The most essensial concept in life: Love yourself.
This is not just for Don Juans, this is for everyone. If you don't love yourself, you've already set yourself up for failure. Meeting women is not your problem. Flirting, Kino, Getting their phone number... these are all unimportant. No amount of "DJ Tips" is going to help you. The recipe for being a Don Juan is 3 parts confidence, 1 part style. If you don't love yourself, then you will never have consistent confidence.
So how do you start loving yourself? Unfortunately, like most problems, there is no quick fix. First, get out a pen and paper. Write down a list of things that make you unique. What special skills or experiences do you have? Are you smart? Creative? Can you speak other languages? Can you play an instrument? Do you play sports well? Can you tell a joke really good? Do you know alot about different alcoholic drinks/mixes? Do you know alot about movies? Do you have an interesting job? What type of personality do you have? Do you have a vivid imagination? Do you have an artistic mind? Do you enjoy the outdoors? Have you ever accomplished any hard-to-achieve goals? Have you done volunteer work? Do you help old people cross the street? Write down everything that comes to mind. Even small things that seem pointless. Keep writing until you've got a decent list. There are many things about you that may not seem interesting to you, but would intrigue other people.
After you're done that list, pick a handful of these items that really stand out. Anything that you'd like to share on a first date that would make you seem somewhat interesting. Put an asterisk beside these items.
Now, along-side that list, write down a list of different skills and experiences you would LIKE to have. Write down everything from "making people laugh" to "climbing Mount St. Helen" to "designing the perfect golf course." Keep writing for at least 5 minutes. Pick you brain until you have a nice long list to look at. Now, go down that list and take a look at each individual item. Ask yourself this: "could I ever possibly have this skill or attribute?" If not, either cross it out, or tone it down to something that's more achievable. If so, how difficult would it be to learn? Next to the item, write a number between 1 and 10, grading how difficult and time consuming this item would be (10 being hardest, 1 easiest). Continue doing this until you've gone down the entire list.
Okay, so you've got a list of everything you'd like to be. Now take out another sheet of paper. Write down all of the items that have an asterisk beside them. These are your CURRENT skills/experiences that are interesting. Now, sort all of the items from the other list from least difficult to most difficult, and re-write them on the second sheet of paper below the other skills. Once you've done this, take a nice fat red pen and put a check mark beside the skills you ALREADY have. Now try to work on accomplishing the rest of these items. Whenever you do one, put a red check mark beside it. Experiences are easier than skills, because they have a destination. So, to judge whether you have "gained" a certain skill, put this skill to use to accomplish a hard-to-reach goal. Once that's done, then you can check the item off.
Now that you have a plan laid out to make yourself more desirable to both yourself and others, there are 2 VERY important tasks for you to do:
1. Talk to people. Tell someone about a goal you're working on. Once you've spoken the goal out to someone else, you have already begun accomplishing this goal. Everyone needs some support and acceptance. Talk to people who accept you. Surround yourself with people who enjoy your company. If you can't think of anyone, then do some volunteer work. You'd be surprised how good you feel after helping homeless people or old people. You'd be surprised how much better you feel about yourself when you hear their gratitude. (Besides, chicks love hearing about a guy who does volunteer work. Makes them think you're really friendly so they'll trust you more.)
2. Go out and have fun. If you're not having fun with your life, then no wonder you don't love yourself. Loving yourself and loving life are two peas in the same pod. You won't love life if you're not having fun.. and if you're not having fun, you won't love yourself very much.
Remember, when you set a goal for yourself, don't think that if you don't accomplish this goal then you've failed. For example, if you're on a certain fitness plan that you hoped would get you 20 lbs of muscle in 12 weeks, and 12 weeks later you're only 7 lbs heavier with only a slightly more muscular body... Don't think of the negatives, think of the positives: you are in much better shape than you would have been had you not tried this plan out. You have found a plan that gives you results, even though it's not as fast as you'd like, if you stick with it, you'll eventually get results. Think of the lessons you've learned from attempting a goal. You have some experience that you'd never have if you didn't try. Remember that girl you fell in love with before even dating? Remember how horribly you screwed up any chance of ever being her boyfriend? Be thankful that you've had the opportunity to experience this, so in the future you will be more careful with your emotions, and less excited and needy when you see a girl that you'd like to be with.
Never worry about "what might have been". Every time we fall in love with a girl and screw it up, we think to ourselves "what if...?" "if only I..." "I should have...". Listen, hindsight is 20/20. If you KNEW exactly what this girl was looking for before you met her, then OF COURSE you could've done everything right, but we live on a planet called Earth, and we simply don't know. Every time you think "if only I did this", ask yourself how much of a fluke it would have been if you actually DID do everything right. You might as well be looking at the winning lottery numbers and saying "if only I chose those numbers, THEN I'd be happy." Don't fall in love with a "what if." Don't fall into the downward spiral of self pity. Instead, start climbing the steep mountain of success. When you start climbing this mountain, you're carrying alot of excess baggage, so it's going to be pretty difficult, but eventually you'll start to realize that certain things just aren't important, and your journey will be alot easier.
Goals are ALWAYS positive. Whether you accomplish them or not, you are guaranteed to have experience. Be persistant, and each day you will find yourself more and more in love with yourself. Now go check out uglypeople.com and be thankful you're not them.
This is not just for Don Juans, this is for everyone. If you don't love yourself, you've already set yourself up for failure. Meeting women is not your problem. Flirting, Kino, Getting their phone number... these are all unimportant. No amount of "DJ Tips" is going to help you. The recipe for being a Don Juan is 3 parts confidence, 1 part style. If you don't love yourself, then you will never have consistent confidence.
So how do you start loving yourself? Unfortunately, like most problems, there is no quick fix. First, get out a pen and paper. Write down a list of things that make you unique. What special skills or experiences do you have? Are you smart? Creative? Can you speak other languages? Can you play an instrument? Do you play sports well? Can you tell a joke really good? Do you know alot about different alcoholic drinks/mixes? Do you know alot about movies? Do you have an interesting job? What type of personality do you have? Do you have a vivid imagination? Do you have an artistic mind? Do you enjoy the outdoors? Have you ever accomplished any hard-to-achieve goals? Have you done volunteer work? Do you help old people cross the street? Write down everything that comes to mind. Even small things that seem pointless. Keep writing until you've got a decent list. There are many things about you that may not seem interesting to you, but would intrigue other people.
After you're done that list, pick a handful of these items that really stand out. Anything that you'd like to share on a first date that would make you seem somewhat interesting. Put an asterisk beside these items.
Now, along-side that list, write down a list of different skills and experiences you would LIKE to have. Write down everything from "making people laugh" to "climbing Mount St. Helen" to "designing the perfect golf course." Keep writing for at least 5 minutes. Pick you brain until you have a nice long list to look at. Now, go down that list and take a look at each individual item. Ask yourself this: "could I ever possibly have this skill or attribute?" If not, either cross it out, or tone it down to something that's more achievable. If so, how difficult would it be to learn? Next to the item, write a number between 1 and 10, grading how difficult and time consuming this item would be (10 being hardest, 1 easiest). Continue doing this until you've gone down the entire list.
Okay, so you've got a list of everything you'd like to be. Now take out another sheet of paper. Write down all of the items that have an asterisk beside them. These are your CURRENT skills/experiences that are interesting. Now, sort all of the items from the other list from least difficult to most difficult, and re-write them on the second sheet of paper below the other skills. Once you've done this, take a nice fat red pen and put a check mark beside the skills you ALREADY have. Now try to work on accomplishing the rest of these items. Whenever you do one, put a red check mark beside it. Experiences are easier than skills, because they have a destination. So, to judge whether you have "gained" a certain skill, put this skill to use to accomplish a hard-to-reach goal. Once that's done, then you can check the item off.
Now that you have a plan laid out to make yourself more desirable to both yourself and others, there are 2 VERY important tasks for you to do:
1. Talk to people. Tell someone about a goal you're working on. Once you've spoken the goal out to someone else, you have already begun accomplishing this goal. Everyone needs some support and acceptance. Talk to people who accept you. Surround yourself with people who enjoy your company. If you can't think of anyone, then do some volunteer work. You'd be surprised how good you feel after helping homeless people or old people. You'd be surprised how much better you feel about yourself when you hear their gratitude. (Besides, chicks love hearing about a guy who does volunteer work. Makes them think you're really friendly so they'll trust you more.)
2. Go out and have fun. If you're not having fun with your life, then no wonder you don't love yourself. Loving yourself and loving life are two peas in the same pod. You won't love life if you're not having fun.. and if you're not having fun, you won't love yourself very much.
Remember, when you set a goal for yourself, don't think that if you don't accomplish this goal then you've failed. For example, if you're on a certain fitness plan that you hoped would get you 20 lbs of muscle in 12 weeks, and 12 weeks later you're only 7 lbs heavier with only a slightly more muscular body... Don't think of the negatives, think of the positives: you are in much better shape than you would have been had you not tried this plan out. You have found a plan that gives you results, even though it's not as fast as you'd like, if you stick with it, you'll eventually get results. Think of the lessons you've learned from attempting a goal. You have some experience that you'd never have if you didn't try. Remember that girl you fell in love with before even dating? Remember how horribly you screwed up any chance of ever being her boyfriend? Be thankful that you've had the opportunity to experience this, so in the future you will be more careful with your emotions, and less excited and needy when you see a girl that you'd like to be with.
Never worry about "what might have been". Every time we fall in love with a girl and screw it up, we think to ourselves "what if...?" "if only I..." "I should have...". Listen, hindsight is 20/20. If you KNEW exactly what this girl was looking for before you met her, then OF COURSE you could've done everything right, but we live on a planet called Earth, and we simply don't know. Every time you think "if only I did this", ask yourself how much of a fluke it would have been if you actually DID do everything right. You might as well be looking at the winning lottery numbers and saying "if only I chose those numbers, THEN I'd be happy." Don't fall in love with a "what if." Don't fall into the downward spiral of self pity. Instead, start climbing the steep mountain of success. When you start climbing this mountain, you're carrying alot of excess baggage, so it's going to be pretty difficult, but eventually you'll start to realize that certain things just aren't important, and your journey will be alot easier.
Goals are ALWAYS positive. Whether you accomplish them or not, you are guaranteed to have experience. Be persistant, and each day you will find yourself more and more in love with yourself. Now go check out uglypeople.com and be thankful you're not them.
