"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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FR: Acted like a deer in the headlights

csycpr

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The replies in the thread which brought up the question of what value are field reports convinced me they were worth doing, so here I am. Prime among the reasons is that posting them will help me gain clarity on what is occurring in my interactions and where I generally stand with respect to picking up girls.



FR: Deer in the headlights

I decided I was tired of being alone and had to go out even if it meant going solo. The current crop of friends I have are valuable to me from a career and intellectually stimulating standpoint, but they are way too dweebish to go out with.

I dreaded going out by myself but once inside I realized it's not so bad, that no one's really thinking about you.

I was standing near the dance floor when HBEnergy (face 5-6, body close to 10) "bounced" towards me and just started talking out loud about what a great time she was having or something. I made some comment about it and the next thing I know she's right next to me. I can't recall what she was saying but she looked pretty interested in me and at one point brought up some "fcck buddy" of hers that she missed or that wasn't around or something. That was the first time I'd heard that term spoken out loud and it took me aback.

Another girl then appeared next to me out of the blue, HBBlue (7.5-8ish). HBEnergy said she had some pot and needed some papers to make a joint and HBBlue began emptying tobacco from a cigarette by rolling it between her fingers. The two of them engaged in some conversation (while standing right next to me) that I couldn't hear, but I think it was something about HBEnergy's fcck buddy. HBEnergy then took off to look for some papers (or so she claimed0.

"Do you know that girl?" I asked. HBBlue said, "No! She seems like such a slut!" HBBlue then brought up her having a boyfriend but added that it was an open relationship. "What does that mean?" I asked. "It means we can see other people but we don't want each other to find out about it," she said. In hindsight, this was a come on, but dammit, I'm a fcckhead, and the shyness and cautiousness took over and I asked her some stupid personal interview-style question which she answered and I followed up with another and pretty soon she lost interest and wandered off.

Bottom line is I was shocked and intimidated that these two girls approached me and flirted so forwardly. I shouldn't have been, because this sort of thing has happened before, when I was younger, but I guess I kind of figured that since I had grown and matured that the rest of the world had too, so this sort of "couldn't" happen to me again. Well it did and I was unprepared for it.

Still, I was thrilled to be out, so I didn't feel as disappointed by this performance as I should have been. Plus I'm former shy guy who once worked up a half-decent level of confidence and I'm now trying to do that again, so I'm trying to focus on the positives rather than dwell on the negatives.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Young Juan

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You gave a Lil effort, but it sound like you got in your own head and didn't really have much fun. A puncher always has a chance, but you gotta go out swinging hard and not worry about defense so much.

Good job getting out there. Now just learn how to have fun and don't worry about the outcome. Last time I went out I talked to girls and danced but didn't even try to pull any numbers. I probably could've but I wasn't in the mood for any pressure. I had fun, was solo, and didn't even fap when I got home. When you're just out to have fun, girls will flock to you. Always push the envelope and make the hoe say no!
 

csycpr

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That's a good way to put it: "got into my own head." Very true.

But it's not true to say I didn't have any fun. Perhaps I was a bit modest in the way I described it but I was really happy to be out there, among the people, the way I hadn't for so long, and I think this was visible in my face. I don't have much of a problem talking to strangers, only HBs with whom I think there is some sort of chance. I don't think those girls would have approached me if I were looking sullen and downbeat (even if they were attracted).

You're right about a puncher always having a chance, though. I have AA real bad and, quite honestly, I haven't even seriously CONSIDERED approaching when I've gone out these handful of times since getting back into the whole thing. That's how bad my AA is -- it's too painful to even consider approaching. But I figure it's not going to get any better sitting at home. If I put myself out there hopefully my brain will figure out that it's a better idea to actually approach girls rather than hang back and wait (hope) they come to me. So you're right bud, but I'm just doing this in baby steps.

Check out the next few FRs. Even if you still think I a total dweeb I think you'll see I get a bit better.
 

Cremasta

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You stepped out of your comfort zone. You made a single mistake, big deal! you learned from it.

You did good.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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