Franco Jimbo
New Member
Having lurked for a while now, I recognise and understand that most of you share the same views as I, or at least the former me. And therefore, I'd appreciate all the advice you have to give, -- harsh or not.
Cliffs on my relationship experience/personality type:
*Dated and banged nearly every type of non-repulsive woman.
*There was a time in my life when I was banging three different women at one time, on rotation; sometimes even all in the same day. I have repeated this process.
*I've had cold approach successes, online successes, associate successes.
*I've been cheated on and I have cheated.
*I'm forward-speaking introvert. Will not talk ****, but will say what needs to be said.
Now piquing a woman's interest has never been a problem. We have all been shot down and we have all been picked as the best. Rejection is nothing when there's nothing to lose.
But there's a problem, and despite my brain seemingly yelling and shouting at me that the truth is not how I feel, I have become too emotionally invested in a certain woman, and I need the outside, objective opinions of some like-minded men.
It started years ago. The woman and I became friends who spent an increasing amount of time together; not everyday, but a few times a week. While there was a trickle of attraction on my end, we'd talk, and that'd be it. I was a player and she was young and involved with another man, so I treated her on a strict platonic level. Besides, I had too many women to juggle anyway.
11 months pass, and she inexplicably severs contact. Within this time, I contact her once with a brief email. There's no response, so I move on and enjoy my lifestyle.
Months later, she contacts me. I see it as the strangeness that it is, but give her the benefit of the doubt. It turns out she is now single, and alarm bells immediately go off in my head; she's looking for meat.
Over the course of a month's rapport building, she lets slip that she had been cyber-stalking me the entire time. I had vaguely mentioned her name online -once- in a place she knew I frequented, and she confessed that she wondered if I referred to her.
Another one of her confessions was her reason for severing contact. She always played up the strength of her morality and principles. And made the claim, therefore, that she had avoided me for 11 months due to inappropriate feelings on her part.
Nevertheless, things continue, electronically. She wants to meet in the flesh and confesses she always had major hots for me. Morever, claims she's in love with me. Sirens wail in my head. You all know what this means as well as I do.
So I don't bite, and I explain why. I explain that she is very beautiful (she is a straight 9), and extremely sharp woman, but I can't just tell someone I'm in love with them after they disappear and reappear after 11 months. She proceeds to bemoan the loss of my love, but is determined to keep trying.
Months pass. Her and I get closer. The woman would call me nearly every morning. She was lively, enthusiastic, and, dare I say it, even funny. We make plans to see each other after all this time.
For the sake of length, I'll skip a part and tell you that she kissed another man. I had to practically (verbally) beat it out of her, because she was running the old game of Hot and Cold and my experience clued me into the obvious (which makes me think she slept with him at this point, in retrospect).
She cried, yadda, yadda. But it was a kiss, and I could already tell that by this point, my usual razor-sharp judgment was becoming hazy. I had dropped other women for less. We patch things up and things go well.
Two months later, when her and I have plans, she tells me that the guy she kissed (I'll call him Tim henceforth), will be in town to see his parents, so she wanted to see him as a friend.
I reacted. "No way". And she attacks with the typified "Can't I even have friends" horse ****. We fight for a while. And while we're still an item, I tell her I need some days away.
The day after, I'm solemnly contacted by her. She spread her legs for him. And due to my underreaction to the news, she proceeded to assume the role of victim by telling me how good it felt to be truly loved, etc.
Now by this time, that is, by the time I had involved myself with this woman, I had relinquished my player ways. I still had the ability to do it, but I didn't.
After a few explosive fights, I don't sever contact, but I do not speak to her.
Instead, I revert to my old ways. The old contact book comes out, and the next thing I know, I'm travelling up and down the country getting laid near every single day by a different female friend.
The now ex catches wind of this, and you can guess what happened. Even though she is now with Tim, she suddenly wants to see me to 'rebuild our friendship'. By this time, I am so numb to her - I don't know what it was, pain or indifference - that I agree to see her. I agreed and what the previous version of me would've seen as a clear Come On went right over my stupid head. I even believed her "it's platonic, okay?" BS.
So, she comes to my place the next night. We're sitting beside each other, watching DVDs she brought over, and she brings up our relationship. I can't remember what was said, but we ended up hugging and I started to kiss her neck.
"No . . . *moaning* no, don't. Stop." So I stop and apologise. 20 mins later, she's kissing me outside my frontdoor in a rain storm, the exact way she always talked about doing. And later that night, I ask her to sleep on the sofa in a separate room, assuming that was what she wanted.
I go to bed and I hear a knock on my bedroom door five minutes later. You can guess who it is. Anyway, she climbed into my bed and was begging me to nail her.
The next day, I'm taking her home and a dark shadow of regret on her body language. She feels incredibly guilty, so I tell her to go and fix things with Tim (it was his birthday, by the way). And she agrees she'll try.
That night, I go to another city and bang another chick I hadn't even met before (long haired brunette, 5'10, HAWT). The ex calls and asks if I nailed this new chick, and I told the truth. And she tells me that she feels dirty and used now. I proceed to tell her why the F that is one of the most retarded things she's ever said.
I go NC and I start staying at the brunette's apartment regularly. And the ex chases the F out of me for months, even though she's with Tim. Dogging me, asking me if I'm in love with the brunette. I get pissed off and say YES!, even though I'm totally not, and the ex acts heartbroken. Like really. And says she doesn't want to know me anymore. I try to tell her I still care, but she doesn't want to hear it.
Long yet? It gets better. Years pass, the brunette is my new girlfriend. And the ex and I attempt to maintain a friendship. To be brutally honest, I still had feelings for her, but tried to move on with my life as cleanly as possible.
The ex split with Tim a few months after she was at my apartment begging for the D drive. And goes through two men in succession, before getting engaged. By the time she tells me, I've dumped the brunette. And to be honest, the news of the ex being engaged hit me a bit. She said it was serious and the real deal, but by now, I know she's a serial monogamist.
Lo and behold, their engagement failed a year later. And I wondered why, but only recently did she confess to me that she monkey branched, because he stopped paying her attention or some BS. She now, of course, has another man a month after cancelling the engagement.
Now here's the crux of the issue: it's been nearly a decade since this girl and I have known each other. Over the years, we've both made dates and cancelled. I've legitmately cancelled thrice. She's flaked on me about four times (no, I wouldn't take it from another woman), saying it wouldn't be fair on whatever new man she had at the time. I couldn't argue with that.
Recently, however, after a long, long time, she suggested we meet for coffee/lunch. Our friendship is still a weird one, there's attraction, but it's hard to gauge how much. The new dude she is with has put up with her not only meeting her ex fiance for lunches, but staying with him last Xmas (Dude . . . ).
She's been with this new man for six months. I have a new woman. And what I feel for this ex sexually and emotionally comes and goes. She wants me to call her, but never asks. When I do, she warms up to me a hell of a lot. She contacts me via text and I contact her, equally. But inexplicably goes cold sometimes, only to chase me later.
And on the coffee thing, I asked her and gave her two days on which I was free. But she was working on those days, and I just can't tell if this is a flake or not anymore, man, to the point of not trying to figure it out.
She's often said things'd be better if we slept together again, jokingly, but I know what's up in that situation. I know she has major orbiters and esteem issues. I've essentially watched her turn into a slut.
Knowing all this, I need straight hard answers for your expert assessment of the situation. I would do it myself, but I'm in too deep. Give me your impression of this woman and your experiences.
Thank you. I know it was long.
Cliffs on my relationship experience/personality type:
*Dated and banged nearly every type of non-repulsive woman.
*There was a time in my life when I was banging three different women at one time, on rotation; sometimes even all in the same day. I have repeated this process.
*I've had cold approach successes, online successes, associate successes.
*I've been cheated on and I have cheated.
*I'm forward-speaking introvert. Will not talk ****, but will say what needs to be said.
Now piquing a woman's interest has never been a problem. We have all been shot down and we have all been picked as the best. Rejection is nothing when there's nothing to lose.
But there's a problem, and despite my brain seemingly yelling and shouting at me that the truth is not how I feel, I have become too emotionally invested in a certain woman, and I need the outside, objective opinions of some like-minded men.
It started years ago. The woman and I became friends who spent an increasing amount of time together; not everyday, but a few times a week. While there was a trickle of attraction on my end, we'd talk, and that'd be it. I was a player and she was young and involved with another man, so I treated her on a strict platonic level. Besides, I had too many women to juggle anyway.
11 months pass, and she inexplicably severs contact. Within this time, I contact her once with a brief email. There's no response, so I move on and enjoy my lifestyle.
Months later, she contacts me. I see it as the strangeness that it is, but give her the benefit of the doubt. It turns out she is now single, and alarm bells immediately go off in my head; she's looking for meat.
Over the course of a month's rapport building, she lets slip that she had been cyber-stalking me the entire time. I had vaguely mentioned her name online -once- in a place she knew I frequented, and she confessed that she wondered if I referred to her.
Another one of her confessions was her reason for severing contact. She always played up the strength of her morality and principles. And made the claim, therefore, that she had avoided me for 11 months due to inappropriate feelings on her part.
Nevertheless, things continue, electronically. She wants to meet in the flesh and confesses she always had major hots for me. Morever, claims she's in love with me. Sirens wail in my head. You all know what this means as well as I do.
So I don't bite, and I explain why. I explain that she is very beautiful (she is a straight 9), and extremely sharp woman, but I can't just tell someone I'm in love with them after they disappear and reappear after 11 months. She proceeds to bemoan the loss of my love, but is determined to keep trying.
Months pass. Her and I get closer. The woman would call me nearly every morning. She was lively, enthusiastic, and, dare I say it, even funny. We make plans to see each other after all this time.
For the sake of length, I'll skip a part and tell you that she kissed another man. I had to practically (verbally) beat it out of her, because she was running the old game of Hot and Cold and my experience clued me into the obvious (which makes me think she slept with him at this point, in retrospect).
She cried, yadda, yadda. But it was a kiss, and I could already tell that by this point, my usual razor-sharp judgment was becoming hazy. I had dropped other women for less. We patch things up and things go well.
Two months later, when her and I have plans, she tells me that the guy she kissed (I'll call him Tim henceforth), will be in town to see his parents, so she wanted to see him as a friend.
I reacted. "No way". And she attacks with the typified "Can't I even have friends" horse ****. We fight for a while. And while we're still an item, I tell her I need some days away.
The day after, I'm solemnly contacted by her. She spread her legs for him. And due to my underreaction to the news, she proceeded to assume the role of victim by telling me how good it felt to be truly loved, etc.
Now by this time, that is, by the time I had involved myself with this woman, I had relinquished my player ways. I still had the ability to do it, but I didn't.
After a few explosive fights, I don't sever contact, but I do not speak to her.
Instead, I revert to my old ways. The old contact book comes out, and the next thing I know, I'm travelling up and down the country getting laid near every single day by a different female friend.
The now ex catches wind of this, and you can guess what happened. Even though she is now with Tim, she suddenly wants to see me to 'rebuild our friendship'. By this time, I am so numb to her - I don't know what it was, pain or indifference - that I agree to see her. I agreed and what the previous version of me would've seen as a clear Come On went right over my stupid head. I even believed her "it's platonic, okay?" BS.
So, she comes to my place the next night. We're sitting beside each other, watching DVDs she brought over, and she brings up our relationship. I can't remember what was said, but we ended up hugging and I started to kiss her neck.
"No . . . *moaning* no, don't. Stop." So I stop and apologise. 20 mins later, she's kissing me outside my frontdoor in a rain storm, the exact way she always talked about doing. And later that night, I ask her to sleep on the sofa in a separate room, assuming that was what she wanted.
I go to bed and I hear a knock on my bedroom door five minutes later. You can guess who it is. Anyway, she climbed into my bed and was begging me to nail her.
The next day, I'm taking her home and a dark shadow of regret on her body language. She feels incredibly guilty, so I tell her to go and fix things with Tim (it was his birthday, by the way). And she agrees she'll try.
That night, I go to another city and bang another chick I hadn't even met before (long haired brunette, 5'10, HAWT). The ex calls and asks if I nailed this new chick, and I told the truth. And she tells me that she feels dirty and used now. I proceed to tell her why the F that is one of the most retarded things she's ever said.
I go NC and I start staying at the brunette's apartment regularly. And the ex chases the F out of me for months, even though she's with Tim. Dogging me, asking me if I'm in love with the brunette. I get pissed off and say YES!, even though I'm totally not, and the ex acts heartbroken. Like really. And says she doesn't want to know me anymore. I try to tell her I still care, but she doesn't want to hear it.
Long yet? It gets better. Years pass, the brunette is my new girlfriend. And the ex and I attempt to maintain a friendship. To be brutally honest, I still had feelings for her, but tried to move on with my life as cleanly as possible.
The ex split with Tim a few months after she was at my apartment begging for the D drive. And goes through two men in succession, before getting engaged. By the time she tells me, I've dumped the brunette. And to be honest, the news of the ex being engaged hit me a bit. She said it was serious and the real deal, but by now, I know she's a serial monogamist.
Lo and behold, their engagement failed a year later. And I wondered why, but only recently did she confess to me that she monkey branched, because he stopped paying her attention or some BS. She now, of course, has another man a month after cancelling the engagement.
Now here's the crux of the issue: it's been nearly a decade since this girl and I have known each other. Over the years, we've both made dates and cancelled. I've legitmately cancelled thrice. She's flaked on me about four times (no, I wouldn't take it from another woman), saying it wouldn't be fair on whatever new man she had at the time. I couldn't argue with that.
Recently, however, after a long, long time, she suggested we meet for coffee/lunch. Our friendship is still a weird one, there's attraction, but it's hard to gauge how much. The new dude she is with has put up with her not only meeting her ex fiance for lunches, but staying with him last Xmas (Dude . . . ).
She's been with this new man for six months. I have a new woman. And what I feel for this ex sexually and emotionally comes and goes. She wants me to call her, but never asks. When I do, she warms up to me a hell of a lot. She contacts me via text and I contact her, equally. But inexplicably goes cold sometimes, only to chase me later.
And on the coffee thing, I asked her and gave her two days on which I was free. But she was working on those days, and I just can't tell if this is a flake or not anymore, man, to the point of not trying to figure it out.
She's often said things'd be better if we slept together again, jokingly, but I know what's up in that situation. I know she has major orbiters and esteem issues. I've essentially watched her turn into a slut.
Knowing all this, I need straight hard answers for your expert assessment of the situation. I would do it myself, but I'm in too deep. Give me your impression of this woman and your experiences.
Thank you. I know it was long.
