Friends Before Relationship?

[oranges]

I've met a girl, who I displayed my intentions towards, i.e. I said straight away I wanted to be more than friends.

She says that shes just come out of a relationship, and that she doesn't really know me, and she wants to be friends first, but noone can predict what happens after that????

Is she stringing me along/using me?

If I agree that we should be friends first instead of disagreeing, am I doing the right thing?

When we went out, she started getting other guys numbers in front of me, and if we are only friends then this should be ok....? was she testing for a reaction? She said to me that she knew these guys, because it was her regular (IMO EXCUSE/BULL)

After she did this she came back over to me trying to smother me with attention, that confused me? whats going on?

 

[The Truth]

There's nothing wrong with being friends first. Most of my girlfriends have been friends first and it helped a lot.

But while you are friends, you have to treat her as a friend. Do not wait around and cling to any hopes of being more and basically do not give her any power over you. Treat her as a friend only. That means you should be hitting on other women, talking about other women and letting her know that you are a free agent.

Sometimes making her a little jealous can put the ball in your court so to speak and make her realise she can't take you for granted and keep you hanging on.

 

[Trapper]

friends talk, lovers make love..

 

[Skydiver43127]

These kind of relationships are very complicated and always painful at least for one of the two sides. (the "at least one" meaning "you")

Tell her to call you when she's dealt with her issues.

 

[MightyMate]

I heard such relatios might be very good and least long.
I never been in any like that. I like to meet somebody, get excited and be with her or just **** her and next. I knwo from 1st sight what i want.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

...She says that shes just come out of a relationship, and that she doesn't really know me, and she wants to be friends first, but noone can predict what happens after that????..

Two things:

• NEVER be the rebound guy, you will have the burden of carrying the unpacked baggage of her previous relationship.
• Relationships (even future ones) are defined at the start. You made your intentions known and she countered with friendship. Do the math.

 

[Bronxtal112]

But where does this leave you? Why should you have to suppress your wants and/or desires for someone, who in the indeterminate future, is going to make a decision you may or may not like.

 

[MightyMate]

Aha i read only topic and havent read Your silly question 'She says that shes just come out of a relationship, and that she doesn't really know me, and she wants to be friends first, but noone can predict what happens after that????'.
O course You are not attractiv for her. I thought You speka about girl that You knew since ages and now fall in lvoe. In the way You said it wotn work.

 

[typical]

Ok just to state something, a irl may say your her friend in front of others but will snuggle up to you when no ones looking means she doesnt want to be freinds.

Remember sometimes chicks say something yet mean the exact fu(king opposite.

 

[MightyMate]

****k chicks.

 

[diablo]

DJ Tips is for giving tips, not asking for them. Moved to DJD.

 

[Shiftkey]

I've met a girl, who I displayed my intentions towards, i.e. I said straight away I wanted to be more than friends.

She says that shes just come out of a relationship, and that she doesn't really know me, and she wants to be friends first, but noone can predict what happens after that????

You probably showed too much interest in her too soon. It scared her. It has nothing to do with her just getting out of a relationship (she probably said this to let you down easy). You should never show interest in a woman until she first shows interest in you - only show interest as a reward.

Is she stringing me along/using me?

Bingo.

If I agree that we should be friends first instead of disagreeing, am I doing the right thing?

I suggest you don't even bring it up. If she does, try to change the subject. There's no reason to talk about it. Do you talk about it with your guy friends? Treat the situation like that.

When we went out, she started getting other guys numbers in front of me, and if we are only friends then this should be ok....? was she testing for a reaction? She said to me that she knew these guys, because it was her regular (IMO EXCUSE/BULL)

After she did this she came back over to me trying to smother me with attention, that confused me? whats going on?

This was a sh1t test. How did you react? I'm curious.

Bottom line, I'd forget about her. Afterall, you have other options right? If anything, use her as a pivot/social proof and game other women.

 

[Docs]

I offer to disagree on the whole friends first = always friends...

I was friends with my ex...went out...broke up, and now she wants me again (2 years from the fact). Her best friend told me that she'd never date me, and never would like me, and now..she asked me today if we were exclusive or just friends...and I'm the ideal boyfriend, etc...

Point is, it isn't the end all, but it's a lot of work to try to change it sometimes. Basically...you can't act as a friend, you should strive to flirt and tease all the time anyways...

 

[flexion_]

Well if she is getting other phone numbers in front of you and she is saying she doesn't want a relationship right now then those two can't add up. Pick the truth based on what she does not what she says.

So to summarize - she isn't interested in you. Next.

 

[SamePendo]

There's nothing wrong with being friends first. Most of my girlfriends have been friends first and it helped a lot.

But while you are friends, you have to treat her as a friend. Do not wait around and cling to any hopes of being more and basically do not give her any power over you. Treat her as a friend only. That means you should be hitting on other women, talking about other women and letting her know that you are a free agent.

Sometimes making her a little jealous can put the ball in your court so to speak and make her realise she can't take you for granted and keep you hanging on.

So, I like a chick.. and you are telling me to treat her as a friend, and not wait around for "being more", because that gives her power over me?

What activities do you suggest I do with her? Any tv show you recommend? A dance coreography? I know!!! Getting Beverly Hills 90210 DVD's and watch those handsome guys do some crazy stuff!! Woohoo!!! PIJAMA PARTYYYY!!! :cheer:

 

[MacDiddy]

Hear what she has to say, verbally agree with her and quickly disregard it...

Continue trying to get into her pants... -> FCUK... there is no other objective...

Its quite simply really.......

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I offer to disagree on the whole friends first = always friends...

I was friends with my ex...went out...broke up, and now she wants me again (2 years from the fact). Her best friend told me that she'd never date me, and never would like me, and now..she asked me today if we were exclusive or just friends...and I'm the ideal boyfriend, etc...

Point is, it isn't the end all, but it's a lot of work to try to change it sometimes. Basically...you can't act as a friend, you should strive to flirt and tease all the time anyways...

There's always an exception but what is the norm?

 

[GaryUranga]

IMO its a baaaaad mistake to tell a gal you like her, I did it with this girl and she always has that stamp on her mind that says "k this guy likes me hes no longer interesting" its hard to get out of it, I like wasting my time and for fun I gget out of it with "props" such as jealousy and implying Im not into her anymore, worked for me.

So, make her jealous.

 

[Badmannaz]

Stay away from the chicks who has that "i jus broke up with my ex or i still love my ex or w/e blah blah blah bull****........do exactly wat she said... be a friend...and put that chick on the back-burner...start messing with other girls....and stop falling for her...your gonna get hurt...garunteed


at this route you'll be AFC in no time

 

[Scrumtulescence]

So, I like a chick.. and you are telling me to treat her as a friend, and not wait around for "being more", because that gives her power over me?

What activities do you suggest I do with her? Any tv show you recommend? A dance coreography? I know!!! Getting Beverly Hills 90210 DVD's and watch those handsome guys do some crazy stuff!! Woohoo!!! PIJAMA PARTYYYY!!! :cheer:

Or, you know, do normal friend stuff.......you weirdo.