FR: Approached another girl at the mall yesterday.

[ElStud]

Yep, I'm officially going to find a place different from the mall, apparently while there are a lot of girls there, it sucks for approaching. Anyway, so I'm walking in the mall today and see this decent looking young chick. So anyway, this how this piece of sh*t went:

Me: Hey, I wanted to ask you a question do you think sincerity is a good thing or a bad thing?
Girl: Uh, sincerity, I don't know. I have to go.
[Didn't react to her]
Me: So I have to tell you this funny story, me and my cousin were in Canada and---
[And the chick just starts walking away]

Yeah, I kind of screwed this one up myself. Instead of reacting to her leaving by following her, I should've just stood there and kept talking.

 

[jtrain 289]

yo dont try to only go to certain types of girls try to talk to every women whether their in groups or whether their 80 its all about getting more comfortable with your self and with females. All females are the same try to make it a game and set a number of girl u want to talk to and try to reach it in a certain amount of time. Dont go up to little girls though even if your just practicing you still get that guilty feeling lol you feel like a child molester

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

the problem isn't the place you're in, it's your meathod of approach.

now for you personally: what do you think you should say to get a girl's attention to you?

 

[WesCottII]

Dude. Women. That. Work. In. Shops.

Approach.

 

[ElStud]

the problem isn't the place you're in, it's your meathod of approach.

now for you personally: what do you think you should say to get a girl's attention to you?

That's not the method I'm using though. I'm working on just being totally unreactive to what she does. Not any particular lines or routines.

 

[Heart Break Kid]

It's sounds like you're really nervous and your body langauge is making her uneasy.

 

[Snow Plowman]

yo dont try to only go to certain types of girls try to talk to every women whether their in groups or whether their 80 its all about getting more comfortable with your self and with females. All females are the same try to make it a game and set a number of girl u want to talk to and try to reach it in a certain amount of time. Dont go up to little girls though even if your just practicing you still get that guilty feeling lol you feel like a child molester

I tried to tell him that but it will be awhile before he even tries doing that. As he said all he wants to do is get laid. Which is a bad mindset and will make this harder than it already is.

It will be awhile before he realizes he needs to get experience in different situations in order to get better and at this.

The best quote I've heard for this is "The first 1000 approaches don't count". So in his case he has a long way to get 1000 approaches. If he goes at this rate it will be a very long time before he even get to 1000. (On the other hand it's not really to get you caught up on how many sets you're doing)

Basically when starting out you're doing alot of sets but the quality sucks (1-5mins) after awhile the quality starts to go up and the # of sets go down. If you're sets are pretty bad now, you can't be doing 1 set.

That is why you need to get the learning experience and just go out constantly and practice. Approaching all kinds of sets, mixed, all girl groups, lone girls, workers, etc.

Dude. Women. That. Work. In. Shops.

Approach.

I told him to do the exact same thing...these girls are paid to be nice, especially the sales girls. Jewelry section of department stores tend to always have a few hot girls. Makeup places, bath and body wash places, any real girlie girl places.

It's sounds like you're really nervous and your body langauge is making her uneasy.

I told him it was something he was doing that we can't see through text, because it's common that he is getting blown out so quickly. Here is what I thought
- He's being reactive...When he goes in he most likely wants the situation to go good and he wants the validation of the girl. So when she doesn't he reacts by trying to get those bad emotions away by doing something he normally wouldn't do.
- Not in his own reality...He worries too much about what people think, so it's like the people around him dictate who he is because he won't do certain things because he doesn't want to be judged by other people. So when he goes up to these chicks instead of him bringing the party he is trying to get into the party. He isn't bringing the girl's into his reality, he is going into theirs.
- He is taking value...For some reason I get the feeling that he is not offering value. It's like a mixture of other problems that includes this. Why I think that? because whether he is "plowing" right or wrong the girl's aren't even staying, which lead me to believe it was his...
- Bad Voice...Not expressive, not loud, not speaking from the stomach, and overall he can't command much attention with his voice.
- Doesn't have a strong frame...I never really thought of the frame he is going up with. But most likely it's week because the women tend to always be controling the interaction in his sets. Most new guys tend to go up witha weak frame and hoping that she won't give them a bad reaction
- Not doing 90/10 rule...He maybe going in and expecting her to speak, but she doesn't even know him. So he'd have to plow and talk 90% of the time and only time she is actually talking is if he structured an opportunity for her to talk
- Bad bodylanguage...Probably showing nervous energy, he is probably going directly up in there face which is needy, if her body isn't facing you, but your body is facing her. In this case you're looking needy and she is looking indifferent. Only time you'r body should be facing her is if she is facing you which it is then neutral.

There are countless other things but my main thing is that these girls can smell that he is interested and wants something. An I realize it is probably the want because he wants "to get laid" so it's like he goes in with an outcome in mind. Which will get him no where and the girls know what he is trying to do and he gets blown out quickly.

 

[ElStud]

I'll try the whole going up to girls who work there thing, only thing holding me back really is that I feel strange walking up to those girls and talking about something that has absolutely nothing to do with the store/her job.

 

[jtrain 289]

thast the whole ****ing point to get that strange feeling out of your system once that happens ur set man

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

wait... would being a confident nice guy work for the first few words you exchange to open a girl up?

of course you'll be constantly using C+F and throwing in negs and DHV.

 

[jtrain 289]

yo grand wizzard alamar i dnt think u no what u were talking about yesterday with the whole ego thing. Can you even define the word ego ?

 

[TheVirtualMind]

Instead of reacting to her leaving by following her, I should've just stood there and kept talking.

Combine the two and you have it right: Stop talking and leave.

She said she had to go, and it wasn't one of those "hehe, I have to go *wink.*" it was "Uh, I have to go." That means "I don't want to talk to you."

You have GOT to get better at reading signals/listening.

 

[ElStud]

Well yeah, but that's not how I was taught. I was taught that just stopping because she said "She has to go" is giving her control. See by doing that, your reacting, you stop talking because of something she has to do. And like I said, I'm trying to work on NOT being reactive. NOT giving up just because she says or does something. And the majority of women are going to say that anyway, so I'm basically screwing my self over by reacting to her. I know she had to go, but I did I care? No, because the fact that she has to go has nothing to do with my reality.

And why do I care if she wants to talk to me or not, I don't. I want to talk so I talk. I'm not just going to be reactive and stop talking just because of something she says or does. By reacting, you're giving up WAAAAY to easily on a set you could've gotten. I reacted in that set by following her and that's what killed me. I reacted. Cause by following her I'm showing that I'm needy, I NEED interaction from her. By just standing there and talking I'm saying that I could really care less whether she's listening or not.

I'm gonna try to test this "Magnetism" theory I have about meeting women. Basically, the more reactive you are, the stronger your magnetism is towards her, however, the less reactive you are, the stronger her magnetism is towards you. If she has more magnetism towards you, that means she's attracted. So I'm going to work on being less reactive to chicks and see if that in turn "ups" her magnetism towards me.

 

[Bling]

http://www.bristollair.com/outer-game/techniques/specifics/25-points.html

1) FIDGETY MOVEMENTS AND TIGHT SHOULDERS AND TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY OR BEING TOO BUSINESSLIKE OR "SOPHISTICATED"
2) TALKING TOO FAST
5) STANDING WITH LEGS NOT HALF A METER APART AT LEAST
6) TALKING TOO SOFTLY OR LOUD
7) MOVING YOUR HANDS AROUND WHILE YOU TALK
9) FACING BODY/FEET TOWARDS HER BEFORE SHE EARNED IT
10) CHASING WHEN SHE WALKS AWAY
11) NOT WITHDRAWING (backturns, etc) WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULDN'T TOLERATE FROM AN UGLY GIRL OR A GUY
19) BEING BOLD INSTEAD OF CONFIDENT
20) OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES
21) OVERCOMPENSATING FAILURE OR SHORTCOMINGS
23) WAITING FOR HER IF SHE LEAVES FOR ANY REASON (LIKE SAYS "I'M GOING TO THE WASHROOM, WAIT HERE)

 

[ElStud]

Yes, I admitted earlier that chasing her when she walked away was a bad thing. I should've just plowed and act ed like I didn't care if she walked away.

 

[Grand Wizzard Alamar]

yo grand wizzard alamar i dnt think u no what u were talking about yesterday with the whole ego thing. Can you even define the word ego ?

I don't really believe in ego... I replace it with good self confidence.

I should've just plowed and act ed like I didn't care if she walked away.

not caring is a very good strategy that you should use in all situations of rejection )

 

[jtrain 289]

lol man im sry honestly i thought u were trying to disrespect me with the whole ego thing lol like i kept thinking about today i thought what u mean ego was fake self confidence lol. so i kept looking at myself to see if i had fake self confidence lol it even affected my sarging today kind of i didnt have that jumpy feeling whatever lol . Idk i think ego is when u try to lie to urself to cover up ur lack of self respect thats what i think

 

[aussiegoat55]

Well yeah, but that's not how I was taught. I was taught that just stopping because she said "She has to go" is giving her control. See by doing that, your reacting, you stop talking because of something she has to do. And like I said, I'm trying to work on NOT being reactive. NOT giving up just because she says or does something. And the majority of women are going to say that anyway, so I'm basically screwing my self over by reacting to her. I know she had to go, but I did I care? No, because the fact that she has to go has nothing to do with my reality.

And why do I care if she wants to talk to me or not, I don't. I want to talk so I talk. I'm not just going to be reactive and stop talking just because of something she says or does. By reacting, you're giving up WAAAAY to easily on a set you could've gotten. I reacted in that set by following her and that's what killed me. I reacted. Cause by following her I'm showing that I'm needy, I NEED interaction from her. By just standing there and talking I'm saying that I could really care less whether she's listening or not.

I'm gonna try to test this "Magnetism" theory I have about meeting women. Basically, the more reactive you are, the stronger your magnetism is towards her, however, the less reactive you are, the stronger her magnetism is towards you. If she has more magnetism towards you, that means she's attracted. So I'm going to work on being less reactive to chicks and see if that in turn "ups" her magnetism towards me.

Rationalization of your actions, ugh. And a list of strategies, tips, manuevers, and overanalyzing. You're thinking way TOO much about this. What would a real man do? You think he would plan out his approach with theories and analyzation? Naw...It's not a science, more of an art, perhaps thus the term Pick Up Artist.

How do all the other guys out there who do not use websites like these pull their share of the girls? It's who they are, their first impression. That right there is huge. "You never get a second chance to make a first impression.' So you can talk while she walks away, but she's made up her mind about your first impression.

I congratulate you on having the balls, but that's all you have...you need warmth, charm, genuinity, a smile, eye contact, basically personable characterisitcs.

I'm not 'into' the whole speed seduction gig, but if this the route you want to continue to travel down, go ahead, but what results are you getting?

Someone here said it, there's something about your approaches that can't be seen through text. Maybe have a friend, wing, videotape you, youtube it and link us to it.

You have to understand people here want to help. But when you rationalize your actions, act stubborn, make excuses, etc, it really deters us from continuing to offer you assistance, then another FR: Mall Approach thread gets posted and you're left to wonder why no one will help you.

 

[ElStud]

No one's rationalizing. I'm telling you how I learned it and what I'm trying to improve on. Yeah, sure being reactive might be the way you learned to do it, but that's not the way I learned and I'm trying to be UNreactive.

alamar... why are you giving advice. weren't you the guy that posted about having no friends or something

but yeah viper you really need to step up your convo game. you're coming across as weird in all these convos. why would you ask her if sincerity is a good thing? that's just dumb. man i dont' know what advice to give right now, i'll post some more later when i can think of some way to help you

Actually, I picked up the line from a PUA. And who cares if it's dumb? It's just something to open with. I could go up to a women and say "I like salad" if I wanted. She's not going to diss you for a horrible opener if you come off as confident and unreactive.

Dude I went up to a group of girls like "I bet you're the type of girl who goes on one of those really high rides and throws up. Yeah, I can see it right now, you, me, up on the rollercoaster and then it drops down and you throw up on me, you pig". Did she leave? No, she took me and introduced me to her friends, showed a ton of interest, that kind of stuff. That proves words have nothing to do with it. And you know where that approach ended? When I REACTED to her sh*t test. It wasn't anything I said, I was getting lots of interest from the girl and her friends. So the girl was attracted and she decided to throw a sh*t test by going "I'm lesbian". Sure you can pull that "That's cause she wasn't interested?" stuff, but wha? She wasn't interested? Dude, she took me to her friends, asked me a bunch of questions and we talked.

 

[sandman6991]

If you feel uncomfortable about talking about something totally un-related...make conversation about something related...tell a joke...make her smile...use your surroundings...I did this today...and it was the thing that got me over the "barrier" of strangeness and allowed for better delivery and conversation.