Forgot to tell me about boyfriend...

[European-DJ]

Fellow Don Juans,

While telling this story, I won't lie. I have had a history with this girl, and each time we reignite conversation, I develop feelings for her within seconds; usually, i am pretty cold, but this girl pushes the right buttons - we have a great sexlife, and laugh and in general share a good time.

We haven't spoken for some months, until she wrote me a couple of days ago. The initial meeting within an hour ended up in great sex, and the day after we met again, and the same thing happened. After sex, the second day, i saw guilt in her eyes, and when i asked what was up, she told me she had a boyfriend, but that she much rather wanted to be with me; and that our sexlife was much better than theirs.

My reaction to this? I told her, instantaneously, I wouldn't see her no more before she stopped it with her current boyfriend; I played it cool though, just told her nicely and in a slow pace, without getting angry at her, that I wasn't interested in seeing her while she had another.

As i mentioned earlier, i am not going to lie to you guys, why i am letting you know, that each time we take a "break" from each other, i miss her, until either I, or she, re initiate the contact. I have decided to be strong though, and follow through with what i told her.

But what's your take on this situation? how would you have reacted? and whats your take on the way i handled it?

Thanks in advance!

 

[European-DJ]

I would do the exact same thing you did.....and if she ever frees up? I would remember that she was a CHEATER and treat her accordingly. Bang her, and keep her as a plate only. If she will cheat with you, she will cheat on you.

Yeah, exactly my way of thinking; would be nice with a couple more responses to this.

Regards

 

[jay07]

Was in the same situation. Dont really have advice but ill tell you how it ended up.

Me and ex broke up. Didnt talk for 5 months. She starts hitting me up, we start having a little fun. I take her to the bar one night, go back to her place and hook up.

Two days later i find out shes still with this guy. She feeds me the "but i miss you so much, id rather be with it, it was a big mistake on my part blaa blaa"

She gets rid of him and we start hanging out more. Then ends up banging him again a month down the line.

Moral of the story. Once a cheater, always a cheater.

 

[JoeMarron]

As long as you don't become exclusive with her you're good. Whether you wanna mess around with another man's girl is up to you.

 

[Uncharted]

I knew a girl for more than a month before she told me she had a boyfriend. I texted her the other day to meet up and she said "Well my boyfriend doesn't want me hanging out with you anymore."

Haha... "anymore"!!! I feel bad for this guy. I wonder if she told him the truth. Probably not.

I just said "That's cool. Let me know when you break up and we can hang out."

I'm not going to contact her, but I would bang her again if she contacts me and I have nothing going on. If she's going to cheat she's not someone I'm going to take seriously.

 

[VladPatton]

Yep, listen to the fellas. I've heard this from many guys of different walks of life: If she cheated on her boyfriend, she'll cheat on you.

I say keep it as a side bang, and nothing more. Look for exclusivity from another girl.

 

[djjizzyjeff]

Fellow Don Juans,

While telling this story, I won't lie. I have had a history with this girl, and each time we reignite conversation, I develop feelings for her within seconds; usually, i am pretty cold, but this girl pushes the right buttons - we have a great sexlife, and laugh and in general share a good time.

We haven't spoken for some months, until she wrote me a couple of days ago. The initial meeting within an hour ended up in great sex, and the day after we met again, and the same thing happened. After sex, the second day, i saw guilt in her eyes, and when i asked what was up, she told me she had a boyfriend, but that she much rather wanted to be with me; and that our sexlife was much better than theirs.

My reaction to this? I told her, instantaneously, I wouldn't see her no more before she stopped it with her current boyfriend; I played it cool though, just told her nicely and in a slow pace, without getting angry at her, that I wasn't interested in seeing her while she had another.

As i mentioned earlier, i am not going to lie to you guys, why i am letting you know, that each time we take a "break" from each other, i miss her, until either I, or she, re initiate the contact. I have decided to be strong though, and follow through with what i told her.

But what's your take on this situation? how would you have reacted? and whats your take on the way i handled it?

Thanks in advance!

Basically any chick who has a boyfriend will flirt if she finds you attractive and interesting enough. Even IF they find you both they most likely won't leave their boyfriend or even IF they do will eventually wind up cheating on you with the ex or someone else.

These same chicks may be flirting with you but also other dudes as chicks are almost in constant need of validation and if they feel they aren't getting enough of it from their boyfriend or even if they are they need to still feel they can get other guys as it's a power trip of the fragile ego.

Chicks like these IMO are a waste of time as a dude who isn't just down to pump and dump them (which is the type they'll wind up getting an attachment to as he "used" them.) will run back to their boyfriend like nothing happened same as with the dude who doesn't play that with chicks with boyfriends and cuts off the attention fix.

Though I do believe the guy that fvcks them and dumps them on the side has a bit of her soul so to speak, the attention only dude will be forgotten quicker when she moves on to another dude waiting to play her game or her boyfriend "Commits" more to her and he suspects he might lose her.

I've seen a lot of chicks do that. They do it all the time.

IMO I kindof believe in karma so even if I "lost out" I at least have some sort of self integrity. Not that any chick really gives a sh1t. It's for self for me.

Chicks with boyfriends IMO should be kept cordial hello goodbye with no emotion shown as they will try to read if you are "salty" over not being able to get with them or wife them up. I prefer to leave them have their "relationship" with their boyfriend and other orbiters and act like it's not them but everyone else who's "messed up". Chicks like that are a waste of time for a man with value who has his own life and would only drag him down and play the same sh1t with him if he were their boyfriend. The deserve the lives they live. There's no talking to them or trying to "help" them see how good you are. They're simply insecure lost little girls. Nothing more.

You keep things cordial but drop the attention and playing eye contact etc. Almost like just an aquaintence. They won't care but only to see if they could still "have" you and go on seeking attention from other dudes. Those types only care about their satisfaction and wouldn't know a real man if he was right in front of them. No joke. No bitterness. No sweat. Keep it moving.

My ex had some dude who was married she'd talk to while we were dating. I never got mad nor cared. If she cheated? I don't know nor did I care. If I'd found out I would've been out so quick she would've never thought we'd met. I dropped her for different reasons and didn't look back. Learned and kept it moving.

A chick at work told me to hit her up as we always talk. Thought she'd been broken up with her boyfriend. Found out from another dude who has no idea we talk like that she has a boyfriend. Most likely on and off. And I know from previously her telling me her "ex" and her knew each other for a while. Needless to say I never bothered hitting her up nor going to meet her. I'll keep it cordial but I'm not playing security blanket for some chicks nonsense. She'll eventually end up in a sh1t relationship if she isn't in one already as if she wasn't she wouldn't be looking to meet up while she has a BF.

I've got too much integrity to waste even on some hot azz. Whether it makes me look "beta" or not.

 

[European-DJ]

Basically any chick who has a boyfriend will flirt if she finds you attractive and interesting enough. Even IF they find you both they most likely won't leave their boyfriend or even IF they do will eventually wind up cheating on you with the ex or someone else.

These same chicks may be flirting with you but also other dudes as chicks are almost in constant need of validation and if they feel they aren't getting enough of it from their boyfriend or even if they are they need to still feel they can get other guys as it's a power trip of the fragile ego.

Chicks like these IMO are a waste of time as a dude who isn't just down to pump and dump them (which is the type they'll wind up getting an attachment to as he "used" them.) will run back to their boyfriend like nothing happened same as with the dude who doesn't play that with chicks with boyfriends and cuts off the attention fix.

Though I do believe the guy that fvcks them and dumps them on the side has a bit of her soul so to speak, the attention only dude will be forgotten quicker when she moves on to another dude waiting to play her game or her boyfriend "Commits" more to her and he suspects he might lose her.

I've seen a lot of chicks do that. They do it all the time.

IMO I kindof believe in karma so even if I "lost out" I at least have some sort of self integrity. Not that any chick really gives a sh1t. It's for self for me.

Chicks with boyfriends IMO should be kept cordial hello goodbye with no emotion shown as they will try to read if you are "salty" over not being able to get with them or wife them up. I prefer to leave them have their "relationship" with their boyfriend and other orbiters and act like it's not them but everyone else who's "messed up". Chicks like that are a waste of time for a man with value who has his own life and would only drag him down and play the same sh1t with him if he were their boyfriend. The deserve the lives they live. There's no talking to them or trying to "help" them see how good you are. They're simply insecure lost little girls. Nothing more.

You keep things cordial but drop the attention and playing eye contact etc. Almost like just an aquaintence. They won't care but only to see if they could still "have" you and go on seeking attention from other dudes. Those types only care about their satisfaction and wouldn't know a real man if he was right in front of them. No joke. No bitterness. No sweat. Keep it moving.

My ex had some dude who was married she'd talk to while we were dating. I never got mad nor cared. If she cheated? I don't know nor did I care. If I'd found out I would've been out so quick she would've never thought we'd met. I dropped her for different reasons and didn't look back. Learned and kept it moving.

A chick at work told me to hit her up as we always talk. Thought she'd been broken up with her boyfriend. Found out from another dude who has no idea we talk like that she has a boyfriend. Most likely on and off. And I know from previously her telling me her "ex" and her knew each other for a while. Needless to say I never bothered hitting her up nor going to meet her. I'll keep it cordial but I'm not playing security blanket for some chicks nonsense. She'll eventually end up in a sh1t relationship if she isn't in one already as if she wasn't she wouldn't be looking to meet up while she has a BF.

I've got too much integrity to waste even on some hot azz. Whether it makes me look "beta" or not.

I repped you for this post, truly amazing answer, and once again thank you. I have taken this into consideration, and since I know u am not strong enough to initiate a pure f-buddy relationship with her, so I'm better of without her.

Thanks again!

 

[djjizzyjeff]

I repped you for this post, truly amazing answer, and once again thank you. I have taken this into consideration, and since I know u am not strong enough to initiate a pure f-buddy relationship with her, so I'm better of without her.

Thanks again!

No problem. You have to think of it like this. If we take the time out to post a thread about a certain chick and issue/scenario there's some sort of feelings involved. If not we wouldn't post at all and not care if she was some throwaway FB.

It shows some character and integrity on our part if we are analyzing the best thing to do in the situation. Not that these chicks care regardless but only would if they knew as it's a thread "about them".

Unfortunately there's no magic fix. The best thing you, I or any of us can do in those situations is leave those types where you found them. They'll run off to the next dude(s) to supply them with "security" and attention till either their boyfriend "shapes up" which they DON'T want but actually are even MORE attracted to his since she can't seem to leave a "bad" situation on her own, complains to her frends about it, and will play attention with and or cheat with other dudes but will STILL stay with her BF and end up with a FB and run back and forth regardless between two or more dudes. Those types could care less if you are a better person. Water finds it's own level. Learn from those types, IMMEDIATELY move on and avoid them in the future.

Again those types of chicks deserve the types they get and will always be the mediocre typical waste of dudes with anything to offer time.

Those types of chicks actually find the "problems" with their BF EXCITING and PREFER that as to them it's some sick form of "love" and how a "relationship works". They can't deal on their own as they are insecure and don't have much to offer. So they'll stay and keep searching for attention and may even cheat with other dudes and will ONLY leave IF the next man is a much better branch swing to whatever ticks off their buttons as a "better" relationship. And they STILL may leave that dude or run back to their ex, back and forth etc.

You need to find a chick who isn't in a relationship nor fresh out of one and some chick with basic common sense.

I actually learn from myself as well as others at times answering things I went through or am going through by replying to others threads.

The thing is even though I know I have a lot to offer, am good looking, get told BOTH those things a lot. I know most chicks only value whatever it is that brings themselves emotions/ feelings for certain types they think are "worthy" or they themselves are worth. I keep it humble to myself. You just have to be the best person you can be but these chicks are almost always looking for "better". It's not worth driving yourselves insane over it. Most chicks will do nothing but drag you down. You really have to find a diamond and look at all things from an outsiders point of view so you don't let emotions cloud your common sense LOGIC. If you feel things are off and they can't be fixed. It's best to keep it moving. It sucks and it's pretty rough out there but you need to keep up your resolve as most chicks aren't going to get better.

 

[MrNiceGuy23]

I don't know if I'll be called AFC for my opinion on this matter but I completely disagree with the cliche "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

I think ANYBODY, given the right circumstances (the right girl, the right current partner, the right place, the right time, etc), WILL cheat. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is capable of being faithful 100% of the time. It might not necessarily be physical cheating, but it's still cheating if you need to hide anything from your partner.

People are entitled to make mistakes, this doesn't make cheating acceptable, but it doesn't make the person eternally immoral. I'm sure most, if not all of us have dated a girl who has cheated in the past (whether we know it or not).

If the person realizes their actions were wrong and they make attempts to learn from them and be a better person, then there is nothing wrong with having a relationship with a girl who once cheated.

People usually cheat because there is a problem with their relationship and they either don't have the abilities to deal with and fix the problem or they don't have the guts to dump their partner, so they look to someone else to satisfy their needs. If your relationship has no issues, your girl should be faithful, if she isn't then she's just a big *****, but most of the girls I've known and dated are not like that.

People steal because they can't afford things, once they start earning money to pay for things, they typically don't steal anymore because the risk isn't worth the reward. The risk of losing a happy and solid relationship isn't worth the reward of banging somebody else, but the risk of losing a ****ty relationship is worth it.

Don't crucify someone for one incident until you know the details.

 

[djjizzyjeff]

I don't know if I'll be called AFC for my opinion on this matter but I completely disagree with the cliche "Once a cheater, always a cheater."

I think ANYBODY, given the right circumstances (the right girl, the right current partner, the right place, the right time, etc), WILL cheat. Nobody is perfect, and nobody is capable of being faithful 100% of the time. It might not necessarily be physical cheating, but it's still cheating if you need to hide anything from your partner.

People are entitled to make mistakes, this doesn't make cheating acceptable, but it doesn't make the person eternally immoral. I'm sure most, if not all of us have dated a girl who has cheated in the past (whether we know it or not).

If the person realizes their actions were wrong and they make attempts to learn from them and be a better person, then there is nothing wrong with having a relationship with a girl who once cheated.

People usually cheat because there is a problem with their relationship and they either don't have the abilities to deal with and fix the problem or they don't have the guts to dump their partner, so they look to someone else to satisfy their needs. If your relationship has no issues, your girl should be faithful, if she isn't then she's just a big *****, but most of the girls I've known and dated are not like that.

People steal because they can't afford things, once they start earning money to pay for things, they typically don't steal anymore because the risk isn't worth the reward. The risk of losing a happy and solid relationship isn't worth the reward of banging somebody else, but the risk of losing a ****ty relationship is worth it.

Don't crucify someone for one incident until you know the details.

True to an extent.

But if you believe all people will cheat given the right circumstances it's even more probable that a chick who would cheat with you and leave another dude will do the same to you.

That sounds like more of a circumstance to get cheated on yourself rather than meeting a chick who isn't in or freshly out of a relationship and has her head semi together.

Even IF a chick sees you or I as "better" they still will almost always want to "fix" the broken past or "get back" at it rather than learn from it, let it go and move on.

IMO it's better to find a chick who isn't in nor freshly out of a relationship no matter how much she "likes" you and wants to be with you. People need some time to heal or anything you do "wrong" opens up wounds from the past that haven't healed. For some chicks those wounds never heal and aren't worth it.

 

[European-DJ]

Yes, any girl will cheat under the right circumstances; but it is all about finding a girl that values your qualities, and a girl whose "right circumstances" are hard to exceed.

Any girl will cheat, yes.
But not every girl will cheat with anyone, the ones who does, are the ones not worth dating.

I spoke on the phone with the girl yesterday, and i asked her a couple of questions, to which she answered "I am looking for security, and whoever provides the most happiness for me, is the guy i take. This guy gave me more happiness, than you did back then, why i choose him over you. The happiness he provided then declined, why i wanted to reinitiate contact with you".

I think this is quite an exceptional summary of the way most girls out there think; as long as you provide the most happiness, whatever the specific girl defines as happiness: giving her lots of drama, psychical attraction, or pure nice guy sweetness. YOU will be the one to win, as SOON as there is another dude who provides these qualities better thank you, you will get burned.

This is why, it is of my personal belief, and many others on this board, that you ALWAYS must be the best edition of yourself. Work hard on yourself and for yourself, and the women will come!