Freezing up...

[Crimson]

Anyone ever freeze up sometimes with girls in certain situations?
It's like I know what to say in my mind but it wont come out of my mouth and if it does it's just a mumble.
Doesn't happen often but when it does it's when things are progressing well.
You guys think it's some sort of confidence issue or something else and how do you deal with it if it happens?

 

[Crimson]

Also this happens with guys sometimes as well so I know it's an internal problem. Just annoying af.

 

[dude99]

Anyone ever freeze up sometimes with girls in certain situations?
It's like I know what to say in my mind but it wont come out of my mouth and if it does it's just a mumble.
Doesn't happen often but when it does it's when things are progressing well.
You guys think it's some sort of confidence issue or something else and how do you deal with it if it happens?

You totally need to work on your confidence. Confident guys dont freeze up.

 

[Jack12345]

This is a trigger
Probably anger or fear or both.. trauma based, early childhood, could be abuse, school, parents, family

 

[Lookatu]

One suggestion would be to join your local toastmasters organization. This will help you in all aspects in life when it comes to speaking. It will help you with socializing(both girls/guys), work, public speaking, presenting, etc.

Toastmasters International

Toastmasters International is a nonprofit educational organization that builds confidence and teaches public speaking skills through a worldwide network of clubs that meet online and in person. In a supportive community or corporate environment, members prepare and deliver speeches, respond to...

www.toastmasters.org

 

[Mike32ct]

If you are freezing up initially before you even speak, you are probably making a bigger deal of the situation in your head than necessary. Many times in life, I "lie" to myself and say, "This is easy. It isn't a big deal. I'm just going to do/say XYZ. It's simple." This can help counteract the fact that we often do the opposite in our heads and blow things way out of proportion.

Once in a conversation, don't be afraid of pauses or "dead spots." Don't let them go on too long; but in general, some breaks in the convo are ok. Sometimes that works in your favor (as a subtle power move or test for her interest) because then SHE feels forced to fill in the gap if she likes you. But worst case, it gives you a chance to gather your thoughts (or prepare to change the conversation thread) before you speak again.

 

[Lookatu]

Once in a conversation, don't be afraid of pauses or "dead spots." Don't let them go on too long; but in general, some breaks in the convo are ok. Sometimes that works in your favor (as a subtle power move or test for her interest) because then SHE feels forced to fill in the gap if she likes you. But worst case, it gives you a chance to gather your thoughts (or prepare to change the conversation thread) before you speak again.

Case in point, President Obama used this often in speaking in front of the entire nation. And I consider him one of the greatest public speakers in modern history.

 

[Kotaix]

I'm not entirely sure this is a confidence issue. I would chalk it up more to you wanting to control the situation and having an emotional reaction when things don't go your way.

You want to say the right thing, but when it comes out badly - do you have an internal emotional reaction and beat yourself up over it? Do you feel awkward? My guess is yes because that's what I've done. You're ruining the moment BECAUSE you're beating yourself up. Women are creatures of emotion and they're exceedingly good at picking up on them. The moment is ruined because women don't like emotional men, they like confident men.

Confidence is not the ability to say the right thing when you want. Confidence is the ability to be cool with how it came out and not care. So you ****ed up, learn from your mistake and keep moving on.

Confidence is not a state that you "achieve". You aren't insecure and then suddenly one day after a lot of work you become confident and that's that. This is usually how it works out, but once you achieve it then you realize that any man can be confident at any time, all he has to do is turn it on. Confidence is a choice and it's something you project.

Insecurity is constantly second guessing yourself and self-flagellating because of your mistakes.

The solution is to learn to accept how the situation and go with the flow without letting it get you down. Don't hang on to the past (even if it was ten seconds ago) and get back into the moment immediately. Make a face like you had a momentary lapse of stupidity and smile at her. It's that simple.