Friend wants to get engaged after 6 months of dating

[expos]

A good buddy of mine, age 33, has never been married. He lives a few states away from me so we catch up from time to time with a phone call.

Back in January, he met this girl who recently just got out of a 4 year marriage. I think she had been officially single for 3 to 5 months before they had their first date.

Anyways, he's telling me that this girl, age 32, wants to get married soon so they can start having a couple of children before her biological clock taps out.

I know it's not my place to judge, but I just rolled my eyes because it was almost the same scenario with my ex-wife. I think he called me for my opinion since he knew I went through something similar.

So what do I tell this guy? That he's making a huge mistake by marrying a chick that fresh out of a divorce? That's he nuts and that he should run the other direction because more than 70% of all second marriages fail? That she probably doesn't really give a crap about him and really wants a kid?

 

[expos]

Did you ask him what HE wants? The relationship can't just be about what's good for her.

Not really. He seems to be happy and in that honeymoon phase so I didn't want to be a downer to him - so I just sort of listened to what he had to say. I will say that the guy hasn't had a lot of girlfriends (he's not exactly a stud and a tad overweight) but he could be falling into that trap of "everyone HAS to get married around age 30" and he feels like maybe he needs to take the plunge.

Regardless, the girl is pushing to for him for dates... trying to create a timeline of engagement, wedding, 2 kids.

I guess I don't know what to tell him other than "good luck?"

 

[SecondHalf]

I guess I don't know what to tell him other than "good luck?"

Just refresh your knowledge of marriage and divorce statistics wrt second marriage, quick courting, age group and whatever other pertinent demographics there are and tell him objectively that there are risks and feed him the raw facts.

Then tell him subjectively that it's quick and it wouldn't hurt to date for another 6 months. If she is OK with that decision and doesn't go nutty, maybe he has something there. But you support him whatever decision he makes and wish him well.

That's what I would do anyway.


SH

 

[switch]

its no use, the light shining from that golden vag!ina has made him blind.it's too late.

 

[Zarky]

The intelligence of the choices you make with women is directly correlated with the number of choices available to you.

Your job, as a man, is to increase the number of choices you have, to the best of your ability. Good decisions will naturally follow. Without those choices, bad decisions are inevitable.

So what do I tell this guy? That he's making a huge mistake by marrying a chick that fresh out of a divorce? That's he nuts and that he should run the other direction because more than 70% of all second marriages fail? That she probably doesn't really give a crap about him and really wants a kid?

All of those arguments will fail because of this:

I will say that the guy hasn't had a lot of girlfriends

He has few options.

 

[expos]

So he's screwed. Should I even bother attending this wedding?

 

[PlayHer Man]

For you its a lose-lose situation. The only advice I have for people who see a friend about to drive off a cliff is: Make sure you're not in the car. People are ignorant and like to shoot the messenger.

If you tell him the truth and they break-up.. he will blame you (even though you saved his ass). If you tell him the truth and they don't break-up.. he will likely tell his partner who will villainize you for trying to f*ck up their relationship.

Just like you can't f*ck every girl.. you can't save every man. I have a buddy going down a similar path as we speak. He is quitting his job and moving to a new state to be with this chick. Total amateur move. All our mutual friends think he's nuts, but telling him is pointless.

You can't save people from their own stupidity.

 

[Colossus]

Not much you can do except continue to be his friend. He'll need one when she owns his sad life. Ugh.

You can give him stats, your opinion, and even horror stories, but really the best you can do is give it to him straight and keep being his friend.

 

[expos]

Not much you can do except continue to be his friend. He'll need one when she owns his sad life. Ugh.

You can give him stats, your opinion, and even horror stories, but really the best you can do is give it to him straight and keep being his friend.

Pretty sound advice here. I should probably ask him why she didn't have kids with her first husband...

 

[3countriesPlan]

**** that dude why would any guy his age settle with some flintstones azz girl like her? upgrade with the 25 year old girls or if you really got solid game a nice 22 year old. seriously man I don't even know what the point of fukkin with a 32 year old is other than getting your rocks off as a 23 year old looking to sample a milf age broad

 

[expos]

**** that dude why would any guy his age settle with some flintstones azz girl like her? upgrade with the 25 year old girls or if you really got solid game a nice 22 year old. seriously man I don't even know what the point of fukkin with a 32 year old is other than getting your rocks off as a 23 year old looking to sample a milf age broad

Because of his looks and social status. First, and I love the guy, but I gotta call him out that he's overweight, not Brad Pitt, more like Arm Pitt. Second, he makes really good money. Because he doesn't have the looks to pull a 22-25 year old, he has to go for older, hungry 28-35 year old chicks looking to get married and get a free ride. So in a sense, he's the perfect victim.

I don't want to judge her just yet...but man...the warning sirens are going OFF.

 

[3countriesPlan]

Because of his looks and social status. First, and I love the guy, but I gotta call him out that he's overweight, not Brad Pitt, more like Arm Pitt. Second, he makes really good money. Because he doesn't have the looks to pull a 22-25 year old, he has to go for older, hungry 28-35 year old chicks looking to get married and get a free ride. So in a sense, he's the perfect victim.

I don't want to judge her just yet...but man...the warning sirens are going OFF.

sucks about him getting the sharks after him -- obviously if he is willing to settle down thats good and he has bank so he can afford a personal trainer for 1-2 classes a week. under 22 is too young for long term but if he can improve his looks then he should be able to begin focus on the 22-25 year olds -- the girls older than that are leftovers and for good reason.

 

[expos]

sucks about him getting the sharks after him -- obviously if he is willing to settle down thats good and he has bank so he can afford a personal trainer for 1-2 classes a week.

Yeah right! That guy hasn't seen a gym since high school and he's gotten fatter since they've been together since all they do is go out to eat! She's a little on the round side...or has the body to get very round...so we have two unhealthy people here.

the girls older than that are leftovers and for good reason.

+1

 

[Paintballguy]

Not much you can do except continue to be his friend. He'll need one when she owns his sad life. Ugh.

You can give him stats, your opinion, and even horror stories, but really the best you can do is give it to him straight and keep being his friend.

I agree. You can't directly tell someone they are wrong or are making a mistake without them getting upset at you.

Your friend is about to get taken out to the cleaners though. I see that **** happen all the time. A guy I used to work with did the same exact thing. He met some chick, got engaged very quickly, knocked her up. Then, she was banging some other guy not long after she had the kid.

 

[VladPatton]

You tell him "hey, man it's going to be your decision, I trust you will make the best one!" And you leave him at that. You will not win, whatever you tell him, just like PlayHer Man said. Give him a politician's vague, dodgy, no solution answer that lays the entire ordeal on his shoulders 100%. He's a big boy and needs to learn to live with the choices he makes in life good or bad.

Attend the wedding and make like you know nothing about this red pill thing.

 

[Kailex]

Out of personal experience... let me tell you something. About a year or two ago, I started up a thread because my best friend (32 at the time)... wanted to marry his very first REAL girlfriend (22-ish at the time). They have been going out for a grand total of about 2-3 months. He thought she was perfect and she sold it well.

I met her, and I didn't like her from the get go. I knew what game she was playing... and when he called me up all excited, I tried telling him he needed some time to think it over.

He didn't want to listen and still invited me to the wedding.

His chick was a slick one though... she knew I worked in Accounting and purposefully set the date out for April 15th. Needless to say, I couldn't make it... nor would I have wanted to.
That was April 15th, 2012.

Two weeks ago he texted me telling me that he had officially asked for a divorce. They barely lasted a year.

It's a mistake... a HUGE mistake... but all I can do is offer my support to him as a brother and a friend... sometimes you need to let people make their own mistakes... but don't become a part of it. I was thankful she made the wedding date to be that day, because if I had gone... I would have felt like an accomplice to the whole thing.

Just be there for the inevitable.

 

[nismo-4]

You really gotta get to know the chick before taking that plunge. Don't let the power of the giney cloud you. Make sure you want the same things. 6 months ain't enough. Try 6 years. My dad was with his now-fiancée for 11 years before engagement.

At the end of the day, people will hear sh*t all day, but they have to make a decision for themselves.

Case closed.

 

[corrector]

A good buddy of mine, age 33, has never been married. He lives a few states away from me so we catch up from time to time with a phone call.

That could be me.

Back in January, he met this girl who recently just got out of a 4 year marriage. I think she had been officially single for 3 to 5 months before they had their first date.

Anyways, he's telling me that this girl, age 32, wants to get married soon so they can start having a couple of children before her biological clock taps out.

Sounds like what happened to me last year.

I know it's not my place to judge, but I just rolled my eyes because it was almost the same scenario with my ex-wife. I think he called me for my opinion since he knew I went through something similar.

So what do I tell this guy? That he's making a huge mistake by marrying a chick that fresh out of a divorce? That's he nuts and that he should run the other direction because more than 70% of all second marriages fail? That she probably doesn't really give a crap about him and really wants a kid?

It depends. Is he a Christian? I am a Christian. Jesus says if you married a divorced woman then you are committing adultery. In my mind, the divorced woman changed mentally from "single" to "married" when I connected with her ex-husband and he told me he has not dated a single woman since his ex-wife left him and he was waiting for her to return back to him.

If it not for Jesus, then I may have gone into a marriage deliberately knowing it would fail if I loved the girl, and she also loved me and put the whole experience under my belt. However, as I believe marriage is a sacred institution, you don't just get into a marriage, and exchange vows to God, just so you can have sex with a woman and have experience. What meaning are those vows before God when the woman who is also making the vow has a history of breaking them (i.e. with the other man), then what do they mean? What God are you making vows to? Would God honour those vows or say "yeah, whatever, I'm not blessing this marriage, you are both crazy!")

That's why the "world" and the kingdom of Jesus Christ are totally anti-thetical to each other. I had to dump a divorced woman because the Bible said she was still married to her former husband, that my dating relationship was an affair, and if I married her and had sexual relations, then I'd be committing adultery sanctioned from an apostate church and rogue state that's marrying same sex people together (which is an abomination).

Otherwise, if someone is happy, even if it ends badly, why stop it? In my mind, it's a way better experience than hiring a prostitute or escort if you get married to a woman since she loves you, or is supposed to love you for you in that exchange, so even if it ended badly, at least you had an experience. For someone who is not a stud and has admitedly few options with women he say, wow, this experience was awesome, even though there is nasty divorce/break-up....at least I'm not a hopeless involuntary celibate case.

For economic and spiritual (what people here would say religious) I terminated the relationships, and even if I had no options, that was better than being drained by this girl just to see her walk out and eventually go with another guy. I've just limited the damage she could have done in my life by dumping her. Such people you have to scare them and paint a picture of horror. You have to show them that people can change. A girl can love you today and be gone tomorrow. When that happens in a marriage then all hell breaks lose because the girl you marry and loves you is not the same six months or a year down the road. When that loves is gone in a marriage - then you are screwed.

However, if he's rich, doesn't care about being drained, and says, he wants to experience it even if it ends in divorce so his family doesn't feel sorry for him as he never had a girl before, and is cool with that, then what can you do?

 

[expos]

You really gotta get to know the chick before taking that plunge. Don't let the power of the giney cloud you.

Too late!

She is really fast tracking crap. He's already Facebook friends with the chick's Dad, Mom, and brother. He's been over to her grandmother's house for multiple meals. She hasn't even been divorced a year!!! LOL.

I should clarify that he met her in January, but they were officially a couple by March. Oh...and get this...they work together. :crackup:

Holy hell. I should tell him to get an account here so we all can straighten him out.

 

[Colossus]

I'd just like to add a take from my experience with a divorced woman:

DON'T DO IT.

I always had reservations about that. And in retrospect there were red flags as early as date 3 or 4. I know that every case is a little different and some people divorce for legitimate reasons (adultery, addictions, etc), but I just look at it like this:

Why would I want to buy into a contract with a used car, with no CarFax, when I could buy a brand NEW car that's never been taken off the lot?

You're only getting a heavily biased version of the story when you date a divorcee. Not to mention the known statistical likelihood of failed second marriages. Marrying a divorcee also screams of lack of options. I mean I think it's a bit different when you yourself are divorced, with kids, and say a bit older (~50's) but for a young guy at 30.....so dumb. He's about to sign a contract that could bend him over royally if it doesn't work out, all for a another man's used goods.