izza
Master Don Juan
So I'm sitting at my new job at an art gallery. There's a cute chick who works next door. Meanwhile, I'm washing the windows.
She walks by once. I forget if I said hello, probably did since she caught me whistling (thank you post on vibrato in the anything else section!). Anyway, she smiles at me. As usual, part of my brain is saying, "act, act, ACT!" DO SOMETHING! I promise myself, I swear with all the seriousness of which I am capable, that I will initiate a conversation with her when she comes back. I wash, I wash, and out of nowhere she's back, I panic and then she's gone.
"Every person is capable of making mistakes," I tell myself. The important part is to learn from them. Then with a noble light shining from the heavens, I continue my work in peace and tranquility, knowing that today I had learned an important lesson on the path to a very happy bedroom.
My only wish was to have her return so that I, ever wiser, could apply my lesson.
I continue washing the windows. Suddenly, I look over, and, of course, she's coming. My stomach begins to churn, my hands tremble and sweat. I steel myself for my first words whatever they may be...
Silence. A bird calls.
She's gone.
I kinda stared at her too, and she seems a little creeped out. Still wiping slowly, I kick myself silently for being such a coward. I prepare openers for when she comes back (again) from the car. "I haven't seen you around, have you been working here long?" or "How do you like working at that clothing store?" Or "do you have any berets down there?" At this point I have two excellent, open-ended questions to ask her, and one that's pretty bad.
Now she's coming again. I search deep-down and find rock-iron determination to approach this girl. I am serious about this, and so I will do it, I think. Suddenly, I see the light. Dating is so easy, for it is nothing but action. Why have I always made it so complicated for mys- I freeze.
She's gone.
Damn it, this is so goddamn embarrassing to post this! I would at least like to have the consolation of having tried, of having made some real effort. This is a story about nothing. This is a story about something that took place entirely in my head!
AND, I had begged and pleaded the forces of the universe to give me a second chance. How often do you get a second chance in life, identical to the first, less than 3 minutes later? Either I'm lucky as hell, or she wanted to give me that chance to ask my stupid question and initiate conversation.
At this point, I was so angry that tension had invaded my upper back and was pinching my neck. I was giving the panes of glass a scrubbing they had never seen before. My boss/partner had nothing but compliments for the spotless windows. "Great job. How on earth did you get that packing tape off?"
Meanwhile, I am seething. I always do this. I always make these useless promises - they are not promises, they are empty wishes! - and I always chicken out at the last second. Then I spend the next three hours plotting uselessly for the next time I'm going to be a coward. A perfect plan - even a bad plan - is useless if you don't act!!
I know what you're all thinking. Go talk to her dummy! Believe me, I'd thought of it too. All I could think was that if I went in to talk to her now, it would be too "obvious." Too obvious? It's SUPPOSED to be obvious! They're not supposed to think, I wonder what brand of dishwasher fluid he's going to try to sell me today. Maybe I've been reading too much about these people who say you shouldn't show your interest, shouldn't show desperation, should play it cool. NO! I should be direct and upfront. Is there anything wrong with a guy going up to a girl just because she's good looking, to find out if she's worth the breath to talk to? You know what, I've met women who would reject a man like that out of principle. You know what I've realized?
Fuçk them!!
My reaction to life makes me want to hit something. I could die tomorrow, or next week, or next month, who knows! Even if I die in 80 years, that is the blink of an eye. I would like to at least sit in my grave for eternity knowing I had acted.
She walks by once. I forget if I said hello, probably did since she caught me whistling (thank you post on vibrato in the anything else section!). Anyway, she smiles at me. As usual, part of my brain is saying, "act, act, ACT!" DO SOMETHING! I promise myself, I swear with all the seriousness of which I am capable, that I will initiate a conversation with her when she comes back. I wash, I wash, and out of nowhere she's back, I panic and then she's gone.
"Every person is capable of making mistakes," I tell myself. The important part is to learn from them. Then with a noble light shining from the heavens, I continue my work in peace and tranquility, knowing that today I had learned an important lesson on the path to a very happy bedroom.
My only wish was to have her return so that I, ever wiser, could apply my lesson.
I continue washing the windows. Suddenly, I look over, and, of course, she's coming. My stomach begins to churn, my hands tremble and sweat. I steel myself for my first words whatever they may be...
Silence. A bird calls.
She's gone.
I kinda stared at her too, and she seems a little creeped out. Still wiping slowly, I kick myself silently for being such a coward. I prepare openers for when she comes back (again) from the car. "I haven't seen you around, have you been working here long?" or "How do you like working at that clothing store?" Or "do you have any berets down there?" At this point I have two excellent, open-ended questions to ask her, and one that's pretty bad.
Now she's coming again. I search deep-down and find rock-iron determination to approach this girl. I am serious about this, and so I will do it, I think. Suddenly, I see the light. Dating is so easy, for it is nothing but action. Why have I always made it so complicated for mys- I freeze.
She's gone.
Damn it, this is so goddamn embarrassing to post this! I would at least like to have the consolation of having tried, of having made some real effort. This is a story about nothing. This is a story about something that took place entirely in my head!
AND, I had begged and pleaded the forces of the universe to give me a second chance. How often do you get a second chance in life, identical to the first, less than 3 minutes later? Either I'm lucky as hell, or she wanted to give me that chance to ask my stupid question and initiate conversation.
At this point, I was so angry that tension had invaded my upper back and was pinching my neck. I was giving the panes of glass a scrubbing they had never seen before. My boss/partner had nothing but compliments for the spotless windows. "Great job. How on earth did you get that packing tape off?"
Meanwhile, I am seething. I always do this. I always make these useless promises - they are not promises, they are empty wishes! - and I always chicken out at the last second. Then I spend the next three hours plotting uselessly for the next time I'm going to be a coward. A perfect plan - even a bad plan - is useless if you don't act!!
I know what you're all thinking. Go talk to her dummy! Believe me, I'd thought of it too. All I could think was that if I went in to talk to her now, it would be too "obvious." Too obvious? It's SUPPOSED to be obvious! They're not supposed to think, I wonder what brand of dishwasher fluid he's going to try to sell me today. Maybe I've been reading too much about these people who say you shouldn't show your interest, shouldn't show desperation, should play it cool. NO! I should be direct and upfront. Is there anything wrong with a guy going up to a girl just because she's good looking, to find out if she's worth the breath to talk to? You know what, I've met women who would reject a man like that out of principle. You know what I've realized?
Fuçk them!!
My reaction to life makes me want to hit something. I could die tomorrow, or next week, or next month, who knows! Even if I die in 80 years, that is the blink of an eye. I would like to at least sit in my grave for eternity knowing I had acted.
