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For the Men on here with kids? How do you deal with the mother?

Zontyy

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Recently I became a father, it was going well these last few weeks no drama. She would invite me over for walks, and sometimes dinner, I was getting 4 miles a day with her and my son which was great. I'm not really looking for a relationship with her because she plans on getting her tubes tied and I want more kids. Occasionally we talk and very rarely does it get flirty I'm more focused on my son then anything.

Anyways last week she started talking to me ******** saying she prefers to be alone and this is why she can't be with anyone yadda yadda yadda. It felt like sort of a soft rejection though I never even put the moves on her. I replied back with that is great, do what makes you happy. Weekend comes around and my golf buddy cancels on me. I called her and asked if she wanted to go golfing with me because she always asking to go. She cancels because it's too hot, I make plans with another friend to golf. I still have Sunday night available so I shoot her a text to drive movie and tell her to have the neighbor watch her son for a few hours and bring my newborn and we can go to the drive in. She politely declines and I just text back ok. I make plans with old friend to play some video games because covid keeps everything closed. Later on that night I get a text while gaming from her that says "I dont do movies thats something people who are dating do, and we are not dating and that is not us". I text back easy there killer it was just and invite stop overthinking.

Monday comes around she wants to go walking and have dinner at her place then go tanning with her afterwards. I've been on a 20 day fast and I'm just not into it because I can't eat and also because I'm tired. Plus she and I had plans to see her aunt who absolutely loves me and talks about how great a catch I am its a 1 hour commute and I'll be getting home late. Anyways when I cancel she blows up at me all angry texting me then calls me, and is cussing me out over the phone. I just don't respond and hang up, she texts me later and tells me to forget going to her aunts. I politely text back "that is a shame we usually have a very great time when we visit your aunt and I miss spending time with her". Tells me since I'm tired I can get all the rest I need. Text me how pissed off she is with me then blocks me.

Next day, today she unblocked me and has yet to contact me, if and when she does I want an apology. This whole drama with her made me question my frame with her. Am I coming off to passive? Am I being to friendly and giving her the wrong impression?
 

Lookatu

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I'm still confused if you guys are just fwb's, friends, or what?
I think she does have a point about dates only doing movies as she may see some activities as something more a gf/bf would do. But then again, why would she invite you to her relatives? It doesn't really make too much sense.
If you guys are only activity partners and only interacting due to your kid, then you should establish do and don't activities and frequencies.
But from what you wrote, it seems like you are latched onto her and always going back to her if you don't have anything going on. I'm not sure if that's entirely healthy either.
 

Zontyy

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I'm still confused if you guys are just fwb's, friends, or what?
I think she does have a point about dates only doing movies as she may see some activities as something more a gf/bf would do. But then again, why would she invite you to her relatives? It doesn't really make too much sense.
If you guys are only activity partners and only interacting due to your kid, then you should establish do and don't activities and frequencies.
But from what you wrote, it seems like you are latched onto her and always going back to her if you don't have anything going on. I'm not sure if that's entirely healthy either.
We started as friends, then turned into FWB's then she tried to LJBF. I dropped her and got into a 2 year relationship with some other girl. That ended and she came back into my life literally 2 weeks later. Started as friends then turned to dating and her pushing me for marriage got her pregnant. She then turned it into LJBFs again and I was okay with that because I was still getting over my 2 year relationship with my ex I bluntly told her that which pissed her off. She then turned it into FWBs for 2 months then LJBFs again.

While I agree with you some things can be considered date like, such as the movies we were planning on bringing my newborn son. I don't really consider it a date with a newborn baby there. She invites me over to her aunts and also to all the family functions xmas, thanksgiving etc etc.

We've always been activity partners, used to be best friends. Now though I try to keep the interacting due to my kid. She is my go to backup if plans fall through.

I'm pretty easy going when it comes to our relationship, right now its just friends. If she wants FWB i'm okay with that too, just play it day by day.
 

lamath

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You are doing everything a boyfriend do without getting the lay. You give her security and confort, its not your job your scale back do thing with your kids and for your kids not her.
The only support and attention she deserve from you is in regards to your kid, dont ask her to movie or golf.
Cut down on the attention you give her.
 

Lookatu

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Well from what you wrote, it seems like she's been in control for awhile now as she's the one that always turned to LJBF with you. But now there is a baby involved, I agree with lamath above, but it's a fine line too as you don't wanna piss her off. Just communicate on the do's and don't's between you too as to set expectations early on so no one get's pissed later. The last thing you want is to have her use your kid as a bargaining chip as we all know US favors the women in any custody disputes.

Just like she saw going to movies as bf/gf thing, ask her what her logic is in inviting you to her relatives. Often things can be resolved by communication and understanding which a log of people don't have of too much these days...
 

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Zontyy

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You are doing everything a boyfriend do without getting the lay. You give her security and confort, its not your job your scale back do thing with your kids and for your kids not her.
The only support and attention she deserve from you is in regards to your kid, dont ask her to movie or golf.
Cut down on the attention you give her.
I guess it is time to cut down on the attention I give her but she using my kid as a bargaining chip. She has a daughter and a son and I could take them to the rollercoasters or museums she wouldn't care. If I want to take my own flesh and blood son she insists she must be present and there. I told this can only go on for so long before I decide to the courts involved.

Well from what you wrote, it seems like she's been in control for awhile now as she's the one that always turned to LJBF with you. But now there is a baby involved, I agree with lamath above, but it's a fine line too as you don't wanna piss her off. Just communicate on the do's and don't's between you too as to set expectations early on so no one get's pissed later. The last thing you want is to have her use your kid as a bargaining chip as we all know US favors the women in any custody disputes.

Just like she saw going to movies as bf/gf thing, ask her what her logic is in inviting you to her relatives. Often things can be resolved by communication and understanding which a log of people don't have of too much these days...
That is the biggest issue I'm trying to avoid the courts and lawyers fees she should be more understandable. I did have her sign and file some stuff the courts right after the birth but I might need to get a lawyer to legally enforce it. IDK Her logic for having me at holidays and with her relatives is because she wants at least one child of hers to have a father around that shows the idea of a family.
 

lamath

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I think you will have to use the court.
I did the same with my ex, need a regular schedule so that there is also less conflict and misunderstanding.

I know how this is, having a clear cut gadianship plan is best.
 

Young OG

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You need to hire a lawyer and get a custody agreement. Stop hanging out with her too. Ik its too late now but you should have never knocked up a single mom. Then you say you want more kids? You are insane my friend. If you knock up another women and then that doesn't work out, you will be paying 2 women child support. You are in your 30s and already passed on your genes. Get a vasectomy and call it a day.

It doesn't sound like you are fully red pilled. You have a lot to learn my friend.
 

Zontyy

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You need to hire a lawyer and get a custody agreement. Stop hanging out with her too. Ik its too late now but you should have never knocked up a single mom. Then you say you want more kids? You are insane my friend. If you knock up another women and then that doesn't work out, you will be paying 2 women child support. You are in your 30s and already passed on your genes. Get a vasectomy and call it a day.

It doesn't sound like you are fully red pilled. You have a lot to learn my friend.
We actually have a custody agreement that I had a lawyer draw up she is just not following it all the time. I could take her to court to follow it but I just rather things didn’t go that far.

I want more kids but that’s more of a genghis khan thing. I want a child with every different nationality of the world. Preferably non Hague convention countries where they can’t go after me in USA for child support. Something inside me that wants to leave behind different of copies of me.

Passed on my genes sure, **** happens best to hedge my bets.
 
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