Pap
Don Juan
I went out with my buddy, Tom, to flip night. We give some high fives to all the girls that walk by and do short-set method. Then Tom says, that's cool...but I am expecting more. So I say, "Let's roll, buddy." 10 seconds later, a chick wearing a tiarra comes by. It's her ****in b-day so I give her a high five and start a convo...
ME: "Oh, baby. Happy b-day. I'm having a ****in good time, but tonight baby it's your b-day. And you can be in the ****in A-crowd." [I run the A-crowd routine]
HB: Yeah. This is sweet. It's my B-day and I am definitely part of the A-crowd.
ME: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not get a hold of ourselves hear, baby. It's your birthday so you gotta show you know how to have a good time, right, baby!
HB: Yeah!!!
ME: High five!!! You rock! [high five and transition to 100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout...we makeout for about 10 seconds] Now, you are my ****in homegirl.
HB: Yeah.
Here's the sequence...
-High five
-Glib comment [anything, it doesn't matter]
-I don't know if we can hang with each other
-A-crowd
-high-five
-100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout
-Bar pattern (you can't meet people at bars)
-Qualify...[Love me or hate me, I'm just me]
-Rapport with callback humor
I do this to a half-dozen sets...it's ****in sweet. My face is covered with kisses and the girls keep coming back to say what's up and give me high fives. I join Tom who is talking to some chick that has buttons saying, "Vote Aaron W for Senior Class President."
I tell her I'm a senior (which is true) and give her a high five and start the Game...[HB10 baby...pictures to be posted on auseduction.com...I looooove the Game!!!]
FR: Your My New Madison Girlfriend
Me: Oh, baby...Tom, what's this...
HB: Hey, vote for Aaron for Senior class Vp tomorrow.
Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa...this is the ****in A-crowd here [run A-crowd routine...and place sunglasses on her]
HB: Yeah!!!
Me: Hey...this is the A-crowd...whoa, whoa, whoa...wait up, baby...I don't know if we can hang with each other. I don't know if we'll get along. We're too similar. Hold up. Hold up. I know...do you have cable?
HB: Yeah...
ME: Uggh. Sweet!!! You're my new ****in homegirl. I can sit at home and watch TV all day while you make me hot dogs, right?!?
HB: Hahahahahahahaa. Yes.
Me: Hey there. Tom, this girl is too much...she even laughs at my jokes. OMG...I love this girl...unconditionally.
HB: Hahahahahhaahaha.
ME: Wait up. I'm adopting you. No. That's not right. You know what...you are my new girlfriend, ok?
HB: Yes. Tom, I am his new girlfriend.
Me: Yeah. I am going to have 10,000 of your babies...if only you weren't such a dork!
HB: Hahahahaha.
ME: Hey, you are too cool. You are still laughing at my jokes. High five. [transition to 100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout...we are still holding hands afterwards]. Tom, check this out...this is my new GF and my ****in homegirl. Hey give me a button.
HB: Yeah...here...we are going to win.
ME: That's right...we are going to win...hey, you know what..you are so right...here, [I take out my Clie...] I am going to draw a picture of you.
HB's UG FRIEND: What's up.
HB: My new BF is drawing a picture of me.
ME: [I draw a stick figure with a smile...with the words "YOU ARE A DORK" underneath] Ok. I have it. But don't laugh cuz I'm a very shy guy...and if you laugh, you'll hurt my feelings...ok.
HB: Yes.
ME: You promise not to laugh.
HB: Yes. I promise.
ME: Ok. Here. [I show the pic]
HB: Hahahahhahahahaaa.
ME: No. Noooooo. [I cover my face and pretend to cry] You hurt my feelings. You promised.
HB: Oh. I am ssooooo Sorry.
ME: Hey, champ. You can do better than that. [we kiss]
Aaron comes over...he is full of buttons and looks like a wanna-be AMOG cuz he is a football player, and very big, but his shirt is full of dorky buttons.
HB: Aaron, this is my man. He's trying to makeout with me.
ME: Trying...cummon. We just madeout.
Aaron: Ok. Yeah.
ME: [high five to aaron] That's right. [I kiss HB again]
HB: Hahahahaha.
ME: Cummon...you think that's the ****. On a scale of 1 to 10 how good a kisser do you think you really are? Cummon. Your my ****in homegirl.
Tom is watching this and he comes by and says...
Tom: Hey...Papa, take a pic of us...
ME: Sure. [I take a pic of them]
HB: OMG...that thingy takes pics.
ME: Yeah. Check this out. [I take a pic of us]
HB: OMG I look so bad there. Take another one.
ME: Sure. [kiss and take pic] There we go, baby!
Tom: You know what, you should give, Papa, your number. (NOTE: THIS IS MAJOR SUPPLICATIVE...SO I NEED TO RECOVER FROM TOM'S AFC COMMENT)
ME: Whoa there Tom. This is my ****in homegirl and she is here to help me pickup other chicks, right, baby?
HB: Yeah. That's right. I will help Papa pickup any chick here. You point them out to me and I'm in. And I come here every Tuesday.
ME: That's right. You and me...we'll come here and pickup chicks together...you're my ****in homegirl.
HB: That's right, baby! This is the ****in A-crowd.
ME: Yeah...but you know, I know you'll probably go home...and you'll tell all your friends that you met this really cool guy...and then they'll all say you can't meet guys at bars.
HB: Noooooo.
ME: Yeah. I'm not sure if this is going to work out. We're stuck in these circumstances cuz we got to know each other and we like each other, but we can't meet people in bars...but then again, I'm not sure where you are supposed to meet people. But, hey...who knows there, champ. We'll stick together anyways, right, kiddo. Right, kid?
HB: Yeah. That's right.
ME: High five. [high five]
HB: Right on.
Now I feel the need to qualify her cuz I have the attraction...
ME: You know what...I gotta be honest with you...when I first met you....you looked kinda bored...your first impression...it just kinda sucked...but you know what...now that I've gotten to really get to know you...I think you are a really cool person.
HB: Oh...my...god. I can't believe you thought I was boring. I don't like that. I mean I try so hard not to be like that.
ME: Hey...it's just a first impression...but you know...I think you are sooooo cool. We've been talking and hey...now you are my ****in homegirl...[high five]
HB: YEAH! We should definitely go out again next Tuesday. I come to this bar every Tuesday too. Btw what's your name?
ME: Papa. You can call me Papa.
HB: I am Liz.
ME: Here...[I take out Clie] Write your name and your phone number and we'll come back here every Tuesday and we'll pickup chicks togeher.
HB: Sure. [she writes down her phone number]
ME: [kiss] Hey, your my new girlfriend...and I love you!
HB: Hahahahaa.
ME: Yeah. I am adopting you...marrying you...and then breaking up with you and then taking half your money.
HB: Nooooooo.
ME: But that's ok. I love you. Do you love me?
HB: Yes.
ME: Great. Then you are still my ****in homegirl.
We then start talking about silly conversational threads...not necessarily silly...just getting to know you kinda stuff...
HB: So what's your major?
ME: Guess.
HB: Hmmm. Dunno.
ME: Economics and Math.
We then talk about my plans for a MBA and I find out about her. We talk about our passions for getting to know new people. Then we discuss how it's so much fun going to bars getting to know people and how open and fun it can be. It's basically standard rapport ****.
I gotta bust her balls for all this normal boring talk and make things more fun just for my sake.
HB: So...have you lived in Cali your whole life.
ME: Yes. But...wait up. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you get all these questions from a book that tells you that you are supposed to talk about these kinda things.
HB: Hahahah.
ME: Hey. I got one. What's your favorite color.
HB: Hahahahaa. Hey. Do you really want to know?
ME: No. Dork. Hahahah.
HB: Hahahaha.
Tom: Really...we gotta know.
ME: Yeah.
HB: Well, you know what...I really like black.
ME: OMG, you know what...I really like...white...OMG we both really like a color.
HB: Hahahaha.
ME: Hey...I got another one...what's your favorite ice cream flavor...hold up...before you answer...there are 3 that will gain you 2 points...and 2 flavors where you will lose all your points.
Tom: I love blueberry.
ME: Outstanding, bro. That's one of my favorites. Tom is a ****in cool guy. [high five]
HB: I like cookies and cream.
Me: No way!!! OMG. That's one of my favorites too. Two points. [high five]
HB: Really? Cool.
ME: The other one that would help you out was chocolate cocoa. And the two that would make you lose points was lemon and vanilla...cuz I don't hang out with boring people.
Since I regressed, I go back to qualify her...[I rerun the bar pattern...about how you can't meet guys in bars]...
ME: Yeah. You are ****in sweet. So champ, you know what...we are sticking together.
HB: That's right.
The lights go on...it's bartime. Everyone is going to go home. Tom whispers to me that he is not going home tonight cuz he runs into his ex-GF...this GF is really into me, but I want to get some more rapport cuz her GFs are starting to swarm...
ME: Hey...I am going to see you again...so since you are my homegirl now...when I call you...I want to here some enthusiasm cuz I am your man...and I love you...and you love me...and love me or hate me...I'm just me...this isn't going to be just another meaningless relationship is it?
HB: Nooooooo.
ME: I will call you and I want you to treat me like your sweetheart...your sweetheart who you are going to help pickup other girls cuz you are my homegirl now.
HB: Yes...when you call me...you'll hear it. [HB's DDB]
ME: And we definitely have to get together.
HB: Yeah. [she grabs my face and kisses me]
Me: Alright there, kid...keep it real, champ.
ME: "Oh, baby. Happy b-day. I'm having a ****in good time, but tonight baby it's your b-day. And you can be in the ****in A-crowd." [I run the A-crowd routine]
HB: Yeah. This is sweet. It's my B-day and I am definitely part of the A-crowd.
ME: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let's not get a hold of ourselves hear, baby. It's your birthday so you gotta show you know how to have a good time, right, baby!
HB: Yeah!!!
ME: High five!!! You rock! [high five and transition to 100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout...we makeout for about 10 seconds] Now, you are my ****in homegirl.
HB: Yeah.
Here's the sequence...
-High five
-Glib comment [anything, it doesn't matter]
-I don't know if we can hang with each other
-A-crowd
-high-five
-100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout
-Bar pattern (you can't meet people at bars)
-Qualify...[Love me or hate me, I'm just me]
-Rapport with callback humor
I do this to a half-dozen sets...it's ****in sweet. My face is covered with kisses and the girls keep coming back to say what's up and give me high fives. I join Tom who is talking to some chick that has buttons saying, "Vote Aaron W for Senior Class President."
I tell her I'm a senior (which is true) and give her a high five and start the Game...[HB10 baby...pictures to be posted on auseduction.com...I looooove the Game!!!]
FR: Your My New Madison Girlfriend
Me: Oh, baby...Tom, what's this...
HB: Hey, vote for Aaron for Senior class Vp tomorrow.
Me: Whoa, whoa, whoa...this is the ****in A-crowd here [run A-crowd routine...and place sunglasses on her]
HB: Yeah!!!
Me: Hey...this is the A-crowd...whoa, whoa, whoa...wait up, baby...I don't know if we can hang with each other. I don't know if we'll get along. We're too similar. Hold up. Hold up. I know...do you have cable?
HB: Yeah...
ME: Uggh. Sweet!!! You're my new ****in homegirl. I can sit at home and watch TV all day while you make me hot dogs, right?!?
HB: Hahahahahahahaa. Yes.
Me: Hey there. Tom, this girl is too much...she even laughs at my jokes. OMG...I love this girl...unconditionally.
HB: Hahahahahhaahaha.
ME: Wait up. I'm adopting you. No. That's not right. You know what...you are my new girlfriend, ok?
HB: Yes. Tom, I am his new girlfriend.
Me: Yeah. I am going to have 10,000 of your babies...if only you weren't such a dork!
HB: Hahahahaha.
ME: Hey, you are too cool. You are still laughing at my jokes. High five. [transition to 100 Percent Handshake Spin Makeout...we are still holding hands afterwards]. Tom, check this out...this is my new GF and my ****in homegirl. Hey give me a button.
HB: Yeah...here...we are going to win.
ME: That's right...we are going to win...hey, you know what..you are so right...here, [I take out my Clie...] I am going to draw a picture of you.
HB's UG FRIEND: What's up.
HB: My new BF is drawing a picture of me.
ME: [I draw a stick figure with a smile...with the words "YOU ARE A DORK" underneath] Ok. I have it. But don't laugh cuz I'm a very shy guy...and if you laugh, you'll hurt my feelings...ok.
HB: Yes.
ME: You promise not to laugh.
HB: Yes. I promise.
ME: Ok. Here. [I show the pic]
HB: Hahahahhahahahaaa.
ME: No. Noooooo. [I cover my face and pretend to cry] You hurt my feelings. You promised.
HB: Oh. I am ssooooo Sorry.
ME: Hey, champ. You can do better than that. [we kiss]
Aaron comes over...he is full of buttons and looks like a wanna-be AMOG cuz he is a football player, and very big, but his shirt is full of dorky buttons.
HB: Aaron, this is my man. He's trying to makeout with me.
ME: Trying...cummon. We just madeout.
Aaron: Ok. Yeah.
ME: [high five to aaron] That's right. [I kiss HB again]
HB: Hahahahaha.
ME: Cummon...you think that's the ****. On a scale of 1 to 10 how good a kisser do you think you really are? Cummon. Your my ****in homegirl.
Tom is watching this and he comes by and says...
Tom: Hey...Papa, take a pic of us...
ME: Sure. [I take a pic of them]
HB: OMG...that thingy takes pics.
ME: Yeah. Check this out. [I take a pic of us]
HB: OMG I look so bad there. Take another one.
ME: Sure. [kiss and take pic] There we go, baby!
Tom: You know what, you should give, Papa, your number. (NOTE: THIS IS MAJOR SUPPLICATIVE...SO I NEED TO RECOVER FROM TOM'S AFC COMMENT)
ME: Whoa there Tom. This is my ****in homegirl and she is here to help me pickup other chicks, right, baby?
HB: Yeah. That's right. I will help Papa pickup any chick here. You point them out to me and I'm in. And I come here every Tuesday.
ME: That's right. You and me...we'll come here and pickup chicks together...you're my ****in homegirl.
HB: That's right, baby! This is the ****in A-crowd.
ME: Yeah...but you know, I know you'll probably go home...and you'll tell all your friends that you met this really cool guy...and then they'll all say you can't meet guys at bars.
HB: Noooooo.
ME: Yeah. I'm not sure if this is going to work out. We're stuck in these circumstances cuz we got to know each other and we like each other, but we can't meet people in bars...but then again, I'm not sure where you are supposed to meet people. But, hey...who knows there, champ. We'll stick together anyways, right, kiddo. Right, kid?
HB: Yeah. That's right.
ME: High five. [high five]
HB: Right on.
Now I feel the need to qualify her cuz I have the attraction...
ME: You know what...I gotta be honest with you...when I first met you....you looked kinda bored...your first impression...it just kinda sucked...but you know what...now that I've gotten to really get to know you...I think you are a really cool person.
HB: Oh...my...god. I can't believe you thought I was boring. I don't like that. I mean I try so hard not to be like that.
ME: Hey...it's just a first impression...but you know...I think you are sooooo cool. We've been talking and hey...now you are my ****in homegirl...[high five]
HB: YEAH! We should definitely go out again next Tuesday. I come to this bar every Tuesday too. Btw what's your name?
ME: Papa. You can call me Papa.
HB: I am Liz.
ME: Here...[I take out Clie] Write your name and your phone number and we'll come back here every Tuesday and we'll pickup chicks togeher.
HB: Sure. [she writes down her phone number]
ME: [kiss] Hey, your my new girlfriend...and I love you!
HB: Hahahahaa.
ME: Yeah. I am adopting you...marrying you...and then breaking up with you and then taking half your money.
HB: Nooooooo.
ME: But that's ok. I love you. Do you love me?
HB: Yes.
ME: Great. Then you are still my ****in homegirl.
We then start talking about silly conversational threads...not necessarily silly...just getting to know you kinda stuff...
HB: So what's your major?
ME: Guess.
HB: Hmmm. Dunno.
ME: Economics and Math.
We then talk about my plans for a MBA and I find out about her. We talk about our passions for getting to know new people. Then we discuss how it's so much fun going to bars getting to know people and how open and fun it can be. It's basically standard rapport ****.
I gotta bust her balls for all this normal boring talk and make things more fun just for my sake.
HB: So...have you lived in Cali your whole life.
ME: Yes. But...wait up. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you get all these questions from a book that tells you that you are supposed to talk about these kinda things.
HB: Hahahah.
ME: Hey. I got one. What's your favorite color.
HB: Hahahahaa. Hey. Do you really want to know?
ME: No. Dork. Hahahah.
HB: Hahahaha.
Tom: Really...we gotta know.
ME: Yeah.
HB: Well, you know what...I really like black.
ME: OMG, you know what...I really like...white...OMG we both really like a color.
HB: Hahahaha.
ME: Hey...I got another one...what's your favorite ice cream flavor...hold up...before you answer...there are 3 that will gain you 2 points...and 2 flavors where you will lose all your points.
Tom: I love blueberry.
ME: Outstanding, bro. That's one of my favorites. Tom is a ****in cool guy. [high five]
HB: I like cookies and cream.
Me: No way!!! OMG. That's one of my favorites too. Two points. [high five]
HB: Really? Cool.
ME: The other one that would help you out was chocolate cocoa. And the two that would make you lose points was lemon and vanilla...cuz I don't hang out with boring people.
Since I regressed, I go back to qualify her...[I rerun the bar pattern...about how you can't meet guys in bars]...
ME: Yeah. You are ****in sweet. So champ, you know what...we are sticking together.
HB: That's right.
The lights go on...it's bartime. Everyone is going to go home. Tom whispers to me that he is not going home tonight cuz he runs into his ex-GF...this GF is really into me, but I want to get some more rapport cuz her GFs are starting to swarm...
ME: Hey...I am going to see you again...so since you are my homegirl now...when I call you...I want to here some enthusiasm cuz I am your man...and I love you...and you love me...and love me or hate me...I'm just me...this isn't going to be just another meaningless relationship is it?
HB: Nooooooo.
ME: I will call you and I want you to treat me like your sweetheart...your sweetheart who you are going to help pickup other girls cuz you are my homegirl now.
HB: Yes...when you call me...you'll hear it. [HB's DDB]
ME: And we definitely have to get together.
HB: Yeah. [she grabs my face and kisses me]
Me: Alright there, kid...keep it real, champ.
