Forget emotions, always think strategically and logically

[st_99]

Always be thinking, will this action help or hurt my cause?

If I'm being brutally honest with myself, what is the probability
that I will get this chick? 3%, 10%, 1%?

If I do a, will it increase my odds or decrease? What about
option b, will that help or hurt my odds?

Oh no, she just mentioned some guy she is dating. Ok, so whats
the best action I can take to keep my odds the same or increase them.

The main point here is to always check your emotions and think about
the game, not the outcome. You don't always know if a particular action
is really going to help or hurt you in achieving your goal but as long as
your decision was not emotionally based but logically or strategically based
you'll be on a way better path.

I think girls are much better at this than us.

And always keep in mind that nothing is ever really 0% or 100%.

 

[Mike32ct]

Always be thinking, will this action help or hurt my cause?

If I'm being brutally honest with myself, what is the probability
that I will get this chick? 3%, 10%, 1%?

If I do a, will it increase my odds or decrease? What about
option b, will that help or hurt my odds?

Oh no, she just mentioned some guy she is dating. Ok, so whats
the best action I can take to keep my odds the same or increase them.

The main point here is to always check your emotions and think about
the game, not the outcome. You don't always know if a particular action
is really going to help or hurt you in achieving your goal but as long as
your decision was not emotionally based but logically or strategically based
you'll be on a way better path.

I think girls are much better at this than us.

And always keep in mind that nothing is ever really 0% or 100%.

I agree. The only caveat is don't get too stuck in your head. If you get overly logical and analytical, your game will suffer. You want to be confident and fun, yet still silently figuring out the "chess moves" in your head that will increase the probability of getting in the panties.

 

[st_99]

True, you dont want to get over analytical and robotic either.

I think the main point is STOP WITH THE EMOTIONAL ****.

And I think that once you realize this is all just a numbers game
you wont get worried about striking out because it helps you
NOT get attached to that one person, the dreaded oneitis.

Then you will naturally be smoother in the process.

 

[Mike32ct]

Absolutely. It is definitely a numbers game, and you must keep your emotions in check.

I used to let my emotions f*ck me up a lot. I would get really envious when I would go out and see another guy making out with a chick or leaving with her. It would REALLY hurt when a girl I was talking to blew me off and then left with another guy. Not anymore. Now I'm like, "It's ok Mike. That was his turn. Your turn is coming up soon. It may or may not be tonight, but you will get yours. Keep on sarging." A better attitude, better control of my emotions, and a reminder that it was a numbers game got me laid twice last month.

 

[Warrior74]

Sounds like you guys are describing negative emotions.

Positive emotion + logical thinking = win.

not saying you should walk around with a blissed out smile, but just having some hope and cheerfulness and a sense of play in the game and in your interactions with women (regardless of if you win or lose with them) goes a long way.

If you get rejected, logically you know its just a numbers game, emotionally you say oh well it was fun on to the next. Yah you might take a little ego hit, but that is what the logic is for, to shut down that negative emotion.

 

[Zarky]

I don't think humans can just "stop" emotions. They're extremely important parts of being an animal and have allowed humans to survive as long as they have. True, in the 21st century they're not as useful as 50,000 years ago, but you can't just get rid of them.

I think a better approach is to constantly analyze why you're feeling whatever emotion it is you're feeling. If you ruthlessly analyze them as they pop up, and drill down into what's the root cause of them (usually fear), you can look at them from a slight distance. And the more you do it the better you get.

 

[Jariel]

I agree. One rule I apply to dealing with women now is that I never make decisions that come from the heart.

My emotions will tell me to chase after her, reveal how I feel, try to resolve any differences, forgive her when she apologises, play into her dramas and so on.

My rational mind will tell me to let her walk away because she'll be back, keep my feelings to myself, ignore her dramas and punish her when she's disrespected me.

The rational decisions always work out best.

 

[squirrels]

Oh no, she just mentioned some guy she is dating. Ok, so whats
the best action I can take to keep my odds the same or increase them.

Something about this particular thought seems very un-Don-Juan, in my opinion, anyway.

I personally think Plato had it wrong. He always believed that the rational mind should lead, accounting for advice and guidance from the spirit and the body/desires.

Rather, I think the spirit should lead with advice from the mind and the body/desires.

The rational mind can generate and analyze ideas. It can't actually set a course.

 

[st_99]

Something about this particular thought seems very un-Don-Juan, in my opinion, anyway.

I personally think Plato had it wrong. He always believed that the rational mind should lead, accounting for advice and guidance from the spirit and the body/desires.

Rather, I think the spirit should lead with advice from the mind and the body/desires.

The rational mind can generate and analyze ideas. It can't actually set a course.

I guess what I what i was trying to say was, no need to get bent
out of shape if a girl is dating another guy. If you get emotional about
it, then its already dead. You and her most likely will never happen.

If you accept it and just think, "well down the road who knows?" "Or if not
then whatever" You'll be more likely to continue to be that cool confident
guy and so you're only helping yourself with this mentality.

Its all about, what action will help me and what will hurt me?

 

[squirrels]

I guess what I what i was trying to say was, no need to get bent
out of shape if a girl is dating another guy. If you get emotional about
it, then its already dead. You and her most likely will never happen.

If you accept it and just think, "well down the road who knows?" "Or if not
then whatever" You'll be more likely to continue to be that cool confident
guy and so you're only helping yourself with this mentality.

Its all about, what action will help me and what will hurt me?

True that...as soon as you have to ask yourself, "what can I do to fix this?", chances are you're already sunk.

You have to accept the fact that most attractive women in society will have more suitors than you. All you can do is be as awesome as you can be...if she isn't into you, there's nothing you can do to MAKE her suddenly fall in love/back in love with you. Attraction isn't a choice.

 

[Colossus]

Different strokes for different folks. There is no ONE right path to take in life. Personally I pride myself on being objective and rational most of the time. I think it's always important to look at the big picture---of a situation, of a person, of life.

Some guys are really heart-driven. My dad is this way. It is great because he's a real guy and you can talk to him about deep problems. But---it has gotten the better of him when it comes to women. I have all the respect in the world for my father, but we differ when it comes to this. He believes in wearing his heart on his sleeve at all times, and it's part of who he is, but I think it can be a liability.

In my young 29 year-old opinion I think it is best to keep emotions in check with regards to women. I dont believe in stuffing your feelings and being a machine, but be cognizant of what you are feeling and why. Jariel had a great point---your emotions will tell you to call her now, make excuses for her behavior, reveal your feelings, and come on strong. As we all know this is NOT the way to operate with women, not if you want any success and fulfillment.
For most of my 20's I followed the "heart on my sleeve" approach when I met a girl I really liked, and all it ever got me was heartbreak. You think- "why cant I just be totally open and real with her?? Screw this game stuff all the time". Well being open and real with a chick is something that needs to be earned and rationed. If you just offer your heart to them on a silver platter they will never respect you. It's easy to keep your armor on when you arent that into a girl, but when you are really smitten by a chick....man you are only human and sh!t can quickly get out of hand. It's taken me time to be aware of this.

 

[st_99]

For most of my 20's I followed the "heart on my sleeve" approach when I met a girl I really liked, and all it ever got me was heartbreak.

I used to think this way also, I would think.. "screw it, I reeeeally like this
girl and I'm almost positive she really likes me, so I'm going to let her know it"

And its true that she did have some level of interest in me, except my dumb way of thinking and stupid actions made that interest go down down down.....

 

[Zunder]

Jariel had a great point---your emotions will tell you to call her now, make excuses for her behavior, reveal your feelings, and come on strong. As we all know this is NOT the way to operate with women, not if you want any success and fulfillment.
For most of my 20's I followed the "heart on my sleeve" approach when I met a girl I really liked, and all it ever got me was heartbreak. You think- "why cant I just be totally open and real with her?? Screw this game stuff all the time". Well being open and real with a chick is something that needs to be earned and rationed. If you just offer your heart to them on a silver platter they will never respect you. It's easy to keep your armor on when you arent that into a girl, but when you are really smitten by a chick....man you are only human and sh!t can quickly get out of hand. It's taken me time to be aware of this.

Its taken you time? well you are only 29 and it has taken me about 11 more years.

Women do NOT want you to wear your heart on your sleeve.

I will always maintain men are more romantic than women - but they (women) don't want you to show it too often - despite what they say.

And what is being romantic anyway? Is it spilling your guts about your feelings for her, buying her gifts, saying nice things? This is the traditional view, and with EVERY woman that I have been like this with it got me no-where. Absolutely no-where.

 

[SharinganUser]

"And what is being romantic anyway? Is it spilling your guts about your feelings for her, buying her gifts, saying nice things? This is the traditional view, and with EVERY woman that I have been like this with it got me no-where. Absolutely no-where."

I get the feeling from my father that romance probably has a less to do with what you say or buy, and more to do with what you action you take. My parents have been happily married for almost 40 years and yet my dad's never opened up emotionally, and never spent money on "nice things" for my mom.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

I believe the pinnacle of existence is to be able to control your emotions through the power of suggestion.

Because whether we believe it or not, we are already unconsciously doing this.

All acts and forms of circumstance are first conceived and believed in the conscious, or the subconscious, mind. The biblical aphorism "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he", not only embraces the whole of a man's being, but is so comprehensive as to reach out to every condition and circumstance of his life.

"As the plant springs from, and could not be without, the seed, so every act of a man springs from the hidden seeds of thought, and could not have appeared without them. This applies equally to those acts called 'spontaneous' and 'unpremeditated' as to those that are deliberately executed. Act is the blossom of thought, and joy and suffering are its fruits; thus does a man garner in the sweet and bitter fruitage of his own husbandry.

Man is a growth by law, and not a creation by artifice, and cause and effect is as absolute and undeviating in the hidden realm of thought as in the world of visible and material things...man contains within himself that transforming and regenerative agency by which he may make himself what he wills. Man is always the master, even in his weaker and most abandoned state; but in his weakness and degradation he is the foolish master who misgoverns his 'household'. When he begins to reflect upon his condition, and to search diligently for the Law upon which his being is established, he then becomes the wise master, directing his energies with intelligence, and fashioning his thoughts to fruitful issues. Such is the conscious master, and man can only thus become by discovering within himself the laws of thought; which discovery is totally a matter of application, self-analysis, and experience."

Suffice to say, you are the master of your thoughts and emotions, but you must take responsibility for them and take control of your thoughts when they begin to get away from you. But the reward is more than worth the price of effort; it is that of true strength, faith, happiness, and all things desirable, dwelling perpetually within your mind and expressed to the world as you so choose.

 

[Razor Sharp]

Very true st_99, with one small caveat/disclaimer:

As men we should not fear or shun emotion. We should embrace it because it's part of what makes living worthwhile. Forgetting that makes you little more than a machine with no soul, and that is not attractive. Women want us to be strong/stoic but without passion it means nothing to them. In fact one could argue that life itself loses any sense of meaning in such a logical vacuum.

Emotions only become problematic when we are ruled by them, and they succeed at overriding common sense, along with simple ideas like cause/effect.

Classic example of this is a guy who will jump into a serious relationship with someone who left her man to be with him. His excitement at stealing a lover makes him blind to the very high possibility that she will just turn around and do the same to him.

A more prevalent example are dudes that catch strong feelings very early on for someone without really getting to know them. The emotions of validation one gets from dating someone who is simply "hot" can seriously impair judgement from the start. Logically we know it is impossible to truly love and trust someone you've only known a few weeks, but in the presence of unchecked emotion this gets chucked out the window and we get blindly swept away by a process which we should be jumping into with eyes wide open.

The key is not to avoid feelings, but to have some degree of control over them. A man ruled by his heart is a p*ssy. One ruled by his mind is a nerd. Neither is desireable. You must dominate these aspects of yourself before you can step to a woman with the right mindset/energy. What they want is a leader in their lives - how can you be up to that task when you are just following your own impulses all the time?

It all comes down to discipline. The way you react to people around you is just a metaphor of how you perceive and treat yourself. If you can't draw boundaries and make sacrifices to achieve a greater good in your life, then you will not be equipped with the necessary tools to foster a successful joint venture either (long or short term).

Guys mistakenly believe that women want someone who is cold, calculating and does not care for them. Sure, many dysfunctional women dig it, but a healthy one admires a man who sits in the driver's seat of his own life - a man who can experience strong feelings for her, but not be totally consumed, whipped and spit out.

They also appreciate a guy with enough emotional health/intelligence to show a little self-restraint in the beginning, reciprocating affection and trust over time in the spirit of compensation for their actions, rather than entitlement for their good genetics.

Remember, the most important part of the game is not how you finish, but how you start (and your motivations for) playing - it sets the tone for the entire match. True champions know this and are able to balance discipline with pure joy in the most optimal fashion on the many playing fields of life.

When you are in that zone, the game practically plays itself - to your benefit