Friendzone her first?

[GhengisT]

First time poster here. Been browsing the DJ bible over the last few weeks trying to refine myself after turning into an AFC in my 4yr relationship. Ended up getting dumped of course via means of "love you, but not in love with you"

So I've reconnected with an "8“ I used to work with, within a month. We've never been more than friends since I don't fish off the company peir, but that's no longer an obstacle. Conversing via text, there's been a bit of hard to get mostly on her part, but I dish back accordingly. I invited her to a mutual friends birthday BBQ.

I made sure to be the best dressed guy there, she showed, I got a good convo flowing, letting her do all the talking, added a touch of light kino to the mix. Got tired of her, immediately went to another girl pulled the same tactic, no kino. She's recognizing my value. Basically I approached every girl there, including her, with the mindset of "friendzoning them all".

4 or 5 hours later, she's telling me that she almost didn't come (like I didn't know), and is so glad she did, having so much fun, etc. Trying to get me wasted when she made me a drink (half cup of vodka), getting close & making people take pics of us, following me, keeping an eye on me. In essence, I just pretended like I don't see her or the rest of the girls as anything more than a friend. They were eating out of the palm of my hand, including the lesbians. It was great!

She had a family member come pick her up, and I gave her a huge secure double armed hug & got a very heated kiss on the cheek. I gave her a light one right back on her cheek. By 9am she's texting me, so I know she's thinking about me, we converse a bit through the day.. This evening she's asking how my day was, I responded great day, but amazing wknd. She comes back saying the same thing, amazing wknd, and telling me goodnight..

Thoughts or opinions on my strategy? Should I respond to her goodnight txt?

 

[Audiophile]

I think you're misinterpreting "Friend-Zone". A friend-zone is when you're completely platonic with this girl, i.e, you have absolutely 0 sexual attraction towards her or (more commonly) she has none towards you. It seems to me like you're just being indifferent, which is much more effective, as you have seen.

You're just being friendly and conversing with a lot of different girls, in essence, you're demonstrating the confidence you already have by showing you're not afraid to talk to anyone, which is great! I'm really surprised you didn't go for the kiss at the end of the night, she seems like she's into you at this point, but it's hard to tell through the internet.

Anyway, golden advice: Assume she's interested and take it from there. Seems you've been doing just great naturally, so why even bother to ask us? It just seems rude not to reply to her text, even a quick "Goodnight" will suffice. Honestly it seems like you're surprised your strategy worked, so you went from being indifferent to starting to overanalyze the situation and nit-pick it.

Seems like she really enjoyed herself around you, so just ask her out again this weekend. If she came when she had little to sexual interest in you, she'll definitely show up now that you've shown her how fun you can be.

Just my $0.02

 

[GhengisT]

Thanks for the advice Audio-

This chick is total LTR material. I'm not looking for that two months out of a 4year RS. Actually, being 24, I don't think I want that til I'm 30, but I'm going to go with the flow.

I probably could have gotten away with the kiss at the end of the night, but I'm going to build myself up a bit. I have no expectations, and no fear of rejection. I would like to see this going somewhere, LTR wise, but I'm a great catch & she needs to work for it.

I guess what I'm trying to ask, how much work is too much work?

 

[Audiophile]

I don't understand your question very well. Are you asking how much work is too much to put into this? I mean that's all very subjective, just don't waste your time. As long as it doesn't impede with: Your professional/school life, your friends, or your hobbies, you're not really putting too much work in. It's not really that hard to send a text or call and set up a date, is it?

You seem fine, just keep doing what you were doing and go for the kiss close next time.

 

[GhengisT]

I meant how hard should I make her work before I give in?

 

[vatoloco]

This all sounds good and dandy but I have questions about the following:

She had a family member come pick her up, and I gave her a huge secure double armed hug & got a very heated kiss on the cheek. I gave her a light one right back on her cheek.

Did you start out with a hug? Did you go for a kiss on the lips and then got the cheek? Could you be a little bit more specific on this "good-bye" interaction you had with her?

 

[Audiophile]

I meant how hard should I make her work before I give in?

That's a strange question... just be a challenge but don't be a girl about it, playing mind games and s*%*. If she does something you like, give her a little hug or kiss. Give in when your gut tells you to, there really is no appropriate answer that I can think of.

 

[SoSuave666]

Give in? Once you start changing who you are the dynamic shifts in her favor, eventually leading to LJBF. Instead of pretending to be indifferent, just be.

 

[Young Stallion]

I call a girl my friend all the time or introduce girls as my friends all the time, I call all the girls I am with my friend.

It takes the pressure off and believe me....girls are not going to stop being attracted to you because you FZ them, they may even like you more.

 

[GhengisT]

Not trying to play mind games, just treating her like the rest of the girls at the party. I know she's into me, and she knows I'm into her. I think she wanted to get more intimate at the party, but the calm, cool, collected man doesn't take advantage of his drunk girl friend.

As for the goodbye interaction, I was in the kitchen making a drink and she came in to tell me that a family member was coming to pick her up. I grabbed her with both arms and brought her in tight, but without making eye contact, she planted a passionate kiss on my cheek. Out of instinct, I returned the kiss on her cheek.

If I had made eye contact, it would've been a make-out session. The next day, first thing in the morning, she's texting me.. a few times throughout the day, and in the evening, a text telling me she had a successful day today (post-party hangover), and asking how my day was.

I told her that I had a great day, and the weekend was amazing! She responded that her weekend was too, going to bed, gotta be up at 5, goodnight and ill ttyl.

I managed to stay busy all day yesterday, so we haven't talked.. She was playing hard to get a few days before we went to the party. How/when do you think I should initiate contact with her again?