Found some sketchy sh1t in my girls phone.

[Juanto]

I would still check the phone in a couple of days and if nothing pans out, really deal with those anxiety feelings you have (for yourself, not because of only the current relationship).

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I'm surprised men continue to say this when it's actually really obvious...

You want to leave sooner rather than later before you get attached.

You want to save time.

You want to save money.

You don't want an std.

You don't want to be cucked.

You don't want to be lied to.

You don't want to deal with the contrition of a cheating woman.

You want a new woman sooner.

You want to adjust your choice in a new woman based on the reality of your prior experience.

Forget about the hypocrisy of saying something like this when everyone here other than literal cucked men would be disturbed by being cheated on and want to know the truth... its not even rational to say it.

The point is, narcissist is an experienced guy who understands the deal; yet he has chosen again to engage in an exclusive situation, in an age group least suited to it, and merely months after being burned. In essence he's made his own bed.

Alas, he's not yet experienced enough to navigate these situations on his own. Fortunately, he's smart enough to come here for advice and I believe will act on it.

Men shouldn't be afraid of women cheating, cynical as it sounds. It happens all the time. It's the throwaway culture we live in currently. Almost nothing has value for 90 percent of the population. The secret is not to expect it and it's less likely to happen. To drastically reduce the chances, date a couple of SMV points below your own. Better still negate the whole thing by not becoming exclusive until such time, you can hold the attention of a woman you want.

I would still check the phone in a couple of days and if nothing pans out, really deal with those anxiety feelings you have (for yourself, not because of only the current relationship).

Wrong. Don't ever check anyone's phone ever again. It's the fcking weakest move a man can make.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Those are all valid points, but even the perfect mate could cheat. In that situation, all the negatives I mentioned would come into play regardless of expectations.

Well I agree. I'm not promoting cheating nor staying with a cheating woman. You initially responded to fastlife's comment regards being 'scared' of a woman cheating. Which is basically narcissist's current problem: fear, not actual cheating. In fact quite the contrary, his gf sounds like hot property to me.

The only thing a man ever need in order to tell if his girl might be cheating or may cheat, is to pay attention to her interest in him. None of this bs looking through phones blablabla. I've been there and it doesn't end well.

If our man has hard evidence and serious suspicions based on her behaviour, and she's acting like they're still exclusive, then he can confront her, asking if they are still exclusive, because if not he'd like to start seeing other people as well.

The main problem with our narc is he's an emotional little sausage, a deep thinker. He's probably too attached; and attached like a blue pill man, not like a red pill man. He'll learn.

 

[SmooveMooves]

The weird thing is she's SUPER engaged in the relationship. Last night we had s3x three times and she let me do that ever I wanted. She also said I was the best boyfriend ever (although I'm here first boyfriend). She constantly says she loves me. Never flakes ever. She doesn't use her phone when she's near me. If it vibrates she doesn't look at it. She's always very present around me. She always dresses up sexy for me. And when I joke around that I'm disappointed in her she always latches on to my leg and sh1t. She also posts lots of pics of me and her on her snapchat story. Barely posts pics of herself. I actually can't think of any red flags. That's why I'm saying its that I have 0 trust in women. I presuppose infidelity. It is fully my fault that I saw this text message chain. But regardless. It is a sketchy message chain.


Also I 100% agree. I should not have done exclusivity. It was a huge mistake. Huuuuuge mistake. I was too curious to see if I could still manage an exclusive relationship after the whole ex scenario. Bad reason to accept exclusivity but whatever.

Yeah your tripping bro. You need to solve you insecurity issues before it ends up in the demise of a good relationship for no good reason. Set your emotions aside and view is logically.

• The conversation was in her language, meaning it's a 70% chance she was talking to family.
• You are her first boyfriend. (See high-score theory)
• You haven't seen any other red flags

Meditate and come to the realization that you can never be 100% sure. Humans long so much for security and assurance but it doesn't exist. All you can do is observe her behavior and act accordingly. You cannotation be sure but vigilante. Also, you need to promise yourself to never snoop, regardless if you have her passwords. If you are caught your godly frame will die along with the relationship.

I wouldn't even count this as a first red flag. You need to fix that anxiety. It will be your undoing.

 

[Serenity]

There's gonna be one sad woman after you're done with her.

You're paranoid, you're probably hurting yourself more than how much you'd be hurt by actual cheating. Is it really that bad being cheated on? No, if you can confirm with certainty it has happened you just walk away. It won't fvcking kill you.

Also, if you believe you can't trust a woman then you're right for as long as you believe this. Your cynicism towards women will last forever if you don't think it can change and don't do sh!t about it.

Are you gonna be that idiot who doesn't do sh!t about his own shortcomings?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Yeah your tripping bro. You need to solve you insecurity issues before it ends up in the demise of a good relationship for no good reason. Set your emotions aside and view is logically.

• The conversation was in her language, meaning it's a 70% chance she was talking to family.
• You are her first boyfriend. (See high-score theory)
• You haven't seen any other red flags

Meditate and come to the realization that you can never be 100% sure. Humans long so much for security and assurance but it doesn't exist. All you can do is observe her behavior and act accordingly. You cannotation be sure but vigilante. Also, you need to promise yourself to never snoop, regardless if you have her passwords. If you are caught your godly frame will die along with the relationship.

I wouldn't even count this as a first red flag. You need to fix that anxiety. It will be your undoing.

Work so much on your stuff and your self that she's more worried about what YOU are doing.

 

[PantyWhisperer]

I would say the fact that she knows you have her password and is okay with that is a pretty good sign that she has nothing to hide.

 

[narcissist]

Yeah. I'm clearly tripping about this when I shouldn't be. There's nothing to worry about. I realized that the main thing here is the interest level, which is sky high. This is what I need to keep at the forefront of my thoughts.

I am going to start to meditate because I am clearly attached and looking for security where I shouldn't be. I have a long way to go.

Thanks for all the replies.

Is there any advice that you guys could give me that would straighten me out. Should I meditate? Should I go game other women? How can I work on my cynicism towards women? I sincerely want to better myself. I am just young and I am not quite sure how to go about doing it.

 

[Roober]

Yeah. I'm clearly tripping about this when I shouldn't be. There's nothing to worry about. I realized that the main thing here is the interest level, which is sky high. This is what I need to keep at the forefront of my thoughts.

I am going to start to meditate because I am clearly attached and looking for security where I shouldn't be. I have a long way to go.

Thanks for all the replies.

Is there any advice that you guys could give me that would straighten me out. Should I meditate? Should I go game other women? How can I work on my cynicism towards women? I sincerely want to better myself. I am just young and I am not quite sure how to go about doing it.

A lot of it is instinct. We often ignore those instincts when caught up in a relationship. Sounds like her interest is still sky high, just remember that when you feel weak.

 

[dk1990S111]

Mina is a girls name.

I know an Armenian guy named Mina, just throwing that out there lol

 

[narcissist]

All I can say is thank god for this website. My life would be a fvcking mess without it. Here is what I have learned from this thread:

1) NEVER fvcking look in your girls phone. It is just plain AFC as fvck. It is the epitome of insecurity and fear and if she finds you doing it you will look like the ultimate cuck. Also if you look in her phone you WILL find something that you dont want to. This is simply just how it is with people. There will always be some guys flirting with her. There will always be orbiters. H3ll, she might even flirt with some guys too. Who knows. But there will always be something in the phone that will make you trip. I have fvcking learned this for sure. I will not look in any girls phone again. That is off limits to me.

2) How to determine the quality and status of a relationship/plate is SIMPLY to look at the signs of her interest level. If the signs are sky high, then there is nothing to trip over, you simply keep doing what you are doing and do not stagnate. If they signs are low, well, you can do a couple things, but the best thing to do at that point is simply end the relationship without analyzation. When the signs of interest are low its important to follow Anti-dumps tenets and drop a bish with low interest.

3) AFC and CUCKY tendencies develop through fear and insecurity. I have a deeply held distrust of women. And this is leading to these cucky behaviours, such as looking through her phone and getting worked up over nothing. So much so, that I ignored the OBVIOUS signs of high interest. The thing I must realize is that I can get rid of this fear and insecurity within me. It does not ultimately control me or dictate my life. I must have control over it and get rid of its influence over my life. I am not ultimately defined by this deep insecurity.

4) I should not be looking for security in relationships. I should always have in the back of my mind the idea that "I am always willing to walk away if need be." And the "need be" part is defined by the lowering of interest level. This idea comes from the state of modern relationships and their volatile state. And I simply must accept this and realize that my security come from myself and my own progress in life. Once I do, and not take them so seriously, I will come to realize that this is ACTUALLY A GOOD THING, because it will fundamentally shift my perspective and keep my attachments healthy.

5) If she cheats its honestly not the end of the fvcking world, like my attachments might lead me to think. I have been through it once and came out alive in the end. And If it does happen again I will get through to the other side unscathed. My friends will still love me, My family will still love me, I will still have my successes, I will still have SoSuave, and most importantly I will still love myself and work on myself.

6) Ultimately, I should keep in the back of my mind that "I will probably never know if she cheats." Simply because I will not be doing any more snooping around. This idea that I should be snooping around for evidence to determine whether she cheating is abolsutely r3tarded. Its all about interest level.

7) I will only be able to control my actions. I have to continue to work towards being a boss, I have to keep attempting to implement the DJ traits into my life, and I have to continue working on the problems that characterize my deepest self. This is the ONLY way to derive security. This is the ONLY way to potentially fend off cheating but not ultimately prevent it. Because cheating is out of my hands. She will do it regardless of how boss I am. And I have to come to accept that this is fine, and not the end of the world, and that even if she does I may never know, I simply have to gauge based off of interest level.

 

[Serenity]

Yeah. I'm clearly tripping about this when I shouldn't be. There's nothing to worry about. I realized that the main thing here is the interest level, which is sky high. This is what I need to keep at the forefront of my thoughts.

I am going to start to meditate because I am clearly attached and looking for security where I shouldn't be. I have a long way to go.

Thanks for all the replies.

Is there any advice that you guys could give me that would straighten me out. Should I meditate? Should I go game other women? How can I work on my cynicism towards women? I sincerely want to better myself. I am just young and I am not quite sure how to go about doing it.

Is there anything I can say to fix you and prevent you from doing what you don't want to do? No, other than just don't do stuff you know is dumb.

Maybe meditation would help though. If you're struck with worry and disturbing feelings, do nothing and calm the fvck down. Do not try to process anything before you feel rational and in balance, calm down first and think afterwards. These are not life and death matters, thinking about it can wait.

 

[sazc]

I guess this is inline with some of your DJ advice here, just phrased differently. I dont know you, so I dont know why you would find so little value in who you are, but I think you are short changing yourself and your self worth. Clearly you have a woman who's IL in you is high - that alone should tell you that you have value. Your looks, your personality, your essence, it has value. You have to know and believe that you are somebody and a catch, and any woman who would think otherwise clearly is not worth your time.

Ill throw this out there and I dont mean to offend anybody. Cheaters are the ones with the issue, not the people they cheat on. Sometimes cheaters cheat because they want to sabotage the relationship (for various reasons including not wanting to get close to someone) sometime cheaters cheat because they think the grass will be greener, sometimes cheaters cheat because they just are not ready to settle down, and sometimes cheaters cheat because they arent getting their needs met and they dont know how to communicate with their partner about that. If your ex cheated out of the blue - with no forewarning about how she was unhappy, SHE was the issue. She didnt give you a chance to meet her needs. She's the one who is at fault. Try to really understand, it wasnt you that drove her to anything. She didnt recognize your true value and full worth. (chick words coming) Pat yourself on the back for being able to care about someone as deeply as you did. Recognize that your ex is the one with the issue, not you - and not 'every other single chick' you happen to run into. Try to move forward being open and ready for what the universe has in store for you. You have a path. The universe is bringing you that path. Trust in it. (okay, chick over)

 

[narcissist]

I guess this is inline with some of your DJ advice here, just phrased differently. I dont know you, so I dont know why you would find so little value in who you are, but I think you are short changing yourself and your self worth. Clearly you have a woman who's IL in you is high - that alone should tell you that you have value. Your looks, your personality, your essence, it has value. You have to know and believe that you are somebody and a catch, and any woman who would think otherwise clearly is not worth your time.

Ill throw this out there and I dont mean to offend anybody. Cheaters are the ones with the issue, not the people they cheat on. Sometimes cheaters cheat because they want to sabotage the relationship (for various reasons including not wanting to get close to someone) sometime cheaters cheat because they think the grass will be greener, sometimes cheaters cheat because they just are not ready to settle down, and sometimes cheaters cheat because they arent getting their needs met and they dont know how to communicate with their partner about that. If your ex cheated out of the blue - with no forewarning about how she was unhappy, SHE was the issue. She didnt give you a chance to meet her needs. She's the one who is at fault. Try to really understand, it wasnt you that drove her to anything. She didnt recognize your true value and full worth. (chick words coming) Pat yourself on the back for being able to care about someone as deeply as you did. Recognize that your ex is the one with the issue, not you - and not 'every other single chick' you happen to run into. Try to move forward being open and ready for what the universe has in store for you. You have a path. The universe is bringing you that path. Trust in it. (okay, chick over)

This was genuinely moving for me. Thank you. You are right. . I need to realize that I am fvcking valuable. I should develop some fvcking self esteem and know that my girlfriend is bloody in love with me, and the signs point to the obvious. I am screenshotting your post and putting it as my background. I need to be reminded of this regularly.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

I have found Brent Smith and James Marshall quite useful as I grew up around a fair amount of pessimism, so optimism like theirs always refreshes me. These guys also both talk about going out in to life to give opposed to taking.

Particularly Brent Smith, who talks about having a 'story' that you tell yourself every morning, noon and night , and whenever throughout the day. This story telling is just his brand of using positive affirmations to attract and achieve what you want in life. Basically putting a positive spin on everything that happens to you.

This video isn't so relevant to your situation but I think he talks a lot about the mind, self fulfillment etc. You basically tailor it to suit your own situation.

General stories that he (and I now) use....

First thing in the morning:
-'Today is going to be another great day'.
-'Money comes to me easily and in abundance'.
-'Hot women that I find attractive are also attracted to me'.

Notice the concurrent and undemanding nature of these things. They're not asking nor wanting for something in a kind of transient way. They are ongoing assumptions.

The idea being, you might well achieve things that you want or demand in the short term, but once you have them, you'll let go of the drive it took to attract them. Employing these kind of ongoing assumptions builds habitual mindset and doesn't just focus on one or two specific things. It's basically a personal statement of how great your life is, even if certain things aren't happening concurrently.

I have done this sporadically throughout my life, but this is a more refined version, and I now make a concerted effort to do it daily, at least in the morning otherwise I generally walk around with a bit of a scowl on my face when I don't, with all sorts of negativity affecting my mindset.

And that's all it is. Your fear is borne from your previous experience, which is in fact quite rational.

This might also help to keep Missy on her toes