Friendzoning and that "faint" possiblity

[teddy]

If I mess up and a woman friend zones me or if I smell an impending friend zone, I have to cut ties completely. If I'm attracted to her in the slightest, I can't be friends with her or it completely emasculates me.

However, it really does suck at times to cut them off. Not because the girls were so awesome, but because that faint possibility of still being able to get them lingers in the air.

I'm sure that's how it is with a lot of guys.

How do you forget about this possibility and force yourself to believe that it's over? Sometimes guys will say there's still a possibility and it keeps me and other guys from severing ties, which is needed to improve ourselves.

 

[Igetit!]

If I mess up and a woman friend zones me or if I smell an impending friend zone, I have to cut ties completely.

I understand that.....but if you even GET TO THE POINT of "smelling" or sensing a friendzone happening to begin with,that means EVERYTHING you've been doing,saying,and how you've been behaving with her UP TO THAT POINT was wrong.


The friendzone is an unintended destination. It's a place you ENDED UP that you hadn't intended to go. So that means everything you've been doing and all your interactions with her prior to the LJBF was WRONG.



You suddenly "cutting things off" with a chick cause you sensed a friendzone about to happen won't prevent the friendzone,it'll just DELAY it. Unless you change SOMETHING about how it was you were interacting with her,you'll just push the FZ off to a later point in the future when you start back talking to her again.



What you need to do instead of trying correct a possible friendzone situation is just simply AVOID IT altogether. It's not hard to do,just simply make your interest known to the chick IN THE BEGINNING....when you first meet her.


Don't laugh,and talk and joke and kid around with a chick for weeks and weeks and weeks into months,and THEN ask her out.......do it in the beginning when she still yet doesn't know you.



If you show your sexual interest from the getgo,you won't have to EVER worry about getting the "But I don't see you that way" line,or the "But you're like a brother to me" one. By asking her out,you put THE THOUGHT of you two possibly being sexual in her mind......and either way...whether she says yes or no,the friendzone is averted cause if she says yes,you take her out. If she says no,you move on to someone else.


So either way,whether you get a yes or a no,there's no friendzone to have to be dealt with.

 

[teddy]

I understand that.....but if you even GET TO THE POINT of "smelling" or sensing a friendzone happening to begin with,that means EVERYTHING you've been doing,saying,and how you've been behaving with her UP TO THAT POINT was wrong.


The friendzone is an unintended destination. It's a place you ENDED UP that you hadn't intended to go. So that means everything you've been doing and all your interactions with her prior to the LJBF was WRONG.



You suddenly "cutting things off" with a chick cause you sensed a friendzone about to happen won't prevent the friendzone,it'll just DELAY it. Unless you change SOMETHING about how it was you were interacting with her,you'll just push the FZ off to a later point in the future when you start back talking to her again.



What you need to do instead of trying correct a possible friendzone situation is just simply AVOID IT altogether. It's not hard to do,just simply make your interest known to the chick IN THE BEGINNING....when you first meet her.


Don't laugh,and talk and joke and kid around with a chick for weeks and weeks and weeks into months,and THEN ask her out.......do it in the beginning when she still yet doesn't know you.



If you show your sexual interest from the getgo,you won't have to EVER worry about getting the "But I don't see you that way" line,or the "But you're like a brother to me" one. By asking her out,you put THE THOUGHT of you two possibly being sexual in her mind......and either way...whether she says yes or no,the friendzone is averted cause if she says yes,you take her out. If she says no,you move on to someone else.


So either way,whether you get a yes or a no,there's no friendzone to have to be dealt with.

Oh, I have no problem admitting that I messed up and got it to that point. It's just that I need to go NC for a while to kind of regain my frame so that in the future, if I ever run into her again, I can game her properly. It's just that it still nags in me in the back of my mind there's a chance (doesn't help that sometimes you see AFCs get the chick by being...well, AFC).

 

[Lotus Effect]

Man, after you get in the dreadead friendzone there is just one out of it...

And it is OUT!

Yup, that is right. You have to bail. And when I say bail, it is not NC for a while. It is NC for at least a year.

And I say at least, because throughout this NC phase you will have to improve yourself a lot, pratically reinventing yourself, and if you have some serious issues, it may take more than an year.

This sh*t works, because when you return, you still got the intimacy of the friendship with this girl, plus you got the "I miss you factor", which will be very good for you to bond. Put this altogether with the image of a new man, and she will question herself, as she might start seeing you as a man.
This will get her confused, because she loves you so much as a friend, and now she finds you attractive. She won't be able to control her emotions towards.

I know this from experience. One good, and one terrible. The good one is that I did it once, not with this purpose. I just stoped talking to this girl, and emerged 2 years later totally different and it did worked out.

The bad one was that my girlfriend dumped me for her best friend, and he did the exact same thing. They were BFF's. He disapeared for a year and a half, and returned bulked. It f*cked her in the head, and he stole her from me. =/

Anyway, always remember, if you do all of this sh*t I told you, you might be able to land the girl, but keep in mind. If you are doing this with the sole purpose of getting this specific girl, you are doomed to faillure, because you are puttin someone else's value in front of your own.

So bottomline. Don't do this for any girl. NC her. Do it for yourself. And if you ever have the chance of seeing her again, you just let it happen naturally!

 

[skinnyguy]

If I mess up and a woman friend zones me or if I smell an impending friend zone, I have to cut ties completely. If I'm attracted to her in the slightest, I can't be friends with her or it completely emasculates me.

However, it really does suck at times to cut them off. Not because the girls were so awesome, but because that faint possibility of still being able to get them lingers in the air.

I'm sure that's how it is with a lot of guys.

How do you forget about this possibility and force yourself to believe that it's over? Sometimes guys will say there's still a possibility and it keeps me and other guys from severing ties, which is needed to improve ourselves.

If you stop being obsessed with women you will be better off.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Oh, I have no problem admitting that I messed up and got it to that point. It's just that I need to go NC for a while to kind of regain my frame so that in the future, if I ever run into her again, I can game her properly. It's just that it still nags in me in the back of my mind there's a chance (doesn't help that sometimes you see AFCs get the chick by being...well, AFC).

First of all, you got the most important advice already, which is to be sexual from the beginning. Even if you get a FZ or rejection at that point you have established yourself in a sexual frame that might allow things to happen at a later date..if you continue to be sexual, particularly in a funny, innuendo-making way.

Secondly: a philosophical point. It is tempting to just NC everyone that ever FZ's you or rejects you. To save your own emotions and move on. However, I think there is a mental state to aspire to beyond that:

Indifference.

Like Lotus said, if you are worried about one specific girl, you are already done. But what happens if you aren't terribly concerned (i.e. outcome independent) with how things work out with her, and she FZ's you?

Nothing! Because, who gives a sh1t? Not you! Oh no, one certain girl that I like doesn't feel the same way about me. Time to jump off a bridge? Can't ever speak to her again?!

Just laugh it off. Bust her balls, don't change who you are, don't avoid her, and don't be affected.

At the same time, are you gonna be pursuing her, texting her, saying things like "you know I have feelings for you" ?!? Hell no! Because you went for it sexually, and it didn't happen. And that's what you want: sex.

At the end of the day, it's almost 2014, and getting rejected or FZ by a chick is not a big deal. These girls are freaking crazy nowadays. So don't pursue her, but don't go out of your way to avoid her either.

I guess this might be somewhat controversial advice, and frankly, is not meant for anyone that still gets really hurt over rejections or obsessed over specific girls.

I just think that if you really want to show women something they haven't seen before, show them a guy who gets rejected and is completely unaffected by it. That doesn't have to hide and go NC to protect his fragile emotions. Like I said, you aren't going to keep pursuing this girl. But it doesn't mean you gotta avoid her.

And finally, yeah there is a chance. There is always some small chance. But for what? For the ultimate-super-special-Disney relationship? For the greatest piece of ***** on God's green earth? For the ultimate ego-validating victory of man over woman? What I'm saying is, is it even that important that there might be a chance?

You have a chance with billions of women. Sure, some are better than others. Stop thinking any of them are really that special. They can only prove that they are by showing that over time in a relationship.

EDIT: (Thought of a quick story that illustrated my point)

**Eight years ago, I went through a three-year FZ situation. Worked with the girl, hit on her, got the FZ. Kept having to work with her, so I couldn't go NC. Kept being sexual with her, in a funny way. Made innuendos. Saw her in a tight skirt one day, told her she looked hot, and that whenever she knew she would see me in the future to wear that skirt. Just stupid, funny **** really.

Ended up banging her on my last night in town before I moved to finish my degree. Came back to town two years later. I had thought about her often while I was away. Took her out to dinner, and noticed she had gained 10-15 pounds. It completely killed my attraction for her. And I never bothered to pursue her again.

So.. after my 5 year FZ odyssey, I look at her and say "Meh". Food for thought.