Friends with benefits

[Boldin]

Hey guys, new poster here. I've been lurking for a few weeks, but this is the first time something real relevant has happened to me. (excuse me if I don't use enough DJ terms in this-- im still learning the terms).

For the past 3 months, I've been in a casual sex relationship with a HB and its been goin real nice ( I hit it about 20 times over that span). She got a great peprsonality and I kinda like her, I know she likes me too because I saw a text to one of her friends from a few weeks ago sayin how much she likes me. About 2 weeks ago, I heard through the grapevine that she has been telling people around our college campus that we have a 'thing' going on so this kinda limits my ability to pick up other girls without getting caught (although I do to great success).

The situation is that I think I want to start a relationship with her, but over the last two weeks or so, we've gone from chilling and f**king alot, to not really hanging out, and moderately f**king, to F**king maybe once in the last 3 weeks *about a week ago?). When I see her we act like we normally do but there isnt much more interaction outside of the random time we bump into each other. The texting has become kinda vague and she didnt respond to my last 'booty call text'... I have over girls I can get at the drop of the hat; its just that I do kinda like her, and since Valentine's Day coming up, I might push for a relationship (not by asking, but by making her want to ask). I have no problem letting this one go, but it would seem like a waste.

P.S. Ive been doin NC with heer (other than random meetings) for the last few days.

 

[bullethead]

I did this friends with benefits thing too. It is overrated and can get dangerous sometimes. Dude if your farking one girl for this long you might as well make her your girlfriend. Just tell her you like her and you would like her to be your girlfriend. I know you might feel non-committal but trust me, you keeping on farking her with no social relationship she is going to move on and you will be heartbroken.

 

[J Roc]

why do people push for relationships around Valentine's Day? (The most unromantic day of the year). Your friend with benefits is FUKKING another guy!

 

[Iceberg]

I did this friends with benefits thing too. It is overrated and can get dangerous sometimes. Dude if your farking one girl for this long you might as well make her your girlfriend. Just tell her you like her and you would like her to be your girlfriend. I know you might feel non-committal but trust me, you keeping on farking her with no social relationship she is going to move on and you will be heartbroken.

Do the opposite of what this guy says, and you should be in good shape.

If the girl has cooled down to the point of only seeing you once in 3 weeks, then she has found a better option, or her Interest Level has dropped.

At this point, your best option is probably to go No Contact for a while and let her wonder what you've been up to. You obviously can't "Just tell her you like her and want her to be your girlfriend" because if she wanted an emotional relationship with you, she would pursue it. That is a woman's nature. If she wanted a real relationship, she'd give you the old, "What are we?" speech. She wouldn't just disappear and stop contacting you.

 

[bullethead]

Do the opposite of what this guy says, and you should be in good shape.

If the girl has cooled down to the point of only seeing you once in 3 weeks, then she has found a better option, or her Interest Level has dropped.

At this point, your best option is probably to go No Contact for a while and let her wonder what you've been up to. You obviously can't "Just tell her you like her and want her to be your girlfriend" because if she wanted an emotional relationship with you, she would pursue it. That is a woman's nature. If she wanted a real relationship, she'd give you the old, "What are we?" speech. She wouldn't just disappear and stop contacting you.

okay do this. But let me guess this is your first friends with benefits. It would be only natural to feel devastated once you find out she found better pastures with a guy that treats her right. You will learn how ****ty your actions were, that is why I am started to despise the whole don juan community, you need to remember that you are dealing with a human being and that you are also a human being. Mind tricks with people only can take you so far. treat each other with respect, and love yourself more. You tell her your feelings towards her and she will respect you for it. If she breaks up or lies to you, at least you tried. Then go no contact.

 

[Deep Dish]

You need to remember that you are dealing with a human being and that you are also a human being. Mind tricks with people only can take you so far.

The mind of human nature is governed by the game of power. That is why game exists.

Iceberg is spot on.

 

[Boldin]

Do the opposite of what this guy says, and you should be in good shape.

If the girl has cooled down to the point of only seeing you once in 3 weeks, then she has found a better option, or her Interest Level has dropped.

At this point, your best option is probably to go No Contact for a while and let her wonder what you've been up to. You obviously can't "Just tell her you like her and want her to be your girlfriend" because if she wanted an emotional relationship with you, she would pursue it. That is a woman's nature. If she wanted a real relationship, she'd give you the old, "What are we?" speech. She wouldn't just disappear and stop contacting you.

Yea imma do the no-contact thing... over the 3 week span we only had sex once, think we hung out 3 or 3 times... but hey, I have a real easy time getting hot girls so its no big loss, she just seemed like gf material that would go to waste. I will do no contact till she initiates contact of drop by he place to give her some stuff she left at my place n do some vague response... If that doesn't work: On to the next

Although i think I've found my answer, any further advice on my situatiion, or 'friends with benefits as a whole would be gratly appreciated.

 

[Boldin]

UPDATE:
Saw her in the club last night, didnt initiate contact, she kept glancing, and I acted as if i didnt see her, her best friend came up to me and we talked n joked, eventually the HB gravitated over to my boys (mutual friends) who were standing next to me to the point where she was so close that she initiated contact and she was dancing all over me, I dance with he for a bit, hung with my boys, went over by myself, she would come and we would dance. this happened twice.

She went with her friend and my boys up the street to grab food n i went home to finish up homework (didnt wanna be available). On the way home another one of my boys who was with me in the club asked me why me and her act like strangers in the club and why she tries to dance with other eople then come to me, I told him that it is what it is. He basically told me to sack up and tell her either we're together or we have to stop f**king.

I sent her a text saying to come to my room either that night or today (i knew she was too wasted so I doubted she would come that night. Told her in the text that I gotta talk to her about some thing, she replied she was too drunk and would maybe come tomorrow, and a few minutes later texted me to wake up (idk if she was at my door knocking or anticipating my response, I was too busy doing a homework assignment so I re-stated to come today and left it there.

She hasnt responded, so i will do NC until something happens, and in the meantime go on this date I have with another Hb tomorrow

Should I bring up the fact that we should talk about what we are doing, when we inevitably bump into each other or let it die out. I'm growing disinterested with the whole 'hard to get' thing she does when it's obvious we like each other.