"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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For those who need their nicotine fix but can't light up...

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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RedPill

Master Don Juan
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What's next? That's a good question. The possibilities are endless...

- nicotine-releasing Glade plug-ins
- nicotine energy drinks
- nicotine hand lotion (plus aloe and vitamins A & E)
- the nicotine suppository
- those two douches singing about Applebee's new nicotine enhanced menu offerings

And the beat goes on...
 

insanity

Master Don Juan
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red pill i like the way you think. i'm sure theirs a market for all those products you mentioned. i know i would buy the nicotine hand lotion.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

Master Don Juan
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The funny thing is that it's marketed as a diet suppliment. Can you believe it??!!
 
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