Friend using you for his own gain

[SoldMySoul]

I just had to come here and vent!!! I am sick and tired of people trying to get the good out of you and not reciprocating any favors. Long story short:

Known a guy for a long time, 30+ years and he wanted me to do something for him. He was shooting a music video and wanted me to be in it. As the shoot date approached he springs on me that he is going to get me to sign a waiver saying it was okay to use me on the video and that I would receive no royalties from said video.

This guy is a childhood friend and before learning of the waiver I agreed to do the video ( I did not request any compensation) and was going to do it helping him out. I have never tried to beat anyone and especially my friends, but I was insulted by him treating me like an average stage hand requiring me to sign away everything.

I could care less about fame and fortune and would never try to screw him over. So I bowed out tonight and explained to him that him wanting to sign was insulting!!! If he was paying me a hefty sum, I could see why he would want me to sign. He later said he would pay me, but he is cheap so it would not be worth it anyways! Not to mention the shoot is over 400 miles away and would require 24-48 hours of my time for free.

Friends and business do not mix!!! He was using our friendship to his advantage period!

He got mad and hung up, but I am tired of fake people like this! What do you guys think? Did I overact?

 

[Warrior74]

LOL. It's standard operating procedure. Music videos don't make money, they are commercials for an artists' music. Labels lose money on videos. His waiver is mainly for legal reasons. People get in videos and later decide they don't want to be in them or that they 'deserve" compensation if the song blows up and becomes famous and then want to sue. He's just covering his bases. it's the same as photographers getting people to sign release forms for practice portfolio pictures. Read the fine print if any and sign it...you being upset over something you don't understand which is the height of ignorance innit? You are overreacting.

 

[SoldMySoul]

LOL. It's standard operating procedure. Music videos don't make money, they are commercials for an artists' music. Labels lose money on videos. His waiver is mainly for legal reasons. People get in videos and later decide they don't want to be in them or that they 'deserve" compensation if the song blows up and becomes famous and then want to sue. He's just covering his bases. it's the same as photographers getting people to sign release forms for practice portfolio pictures. Read the fine print if any and sign it...you being upset over something you don't understand which is the height of ignorance innit? You are overreacting.

I understand it is SOP, but he could have approached me about it in the beginning and tried explaining it like I was his friend instead of a potential lawsuit. He asked and I said yeah! Then later on starts with the legalities.

I do see your point and 32 years of friendship means more to me than covering his bases. He should have been upfront about it and I was doing it for free. I see it from friendship level and not the business side. He should have pitched it to me with respect of all our years instead of you have to sign this CYA agreement.

I then read his script and was totally disgusted by it! This guy is an egotistical a$$! The same script contained me (my friend) about thirty times.

I was doing him a favor not the other way around. I am not some richard skull off the street. If he paid me, I would sign as I got compensation and was cool with it.

There is no label, well it is his label and not a huge amount of production. If the legal aspect of it is key, then cover it and offer payment. He only offered after I *****ed about it. 24-48 hours for free is big, so if he takes it that serious, then he should have said I will pay you x amount. Treat me like a friend or treat me like an actor!

 

[lorekeeper]

Sorry dude, But I'm siding with your friend here.

He's doing the right thing by keeping his business and friendship separate. I understand that you might be hurt by it, and I understand that you are doing it for free, or a low payment, or a trade-off or something; but signing a waiver, or model release form, IS standard operating procedure for a music shoot, regardless if you are a friend or not, regardless if you are doing it for free or not.

maybe if you sleep on it and re-assess in the morning you'll see things differently, or maybe I'm not understanding a part of the situation. Good luck.

 

[synergy1]

Lord, Protect me from my friends. I can take care of my enemies

There are many who think therefore that a wise prince ought, when he has the chance, to foment astutely some enmity so that by suppressing it he will augment his greatness. Princes, and especially new ones, have found more faith and more usefulness in those men, whom at the beginning of their power they regarded with suspicion than in those they at first confided in. Pandolfo Petrucci , prince of Siena, governed his state more by those whom he suspected than by others

Robert Greene nailed it; friends expect so much more. Look at the furor invoked by this guy just being asked to sign a waiver. If his friend asked a random person to sign a waiver for this show, it would have been a moot issue.

 

[Kailex]

I'm siding with your friend too.

Had it been my best friend, I would have happily signed my name away to that (After reading the contract).

If he's such a good friend, what's the big deal of signing something?
He's probably thinking you're a terrible friend because you made such a big deal out of signing a paper. Then again, I'd take a bullet for my best friend, I get the impression you wouldn't for yours.

If he really was that good of a friend, 24-48 hours of your time is NOTHING and 400 miles is NOTHING. Maybe he should be worried about you as a friend, instead?

 

[SoldMySoul]

Robert Greene nailed it; friends expect so much more. Look at the furor invoked by this guy just being asked to sign a waiver. If his friend asked a random person to sign a waiver for this show, it would have been a moot issue.

Yeah maybe, but most random people would want compensation for their time and effort. I did not desire any payment. I guess it was how he approached me about. You know start off telling me about it with asking instead of slipping it in the back door.

 

[squirrels]

Eh, I think you're over-reacting.

Even though you didn't want any compensation, by making a big deal out of the waiver, he probably now looks at you as if you WERE going to demand compensation after-the-fact.

The way I see it, it's like your fiancee pitching a fit when you ask her to sign a pre-nup. Is she just offended that you don't trust her? Or did she want to take advantage of you and is using outrage as an attempt to smokescreen you?

Honestly, if I agreed to be in his video and knew I wasn't receiving compensation, I would not have balked at the waiver like that...you're making a big deal out of nothing. He is probably REQUIRED by whoever is running the show to get you to sign that.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I'm siding with your friend too.

Had it been my best friend, I would have happily signed my name away to that (After reading the contract).

If he's such a good friend, what's the big deal of signing something?
He's probably thinking you're a terrible friend because you made such a big deal out of signing a paper. Then again, I'd take a bullet for my best friend, I get the impression you wouldn't for yours.

If he really was that good of a friend, 24-48 hours of your time is NOTHING and 400 miles is NOTHING. Maybe he should be worried about you as a friend, instead?

I would not take a bullet for him. No way! We used to be better friends and over the years we parted ways and would come back around. He is a fair weathered friend, IMO. The kind of guy that dogs you out in front of others to make himself look good and things like that and wants favors from you without helping you when you need him.. I started back dealing with him because I figured he had changed.

Not a real good friendship at all, but I was trying to rebuild that.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Eh, I think you're over-reacting.

Even though you didn't want any compensation, by making a big deal out of the waiver, he probably now looks at you as if you WERE going to demand compensation after-the-fact.

The way I see it, it's like your fiancee pitching a fit when you ask her to sign a pre-nup. Is she just offended that you don't trust her? Or did she want to take advantage of you and is using outrage as an attempt to smokescreen you?

Honestly, if I agreed to be in his video and knew I wasn't receiving compensation, I would not have balked at the waiver like that...you're making a big deal out of nothing. He is probably REQUIRED by whoever is running the show to get you to sign that.

I appreciate all responses guys. He is doing the entire thing. No outside company or anything. The whole thing belongs to him and is on a amateur scale indeed. If it were a movie, a B movie would be huge compared to this.

 

[romangod]

I'm siding with your friend, also. If you were really a good friend you would have understood his concerns and said, "No problem"


There's an old saying - With friends like you, who needs enemas?

Cheers!

 

[Warrior74]

I would not take a bullet for him. No way! We used to be better friends and over the years we parted ways and would come back around. He is a fair weathered friend, IMO. The kind of guy that dogs you out in front of others to make himself look good and things like that and wants favors from you without helping you when you need him.. I started back dealing with him because I figured he had changed.

Not a real good friendship at all, but I was trying to rebuild that.

Ah. Face it. You're not his friend and you don't consider him yours. I think you are just looking for an excuse here to get out of an obligation. Be honest with yourself first and foremost.

***UPDATE***
I'm out of post for the day...

Ultimately, I feel he tried to use free help for his overall purpose and because of that I felt used.

You are still falling back into your justifications because it's easier than facing the truth. You were perfectly willing to be "used" as free help until you felt "slighted" for some reason. Why do you feel slighted after the fact? Because you don't like the guy, you were being square out of obligation and social pressure when in all honesty you wanted to tell the guy to piss off. Be honest man. You don't like this guy. You just like the appearance of being square with your fellow "brother". Don't justify it, admit it and understand it and remove the emotion from it and then USE it. Tell him he owes you a favor, or demand some sort of perk if you want to do it...get what you want out of it or tell him you can't go, but drop the pretense and the emotion and sort it out! Self Deception is the worst sort.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Ah. Face it. You're not his friend and you don't consider him yours. I think you are just looking for an excuse here to get out of an obligation. Be honest with yourself first and foremost.

Warrior, you may be on to something here! It has been eating at my a few days now. Just because I have known a guy for that long, does not mean Jack! He has done some crappy things in the past and that is why I stopped speaking with him. Of course he thinks I have done him crappy in the past. For one, I dated a girl then broke up with her. He then dated her and they broke up. Then I dated her again after them. He has always held it against me and looked at it like I stole her away. Well over 20 years ago.

In his mind, he was getting free labor and wanted to cover his rear. In my mind, he was getting what he paid for.

From what a lot of folks point of view here, I am a shythead! But there has been a lot of crap this guy has pulled in the past. I would have been better leaving the past in the past and had no further dealings with him.

I am sure there are some that understand my point of view as well. Some I talked to agreed with me.

We also belong to organization that requires members to treat a brother on the square. I took the oath and obligations seriously and it is another reason I was offended by him.

So you are correct, we are not friends and I guess if we would have been closer and not have had so much strife in the past, signing would have not been a problem. I am ignorant to the showbiz stuff, that is true without a doubt. I would have signed no problem for a stranger. This was not a big production or anything as he sold about 10k cds on his first album... not huge by any means.

Even though it may sound like I am an a$$hole, I try and treat with respect and dignity. I just want folks on here to know that I try very hard to be a stand up guy. Even though they think I was wrong. If the guy was not so cheap, he would have just paid an actor to do it. The free price tag is what he had on his mind while watching his six.

Ultimately, I feel he tried to use free help for his overall purpose and because of that I felt used. Also there were things I told him I would not do if in it the video and when I saw the script, he had in it WHAT I specifically told him I was against.

 

[Kailex]

The fact that what I said triggered a response which then led to Warrior's analysis... CHANGES the situation.

The situation as I responded and in the way I responded, applied to a "BEST FRIEND" situation.

Now, the situation is entirely different.
You two aren't as close friends as it seemed to be. There's very few people I'd travel 400 miles for and use up 2 days of my time for. This guy doesn't sound like he would be one of them.

Although, to be honest, if I knew the world was going to see that video and it was a big part, I would have wanted to be in it.