Frame

[IBreatheSpears]

Hi all. I read Rollo's article about frame and a couple of other articles but I'm having a little trouble grasping the idea.

How do you establish frame?
How do you maintain frame?
How do you know who is controlling frame, both in entire relationships and in specific interactions?

 

[GotED?]

Establishing frame is simple.

In the beginning of interacting with a woman for the first few times (1st, 2nd, 3rd date) - make it apparent that you have little tolerance for whatever marks your BOUNDARIES (games, bullsh!t behavior, arguments, disrespect, etc).

Let her know that you HAVE IN THE PAST walked away and STILL IS ABLE to walk away at anytime if a woman disrespects you or play games (or whatever else you want to add). This keeps her in check - thus, you have established your frame that SHE FITS HER MOLD INTO.

I ALWAYS tell a woman I meet for the first time, that my boundaries are if a woman ever screams at me, or attempts to physically attack me, I am done with her. This is a form of FRAMING the relationship on your RULES. I also remind her that I will WALK AWAY at anytime if a woman pisses me off and brings me LESS HAPPINESS than before I met her arse (true logic, men should abide by it, why live in misery with a woman that gives you LESS happiness than being single??).

When a man loses his frame - he becomes AFC, because he is now MOLDED INTO HER FRAME. She pulls the games and mind-phucking, he follows because he chases her and can't walk away thinking he has no other options.

Clear as mud.

Exodus

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Establishing frame is simple.

In the beginning of interacting with a woman for the first few times (1st, 2nd, 3rd date) - make it apparent that you have little tolerance for whatever marks your BOUNDARIES (games, bullsh!t behavior, arguments, disrespect, etc).

Let her know that you HAVE IN THE PAST walked away and STILL IS ABLE to walk away at anytime if a woman disrespects you or play games (or whatever else you want to add). This keeps her in check - thus, you have established your frame that SHE FITS HER MOLD INTO.

I ALWAYS tell a woman I meet for the first time, that my boundaries are if a woman ever screams at me, or attempts to physically attack me, I am done with her. This is a form of FRAMING the relationship on your RULES. I also remind her that I will WALK AWAY at anytime if a woman pisses me off and brings me LESS HAPPINESS than before I met her arse (true logic, men should abide by it, why live in misery with a woman that gives you LESS happiness than being single??).

When a man loses his frame - he becomes AFC, because he is now MOLDED INTO HER FRAME. She pulls the games and mind-phucking, he follows because he chases her and can't walk away thinking he has no other options.

Clear as mud.

Exodus

Thanks, that clears it up really well, actually. In my previous relationships I've noticed that the girl would criticise some of my behaviour -- I've been called arrogant, domineering and selfish, which I suppose are alpha traits but didn't match the girl's "ideal man" -- and I would make a mental note to stop those behaviours. Self-improvement has been important to me for a few years and I would rationalise to myself that it was okay because I was changing my behaviour for me, not her. I realise now that what I was actually doing was submitting to her frame. Thing is, I thought I was changing for me -- I rationalised it to myself that way. From now on, I only change when I notice a problem, not when someone else brings it to my attention. Thanks a lot.

 

[GotED?]

Establishing frame also only works in the BEGINNING of a relationship.

It is almost a moot point to do it to MODIFY existing AFC behaviors - the woman would almost never accept it, and you are better off finding a new person to establish new frames with. It is like Pavlov the Dog, once a woman is conditioned to your ways, it is impossible to turn it around and 'fake it' (as it seems to her).

I think being a DJ is not entirely all 'Alpha' traits - you would then just be a Player. I like to think that a DJ is a well balanced human being who can treat other people fair and square, as you want to be treated - but at the same time, love and respect himself as well. This is where most men fail to recognize, self-respect and self-love - and let women trump all over their world and squash him like a bug. Then they end up here on - like I once did when I was AFC full blown. Sometimes one has to be broken down fully in order to rebuild firm foundation to triumph upon.

Good luck.

Exodus

 

[IBreatheSpears]

Establishing frame also only works in the BEGINNING of a relationship.

It is almost a moot point to do it to MODIFY existing AFC behaviors - the woman would almost never accept it, and you are better off finding a new person to establish new frames with. It is like Pavlov the Dog, once a woman is conditioned to your ways, it is impossible to turn it around and 'fake it' (as it seems to her).

I think being a DJ is not entirely all 'Alpha' traits - you would then just be a Player. I like to think that a DJ is a well balanced human being who can treat other people fair and square, as you want to be treated - but at the same time, love and respect himself as well. This is where most men fail to recognize, self-respect and self-love - and let women trump all over their world and squash him like a bug. Then they end up here on - like I once did when I was AFC full blown. Sometimes one has to be broken down fully in order to rebuild firm foundation to triumph upon.

Good luck.

Exodus

Yeah, I don't want to be a total **** or an AFC but I find it hard to strike a healthy balance.

"once a woman is conditioned to your ways, it is impossible to turn it around and 'fake it' (as it seems to her)"
I'm inclined to disagree with this; I've noticed and heard (well, read) others say that acting in a way that she doesn't expect based on your existing relationship can be quite useful; for example, a usually-stoic man flying into a rage.

 

[SgtSplacker]

Frame is the ability to keep your frame of mind regardless of what is happening around you.

So if you walk into a restaurant full of screaming feminine activists you can walk up to the counter and calmly order your sandwich notice she didn't put the mayo in, give it back to her to add the mayo she forgot and all while the room looks on in trembling rage at a man asking a woman to make him a sandwich. You then pay your tab (without tip) and leave without breaking a sweat. That's frame...

 

[Greasy Pig]

Ha ha ha! SgtSplacker nailed it.

Frame is about respect. Respect yourself enough to not put up with bad behaviour, and commanding her respect by your actions towards her and others.