FR - date 2 with German chick (I'm a wimp!)

[izza]

Ahh, you guys aren't going to like this one.

Me and beautiful German chick are stand there, looking at a gorgeously French monument from my balcony, lit by the setting sun. She's wearing shorts and a black top that reveals some very nice curves. Her blonde hair is waving in the wind. Up to that moment, it had been the pimpest afternoon of my entire life. I have never done a date that was so much fun, ending in my apartment with a hot chick. But I was about to go out with a whimper.

One week after date 1, I call German chick. We set up a date to go night biking in Paris, yes the city of love. First of all, there's nowhere to store the bikes for the night except at my place. She's the one who suggests that we're going to have to leave her bike there for the night (since we had to return it the next morning). Unfortunately, I made no cracks on her forwardness, maybe I should have. We leave. On a bike in Paris is indescribable. I cannot describe to you the joy of seeing paris with the wind running through our hair, dodging insane traffic, and looking across the seine at the Eiffel tower. My plan is to isolate, so we go into a nearby forest and bike around there for a while. This is the first easy opportunity I miss. I make no move.

So then, she's getting "tired" so we leave to go to lock up our bikes in my apartment. At this point, I was going to invite her up but she miraculously has to pee. On the way back she asks where we're going every 5 seconds, and is seriously pissing me off. At this point I finally bust on her and tell her my bathrooms aren't free. I guess that wasn't very gentlemanly. I thought it was funny though. I rather enjoyed closing the door in her face.

So we're sitting there awkwardly on my balcony. Then we head into my room and she's sitting on my chair. At this moment, I hate myself. I knew at that very moment that I was going to chicken out, again, and that all this effort to pick up this chick would leave me with a great date but nothing to show for it. She seems to sense that I'm not prepared to make a move on her. She seems confused and slightly angry. She makes plans with a friend and leaves. I want desperately to stop her.

She invites me to go out with her friend. I say no, then out of frustration, I say yes. I go with her halfway, then I turn around and leave. She left town the next day and I'll never see her again.

As I was walking away, I wanted to cry. Some part of me was so angry that I hadn't acted. What am I doing? If you guys could give me some advice or share some experiences, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks,

Izza

 

[GloriouslyInsane]

It's actually very frustrating to acknowledge these things later,i bet at the time the windows of opportunity were open you rationalized yourself with some excuse.Yeah i guess everyone has similar experiences replaying the night in our heads thinking what we should have done.I guess it's good though cause you actually know what went wrong and -even if it was too late- "read" the situation.
No reason to put yourself down,remember what hesitation feels like and act upon at the right time.

 

[Krang!]

I find that it's always harder to act if you picture it like a big step that will turn the date around. If you establish a flirty and relaxed feel from the start it's more like an escalation that if you play your cards right ends up in your bed. The awkwardness that makes you chicken out comes from putting to much tension on yourself by making it out to be a big step - "the move" - the entire date should be a move that's being intensified. This also has the plus of you being able to read very clearly how things are going, so that you can adjust your approach accordingly and wont have to end up in a situation when your move (an attempted kiss or something) is rejected or even worse: you chicken out.

It's pretty much like kino. You start out with something innocent like touching her hand. If she responds well you move on to her arm or shoulder, lower back... and then more intimate if she has been responding well. You don't start with the intimate spots! It's as much a confidence booster for yourself as it is a clue to her willingness for more intimacy.

So my two cents - start the flirting in a pretty blatant way right off the bat instead of putting everything into one big move wich leads to nervousness and hesitation.

 

[izza]

I find that it's always harder to act if you picture it like a big step that will turn the date around. If you establish a flirty and relaxed feel from the start it's more like an escalation that if you play your cards right ends up in your bed. The awkwardness that makes you chicken out comes from putting to much tension on yourself by making it out to be a big step - "the move" - the entire date should be a move that's being intensified. This also has the plus of you being able to read very clearly how things are going, so that you can adjust your approach accordingly and wont have to end up in a situation when your move (an attempted kiss or something) is rejected or even worse: you chicken out.

It's pretty much like kino. You start out with something innocent like touching her hand. If she responds well you move on to her arm or shoulder, lower back... and then more intimate if she has been responding well. You don't start with the intimate spots! It's as much a confidence booster for yourself as it is a clue to her willingness for more intimacy.

So my two cents - start the flirting in a pretty blatant way right off the bat instead of putting everything into one big move wich leads to nervousness and hesitation.

Yo great advice. I like the way you approach it: the entire date should be the move. It should be escalation not a rush.

I was touching her now and then, but it was rather awkward in my opinion and I didn't feel that she reacted well.

PS Krang = an awesome name! I love the Turtles. I appreciate the two cents!

Izza

 

[pooparu]

Trust me man, I've ****ed up some dates and potential good times too (two girls asked to come into my house once but I said I had to go, I probably should've just let them but I dunno what I was thinking), another time I just listened to a girl and kept trying to think of techniques (this was back when I was very technique centrique), but still man, that's pretty bad.

Anyway, always look at this like its step. ITS EASY. Why do I say that? Well look:

Saying hi is EASY.
Getting into a conversation with a stranger is EASY.
Deciding you want their number is EASY.
Asking for their number is EASY.
Calling them is EASY.
Setting up a date is EASY.
Having them meet at your place is EASY.
Leaving your place to go somewhere is EASY.
Talking while out is EASY.
Coming back to your place is EASY.
Inviting them up is EASY.
Sitting down on a couch is EASY.
Watching a movie and moving closer is EASY.
Slowly touching is EASY.
Smelling is EASY.
Kissing is EASY.
Rubbing her body is EASY.
Moving to the bedroom is EASY.

However, if you ran over to a girl and said, "Hey, look I really like you, how about I get your number, I'll go home, I'll call you, we'll set up a date, you can come to moy hosue to pick me up, we'll leave and go out and have a good time, then we'll come back, I'll invite you up, we can sit down and watch a movie, then we can start fooling around and we'll be in bed the next thing you know!"

(This is courtesy of David D).

You see the difference man? When I heard this, this instantly like set off a switch i n my head that said, "DUH! Escalation is EASY, trying to do it all at once ISN'T". So try to escalate next time, not try to jump from place to place.

 

[realsmoothie]

As I was walking away, I wanted to cry.

Man, after reading your post, *I* want to cry.

 

[izza]

It's actually very frustrating to acknowledge these things later,i bet at the time the windows of opportunity were open you rationalized yourself with some excuse.Yeah i guess everyone has similar experiences replaying the night in our heads thinking what we should have done.I guess it's good though cause you actually know what went wrong and -even if it was too late- "read" the situation.
No reason to put yourself down,remember what hesitation feels like and act upon at the right time.

At first, I had no idea what you were talking about. Then like three days later I was like oh sh!t, the entire time she was in my room I was just sitting there making excuses to myself. Thanks for sharing.

Escalation is EASY, trying to do it all at once ISN'T".

So true. Rome wasn't built in a day, a journey of thousand miles begins with a single step!

It's interesting that list of things that you made there. Over the past few months, I've been working my ass off to make every step of the game up to "kiss" easier for myself. Due to great effort, I've become mediocre in most of those categories up to kiss. Kissing is the next frontier. For me, this is really hard. I'm not a physical person, I keep my distance from people. I've been trying to add more little touching into my interactions with everybody but for me it still feels weird and awkward. I feel like everybody else does it naturally!

But you're right, escalation is the key.

realsmoothie Quote:
Originally Posted by izza
As I was walking away, I wanted to cry.


Man, after reading your post, *I* want to cry.

LOL

 

[izza]

By the way, I really appreciate the responses.

 

[Tomatoes]

Izza! It pains me so much to read that FR!

You had it all set up mate. She was making some serious indicators to you.....however you did seriouslly blow it.

The only thing you MUST do from this is learn from your mistakes....you made alot. Plus they are the kind that if you repeat again after that FR.....You need to remind yourself to cut your own d!ck off....

Where you went wrong and what you should have done.

1. First paragraph...A defo kiss close time. You should have moved close to her and put your hands on her. You initate. She will respond....By the IOIs you wrote there.....you had the deal done....you just had to act! From a kiss close their you could have gone all the way.

2. Nice one on waiting on next date.....you didnt hassle her the next day for a date like some guys would on here....thats a plus! Patience is a virtue. Good date plan. Good plan on isolation.....but why did you isolate if your not going to ACT! Kick yourself now for me please....Another chance to kiss close spoilt.

3. DUDE! She was coming back to yours! She knew it....you knew it.....happy coinsidence that she had to leave her bike at yours......with herself! Serious IOI!

4. Im not going to go into why she was tired....thats soo obivous. Plus you lashed out at her for wanting to have a pee at yours.....I really dont understand that one.

5 She then rang her "Get out clause". At this point....you had blown it....she had given you enough tries and you had already lost.....

Now remember how you felt at the end of that night......Remember it well....The next time you are thinking about whether to act or not.....Remember how you felt then.....and remember to promise me if you mess up this bad again you will curcumsise youself......

You had the chance.....you blew it......sh!t happens......We learn from our mistakes.......just dont let it happen twice....


Sarge On!

 

[izza]

Izza! It pains me so much to read that FR!

Try living it!

You had it all set up mate. She was making some serious indicators to you.....however you did seriouslly blow it.

That is the truth.

Where you went wrong and what you should have done.

1. First paragraph...A defo kiss close time. You should have moved close to her and put your hands on her. You initate. She will respond....By the IOIs you wrote there.....you had the deal done....you just had to act! From a kiss close their you could have gone all the way.

Ok, I like that. Move close, put hands on her. The next date I'm on, I don't care about the result, there will be kino!!

3. DUDE! She was coming back to yours! She knew it....you knew it.....happy coinsidence that she had to leave her bike at yours......with herself! Serious IOI!

I knew it at the time too. I wanted to kick myself the entire time. The day after wasn't so great either heh.

4. Im not going to go into why she was tired....thats soo obivous. Plus you lashed out at her for wanting to have a pee at yours.....I really dont understand that one.

I was joking saying she'd have to pay to use the can. I never really lashed out at her, I knew that I was the idiot to blame the entire time...!

Sarge On!

Don't mind if I do! There's an arab proverb that says: "life is made for making up for lost opportunities!" By the way, great quote by Voltaire!

Sarge on yourself

 

[Phyzzle]

The opening kiss. Just kiss her very lightly in the 1st 5 seconds of the date! That will take some pressure off.

 

[izza]

The opening kiss. Just kiss her very lightly in the 1st 5 seconds of the date! That will take some pressure off.

LOL! In France, every time you say hello you kiss a person on the cheek twice. The classic slimeball move in France is to kiss one cheek, the other cheek, then make a dive for the lips.

Would have taken some pressure off, that's for sure!

 

[izza]

Bump