For the new DJ -- Signs it's time to move on

[Flogger]

This is elementary, but so prevalent it needs to be spelled out (again).

Guys I know who are inexperienced often form one-itis and will pursue a single woman for months.

In their mind, if the girl just finally engages him in playful banter, she will finally "get him" and be hooked by his keen insight and honesty.

The entire time, though, their chances simply slide from .1 to .00001.

Their self-image is strong by their own measure, but they neglect to attend to their serious shortcomings, and so their chances never improve and they move from a state of honesty to one of delusion.

You might be one of these guys if:

* You've been making every effort to cross paths with a girl for weeks but you've barely talked to her.

* You've shared more words about a girl with your friends than you've shared with her.

* You've actually been in a series of social situations with her but that eye-opening conversation has yet to take place.

* She's asked for your help, and you've obliged, but your interactions have never moved past friendly conversation.

[any others guys?]

Here's the rule:

If a girl is a potential lover, you will know so almost immediately after she knows that you're single.

If you don't know, or you're uncertain, start looking elsewhere immediately.


While a woman still thinks she has a chance with you, her signs of interest are persistent and unmistakable when they actually happen. For instance, if you're in a casual social setting with a girl, she will initiate conversations with you. The questions will be open-ended and about you.

Repeated contact with a girl that goes nowhere is a gravestone, not the germinating seed that you think it is. It was all in your mind -- and not hers. Move on.

 

[Sasha]

- if you are the one ALLWAYS initiating conversation

 

[jiza101]

What about with quieter chicks, who are shy

 

[pimpfromdayone]

I'd also like to add:
The longer you're around a woman you like without making any moves on her, the worse it gets usually, esp. if you become a friend.

And, being around the girl you have one-itis on for a long time is extremely draining confidence-wise. If you're not making any progress with her, you need to move on because it is causing you a lot of mental distress. I was in a situation like this where I liked her but KNEW from the beginning it was never going to happen. I had a class with her so had no choice to just stay away from her for good... needless to say it was just torture to my mind and I couldn't wait to get away from her.

Time is bad. Be a man of action in the beginning, or forever hold your peace.

 

[Flogger]

Originally posted by jiza101
What about with quieter chicks, who are shy

I think the same rules apply.

Even shy or quiet chicks will initiate at least occasional conversations with you about yourself if they are interested and they are in a casual social setting. At least that's been my experience. They know they have to take at least a small risk to have a chance. Actually, the girl I'm dating right now is very shy, yet she sought me out and started a conversation with me that lasted nearly an hour.

Of course, the simple test -- one that a guy in this situation never tries because of fear -- is to ask her to spend time with you alone. If she agrees to it without hesitation, that's a good sign. Even if it's just a trip to the coffee shop during lunch, if she likes you, she'll think it's an invitation. You've just put your foot forward. And if she likes you, she'll probably do the same, by, again, asking you personal questions about yourself.


And listen to Pimpfromdayone

 

[Flogger]

Oh, and as Sasha's point suggests, it's all about initiating.

In the situation above, the guy does a little initiating, but it's not substantial or direct enough. The girl, importantly, initiates nothing (beyond what a co-worker might do).

 

[pimpfromdayone]

Excellent points Flogger, Sasha. In my situation the really hot girl was ALWAYS initiating convos and asking personal questions about me. She did bolder things like put her head on my shoulder, touching me playfully, and I caught her staring at me often, we had prolonged eye contact a lot, she always complimented me, seemed to try to get my attention sometimes esp. when I flirted with other girls intentionally, and even looked really shy when she was around me like she was afraid to mess up.
The kicker: She had a bf, and I think the whole time she was attempting to toy with me, as some hot girls will do.... I rejected her advances usually because I suspected this (which actually probably made her want me more), but perhaps I was wrong for once, I don't know, and I don't care. It was just a miserable situation that could have been avoided if I had done something early on before I even heard mention of a bf.