"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Friendzone advice needed

Deman

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Hey :) So I got officially friend-zoned Thursday evening.
So I'm following a study and there is this girl who I talk to everyday in the train and talk to everyday at school. We are in the 3rd year of the study now so I know her quite well.

In the 2nd year of the study she invited me over to go and have a fun evening, so it was all good and well but nothing happened, I did get attracted to her a lot, on that evening she told me at the end she doesn't kiss on the first date.

So we go on a 2nd date, I guess it should have been more romantic because absolutely 0 happened, we just got to know each other even better. What was strange when I said that we should go on a romantic dinner she said that she doesn't like romantic dinners because it's so awkward. Even though I have yet got to have a serious awkward moment with her..
Then the 3rd date was fun but seriously anti climax, we went to a movie.

Then in the summer she doesn't tell me anything and goes on vacation and so she leaves me in the dark the entire summer. So I was done with this stuff and decided not to worry about her anymore. Because of this I did learn that I always overthink everything and get worried to much, so I guess I did learn something even though I still overthink and worry, it has gotten less.

Then a month ago my mom got operated and I had to cook for her, so jokingly I asked this girl if she wanted to cook for me and my mom. And so she did, I was really confused. She came over to cook and it was really fun, it got a tiny bit intimate but she told me she only does romantic stuff late on the evening. So yea, I have a hard time stepping over my fear for failure but this pretty much killed it and I was to scared to make a move.
Anyway, 1/2 weeks later I invited her over to go to a circus, afterwards we went and drink something at my place and we ended up kissing. So I thought all my doom thoughts were invalid, guess not. She said it was all going to fast and stuff.

Then this previous Thursday evening she invites me over to play some pool, or snooker or billiards I don't know how it's called in English, sorry! So it was fun, but I had the feeling there was something missing and I got really nervous. Then when we went to sit somewhere at a terrace and drink some she told me she really liked me, my personality and she always have lots of fun with me, I'm unlike any other guy she has met. But she misses the love feelings, it's not my fault she says. And she really wants to stay friends and she was to scared to tell me earlier because she knows that I'll die from the inside and she can't stand seeing me sad because of her. So I asked, then why did we kiss at my place? She answered it was a sort of test, she really likes me and hoped she would get more feelings if she kissed me, guess not.

So yea, I'm a romantic failure :| Any ideas? Any life lessons and/or tips? I'm already going to a school psychologist to step over my lack of confidence and fear of failure, it has been a limiting factor in everything in my life so far.

A bit of background information about me, I'm 20 and the girl I dated is 21, she is a half year older then me. I follow a special study route so every half year I switch classes, so I've been with her in the same class for something like 1,5 years. After upcoming summer she will do her graduation report while I'll go on internship, so I won't be seeing her anymore after the summer.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Lord Hypnos

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awww this story is so nice. sounds like you two are genuine friends now.
at least she was straight up with you that she doesn't have romantic feelings for you and wasn't being a conniving **** and stringing you along for her amusement. keep her as a friend (but forget about gaming her) and have her introduce you to her girlfriends

let this be a lesson to you that from the second you meet a chick for the first time, you have to be communicating that you are a potential love interest for her, and not a platonic study buddy. you waited way to long to make a move (if you even made one, sounds like she was running the show). Read up about Lover vs. Provider theory.
 

Gunner26

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Seems like you weren't bold enough in your interactions with her. Was there alot of touching happening on these dates of yours?

As Hypnos said, you've got to let the girl know you want her from the off, or else you just come off as a friend, be that by making a move, or even light flirting. You have to be at least somewhat sexual.

I don't know about staying friends with the girl though. I made the mistake of not being sexual from the off, and got hit with the 'gay best friend' card. Even though we have the same timetable, and live next door to eachother, I've really limited the amount of time I spend talking to her, even in lectures. To this end I got told that half the people in our lecture thought that she was into me and I was just acting indifferent, which was actually quite the opposite. I'm not the GBF any more mind you, some other chump has that now.

What I'm trying to say is if you're invested in her, it might be an idea to back off for a while, just to get your emotions in check, she has slapped you with the friend card, while you were obviously thinking of something else. If you reckon you can keep yourself in control though go for it. Use her as social proof, and get to meet her friends.

Gunner
 

DragonBlood

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If you dont kiss on the first date its not going to work out. This was a loser from the start. Alot of woman judge your manliness and interest by how far you go on the first date. Obviously, she wasnt interested enough to kiss you on the first date, so really not much has changed since then. In fact girls take is that you DONT LIKE HER ENOUGH if you dont go for a kiss EARLY in the first date.


Im with Gunner on this one, remove her from your social circle for awhile or screw her friends. This girl is a time eater to you if your not having fun and getting laid.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Deman

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Guess i shouldnt waste anymore thoughts on her. Its a sad story though, i got extreme low self esteem, because of a bad youth but whatever, and her need for control stopped me. I did touch her every date and i made the lamest sexual jokes ever, thats what i do when i get nervous lol. But she responded all the time with a laugh and a joke in return which made me stand with a mouth full of teeth most of the time. She even did hours before she told me she wants to be friends :/ I guess I shouldn't be thinking any logics behind this all, because personality alike we are a perfect fit.

Edit: i do had fun with her every date. We did things together I have never did with anyone else. I was supposed to go skydiving with her but I think I'll just go alone. It's just not the same knowing that my hopes and feelings for her are all an one sided illusion.
 

whatwg

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If you've made a lame sex joke and she laughs and returns one, smile, move in and kiss her.

(Don't know why I'm giving advice here...blind leading the blind?)
 

Deman

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whatwg said:
If you've made a lame sex joke and she laughs and returns one, smile, move in and kiss her.

(Don't know why I'm giving advice here...blind leading the blind?)
I know what you mean some moments did indeed create a kissable moment for me and so we did but only a small one :)
But my so called "blind" ain't especially blind because i know exactly what i want and when but its just my fear, doom thinking and lack of self confidence stopping me. I had to do a failure for fear exam as my driving exam because I cried for 1 hour. I know i'm a sad person.
Just so you know how bad it is. However I improved during dating and I hope that the school psychologist will help me get above my own fear.
 

Packers2010

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i didn't even read your post. WHY? because EVERY FRIEND ZONE case has the same cause and effect.

" omg i love this girl so much how do i get with her..ect ect."

SAVE IT.

i'm going to tell you the secrets too getting this "one girl"

get off your ass and get out to the club / bars. ( if under drinking age go do day game)

get your body in shape.join a gym or just wrork out at home if you are broke

reed the dj bible ( ALL OF IT!)

most if not all of these cases come from the same place. they all feel like they can't get any other girl. PERIOD. so if they just get this one girl, THEIR would would be a better place.

IT WONT!

the only thing it's going to do is make you happy for a month until she wakes up and sees how much of a chode you are. trust me, this happened to me after liking my oneitis girl for 10 years! ten we got together! FINALLY! we ****ed for a month then she ditched me for some other dude!

WHY?! because i was the same guy if i was with her or not. you don't change because of someone ELSE. you do it because YOU want to!

first you loose your heart and mind, then you get the girls, then you get the CHOOSING power

if you have any more questions PM.. i could do with a new project.
 

BrownBear

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Packers2010 said:
i didn't even read your post. WHY? because EVERY FRIEND ZONE case has the same cause and effect.

" omg i love this girl so much how do i get with her..ect ect."

SAVE IT.

i'm going to tell you the secrets too getting this "one girl"

get off your ass and get out to the club / bars. ( if under drinking age go do day game)

get your body in shape.join a gym or just wrork out at home if you are broke

reed the dj bible ( ALL OF IT!)

most if not all of these cases come from the same place. they all feel like they can't get any other girl. PERIOD. so if they just get this one girl, THEIR would would be a better place.

IT WONT!

the only thing it's going to do is make you happy for a month until she wakes up and sees how much of a chode you are. trust me, this happened to me after liking my oneitis girl for 10 years! ten we got together! FINALLY! we ****ed for a month then she ditched me for some other dude!

WHY?! because i was the same guy if i was with her or not. you don't change because of someone ELSE. you do it because YOU want to!

first you loose your heart and mind, then you get the girls, then you get the CHOOSING power

if you have any more questions PM.. i could do with a new project.
Is Packers in the chat room you :confused:
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Megaman XIV

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The best friendzone advice is to drop her ass as no good is coming out of this for you.

Get equipped.
 
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