FR - LTR turned bad....

[NewMan]

So, I've been in an LTR now for over 2 yrs.

It happened slowly at first, but I recognised the signs - at first her drinking was minor - a glass of wine at night, a ****tail here and there in the evening - we all do it.

Then all of a sudden things began to change. Was it stress? who knows - but the glass turned into a bottle - one ****tail into 3 or 4..... and then it begins.

I got to her house and she'd be drunk before I got there - perhaps sleeping on the sofa - or stumbling around when she got up......

I approached her about this right away - and of course I was in the wrong - she wasn't drinking to much - she had been tired after working 11 hrs the other day and hadn't had time to eat - so that one glass put her to sleep...

excuse and another excuse.

So I opened my eyes.

Now it was not so open, and she began to hide it.

So this last 4 weeks I'd been looking and watching and waiting

I'd be in my office working, she'd come over and cook dinner - I'd come out - dinner would be cooked she'd be sitting on the sofa food cooked - did't tell me. We'd got to eat, food would be cold and meat not cooked. Strange for someone who's a Damn, damn great cook. Then she would stumble, or slur and I would see that she'd been drinking.

I'd fine drink under the counter - hidden. Once a bottle of vodka that she drunk in 2 nights.

I find wine bottles - and even small liquor bottles.

It came to a head this weekend.

Friday night I went to her house for dinner. I was a little late, walked in and she was passed out on her sofa. She lifted her head - slurred some negative comment to me - food was sitting on the counter.

Sunday - I arrive at her house for dinner again - she'd drunk a whole bottle of pre made ****tails - I know because I took inventory the day before. Bottle gone.

Last night was the end.

She came over with plans to cook dinner. I was in my office working late. I come out, dinner had been cooked - she was sitting on the sofa hammered. Drunk - stimbling. slurring. Squinting with one eye at me.

How the fvck can you get this drunk in 45 mins?

No answer. No reponse. a shake of the head.

I give her a chance to tell me finally what the fvck is going on. Tell me the truth, admit your problem.

She passes out. Awakes 2 hours later.

I again approach her of her problem.

She hadn't been drinking she said.

Are you fvcking crazy? How does someone get into that state?????

Ive not been drinking....

I'm done with you - relationship over.

She cries....

I only smoked 2 ciggies.....

Cig's don't get you into that state...

Well I drunk something before I got here....

Ha.... so you have been drinking - why lie...

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING....

Whisky.... wine....

that's a load to be in your state....

How about the other times..... X, Y and Z??//

Yes....

CU - get out of here...

But I love you....

But you lied.

you hide.

you deceived.

And now the calls...

1 more chance.

I love you...

I;m sorry....

How many chances can I give you?

how can I look at you the same way again????

 

[ElChoclo]

With all due respect, you should have pulled her up on this earlier. She would have been an alcoholic when you first met her and she just kept it hidden better at that point. No use bothering to go down the guilt road on this, that is trying to make her feel guilty. You had to terminate it, unless you want to continue your LTR with an alcoholic.

 

[Desdinova]

You should've tried stomping on this when you first figured it out. When you catch your woman doing something, and then she lies about it, make her fvcking eat her goddam words until she admits it. She'll try to deny it, change the subject, put the blame on other things, and it keeps going. Keep pushing until she all out admits it. She'll fvcking cry, yell, scream, and everything else in between. Don't let her get away with her lie. If she forces you to accept her lie (walking out), then it's time to ditch her.

Women need to be taught lessons when they act like children who have been caught in a lie. If she finally admits it, the relationship can be saved because she'll think twice about lying to you again. She won't want to go through a mess like that again.

If she doesn't admit it, she'll try getting away with it again. That's when you know she can never be trusted, and it's time to toss her away.

Women WILL test their limits in a LTR, and it can get down right nasty. Be true to yourself and don't tolerate her crap. She'll become a better woman if you don't let her get away with being a bad woman.

This may sound extremely harsh and nasty, but it's the only way to prevent your relationship from going down the 5hitter. You have to put a stop to the problems before they become PROBLEMS.

Now, for your drunk lying b1tch (sorry man, that's what she is), it's time to get rid of her for good. The unfortunate part is that she was probably an alcoholic before you met her, but she suppressed herself from drinking, or she hid it very well in the beginning. There's tons of women out there who aren't alcoholics. Go find one of those.

 

[NewMan]

Maybe I should have - but I like to get all the facts and information before I start accusing people.... What I didn't want to happen was for me to go off like a bull in a china shop. This way I had all the facts and backup info so that I could approach her.

If she had come clean initially, there would have been something I could have worked with - but her denial about it - even in the face of the evidence just blew my mind....

 

[insidious]

This is sad man.
It transcends male/female issues, it transcends PUA, it transcends everything that goes on in this site.
What she has is a human problem, something men and women both face, something which kills countless relationships. And people.

Perhaps you should have nipped it in the bud sooner, but just about every functioning alcoholic can continue by virtue of surrounding themselves with enablers. We tend to blind ourselves to the truth when it comes to dealing with an alcoholic who is close to us.

It's a long torturous road. If you are not ready for this investment in time and heartache to see her through it, you have every right to get out of this. It doesn't sound like she is *anywhere* near admitting her problem and thus facing it, fixing it. And there is nothing anyone can make her do to do that. How many more busted relationships and cars and DUI's will it take to make her open her eyes? It is different for every person. It's too bad cause you've invested much of your heart in her and it would be great if your support could help her, but at this point, it doesn't look like anyone's support will do much. Hope she gets better, don't like to see that happen to anyone. Speaking from personal experience.

 

[Latinoman]

Maybe I should have - but I like to get all the facts and information before I start accusing people.... What I didn't want to happen was for me to go off like a bull in a china shop. This way I had all the facts and backup info so that I could approach her.

If she had come clean initially, there would have been something I could have worked with - but her denial about it - even in the face of the evidence just blew my mind....

I think that gathering the information and all the FACTS was the correct approach. I mean, you were with her for over two years and recently started noticing this stuff. Now, if you were with her 2 or 3 months...I could see dumping her faster. But she deserved the benefit of the doubt and you gave it to her.

I think you did good, IMO.

 

[Desdinova]

but her denial about it - even in the face of the evidence just blew my mind....

Doesn't it? I've gone through it a few times myself, and not just with women. You place all the evidence before them, everything comes out and says they're guilty, and they have the nerve to deny it.

I'm one of those people where the truth will go over a lot better with me than a blatant lie. Just because they're lying to me, it doesn't mean I should lie to myself.

What I didn't want to happen was for me to go off like a bull in a china shop. This way I had all the facts and backup info so that I could approach her.

I can't really disagree with you there, although it was pretty evident in your last post about her. Still, it's not easy to end something that you've invested a bunch of emotional energy and time into. Kinda like a model car that you've assembled, painted, and put lots of detail into. Then, you accidently drop it down the fvcking stairs and watch it smash into a million pieces.

But there's always a positive to a negative. Take what you've learned from this LTR, and put it to use in the next one you become involved in.