This post will not be a full field report, but rather a discussion of some underlying principles such as choosing an appropriate first date, always starting out in attracting mode and assuming responsibility for outcomes. Thus, while I came to think about these topics because of a date last Saturday, the date itself will hardly be described at all.
Don't Set Yourself Up for Failure
Having had some success with women as of late, I've realized a number of times that I tend to forget some of the most helpful basic principles. In this case it was the principle of avoiding a first date in a (admittedly very nice) bar in favour of an action date that I violated. This was the second girl I met in real life that I had first talked to at an online dating site. The first one became my girlfriend after a very successful date including some downtown mountain climbing in the evening, jumping into the movies, bar-hopping and ending up dancing and making out in a club. With this ex-girlfriend I knew I was interested already before I met her, inducing me to put some effort into the date. As I will come back to below, I had no idea this second girl would be interesting and hence decided just to meet her in a bar.
I don't doubt there are Don Juans who are skilled enough to attract a girl during a date in a bar and I know a few things I could have done better, such as kino, but in the end I don't think that would have changed much. Today she turned out to be one of the rare kind that is honest enough to say that we won't meet again, claiming that "Saturday was very nice, but nothing more." Here it should be noted that as far as standard bar dates go, this was in no way a disaster. No awkward silences or anything like that, but a very nice conversation that lasted several hours. The problem was rather that this is not enough to spark attraction.
It might have been enough to just take her across the street to dance in a club on a whim, but I didn't. I almost replied to her text with an apology for not attracting her, knowing I probably could if I had only followed accessible knowledge. Consider this yet another example of why you should take your date on an adventure instead of to a bar unless you want to set yourself up for failure.
Attracting Should Be Your Standard Mode
I don't know about you guys, but personally I usually don't fall for a chick until I get to know her a bit better. By that time she is more than likely to have placed you in the friend zone forever, unless you take precautions. It's true that you can never make another first impression and unless you have more chicks than you can handle in your life, I suggest you start having your chick magnet turned on as your default mode, should you learn that she is a keeper while you get to know her. Saturday was just one out of many times I blew my chances with a quality woman because of not adhering to this principle.
This might be especially true for real life dates with people you have met online. Oftentimes people post pictures that are overly advantageous, but many times the opposite holds: a chick might look a lot better in real life. The same obviously goes for personality, chemistry and so on. In this particular case I wasn't very interested in the woman, but still decided to meet her. However, I failed to follow the principle of preparing to really attract her and thus set myself up for failure. When it dawned on me that I actually wanted to see her again it was too late.
As I realized my mistake, I had a lapse of neediness and felt an urge to try to get another date just to show that I can make a great date too. I resisted the urge though, knowing that it most likely already was too late. And that is the very reason you should always start out in attracting mode. It's easier to lose an ugly chick that is attracted, than attracting a great chick that you made the wrong first impression on.
Assuming Responsibility for the Outcome
So, is there nothing I did well in all of this? Well, reading through the preview my eyes are caught by the heading, Forgive Me for Not Attracting You, that I thought of already when I was out running earlier today. Now that I think of it, what it really means is that I've at least taken an important step compared to before I set out on my journey; as is true for achieving any kind of change, you will need to realize that the outcome depends on your actions and your actions alone. From this it follows that responsibility rests solely on your shoulders. While it might imply you feeling a bit annoyed with yourself at times, it is a good sign when you accept that you can achieve - and more importantly are responsible for achieving - any kind of outcome you desire, instead of blaming other contingencies which won't help anyway.
The Story with a Happy Ending Is the One That Doesn't End
The case of this specific woman doesn't have a "happy ending"; I doubt I'll ever see her again and the decision to leave it at that also has some positive connotations. But having had this chance to critically examine the case, my annoyance is almost extinguished and I am prepared to do better at any upcoming challenge. Many thanks to anyone taking the time to read the post.
//Movin
Don't Set Yourself Up for Failure
Having had some success with women as of late, I've realized a number of times that I tend to forget some of the most helpful basic principles. In this case it was the principle of avoiding a first date in a (admittedly very nice) bar in favour of an action date that I violated. This was the second girl I met in real life that I had first talked to at an online dating site. The first one became my girlfriend after a very successful date including some downtown mountain climbing in the evening, jumping into the movies, bar-hopping and ending up dancing and making out in a club. With this ex-girlfriend I knew I was interested already before I met her, inducing me to put some effort into the date. As I will come back to below, I had no idea this second girl would be interesting and hence decided just to meet her in a bar.
I don't doubt there are Don Juans who are skilled enough to attract a girl during a date in a bar and I know a few things I could have done better, such as kino, but in the end I don't think that would have changed much. Today she turned out to be one of the rare kind that is honest enough to say that we won't meet again, claiming that "Saturday was very nice, but nothing more." Here it should be noted that as far as standard bar dates go, this was in no way a disaster. No awkward silences or anything like that, but a very nice conversation that lasted several hours. The problem was rather that this is not enough to spark attraction.
It might have been enough to just take her across the street to dance in a club on a whim, but I didn't. I almost replied to her text with an apology for not attracting her, knowing I probably could if I had only followed accessible knowledge. Consider this yet another example of why you should take your date on an adventure instead of to a bar unless you want to set yourself up for failure.
Attracting Should Be Your Standard Mode
I don't know about you guys, but personally I usually don't fall for a chick until I get to know her a bit better. By that time she is more than likely to have placed you in the friend zone forever, unless you take precautions. It's true that you can never make another first impression and unless you have more chicks than you can handle in your life, I suggest you start having your chick magnet turned on as your default mode, should you learn that she is a keeper while you get to know her. Saturday was just one out of many times I blew my chances with a quality woman because of not adhering to this principle.
This might be especially true for real life dates with people you have met online. Oftentimes people post pictures that are overly advantageous, but many times the opposite holds: a chick might look a lot better in real life. The same obviously goes for personality, chemistry and so on. In this particular case I wasn't very interested in the woman, but still decided to meet her. However, I failed to follow the principle of preparing to really attract her and thus set myself up for failure. When it dawned on me that I actually wanted to see her again it was too late.
As I realized my mistake, I had a lapse of neediness and felt an urge to try to get another date just to show that I can make a great date too. I resisted the urge though, knowing that it most likely already was too late. And that is the very reason you should always start out in attracting mode. It's easier to lose an ugly chick that is attracted, than attracting a great chick that you made the wrong first impression on.
Assuming Responsibility for the Outcome
So, is there nothing I did well in all of this? Well, reading through the preview my eyes are caught by the heading, Forgive Me for Not Attracting You, that I thought of already when I was out running earlier today. Now that I think of it, what it really means is that I've at least taken an important step compared to before I set out on my journey; as is true for achieving any kind of change, you will need to realize that the outcome depends on your actions and your actions alone. From this it follows that responsibility rests solely on your shoulders. While it might imply you feeling a bit annoyed with yourself at times, it is a good sign when you accept that you can achieve - and more importantly are responsible for achieving - any kind of outcome you desire, instead of blaming other contingencies which won't help anyway.
The Story with a Happy Ending Is the One That Doesn't End
The case of this specific woman doesn't have a "happy ending"; I doubt I'll ever see her again and the decision to leave it at that also has some positive connotations. But having had this chance to critically examine the case, my annoyance is almost extinguished and I am prepared to do better at any upcoming challenge. Many thanks to anyone taking the time to read the post.
//Movin
