Freindship- A Common Mis-Conception

[LuisGarcia10]

I don't consider myself anywhere close to as experienced as many, if not most, of the members of this forum.

But what I have noticed is a common mis-conception regarding girls and freindship.

People seem to think that being freinds with a girl is pointless and something that no DJ should ever even contemplate.

This is rubbish.

What however is pointless is trying to have a relationship, her telling you that you're a freind, and your infatuation being so strong that you follow her around like a love-sick puppy desperate for a relationship to materialise. I've been there and done it and usually after a while they catch on and start to walk all over you, that should be avoided at all costs.

But being freinds with girls is beneficial as long as you're not hoping for anything else.

For a start girls have many other freinds, who, surprisingly, are also girls. So you've missed out on one but you've got a whole host of others that you'll be introduced to in due cost, it seems like the juice is worth the squeeze if you ask me.

I've read several posts where girls have told blokes on here that they just want to be freinds, this then causes the bloke to freak out and never ring her again.

Why?

Surely the entire idea of a DJ is that he isn't bothered if a paticular girl dosen't like him because he has a table full of numbers to start a relationship.

Surely a DJ would always be interested in meeting new girls and would recognise that being freinds with a girl, paticually a hot one, is going to provide oppurtunitys to meet many more girls in the future, a lot of which will most likely be interested in far more than a freindship.

As I said, the key is not to become infatuated with the girl and do everything you can to please her in the hope you'll become her boyfreind in due course. This is AFC behaviour.

Nor should you dump a girl because she wants to be freinds, this is idiotic behaviour.

Just remember that girls are ideal ways of meeting other girls, the trick is to treat a girl-freind just as you'd treat a guy-freind, don't go doing anything special for her and she'll provide far more positives for you than negatives.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I dunno, I can name several girls that I've been 'just friends' with, a couple for 2+ years, that I've bagged. Of course, I wasn't single and then became single and then it happened. The key is remaining detached - that is what I've found is really, really important.

I seem to have gotten away with alot of mistakes with a couple of them, because I was even stupid enough to discuss my relationship troubles with two of them, yet they fooled around with me anyway.

Weird. What am I, a f*ckin' chick? I subconsciously played a ch*ck game on them by using the both of them as my emotional tampon when I was going through my breakup!

But then again, I also discussed with them other girls that I'd tried dating after my breakup, so that might've amped up the interest level.

What's really strange is that two of them went out of their way to chase me down and initiate the respective encounters, I literally had to do nothing.

So perhaps, in hindsight, the best method is to retain the aura of being unattainable with all the chicks you've met. I seem to have stumbled on that tactic by accident. Of course, like I said, I had a girlfriend for most of the time that I knew these girls, and they even knew her, and I never, ever hit on either of them or behaved in a suggestive manner, I just talked to them like they were one of the guys really.

Detachment

Detachment

Detachment

That is the key now that I look at it.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

Perhaps I should have phrased it differently.

Detachment, as you said, is the key.

If you can remain detatched and chase other girls, then there's always a chance that the girl who just wanted to be freinds can have a change of heart.

The key is to not be too bothered either way as you already have plenty of other options.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Yep, and make sure it's known that you always have other options. That way they'll wonder why you haven't included them in that list of options. There's a lot to be said for having that, "Whatever" attitude.

After I had fooled around with one of them, I said, "Weird, eh?" and she responded, "Sorry, but I was just fulfilling a fantasy I've always had about you." So, evidently, I was doing something right.

 

[xblitz44x]

Luis,

Good points about frIEnds. I agree and have always been baffled as why guys on this board are so afraid of the word friendship. First of all, when you were talking about the love sick puppy who is following a girl around and settling with 'friendship' because she isn't attracted to him....that's not friendship. That's infatuation. There is a difference.

I think that instead of being SO concerned with getting in a girl's pants at first sight, maybe we should actually TRY to get to know them, what makes them tick, what makes them happy, what pisses them off, their passions; TRY to be friends with them. *Really* try. This will a) mean that you will get a fulfilling relationship from the situation whether you get laid or not, b) increase your chances of HER having friends that she can hook you up with if she's not interested, and c) reduce the pressure of having to HOOK UP and have sex ASAP so that you're more calm and relaxed and can really enjoy yourself.

Part of why guys on this board are so scared to do this is because they think that getting to know somebody, and establishing a solid friendship with a girl means no pusssy. Which is a huge misconception. They are afraid to be in the "Friend Zone" or whatever the hell they label it now'a days. Being friends with a girl does not mean no vagina. If a hot, blonde, tanned model wanted to get to know you and establish a friendship with you, are you going to throw her into the "Friendzone" and say "I don't want to hook up with her anymore, I don't want to ruin her friendship". Of course not. Neither is she.

-Blitz

 

[becker]

Here's a unique situation for you guys to dissect for me.

This girl who was totally into me gave me the "we can be friends" bit. Says she's scared. In the process of getting out of a marriage.

I agreed to that, and was actually cool with it, and didn't think twice about it. Next thing you know, she pulls away more and doesn't even talk to me anymore. I e-mail her and explain to her that I'm cool with that and I won't be pursuing anything with her, but it doesn't seem to do anything. I sincerely wanted to be friends with this girl, and with her situation, I didn't want to do anything more. I'm actually hanging out with other girls right now, but this girl was just so cool to talk to, and that's about the extent of what I'm looking for from her.

I have no idea what the heck is going on. Anyone experience this, where the girl who asks you to be friends isn't even responding to you anymore? Is this some test?

 

[xblitz44x]

Hey becker, not to get picky but maybe you should start a new thread so that you don't steal this guy's thread.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by becker
Here's a unique situation for you guys to dissect for me.

This girl who was totally into me gave me the "we can be friends" bit. Says she's scared. In the process of getting out of a marriage.

I agreed to that, and was actually cool with it, and didn't think twice about it. Next thing you know, she pulls away more and doesn't even talk to me anymore. I e-mail her and explain to her that I'm cool with that and I won't be pursuing anything with her, but it doesn't seem to do anything. I sincerely wanted to be friends with this girl, and with her situation, I didn't want to do anything more. I'm actually hanging out with other girls right now, but this girl was just so cool to talk to, and that's about the extent of what I'm looking for from her.

I have no idea what the heck is going on. Anyone experience this, where the girl who asks you to be friends isn't even responding to you anymore? Is this some test?

That sounds a little f*cked to me, either she isn't interested or she's very interested, but actually has a moral compass that is impeding her.

Like I said, I've fooled around alot of ch*cks that perhaps I had already slotted in my own friendzone, and girls just like this - that I was actually interested in talking to.

I suppose they can sense that your a genuine guy.

I just talk to them like a guy really, and it seems to have worked for me on several occasions. I've actually been in the position were I was very surprised a certain girl has initiated something with me. Never really analysed it until now though.

Like I said, I had a girlfriend for the longest time, so I gave off the aura for so long of being unattainable but remained engaging with these chicks because I actually quite liked them both as people.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

No problems with the hijcacking of the thread. It's all the same sort of topic anyway.

To be honest Becker I don't have a clue, I've never experienced anything like that before.

My advice would be to leave her alone for a bit, if she was genuine about wanting to be freinds then she'll be in touch.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Yeah, women coming out of marriage are probably quite emotional basketcases, I would imagine. Although, there are probably vulnerabilities you could play on, depending on the situation. But this one seems like she doesn't want contact with you right now, so put it on the back burner for another time and pursue something more attainable.

 

[xblitz44x]

Well if Luis doesn't mind....

Maybe she's been sincerely busy, or preoccupied. I'm sure you've had other friends (guys or girls) that just seemed to drop off of radar for a few weeks or a month handling their personal business. If you truely want to be friends with her, just trust it and give her time to handle her business. Keep in touch when you want but don't pressure her about it.

If it's been a long time and she's obviously making no effort whatsoever to continue your relationship, I ask: Why would you want to be friends with somebody who doesn't want to be friends with you?

-Blitz

 

[DJ_Dork]

It's easier being friends with a girl you're not attracted to than the one you were attracted to or had a relationship with.

Trust me guys, don't keep girls you were interested in dating/had a relationship as friends.. NO MATTER what other people say.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
Well if Luis doesn't mind....

Maybe she's been sincerely busy, or preoccupied. I'm sure you've had other friends (guys or girls) that just seemed to drop off of radar for a few weeks or a month handling their personal business. If you truely want to be friends with her, just trust it and give her time to handle her business. Keep in touch when you want but don't pressure her about it.

If it's been a long time and she's obviously making no effort whatsoever to continue your relationship, I ask: Why would you want to be friends with somebody who doesn't want to be friends with you?

-Blitz

Hey, sorry about stealing this thread, I figured all the posts would eventually run together anyways, since they all seem to deal with the same idea.

I'm sure she was busy, but if you know that website Friendster, I was on her list, and she deleted me from it. That to me is pretty clear as to what she wants from me. I think what happened was that I contacted her friend, with the intention of apologizing to the friend for contacting her earlier and involving her in this thing I had with this girl, the friend probably told her I contacted her, and she got pissed. What sucks is that I had no intention of doing anything else. At this point, I just wanted to clear the air with her, but she won't talk to me. It's all such a misunderstanding it's ridiculous.

Anyways, thanks for the info on the married women being emotional basketcases, Don Juannabe. Have you had experience personally with this?