FR with girl I met on internet

[StevenR]

I have been trying online dating again, and I chatted with this girl online for about a week, and we met for dinner last night. She is a few years younger than I am, she is a lawyer, drives a nice car and probably makes more money than I do. We seemed to hit it off and after the dinner we were outside the restaurant on the sidewalk on the way to her car. We reached out for the goodbye hug and I kissed closed her. We kissed a few times, it just sort of happened. She then felt kinda embarrassed because she thought people may see us, said she was shy. I don't think anyone saw us though. Anyway I walked her to her car and she gave me a nice goodbye kiss, but more on the lips and not the toungue in the mouth kind of kiss.
I have had girlfriends in the past and stuff but not that I met online. Thought I would ask for advice on how to proceed. How soon after is it appropriate to call, and should we go on another regular date like to the movies or something, or should I just invite her to my place to try some of my great cooking, among other things . Or would that be coming on too strong in this case? I already got the first kiss out of the way with her so I think she probably likes me. However, in the past I would usually kiss on the 2nd or 3rd date and get to the good stuff on the 4th or 5th date, never on the second, so I am wondering if I ask her to my place if she would refuse or reject me simply for appearing to come on too strong.

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

You sound like you're progressing at a decent pace, although my question is, "what are your intentions with this chick?" Is your goal just to sex her up for a while? Or are you looking to make this your girlfriend? What do you want out of this? You should let us know what you want out of her before we can guide you in the right direction. If you want a girlfriend, then taking her out again (or having her take YOU out) would be the most logical move. Yet if you just want sex, then you should increase the sexual tension and get to the point. (Sex never requires dinner, so I assume you want a relationship...yes?)

To me it sounds like you care WAY TOO MUCH about not screwing up. The significance of this is that women instinctively know when a man is trying too hard to please her. That in itself can drive her away. I'm not saying be a complete a-hole either. Assuming you want to seriously date this woman, this is what you do. Think back to the first date. What does she like to do? What does she enjoy? Is she an artsy person? Does she like plays? Depending on the "intel" you gathered from date #1, suggest that for date #2. Say she loves art--a great date is the museum. Or if she likes to dance, take her to a dance studio for a lesson in a different style. Women eat this stuff up...it's original and is something MOST guys don't take the time and do. Plus it takes almost zero effort or money.

Now if this is a woman you just want to "bang," you need to be more direct. In all honesty, just invite her to your place for a movie (pick a movie that SHE loves and that she's already seen...that way she doesn't care if she doesn't see the whole thing...hint, hint). Have some candles, good music, have your place clean, and have her cook YOU something (I think the PUA's call it DHV or something), and let the evening flow.

This is how my convo with her would go:

Flyness: I had fun the other day...you seem like a cool female.
HER: I did too. You seem like a cool guy!
Flyness: I'm curious...can you cook?
HER: Yes, I love cooking!
Flyness: Oh really? What are your specialties?
HER: Blah, blah, blah
Flyness: Mmmm that sounds good. Where did you learn how to cook that?
HER: Blah, blah, blah
Flyness: Interesting. This Friday, why don't you come by and give me a sample of that? You can do the dinner, and I'll handle the movie.



Or hell, combine the two. Dancing then a movie. Thank me later Good luck, Steve!

 

[Dannyrt34]

Lol good job bud! Seriously that was good little read. Comfort is a biggie before you invite her over. Luckily I have a guitar, a wii, and rockband 2 so I can usually suggest lots of fun stuff to do to get a girl to come over my house haha. Just have fun and do what you feel is right. It looks as if you don't really need much advice because you're on the right track. From what I can see, she seemed interested.

 

[StevenR]

My goal is to get laid, and see where it goes from there. She is possibly LTR material, but I am not looking for a ring or anything atm. I figure since the first kiss is out of the way it won't take much to get physical with her again. I could be wrong but if I meet her again I feel I could pretty much make out with her at will.

What I don't quite understand is why is getting down to sex right away and building up a relationship mutually exclusive? I don't think if she has sex on a second date that she is necessarily a skank, I am too grown up to think like that. I pretty much realize that most western women behave this way anyway. So why can't I have both? Or have her over for dinner Friday night and take her to the art museum over the weekend if I want something more?

I guess I am just asking more about this idea of having sex right away(if she lets me) vs. having a relationship and holding off. At least if sex is out of the way it is easier to get to know her as a person because you are more confident with her then. Maybe that is just in my head. In the past I would go on several dates before that stage of the relationship. But then for some reason I only got physical(as in kiss closing) about 2-3 dates in. Then the date after I kiss-closed would be the date where we sleep together.

As far as cooking goes, I actually like to cook, and have ideas of what I want to make. In fact I jump at the chance to cook a fancy meal for someone other than myself. So maybe it is good practical psychology to have her cook for you, but I actually like to cook when I get the chance. As far as fun things to do at my place, I don't actively play the guitar right now, but I can draw and paint and I also have a photo studio setup at home. If they are into it I can have a photo session with them lol. Although the movie idea sounds good. I would like to take this chick to an art museum too, but it would have to be next weekend, and I guess I am anxious to see her before then if I get the chance. She makes me really, well, you know. I don't want to appear desperate but I don't want things to go cold either.

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

The only reason I brought up having her cook for you is to make her feel like she has to bring something to the table. If she feels like she has to earn your affection/time/attention, this will increase the sexual energy. (That is why I asked what your goals were). Let me explain, my man.

In your situation, it sounds completely one-sided. I know you like to cook, take her out, etc etc. And that's very "nice." (Notice the word, "nice"...) However, if you want her or any women to feel attraction and more specifically, LUST...then you gotta throw her a curve every once and a while.

Let me ask you this...what does SHE have to do to earn your attention? Has she sprung for any meals? Does she rub your back? Is she offering anything?

I guess I am just asking more about this idea of having sex right away(if she lets me)........

I guess I am anxious to see her before then if I get the chance. She makes me really, well, you know. I don't want to appear desperate but I don't want things to go cold either.

It sounds like you really want this to go well, and I feel you, dude. But be careful because the bold and underlined words are red flags. You need to carry yourself as if its you who gives her permission to have sex with you. Your anxiety will eventually turn her off, unless you can mask it or suppress it somehow.

In any event, just play it cool, this go 'round because it sounds like she's into you. Do the date thing, give her the meal of her life and snuggle with her during the movie. (Escalate the tension by putting a hand on her thigh...stopping for a while...then an arm around her...then stopping...then stroking the back of her neck lightly...then stopping...etc, etc, etc.--you get the idea. Good luck

 

[rushing dude 123]

hmmmmm maybe for this time just take out again and then take her ur place next time, to b honest i am not thinking of her i am thinking of u. Sometimes things r more just fun if its taken slowly, no rush and if u really feel a vibe going on then just push bit further. Seriously if ur going for a LTR whats the point of trying to get ur place fast has u can, u could actually mention to her that u were thinking about it, but just still checking if shes kool enough to experience ur ultimate cooking. This could a. lead her to go aw come on it would b awesome and maybe push u on this time b. she could try to impress u for next time. Either way u can't get turned down on it.

Don't think to hard anyway if it is ment to b, silly decisions like this won't make such a difference than u would think.

 

[StevenR]

Okay, since everyone seems to be telling me to take is slow here and IRL, I invited her to the local art museum on saturday. I still wonder if that is the best idea though. It is in the daytime and in a public place and she is shy about making out in public, so I don't know how I can escalate from the other night, in fact it may be more of a de-escalation which is what I am afraid of, not being able to get physical at all on this date without embarrassing her. So after that date is over, the place closes at 5:00, what then?

 

[Your_Royal_Flyness]

Okay, since everyone seems to be telling me to take is slow here and IRL, I invited her to the local art museum on saturday. I still wonder if that is the best idea though. It is in the daytime and in a public place and she is shy about making out in public, so I don't know how I can escalate from the other night, in fact it may be more of a de-escalation which is what I am afraid of, not being able to get physical at all on this date without embarrassing her. So after that date is over, the place closes at 5:00, what then?

Steps for Steve (again assuming you do not mind getting feelings involved and want this to be a potential g/f)
1. Take her to the museum. Be carefree and do not try extra hard to escalate anything. Make sure you are confident, relaxed, and maintain eye contact when she is speaking to you and just have fun.
2. (Assuming its around 5:00PM), take her somewhere to eat--something different like Thai Food. Do some research on the food at the restaurant so you can tell her what's good and what isn't. Your knowledge of the place will make you more confident and will impress her. Again, have fun and do not try too hard to escalate, other than eye contact.
3. As you are leaving the restaurant (assuming it is 7PMish), say something like, "I had fun with you today...you seem like a cool girl. I wouldn't mind hanging out with you some more. Want to go to blockbuster and rent a movie?" (That way, it seems less threatening instead of saying, "Lets go back to my place.") Follow that statement with something like, "We can see anything but 'Sex in the City.'" lol
4. At your place, things should flow naturally. Remember: 2 steps forward, 1 back. (I explained this in my previous post).
*If she declines your offer to go to blockbuster, she's not interested enough. Your best bet at this point would be to be somewhat aloof, distant and "busy." The WORST thing you can possibly do when a girl declines an invite is to push harder and call. That SCREAMS insecurity.

Overall, man just relax.