Friendships When It's Time To Next Them

[Powerlifter]

What justifies nexting a friendship in your opinion regardless of how many years you have been friends.

I have finally come to a decision that a 27 year friendship has to end it has been nothing more a drag on my mental health and has always been one sided and to me he is useless as a friend if ever he was one.

I have always been there for him when his Dad died and when his Mom
died. I was at his dads wake for hours and attended his dads funeral and when he broke up with several girlfriends over the years he cried like a baby needing diaper changed he is big time AFC and is now 44.

The night his dad died it was 2 AM in the morning and we were experiencing floods and heavy rains and when I recieved the call from him I got in the car and headed to the hospital going through flooded roads to get there and when I arrived I found him in total grief and sorrow I actually held him in my arms while he cried.

I remained with him until daylight consoling him that everything would be OK I was there to just let him talk and vent being what I considered being a freind is all about.

When my Dad died in November last year he showed up for 5 minutes at the wake and left and I didn't hear from him for weeks. At the time I really needed a friend to talk to my dad was a great friend and father to me and loosing him has been difficult to me I am tearing up mentioning him here.

When birthdays come up I am the first to call him up and say lets get drinks birthday boy feeling any older blah blah blah to make him feel wanted and appreciated but over the pass 6 years when my birthday comes up I never hear from him.

When he has been financially poor which seems to be a reacuring problem I have always been there as a helping hand to the point I refuse him to pay me back.

A couple years ago I saved him over 4 grand on a new car he never once said the savings he incurred was a result of me and he told his sister other friends and his neighbors it was because of him in the way he talked to the saleman was the sole reason he saved that much on the deal. Keep in mind if he wouldn't have been so in my face about the way he bragged it would not have been a big deal but that really pi**ed me off the way he carried on about it but I just let it go and never brought it up again.

Also I have respected him because he was in the Navy for 4 years and I appreciate those who serve our country but his service was just before the desert storm war and he made sure he got his chicken butt out of there.

Are my reason justified or am I over reacting or give me reasons when it's time to next a friendship so I know I am not overreacting?

Powerlifter

 

[CaptainJ]

He sounds like a social leech, which is a trait i despise.

But you have to weigh up his positive and negative traits to see if he is worthwhile keeping around.

Eg. one of my good friends is a bit of a social leech, insecure about his social image and puts people down to make himself look good and uses others for social proof. but I love the guy because me and him have hilarious jokes with eachother and we have good interactions with others when together. So that justifies me keeping him around. Plus I know how to handle him.

Does your friend have redeeming traits? No, your investment and 26 year old friendship with him does not count and will only blind your judgement. If he doesn't have redeeming traits then cut him loose, he isn't worth the mental, fiscal and social burden he places on you.

 

[Powerlifter]

I have to agree CaptainJ it's just to much. I revised my post not sure if you reread it but it's still stands I need to move on.

I believe you hit it on the head he is insure of his social image and he does put people down and I have heard has put me down behind my back to make himself look good for social proof.

Your pretty good at seeing the bigger picture.

I would appreciate any other replies on this matter all are important to me.

Thanks

Powerlifter

He sounds like a social leech, which is a trait i despise.

But you have to weigh up his positive and negative traits to see if he is worthwhile keeping around.

Eg. one of my good friends is a bit of a social leech, insecure about his social image and puts people down to make himself look good and uses others for social proof. but I love the guy because me and him have hilarious jokes with eachother and we have good interactions with others when together. So that justifies me keeping him around. Plus I know how to handle him.

Does your friend have redeeming traits? No, your investment and 26 year old friendship with him does not count and will only blind your judgement. If he doesn't have redeeming traits then cut him loose, he isn't worth the mental, fiscal and social burden he places on you.

 

[Desdinova]

Other than him ditching your dad's funeral, I'm trying to see what else is a good reason to ditch him other than him needing someone and you always being there for him.

If he tried to fvck you over for a pile of money, steals from you or is constantly lying to you, then I'd say ditch him. But I'm not really seeing much reason to ditch him. If you feel you're being taken advantage of, just quit giving so much.

 

[Powerlifter]

I can't put every detail on a post about this guy but give a definition of a true friend whats it mean to be a friend and I will go from there.

Powerlifter

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

If you asked him (asked, not expected him to offer) to loan you some money, what would he say?


If you called him up at three in the morning and said you were in a jam, and needed a ride, what would he say?

If you had a can of poison that would kill half of the Earth's population, and needed to be disposed of according to a specific disposal process, and needed two people, would you call him, or somebody else?

If you were in a bar, and two guys started a fight with you, what would he do? Run? Call the cops? Step up and throw some punches alongside with you?

 

[Powerlifter]

If you asked him (asked, not expected him to offer) to loan you some money, what would he say?


If you called him up at three in the morning and said you were in a jam, and needed a ride, what would he say?

If you had a can of poison that would kill half of the Earth's population, and needed to be disposed of according to a specific disposal process, and needed two people, would you call him, or somebody else?

If you were in a bar, and two guys started a fight with you, what would he do? Run? Call the cops? Step up and throw some punches alongside with you?

My answers are in the order of your questions.

1. He is always dead broke actually owns me money now a small amount and has yet to offer to pay it back.

2. He would say man I wish I could but I don't have money for gas my car is on empty the car I saved him thousands on.

3. I would get a stranger he would properly be drunk.

4. After I took care of the two guys myself he would be hiding someplace and when it's safe he would return and brag how he saved me from injury etc.

Keep in mind he has not always been this way just the pass few years he is a dead beat has no future plans to better himself and if I bring up he drinks to much or needs help he always remarks I am trying to control him instead of him seeing it as I am concerned for him.


Powerlifter

 

[backbreaker]

i have come to find that friends are drastically overrated.

i have some associates that we have things in common with, but i do much much better generally by myself.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

In my experience, the chief value of having friends is to have someone who makes you feel not quite as bad about wasting your life. Mediocrity loves company.

I see my friends every once in awhile, but I have distanced myself greatly. Most people have no desire to further themselves mentally and financially, they simply sit on the sidelines and talk crap about the people who made it. Whatever, I am creating a life to my own design, and mediocrity has no place here.

 

[Powerlifter]

Backbreaker thanks, I have to agree with you. Though I have other friends this particular one in question is just a drag. I guess I should no longer label him friend.

Sadly he is in the same place he was 20 years ago.

Julius_Seizeher, your so right you have explained it in more detail of which I see it clearly and is my experience right now.

It does seem when I am succeeding at my goals and I am successful the people you expect to be there to be glad and rejoice along with you end up being the envious jealous monsters wanting to tear you down I realy don't understand this. I have always said my success is theirs too I want them to come along for the ride so to speak as I am not selffish.

I think what I will do is just distance myself completely and continue to move on with my goals and if I see him or run into him find but I will not go out of my way to contact him at this point it just makes sense at this point and if he comes to his senses in time maybe we can talk.

Anyway both you Julius_Seizeher and Backbreaker I appreciate your opinions.

Powerlifter