for those who can't handle silence during conversations

[john_1234]

this is about silence during conversations in general. i read somewhere that constantly trying to carry on conversations to avoid silences/asking too many questions are subtle ways of approval seeking. and it makes sense if you really think about it. those who don't seek approval are the ones who can tolerate silences because they're used to others seeking approval from them; while those who seek approval can't tolerate silences because they're used to seeking approval from others. hence, they ask ?'s and make constant attempts to carry on conversation.

i tested this by tolerating silences more in conversations. i wanted to see how others respond to silence. i found that the people i know who seem more secure about themselves can easily tolerate silence (man, there was a strong urge to break the silence but i fought it) interestingly, the people who seemed more insecure about themselves were the ones who'd always carry on the conversation/& ask ?'s

have you guys noticed this? how some "alpha"males, naturals, etc. can tolerate silences better than others can? i think this is important because if you're on a date and you're making constant attempts to kill the silences, it may actually work against you. you may come across as if you're seeking approval from her where it should be the other way around. instead of trying to carry on the conversation, it may sometimes be better to just lean back, chill, and make her put in an effort to carry on the conversation

 

[PRMoon]

I like this

I like what's being said here. Definately worth concideration while on a date or even around the office.

 

[Desdinova]

it may sometimes be better to just lean back, chill, and make her put in an effort to carry on the conversation

This is EXACTLY what I did when I encountered silences during my dates. I viewed it as normal to have silences during a date. People in LTRs have silences, but they're comfortable enough around each other to know it doesn't mean anything.

People seem to identify silences during a date as "losing interest" and will scramble to fill the silence with something to maintain the interest. This happens with both men and women.

Whenever I encounter a silence, I just start looking at my surroundings. The lack of eye contact combined with the silence will cause her to think that you're losing interest, so she'd better fill the gap.

I'd classify this as an IOI and a way to raise her IL.

Let her worry about the silences. You just sit and enjoy the date.

 

[Rondavu]

I never cared about silence. You know someone has potential when you can both just shut the fk up for a minute and it doesn't present a problem. I'm a big advocate of the comfortable silence. Always have been. Some women see silence as bad. Whenever it happens and she seems nervous I ease her by saying something like "isn't it nice to share a moment of silence and not care?" It always puts them at ease, and causes the non silent moments to run along much smoother as if they're not forced to prevent silence.

 

[TheFlyingMan]

i agree that silence is OK in date situations? but what about a PU situation? I did a PU today, and I told a few funny stories, etc, and she responded well, giggling and stuff, but didn't add much to it. SHe just giggled and waited for more. In the end I ran out of things to say. I condoned some silence, but always reinitiated chat after a while. In the end I just walked off.

 

[Tomatoes]

Good post.....However not entirely accurate.

The tolerance of the silence also depends on the situation.

The convosation... If the convo ended on a negative for yourself you will retort

Whos there...Comfort can depend on the situation of who is around you....

Basically.....it can involve what level of comfort zone you are currently in..

Still psychologically true and a good post!