"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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From 12 year Reserves to Active!

Unbridled_Phoenix

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There was a recent post about Reserves vs. Friendzone. For those who think there is only sexual relationship or neuter guy zone, this one's for you.

Here's the backstory: a friend from high school that I've only spoken to maybe 4 or 5 times since we graduated recently contacted me. We spoke a couple times the last few weeks, she revealed she was recently out of an LTR and is about to graduate nursing school. She was coming home to see her parents this past saturday, so I took her out. She acted a little sexual a couple times, but I ignored it. We had great conversation, but a good bit of it was in disagreement. She's gone city, I'm country.

When I could tell she was really starting to think I was an a$$hole, I said "Hey, I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm just saying how I feel." THAT is the power of disagreeing with women, when you start to get them angry and then you completely debase their anger without being a wuss. It is in that instant that she is struck by your emotional impact on her, watch her little eyes dart around:crazy: , I love it. Some people clinically refer to these as "tension loops", and I saw their power firsthand that night. We had a good time.

I took her home and she acted sexual again and I ignored it still. She said "You should come down sometime, make love not war" I said "I'll come down sometime." Gave her a hug, drove off. I wondered a little bit if I had been right to ignore her sexuality, but I had made the decision to slow-cook her, and I stood by it.

So tonight I sent her a message that said "You're lucky I had such a good time with you, otherwise I wouldn't come down there and adjust your attitude again!" Her reply was a clear, enthusiastic invitation for sex, and she made it clear she isn't looking for a relationship, so I just escaped a 12 year friendzone and made a new FB!

So for all who battle the friendzone, here is the story of an unknowing reservist who called himself up for duty:up: .
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Jitterbug

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Nice work but if I were you, I'd wait until after you actually bang her before making the thread. ;) Just in case! Women can be very flakey.
 

Mr. Me

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If it happens, make sure you wear a condom, and destroy its contents when your mission is accomplished, soldier. You may be in the MakeMePreggo Zone.
 

The Bat

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Umm...you forgot to include the part where you tell us how big of a friend zone you were in and how much of an AFC you were back in high school trying to tap that while she was sucking off the entire football team...
 

Unbridled_Phoenix

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I was never an AFC with her, because I never wanted her. We laughed and bullsh!tted all the time, but never in a context of me trying to get her. I used to tease the h3ll out of her, stole her car a couple times, etc., but it was always for my own amusement. She was just a good friend that I had fun with.

And Jitterbug is right, we should never count our chickens before they hatch. But with women, my attitude is that I've already fvcked them, so it doesn't matter if I actually fvck them, you dig? Of course, this attitude paves the way for me to fvck them, and when I do, it's seamless and never awkward.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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The Bat

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You understood the definition of friend zone wrong then, bud.

It sounds like you were anything BUT a wussy, neurotic, desperate chump trying to figure out a way to get in her pants by buying flowers, Lionel Richie CDs, and Hershey's Kisses.

Now that's the true definition of a friend zone.

Yours sounds nothing like it.

I bet you probably could have boned her back in high school if you wanted to.
 

Unbridled_Phoenix

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I understand. The friendzone that is so often cursed on SS is foreign to me, I just don't get put there. I've seen a ton of guys in that position though. I had an ex try it on me one time, but I had the answer for that right away.

I've been good with women ever since high school, but because I've been able to coast on my looks, body, personality, passions, and character. Nothing wrong with that at all, but I feel increasingly dangerous since I came here and started actually learning the nuts and bolts of seduction in an academic sense, and hearing how other guys are doing. I came here at the end of an LTR in which time I was questioning myself and seeking guidance, now I offer more than I seek.
 

STR8UP

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Jitterbug said:
Nice work but if I were you, I'd wait until after you actually bang her before making the thread. ;) Just in case! Women can be very flakey.
I second that.

On the same subject though, I recently fukked (for the first time) a chick I've known for 10 years.

This is why you should never allow yourself to get friendzoned. As long as a woman sees you as a sexual being there is potential for the dynamic to change. Just make sure it's on YOUR terms when and if it does.
 

Mr. Me

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“D!ck in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass.” - Chris Rock

She lets you think it's on your terms. Truth is, she's deciding she wants it now.
 

STR8UP

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Mr. Me said:
“D!ck in a glass case. In case of emergency, break open glass.” - Chris Rock

She lets you think it's on your terms. Truth is, she's deciding she wants it now.
That's a mighty presumptuous statement.

Fact of the matter is, there was always sexual tension but I told myself I wasn't going to bother with trying to hook up with her. I could take it or leave it. We ended up hanging out quite a bit as friends and the more we hung out the more she would hint about us hooking up. One night she had a little too much to drink and I was horny so I said "fukk it" and started kissing her shoulders. She was on the rag but next thing you know she was blowing me.

It WAS on my terms.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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Unbridled_Phoenix

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You're only a "d!ck in a glass case" if she had shot you down in the past or if you had felt sexual tension around her. In my case, I had not.
 

Mr. Me

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That's a mighty presumptuous statement.
Hey! That's a shaming statement!

Fact of the matter is, there was always sexual tension but I told myself I wasn't going to bother with trying to hook up with her...

I could take it or leave it...

I was horny so I said "fukk it" and started kissing her shoulders
Oh, maybe I had it wrong. She was going after you, a hot chick trying to bed you for a full ten years and you finally were horny enough to let her? Then it was on your terms. My bad.

But I didn't need to know about your shoulder fetish.

Yet you know, otherwise, it's usually always the other way around. If it was on the guy's terms, the guys would've f@cked these girls in high school if the chicks were hot and willing and ready, not some ten years later. So, it's usually like Chris Rock points out, it's really on the girl's terms. If the girl doesn't want it, it doesn't matter what YOUR terms are.
 

STR8UP

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I will be the first to admit that this is not your typical scenario.

It just goes to show that there are few absolutes and that it is important to use your common sense rather than rely on a rigid set of guidelines when dealing with women.

This is why it is important to pay attention to the details and be 100% honest with yourself as to what you see. Women are great at throwing up smokescreens but if you know what to look for you can see right through it.
 
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