Is anybody here good friends with old girlfriends kind of like Jerry and Elaine on Seinfeld? What about being friends with girls that you had sex with a few times but don't have sex with them anymore? How does that work out?
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Friends with past girlfriends and girls you had sex with?
- Thread starter Fatality
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
I just asked a similar question about this in the "female friends" thread. I'm interested to see the responses.
Swede, are you still attracted to her? And if you were, would you not be friends with her anymore?
SB
Swede, are you still attracted to her? And if you were, would you not be friends with her anymore?
SB
Yeah im still attracted to her, but not emotionally attracted to her. If i was emotionally attracted, say like i wanted to be with her. Then i really dont think it would work. Like past gfs where i loved, i tried to be there friends, and it didnt work because i loved them more than that.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
Hi Swede, thanks for your reply. Can you explain to me the difference between being sexually attracted to her AND liking her as a friend and not being EMOTIONALLY attracted to her? If you like her enough to be friends with her, and you are still sexually attracted to her how is she not girlfriend material? This confuses the hell out of me...
SB
SB
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Definitely can relate with this one, since I just finished seeing a gal who I was intimate with, and we're trying to be friends. I was thinking that it would be more than just a physical thing, but now that I've realized it probably isn't, I'm trying to work out the whole "friends with benefits" thing, which is probably where it should have been. Anyways, I think it's more difficult to see the girl more if you've never been intimate. It's also hard if it was a serious relationship, because those are always one-sided breakups where one person is more hurt than the other.
Basically, I see this as a "friends with benefits" scenario, what I was just speaking of. It works out well if you both don't want a relationship but want the sex.Originally posted by seabreeze
Hi Swede, thanks for your reply. Can you explain to me the difference between being sexually attracted to her AND liking her as a friend and not being EMOTIONALLY attracted to her? If you like her enough to be friends with her, and you are still sexually attracted to her how is she not girlfriend material? This confuses the hell out of me...
SB
well its like this bro. If you still want to be with her then its a problem, same with her. However if you guys are over each other. You definently can be buds.Originally posted by seabreeze
Hi Swede, thanks for your reply. Can you explain to me the difference between being sexually attracted to her AND liking her as a friend and not being EMOTIONALLY attracted to her? If you like her enough to be friends with her, and you are still sexually attracted to her how is she not girlfriend material? This confuses the hell out of me...
SB
i'm currently in the shift from romanceing to friendship but we didn't have a long relationship and we click yes we have sparks but i think its best that we be friends. I love the girl but its a friendship love.. but when it comes to love there isn't much difference.
we just dont' kiss, screw or hold hands anymore but she is probably the coolest girl ever, i can talk to her like one of the guys its pretty awesome, hopefully within time she'll be my best friend (i only have 1 best friend that's a chick at a time)
we just dont' kiss, screw or hold hands anymore but she is probably the coolest girl ever, i can talk to her like one of the guys its pretty awesome, hopefully within time she'll be my best friend (i only have 1 best friend that's a chick at a time)
“The 22 Rules That Flip the Script With Women… And How You Can Use Them Tonight”
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
I am friends with alot of the girls I have been with, but it is strictly on my terms. If they don't like my terms I tell them to take a hike over to one of the 150 million other guys in the world. If you wouldn't want it from, or do it for a 3, don't put up with it from her.
seabreeze
Master Don Juan
But if feelings arwe there and you really like the girl---especially enough to still be sexually attracted to her---why not just date her? I'm really confused as to how guys choose the girls that they want to date. i have a male friend right now who is really attracted to one of his female friends. He knows that she wants to have sex with him, but he won't do it because he doesn't want a relationship with her. but they talk constantly and go out a lot together. It just doesn't make sense to me why he won't start a relationship with her. Guys wassup?
SB
SB
AlwaysExcel
Senior Don Juan
Seabreeze, here's what I feel. Some girls are cute enough to have sex with but not cute enough to keep me in some long serious relationship. I know I can do better and have a higher standard for a girlfriend. Some girls have a sexy quality or attitude. I want to fvck that quality or attitude. But they're still not the full package and would be boring if I spent a lot of time with them. That doesn't mean they aren't cool people though. I mean I DO have minimum standards! lol! Yet, these girls only stimulate a certain level of passion in me and so I only want to commit a certain amount of my life to them.
In my afc days, I used to refuse to do anything intimate with these girls because I knew that the relationship wasn't going to be long term. It was all or nothing. I've since modified my beliefs. Why not enjoy a person for who she is and for the moment? I look at friendships as a good analogy for my sexual-romantic life. I have people I have fun with once and rarely ever see again, acquaintances, friends who are cool but aren't close friends, closer friends, and best friends who I spend a lot of quality time with. I see no problem with maintaining multiple relationships with various levels of connections. So I try to convey to girls that their challenge is to compete to gain that Queen level with me.
In my afc days, I used to refuse to do anything intimate with these girls because I knew that the relationship wasn't going to be long term. It was all or nothing. I've since modified my beliefs.
Why not enjoy a person for who she is and for the moment? I look at friendships as a good analogy for my sexual-romantic life. I have people I have fun with once and rarely ever see again, acquaintances, friends who are cool but aren't close friends, closer friends, and best friends who I spend a lot of quality time with. I see no problem with maintaining multiple relationships with various levels of connections. So I try to convey to girls that their challenge is to compete to gain that Queen level with me.I'm erring on the side of friends with benefits these days. The relationship is overrated in my opinion. I should have been FWB with this girl I just finished dating for a month rather than seek a relationship with her, but I didn't, and now I'm kicking myself. However, it's still salvagable because at least we've done it already, so it's not as difficult to move it along those lines.