Friend better than husband?

[jacques]

Let me see... you could:

-go out with your wife and her friend and be very nice to her friend.

-do the same, but with a pal and have the two of you be very nice to her friend.

That should solve your problem.

 

[Desdinova]

Well, I won't be saying anything unless this happens again. We worked at resolving this issue, what, 2 days ago? I'm hoping it stays resolved. No need to bring up past issues if they're not an issue. At least I have some insight should it happen again.

 

[NewMan]

**
Let me see... you could:

-go out with your wife and her friend and be very nice to her friend.

-do the same, but with a pal and have the two of you be very nice to her friend.

That should solve your problem.
**

Or he could just hand over his b#lls to his wife so she can put them in a jar.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

NEWMAN is right. It's important to establish yourself as an authority in the relationship (which was why I asked how long you dated/lived together before the marriage) this early in the marriage. Trust me, she wants you to be the decisive one and in light of the divorced friend situation, she's been deciding things. You're setting the tone for your marriage now, it's unfortunate that the divorcee has inserted her own influence into this process, but you have an opportunity here to really assert yourself if you play it right.

By implying C Blocking I didn't mean blocking you, but blocking for her when they're 'out for drinks'. Single Mommies have Single Mommie insecurities and this may necessitate a C blocker especially a newly divorced Mommie. Divorcee is recirculating and is most certainly more insecure about her desirability given her condition.

I'd also concur with the fact that Divorcee needs a b!tch sponge right now. Misery loves company, don't allow that company to be your newlywed wife. Divorcee is most definitely down on the marriage ideal (at least in practice), so it's dangerous to have her popping off about how marriage sucks while out for drinks with your wife.

 

[Slickster]

Hey!

I haven't read any of the other responses or any updates to this situation but....

In my experience when your woman starts spending lots of time with single friends, going out for drinks, etc. then your relationship is in trouble.

Sometimes a woman may want to break up but is too weak to do it herself. So she surrounds herself with her single female friends who give her strength, support and demonstrate that things will be okay if she decides to pull the pin.

Its happened to me more than once.

Actions speak louder than words.

Careful.

 

[Desdinova]

First of all, her friend isn't divorced, nor has she ever been married. She's just a single mother.

In my experience when your woman starts spending lots of time with single friends, going out for drinks, etc. then your relationship is in trouble.

I really wouldn't jump to that conclusion yet. The relationship in itself is fantastic. The sex hasn't waned any. We have lots of fun when we're together. She gives me massages, cooks dinner, not because I tell her or ask her to do it, but because she does it out of her own kindness. This is the only issue that has come up, and I'd prefer to squash it while it's the only thing that's wrong.

 

[jacques]

Originally posted by NewMan
**

Or he could just hand over his b#lls to his wife so she can put them in a jar.

Maybe I should have explained myself better. It is simple psychology really. She thinks her friend is important, you go with the flow and be nice to the friend.

The trick is: if you are extra nice, she will get jealous. Friend destroyed. Problem solved.

By being nice, I meant game the friend a little bit, of course. Just a tiny little bit.

 

[NewMan]

**
The trick is: if you are extra nice, she will get jealous. Friend destroyed. Problem solved.

By being nice, I meant game the friend a little bit, of course. Just a tiny little bit.
**

So every time she get's a hair up her a## - or decides to ignore him - he's got to play some game in order to get her back on track.

F that.

He needs to CONTROL the situation and create the life he wants.


You know - it's only been 5 months.

If I was him I'd sit her down and say:

"Honey - if you want to act/continue on like your single - that's fine by me. Just let me know - It's only been 5 months, it's not to late to get the marrage annulled (sp)"

Bottom line - if she's going to act like she's single - she can be single - and pay for herself.

 

[Playboi0323]

Well, you could always choke a by0tch.
No, well I guess you could always invite your wife and her friend over for an evening. Have you ever tried that? Might as well show your wife that you could have fun together even w/ her friend included. I wouldn't automatically go for the "show her who wears the pants approach" as suggested by most of these single players about YOUR marriage (mind you none of them are/have been married). Because at this point, your wife knows that if you all of a sudden posses the "King of the Castle" traits, she will just blow you off and spend even more time with her friend until you have a change of heart. (Think about it.)
I can already tell that that is not your style and your wife will totally look at you like you dunn lost yo' mind.
I suggest just try to be included in their plans and if she denies, maybe THEN you should worry. But don't worry, when women find someone they can chill with-- it's always hard to seperate them at first. It's natural. Just go with the flow, my friend.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

PLAYBOI: Exactly how I'd expepect an AFC to respond. Maybe he should 'just be himself' too?

I've been married 8.5 years. Trust me, if he doesn't become someone she can respect that's when she'll blow him off, only they'll be living together, fun fun,...

 

[Playboi0323]

Hey, if he already hasn't already become someone she can respect, whose problem would that be? The ring is already on the finger, buddy.

Not insinuating an argument, however I do think that of anybody else contributing, yours are the closest to sounding effective.

And no-- I am not an AFC or a r-AFC for that matter.

 

[dirtymexican]

Desdinova:

Be very careful on the advice you follow... 99% of the advice people have posted are from DJs not husbands...

Your relationship sounds very similar to what happened to me right before i got divorced...! I was married for 2 years. I also neglected my wife due to hobbies, work and friends etc... The fact that your woman is doing this 5 months in the marriage is not good at all.. There is a way to turn things around... It requires a bit of work and attitude change in your part...!

1... You have to establish yourself as the "HEAD OF THE FAMILY"
you have to become the man!.. be stern but not abusive... avoid fights at all costs... She will seek her friend if she feels abused. Be the cool dude you once were... If you smell a fight, leave, go work out etc... Relive the stress elsewhere..

2... Be careful about nagging for attention.. She will consider this as a sign of weakness. DO NOT BECOME A CONTROL FREAK...! Winning your wife back from a girlfriend is going to take time! Don't rush it..... But it can be done...

3. Do not make your wife feel insecure... This will be another excuse to run to her friend and talk about how your having an affair etc... When you go out with the guys be really careful what you say and do... Remember you are married! Don't do anything stupid... Do go out with your friends though... You have to show her that you also have friends and a life... Go out with your buds only if she is out with hers etc.... Be careful of these games though... Do exactly what she does... she goes out, you go out... She stays home, you stay home etc... Reward her behavior by taking her out to dinner etc. Cleaning the house or give her a good long Fvck!

4. become spontaneous.... Take her on an exotic vacation, somewhere romantic... Remember you and her are supposed to be best friends! Become fun again..!

5. learn to communicate.... talk and most important "listen"....

6. learn to control your emotions...

7. THE MOST IMPORTANT PART...... "Protect Yourself".... This means both emotionally and financially... Save money, un-used credit card on a separate bank account she doesn’t know.... This is for a rainy day, or emergency if you know what i mean..? If things get going from bad to worse then you have to move fast... The person that acts first comes out ahead... Remember in a divorce you both lose… There isn’t winner.. Don't think of a divorce though... I wouldn't wish that upon my worst enemy.... If it does move that way though, you have to act first... Do not consider this unless there was infidelity involved from either party... They way i feel, if there wasn't any infidelity involved then you can fix any problem...


Don't give up.... If you love her you will fight to stay and so will she. If things doesn't work, you at least had followed my advice to cover your @ss and you will have a good conscious knowing you did all you could.. You will soon start a new relationship and had learned from your mistakes...

Good luck… and be prepared for a ride…


P.S winning your wife back from a girlfriend is easy... Just become the "MAN"... If her girlfriend is a single mom, she will get tired of your wife bragging about how awesome, considerate you are. Her friend will soon get tired of all that mushy crap because of jealousy of being a looser that she will look for a new friend that she can hate guys with...

 

[jacques]

I think my suggestion of gaming the friend a little bit has been misunderstood again. I also think that Playboi0323 and dirtymexican are right: DJs may not give good relationship advice.

Well, I have been married 15 years and survived a few crises myself.

Newman said: "So every time she get's a hair up her a## - or decides to ignore him - he's got to play some game in order to get her back on track.". And then we have this discussion about who is wearing the pants.

Guess what: the answer is yes. You have to play games. But it's fun.

I mean: what did I suggest? GAME the other chick! Doesn't it sound like fun? Or what are you all doing here on this forum?

And the most important part is: having fun playing this type of game is the best way to show who is really wearing the pants. It's laid back, shows great confidence, shows your understanding of her games and shows that you can control her without putting a leash around her neck.

Tell me: which dog owner is best: the one that keep his dog on leash or the one that can let his dog run free, knowing the dog will come back when called? Knowing that the dog will only do as he wants?


Besides, on the particular case of the original poster, people tend to forget that it is only 5 months. The woman should not be expected to stop seeing all her friends from the day she is married. Believe me on that one: I've seen enough marriages where this mistake has been done. You want her to keep her friends, for the simple reason that you are NOT going to be able to entertain her for the next THIRTY years or so with you or your friends alone.

But when you are married, HER friends become YOUR friends. So you meet them, and since you are an attractive man, they become attracted to you.

What best way can you find to give the rigth messages:
-you care about her friends
-you are confident in your marriage and yourself
-you are an attractive man
-she can't really control you.

One word: it's cool.

 

[comminback]

begin to look for her lover.

Watch her reciepts, phone calls, and any punk that gets around her.

Sounds to me that she has interests elsewhere.

Hopefully she doesn't, but just keep the eye out. Plus, began your life again. Meet new women, don't kiss her ass anymore, she'll began to see the man she once loved, you know, the *******. NO CHICK wants a nice guy for a lover, even your wife. (trust me, just went through this ****, but not with her cheating)

comminback

 

[Desdinova]

Thank you dirtymexican! Finally, something I can work with.

 

[dirtymexican]

Best of luck to you Desdinova....

jacques pointed out a few things that made sense also... Especially about being married for just 5 months and not expecting to drop her friends. This is true.. I think that it is a healthy relationship if you both are able to go out with friends. The fact that she is neglecting him so soon in the marriage raises some red flags. They are still newly weds... That is usually the time you stay home order a pizza and bang 5-10 per day... Well that is just me... I'm a dirty mexican... LOL I’m not even from mexico! I'm Hispanic, people just call me a dirty mexican.... hahah

anyways.. Desdinova
Also take in consideration your woman's feelings about maybe wanting to help out her friend with a kid... You know how woman are when it comes down to stuff like this.. THe emotional stuff that we don't understand...

If they are doing the bar thing, then that is definitely not saying anything good about your wife's friend. A woman with a kid has no business going to a bar with a married girl friend. That is unless she is a big Ho... In that case she isn't a good friend for your woman! I would definitely stop that friendship... Take it slow though, because if you come out swinging, your wife will rebel against you... REMEMBER BE THE COOL DUDE.. That is the only way to defeat “evil” girl friends…

Peace out…

 

[johnnyU]

gym mebership?

Did I miss something?
What does a woman going to the gym a lot have to do with anything? just curious. My sitch is strange, andthis isnt my thread.