From AFC to DJ in 60 seconds

[slaog]

I rescued a date today and reminded myself of a few things.

Girl calls me for the first time. I was just lying on the couch and not expecting it, so she rings my phone. I answer it.

So we start talking and she asked me about what time we were meeting up etc and I was pausing to think and I was stuck for words etc. She then started to tell me I sound uncomfortable and "this is awkward". I told her I was fine and nothing wrong but she kept saying "have I rung at a bad time?" and I said any time is good. She then finished by saying "this is awkward haha, sorry, I'll let you go so bye, we can text later".

I didn't think much of it but I got a text message an hour later that said "you sounded really uncomfortable, sorry for making you uncomfortable, don't think friday is a good idea, it's been lovely texting you. Best of luck take care R". So I was a bit stunned by that.

I thought about it for a minute and realised that my mindset was all wrong so I said to myself to be a DJ in my own mind and be ****y/funny. I rang back asked what the problem was and approached the situation as if I was a DJ. I asked her did I sound that bad and she said "yes you sounded really uncomfortable but you actually sound totally different now". I said something funny got her laughing and before long she was giggling like a school girl and I couldn't actually get her off the phone in the end and needless to say the date is back on and she's now looking forward to it after calling it off a few minutes earlier.

There are many lessons in there like.
- Be aware of your mindset/state. I went from AFC to DJ in 1 min but almost blew it by being AFC.
- You can rescue situations by changing your state
- It's important to make people feel comfortable and to do that YOU need to be comfortable.
- Women/people feed off your emotions. She felt awkward and uncomfortable because of how she thought I was.
- You need to take control of situations and lead the woman. Take charge from a mental point of view.

And the most important lesson.
- When I was in AFC mode I was stuck for words but when I was in DJ mode I had no problems and everything just came out naturally.

 

[slaog]

all good..

just proves that women act on emotions and nothing else

Yes exactly. When I changed mine she changed hers and felt much better. The words I was saying flowed better for me but the real reason she was laughing is because I was being funny. By being funny I mean I wasn't telling any sophisticated jokes or anything I was just saying things like "huh, women!" and she loved it.

Reminds me of the time I was watching a bit of stand up comedy on the tele. There was a comedian on (female) and the jokes she was saying were terrible. In fact she wasn't telling jokes just observing things and trying to be funny about it. To my surprise the audience were laughing and I was thinking to myself what were they laughing at!?!? Then I realised they were laughing not because of great jokes or witty humour but because she was being funny i.e. she didn't take herself seriously, she was confident and she didn't care what the audience thought (not ******dly anyway).

So moral of the story is just think yourself as what you want to be.

Emotion is contagious as they say.

EDIT: ******dly = o u t w a r d l y. Don't know why thats banned?

 

[connor32]

great post, good point. if u dont panic over awkwardness you can turn things around. you just have to get in the right mindset.

 

[ARrocket]

******dly.

Wow that's pretty strange....

 

[daygameguy]

There are many lessons in there like.
- Be aware of your mindset/state. I went from AFC to DJ in 1 min but almost blew it by being AFC.
- You can rescue situations by changing your state
- It's important to make people feel comfortable and to do that YOU need to be comfortable.
- Women/people feed off your emotions. She felt awkward and uncomfortable because of how she thought I was.
- You need to take control of situations and lead the woman. Take charge from a mental point of view.

And the most important lesson.
- When I was in AFC mode I was stuck for words but when I was in DJ mode I had no problems and everything just came out naturally.

Yeah. These are so true. You cannot be your indifferent careless AFC self when you want to make an impression on someone. Its just for a limited time. You need to forget your miseries and be your best self.

 

[darkme_legendary]

Good points but please stop putting labels on yourself.(afc, dj)
Weren't the same you in both situations?

You may not think, but these labels are not that useful.

 

[slaog]

Good points but please stop putting labels on yourself.(afc, dj)
Weren't the same you in both situations?

Yes it was the same me. I don't label myself but I was describing the different mindsets I had at those times. I don't label myself an AFC or a DJ but I recognised I was acting like an AFC and needed to be more DJ.