FR: I made a totally amateur mistake, how should I deal with this?

[muscleman]

Alright, here's the lowdown.

There was this girl I went on a date with this past Friday. As a bit of history, a couple years ago I went on a date with her identical twin sister and although I was nice to her and everything, she was too ditsy so I didn't pursue. Anyway, I always wanted to meet her but she was dating another guy at the time. Well things finally came full circle and I decided to follow up not long ago. She was all for meeting up.

The date went great, I did my now "mastered" movie date, got some nice makeout sessions, feeling her up, all that good stuff. Would have taken her back to my place but she was tired (had to get up at 5:30 that day for work) so I took her home.

Later that night she texted me saying "thanks for hanging out with me, I wish I wasn't so tired", then left a myspace comment like "I hope to hang out with you again soon".

So far so good.

Here's where I flopped.

The next day I left her a comment like "yea we'll have fun" and sent her what I feel to be a bit of a cold message like "we can hang out next weekend". I saw she read the message but didn't reply. I kinda felt like I wasn't expressing enough interest so I forgot the patience bit and followed up with another email like "I had fun too. so how does next weekend sound?"

THEN I did another stupid thing

Yesterday I realized today was a holiday and sent her another message like "hey I'm off today are you? we might be able to get together".

Anyway, after that I kinda quit.

So I get back from the gym and she replies to both of them:

1) "yea I had to work "

2) "I'm not sure yet I might have plans but I"ll let you know"



Not quite sure how I should pursue this. I was thinking of sending her a message on Wednesday if she doesn't get back to me like "hey I'm planning out my weekend, I have time on X (either Friday or Saturday), are you free?"

OR ..

I could just let this whole thing go and if she gets a hold of me great, if not too bad.

Sucks I slipped up (slightly), but I'm keeping my dignity with this one. :rockon: So ... suggestions?



PS. I can't call her or use texts because of some phone issues on her end, so our contact is limited to myspace emailing.

 

[Interceptor]

This is the Mature Man forum.
The post will get moved.

 

[Colossus]

It happens man. Let it go. If she calls/emails then cool, if not then live and learn.

Any more contact from you right now is only going to make you look like a chump.

 

[muscleman]

That's it? Maybe someone should move this thread

 

[#41]

This is the Mature Man forum.
The post will get moved.

Can you really blame a 24 year old for wanting to get out of the sea of bad advice that is the regular forum?

 

[DavenJuan]

i dont think you slipped up to bad. maybe too many messages, but hey, you realized it before they got a bit redundant.

the only bad thing ixs she has the control right know"

live and learn..could be alot worse

 

[muscleman]

So which do I pursue? Should I get a hold of her later on in the week (maybe Thursday with plans for Saturday) or just ride it out?

The only thing that sucks is either way (if she does get a hold of me) and says she's available and I'm naturally available I don't want it to come off like I've been waiting for her (which I'm not, but I just usually have a fair bit of flexibility on weekends).

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Turn down the heat son, you're gonna burn the soup. You're too available.

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

Too much circulation makes the price go down: The more you are seen and heard from, the more common you appear. If you are already established in a group, temporary withdrawal from it will make you more talked about, even more admired. You must learn when to leave. Create value through scarcity.

 

[azanon]

Law 16: Use Absence to Increase Respect and Honor

In his case, i definitely agree with this advice. Dang, i have to get this book ordered!

The whole push vs. pull, pursuit vs. keeping her gussing/not being needy, is such a difficult art to master. A lot of times, you don't know until hindsight whether you acted again too soon, or whether you waited too long. Nothing about it is cookie cutter either because it depends on her interest level as to how you have to play this delicate balance to obtain and/or maintain the power balance in your favor. If you're the one that's interested first and act first, by definition you initially have the lower power position, so the art of shifting and generating even greater attraction in her (and, thus, giving yourself the greater power) is definitely not an easy art to master.

I think you just have to listen to your gut, and let instinct trump impatience.

 

[muscleman]

Yea I think I'm just gonna let it ride. My family is going out of town next week so I'll have the house to myself. I mentioned it to her on our date (that she could come over for "movie night"). I plan on inviting as many girls as possible during that week.

Anyway, if she doesn't get a hold of me I'll send her a message next week seeing if she wants to come over. If yes, great, if not that'll be that.

I'm still amazed at exactly how paradoxical desire is. I don't even see what the point of emotional investment is anymore cause the less you care the more they come to you.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

We only chase what runs from us.

 

[guru1000]

I'm still amazed at exactly how paradoxical desire is. I don't even see what the point of emotional investment is anymore cause the less you care the more they come to you.

BE DESIRELESS!

 

[azanon]

Are you disagreeing with RT and I? The best move is to do nothing and let her reciprocate, if she's even going to. She knows you're interested. You cant talk her into being attracted to you. All you can do now is lower your attraction by trying to contact her again.

Wait it out. Better yet, spin plates and refocus. Don't contact this girl again until she does so first, even if she never does.

 

[muscleman]

I haven't made up my mind about getting a hold of her next week yet, but at least I have time until then to think it over. Chances are I'll know by then anyway (if she's interested she'll get a hold of me, if not she's not).

I'm working on other plates.

 

[jophil28]

... cause the less you care the more they come to you.

This is ONLY true if she is attacted to you and sees you as a man of value. IF either of these attributes are absent or are low then she could care less if you disappear or make yourself scarce.

Is she attracted to you ?
Does she see you are a valuable guy ?

"Scarcity" works by removing something ( or someone) that people hold in high regard.

 

[DavenJuan]

This is ONLY true if she is attacted to you and sees you as a man of value. IF either of these attributes are absent or are low then she could care less if you disappear or make yourself scarce.

Is she attracted to you ?
Does she see you are a valuable guy ?

"Scarcity" works by removing something ( or someone) that people hold in high regard.

good point..if she doesnt see either i think it woudlnt matter either way

 

[##17]

Stop text messaging her (and for that matter, any other girl you're seeing). Nothing good can come out of it. See what happened this time? You wrote something that seemed like a good idea at the time, and then when she didnt respond, you kept trying to 'course-correct'. Before long, you ended up sending her 4 text-messages. Anyway, she gave you a vague answer to your invitation, at least PARTLY because no girl is going to admit to a guy she just started seeing that she is free on a weekend unless he goes for definite plans. (Women are much savvier at this than we are.)

Only communicate with a girl if you're talking to her on the phone or in person until it is clear that you are both into each other.

It's not the end of the world. If you don't hear from her in a week and you really like her, you can try getting her next weekend.

 

[muscleman]

Ah, so the world comes full circle again. I followed up about 2 weeks ago, then last night we hung out. Cliff notes version is I got to hit it. :rockon:

Turns out there was another guy involved and I think it really had nothing to do with me per se.