Dating Advice)

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey guys, it's Harry - first time staring a post on the new-looking forum!

Anyway... I have been posting comments on other people's pages since the forum came back, much like I was before it changed over. What I've noticed lately - as was going on for, oh... we'll say YEARS on here - is that there are many guys who just have no hope in finding women that will actually treat them how they want to be treated.

Like, if I were to sum up the RSTLNE of posts on this site, here's what it boils down to:

"A girl is flaking on me, should I try texting her again?"
"The girl I like is giving me mixed signals, should I next her?"
"We had sex a few times, now she's distancing herself, what can I do?"
"She was texting me a lot before, now they have slowed down - what gives?"
"One minute she says she wants to be with me, and the next she's talking about another guy in front of me - is this rude?"
"She's doing some action I don't like - I should go no contact, right?"

Now me, I know all of these things to be signs of low-interest. However, the ego tends to get in the way, so most guys want to come on here and remedy these things as if they can be fixed so that the girl will start showing the same interest signs she appeared to have when they first met.

I am a very, VERY optimistic dater. Yes, I was horrible at it when I started out and took many, many bumps & bruises... but a part of me always knew that it couldn't just be women's fault, and that I needed to do some work on myself and figure out what to do to change my dating situation.

Because I was once where these other guys were at, I empathize with them. I see them in situations dealing with women that, to me, are showing blatant signs of disinterest... and yet, I have to remember that, when I was in their shoes, those signs weren't always so obvious. A girl flaking on me? I'd come up with an excuse and think, "but she still likes me - I'll try again!" A girl saying she wants to be with me but talks of another guy? Another excuse - "Oh, she's just confused, but I'm sure I can make her like me more than that other guy..."

Nowadays? Any kind of flag like the ones mentioned above, and my brain thinks "OHHHH, okay - low interest. Good thing we only had 2 dates - NEXT!"

Anyway... so, with all that said, I do find that, at times when I'm giving out my helpful advice to various situations, there are some people that doubt the things I'm talking about. And no, I'm not talking about those members that are automatically against every single thing I say - those people are just haters, and there's bound to be a few who disagree with... well, anything.

What I'm talking about is when I'll have someone question how the thing I'm talking about can be true. Like, for example, I'll say something like "Wait 4 days between dates to call a girl," and someone will ask me how is it the girl will stay interested if I'm not calling her. Or, I'll say something like "Texting KILLS relationships" and people wonder how that's possible when women are always saying they want to text.

So, some of the advice I give may sound a bit warped at times - and if it does, it's with good reason: I'm already on the other side of the "Dating Matrix."

What does that mean? It means my dating reality isn't shaped in the same way that newcomers' are. Once I got over the hurt, and bitterness that the dating game can bring with it, and started (a) accepting more responsibility and (b) putting new actions/methods into place, dating became a LOT easier. As a result, I no longer get highly stressed out when women start doing things that indicate LOW interest. Why? Because I've had too many experiences dating women that are ACTUALLY interested in me.

That's probably the biggest thing any guy can do to get himself to face dating reality. Once you find a girl that legitimately, 100%, without a doubt LIKES you, CARES for you, and wants to BE with you... NONE of the actions other girls will do towards you will be a big deal anymore because you know you can find better.

Now some of you may read that and think, "But how can I be sure I'll even find that person? I've been dating for years, and girls still seem to be playing games with me..."

That's your first mistake: believing a girl that likes you will play games. She won't - if she likes you, she'll feel she has too much to lose. She may do things to TEST you at times, but not showing interest back won't be one of those things.

A girl that wants to be with you will never, EVER do any of the actions listed above. I know, it seems false, but it's not. I've dated these kinds of girls; heck, I've been with the girl I'm dating now for 3 years and she has never:

- Flaked on me for anything, EVER
- Given me any signal that could be mixed for her feelings about me
- Denied me sex for long periods of time (except when on her period, lol)
- Got mad at me for not texting her regularly (not a phone guy)
- Did some action I didn't like or, if she did, was willing to apologize for it

And, while I decided to end the relationship with my previous 2 girlfriends before the current one, they were the same way. But again - because I'm on the other side of the dating matrix, I'm more than aware these kinds of women exists.

So, if you see me on your post giving advice about your situation, understand it's coming from a guy that KNOWS there's better out there for you, even if you can't see it now with what you're going through. I wish for all of you to be able to experience dating women in the way I have, so that you, too, will understand just how loving and kind women really CAN be, instead of just accepting a girl that's only partially interested in you or only out for self. (And yes, you can always send me a personal note pointing me to your post if you want me to give you advice - or, you can go to the link in my signature).

That's all for now - happy dating, people!

 

[dustmuffin]

Thanks Harry! I appreciate your input.

 

[dillj]

for some guys, there AINT any better, just worse.

 

[skinnyguy]

Legit post HW.

Couple things

First guys need to screen better. If you only care about getting laid you'll deal with a lot of low quality sluts.

Second there aren't many women out there who are worth dating. Because of Instagram, snapchat, etc women have the abundance not men. So women are really misbehaving because they know they will always have options. I'm only attracted to 10% of women maybe because so few are worth my time. That's why I don't date that much. It's rare I'll meet a girl who I find attractive and isn't a dumb slut.

 

[ubercat]

Thanks Harry

Needed reminding of this AGAIN today. Very timely. Gonna leave the ball in her court. Been getting some action with my one date a week policy so no reason to just not keep on going. It's tough when the interest level flips within 24 hours but you have to realise that chicks have a lot of offers coming in all the time.

 

[pyros]

yes, this is true. However...

The thing is that the majority of guys who post here are dealing with girls that, more than likely, dont have any intentino of becoming their girlfriends. I mean, they are dealing with girls (low quality or not) that are not THAT MUCH INTO THEM, so this is why they behave the way they behave, give mixed signals, etc.

So if you want to get laid...you have to deal with them, avoid their games, tests, etc and get to fvck them doggy. Or you can directly avoid them and never get laid, or maybe once a year with a girl that is really into you.
Besides, they act this way because they have too many damn options all the time, and this makes it 'hard' (lol) for them to choose and stayed focus on one guy. This is why so many guys here say women are 'fickle'.
They have almost all the dating power nowadays, even if they are no aware of it.

When you find a girl that really likes you and is not totally crazy, yes, everything goes smooth, but for the rest of the time...it is what it is.

 

[dustmuffin]

At this point I want to get laid once in a while. Find a few plates and improve myself. I especially have to work on my mind. This last time I was in a RTL was the first time I was dumped except for my x wife and I didn't care about that. It forced me here. It forced me to analyze my personality. What do I need to change? This site is all about improvement. Helping your fellow man. Get your mind right and you will get women. It is a journey. There is no magic pill. Work on yourself and success will follow.

 

[ubercat]

Damn I'm becoming too agreeable everyone on everyone on this thread is correct. Women screen up front because their focus is controlling resources I.e LTR. That is why they **** test.

Guys want to get laid so they screen later. If yr LTR hunting u should operate similar to a woman in some ways.

Obviously I m talking generally which means that generally I ll b correct.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

U bring up a good point, ubercat, about the whole "women screen up front/men screen later" thing. I had a few girls I hooked up with back in the day where we hooked up first, and THEN I found out they were full of problems. I was somehow able to just get that and start screening first (or hooking up but still doing my due diligence before making them the girlfriend) but I've never had it pointed out to me in that way as that being the thing it was. Thanks! I'll have to do a podcast on it!