For DJ Evaluation: “The Venus Dictionary: ******** Made Easy™"

Chubbs Peterson

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Hello all.
After reading this discussion board for the past few months, and the occasional mentions of “********” that pop up from time to time, I can see there’s specifically a huge misunderstanding from men towards women.

So, In the spirit of all good men who try to resolve problems, I am submitting this for REVIEW and REVISION…
A glossary of words, terms and phrases FROM A MAN’S INTERPRETATION OF A WOMAN’S POINT OF VIEW IN RESPECT TO RELATIONSHIPS ONLY!!!

This is a first draft that I’ve been working on for the past 2 days.

Me hope help make man fluent to creature call “woman.” Ugg.
If nothing else, I at least think this is a good idea and should be explored further.

Sincerely,

Chubbs Peterson
Cunning linguist
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A DISCLAIMER TO ALL DJ’s, ESPECIALLY THE FEMALE ONES:
There are OBVIOUSLY male equivalents to this glossary. But that is NOT what this is for. Please remember that it is written FMBM (For men, By men)! This stuff is DEFINITELY sexist ( read the definition of “sexism” below ), but based on my quantitative observations I believe that most of this stuff is true.

If not, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE enlighten me , and don’t gve me any “facts” when you do it ( see definition of “facts” below )
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The Venus Dictionary: ******** Made Easy™


Boyfriend.
Used to describe someone whom the FEMALE has been dating EXCLUSIVELY for more than two or three months. The female has to believe that there is a degree of exclusivity involved, as well as a high degree of “communication,” emotional AND sexual interest, even if that is untrue // The opposite of “friend.”

IT DOES NOT MEAN: A signal that the male stop doing those things which earned him this status IF he would like to remain her boyfriend. Also, a booty-call is not a boyfriend because there is no emotional relationship. ( see also: dating, high-maintenance, lying, relationship, shopping, truth )

Communication.
Understanding, interpreting, and appreciating and engaging in “********” ( see also: emotions, equality, feelings, good conversation )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Females mutually understanding, interpreting, appreciating and engaging in male forms of communication. Women don’t FEEL the need to know how to talk to men. Men however MUST know how to talk to women.

Dating.
Opportunities for the FEMALE to go out with a POTENTIAL romantic interest for the sole purpose of HAVING FUN.

IT DOES NOT (necessarily) MEAN: That the female is highly into the male…at least not yet. In the beginning stages it should be taken simply as a sign that she’s CASUALLY “interested” in the male, and nothing more. Too often men going on dates forget that they themselves should be having fun too.

Emotions.
The perspective from which a female generally bases most of her decisions i.e. her “operating system” // Her PRIMARY motivating force // Personal, subjective stimuli from a source external from the self and how that stimulis is received as it RELATES to the self. This explains why females are generally self-centered. BECAUSE females are emotionally driven, they seek internal affirmations IN THEIR RELATING to other external things Someone who is emotional is CONSTANTLY relating themselves to their environment and stimuli. “This room is small, to me, so I FEEL claustrophobic,” “These shoes make me taller, so I FEEL more unique,” “That Alpha Male is looking at ME, so I FEEL special,” et cetera, etc.(see: sensitivity) This is why male logic, statistics, and cold hard facts do not interest the female: there are no emotions to be derived from them. (see also: logic)

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That the males emotions are EQUALLY important. The male’s strength in relation to a female is being detached from his emotions. A female will allow a male to briefly show intense PERSONAL emotions himself, but only after he has demonstrated the prolonged ability to control them. This also does not mean that a male cannot ever show emotions (such as happiness). It means that the female should be engaged in those feelings as much or more than the male.

Equality.
Anything that tips the scales towards HER favor. Females may insist on equal pay, equal rights, etc, but still would rather have the male DEFER to her when it comes to opening a door, arranging a date, etc. Females want to have their cake and eat it too. (see also: selfish )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: True actual mutual accountability as viewed from a males perspective…sometimes. Despite their desire for equality, women have very clear cut ideas about what is a man’s job and what is a woman’s job. // Reciprocity on the female’s part. She will interpret any request for 1-to-1 parity as demanding and unaccepting of her. Insisting on reciprocity too much will cause the female to feel obligated, resentful and eventually push the male away.

Facts.
Experiences from her subjective reality used to refute collective, objective, general statements, often regarding the female gender. This is an attempt to boost their feelings of self worth and disassociate themselves from criticism. Females DO NOT appreciate criticism, whereas the male sees criticsism as a necessary, sometimes unpleasant component to self improvement. Females will rarely concede collective truths. Instead they generally offer exceptions, not the rule. (see also: truth )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Actual, objective, male notion of facts.

Friend.
Used to describe any known male whom a female is NOT curently engaging in sexual relations (kissing or sex) with, or has any sexual attraction to. // A male who has continually supressed his sexuality in her presence.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: boyfriend. (see: boyfriend) // That there is a romantic possibility if the male chooses to stick around and wait for the female to make up her mind. She’s already made up her mind. Get the message, buddy.

Good Conversation.
Dialog between the female and male where the female gets to talk about whatever SHE wants…usually about her or things important to her. In this situation the male usually affirms her beliefs OR in exceptional cases makes her accept another viewpoint without feeling like an idiot.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That, in the dating stages, she is genuinely interested in the the things that the male is interested in (If she is, she’s a keeper!).

High-Maintanence.
Used to describe another female who requires more attention from a male than she herself THINKS she requires.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That the female who says this requires NO maintenace. The opposite of “high-maintenance” is “LOW-maintenance.” ALL women in ANY kind of relationship requires some degree of attention for the relationship to continue. ( see also: good conversation )

“I’ll call you.” (to the male)
The female will call the male whenever she feels like it. Depending on how much she likes the way the male makes her feel, she may or may not call // A way to turn down the male without hurting his feelings (see: lying) // This runs contrary to the female concept of “promise” (see also: promise )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That males should ever actually expect a phone call.

Intimacy.
An opportunity for her to stop being self-centered and have an interest in someone other than herself. It gives her a break from having to think about herself and her own concerns (see: shopping) // TRUE, actual, mutual emotional sharing achieved after…God, who knows.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Intimacy ( see: sharing )

Jerk.
A male who has most of the qualities of the Alpha Male but is lacking in sensitivity to HER.: the female, once involved with the male, does NOT care if the male is insensitive to others. ( see also: equality, lying, selfish, sensitivity )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That all males should strive to be this way. Contrary to popular opinion, females do not like a jerk once he becomes a jerk to her …and he will eventually.

Logic
Concepts which the female finds emotionally unsatisfying. // Concepts which by their own virtue cannot and do not engage in “relationships.”An idea communicated which is static, unchangeable, and therefore frustrating to the female because it does not lend itself to a variable relation with other things. Logic stands ON IT’S OWN, indendent of other elements, factors, variables. // Logic engaged by males becomes frustrating to the female because she cannot find any way to relate to or change it. Deductive reasoning and facts are not emotionally satisfying // Logic is constant whereas woman are variable. (see also: truth )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That women do not understand consistency and facts. In fact, females find them intrigung because it is not what they are dictated by. Women CAN and DO engage in logic but it’s not their “operating system.” ( see: emotions ) That is why women may sometimes say something that makes reasonable “logical” sense, but will do or respond to the contrary. // It also does not mean detached, unemotional, quantitative observation in the male sense.

Lying.
Generally what you say (or withold) to protect another’s feelings. It is a respect for other individuals. They are raised to be emotionally sensitive. (But they also can’t keep things bottled up: females will talk venomously about another girl behind their back.)

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That females think it’s alright to be lied to EVEN if it is to spare HER feelings. Admitting you lied may be honorable but females often do NOT respect this. Never admit lying to a female. Never let a female catch you in a lie. Females want to believe that everything she hears from a romantic interest is mutually actual. Females (particularly young ones) exist in their own subjective reality. (see also: truth )

Nice.
A description of someone who is kind, gentlemanly, virtuous, etc. BUT has failed to arouse AND/OR maintain SEXUAL feelings within the female.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: A description of someone who is kind, gentlemanly, virtuous, etc. BUT is able to consistently arouse sexual feelings within the female.

Promise.
The female equivalent of a man’s idea of “fact” // What a female will test the male’s trustworthiness with. Females will remember EVERYTHING. It is part of how they “relate.” Females remember details and personal minutae. And they will hold a male to his word. (see also: lying, reputation)

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That you make a promise simply to make her feel better. You should be a man of your word and follow through with everything you say. Just don’t say anything that you don’t mean.

Reality.
How a woman perceives the world surrounding her. More subjective and volatile than a male’s perspective. (see also: truth )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That the female exists in a Fantasyland. It does mean that she has Fantastical notions however.

Relationship.
Usually when the male and female have been seeing each other for more than two months AND she has “shared” much about her personal life. After about the third or fourth month she will begin to refer to the male as her “boyfriend.” (see also; boyfriend, good conversation )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That it will last forever. Relationships with anything in a woman’s life—friends, lovers, restaurants—will only last as long as the female is not bored and given the prospect of additional satisfaction. ( see also: emotions, shopping )

Reputation.
The one thing that generally REMAINS CONSTANT and cannot change once it has been altered for the WORST. A good reputation can turn bad, but a bad reputation cannot turn good unless significant time has passed and a change has beeen made for the better. STILL a bad reputation is like a cancer. It can be reduced, but never completely eliminated.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That a male can glide on a good reputation. Once a male gets involved with a woman, his track-record means nothing to her. All that matters is NOW.

Romance.
The THOUGHT of someone buying her flowers, candy, doing nice things for her, etc.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Actually doing those things regularly and with predictable frequency.

Selfish.
An accusation directed towards someone who is withholding attention from HER. ( see also: jerk )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Someone who isn’t cheap, egotistical, or a jerk, BUT DOES give HER attention.

Sensitivity.
Someone who is sensitive to HER needs and HER emotions. Someone who can adjust their moods accordingly to the situations that SHE presents.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: A male who, emotionally speaking, is more or as “feminine” as the woman. // A male who is easily upset or shows that he can be emotionally injured by females. (see also: selfish )

Sexism
Any attitude that points out her bullsh1t AS IT RELATES SPECIFICALLY TO HER GENDER can POTENTIALLY be interpreted as a sexist. (see also: truth )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That the female does not engage in sexist attitudes herself. For example, “Chivalry” is a sexist attitude, BUT it works in the female’s favor. But like all other “ism’s” it CAN be taken too far. You should ALWAYS RESPECT the other gender for being different from you. Just proceed with caution. (see also; equality )

Sharing.
When the female talks about herself and her feelings and opinions with another person. (see also: facts, good conversation)

IT DOES NOT MEAN: mutual intense emotional conversation between man and woman in the first few months of dating. If this happens, the female will lose interest.

Shopping.
An exercise to divert the female’s attention from her problems and focus on one singular thing // How the female engages in the volatility of life and exerts her control // A metaphor for ANY choice-based activity which engages the female’s emotions ( see: emotions ) // An ongoing, never-ending process, specifically intrinsic to her sense of being a female. Females CRAVE satisfaction, and once the achieve it, they move on. // This activity is not just a means to an end. It is the end itself. Basically, women are natural “consumers.” They like to accumulate things. Shoes. Sweaters. Cosmetics. Boyfriends. THE JOY OF HAVING THE CONTROL OVER PERPETUAL OPTIONS IS WHAT EXCITES THE FEMALE AND OCCUPIES HER. It’s the female equivalent to the male’s sense of purpose in in life. Remember, men are hunters (perpetual action to boost self worth) and women are gatherers (pertpetual satisfaction to boost self worth). This is also explains partly why women are intrigued by men, because men generally make decisions quickly.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Just because she’s acquired something…or someone…don’t think she will be satisfied and not be looking elsewhere. Always stay valuable (i.e. somewhat unattainable) to her and engage the female in to her perpetual “shopping” instinct.

Truth.
HER feelings which dictate HER reality // Concepts which are HIGHLY subjective and varies from female to female // Information presented to females which they are ALREADY predisposed to WANT to believe. // Any information which makes the female feel better about herself. EXAMPLE: Female eating disorders (like anorexia) and distorted self-images go hand-in-hand. Females with eating disorders cannot “see” that they are skinny. To them, all that exists is what they think of themselves. Thus a slim, slender woman may insist that she is becoming fat and prefer that the male tell her that she is not, even when that untrue. All that matters is the cultivation of HER reality. (see also: logic, lying, sexism) This explains why females don’t like being lied to: they prefer to not face the truth. Females in relations with males are generally self-centric and seek affirmation of themselves from the male. Females WILL PICK A MALE that affects her sense of self worth, usually, but not always, in the postive sense. (see also: reality )

IT DOES NOT MEAN: Actual objective, universal, across the board reality, particularly if it injures the female’s feelings or threatens her sense of self-worth.

“What did I ever see in that guy?”
What a woman finally says after the emotional high of a relationship has ended and she can see things fairly objectively.

IT DOES NOT MEAN: That she isn’t capable of making the same decisions again. ( see also: emotions, shopping, truth )

[This message has been edited by Chubbs Peterson (edited 03-16-2002).]

[This message has been edited by Chubbs Peterson (edited 03-16-2002).]
 

Chubbs Peterson

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Thanks for the accolades everyone. I appreciate it. I really hope this dictionary helps everyone out, as well as a chuckle or two.

NOW, I'd like to know if there's anything missing. I want to make this dictionary super tight and not be lacking in information. There must be some other things that are missing.

Please offer suggestions or criticisms...
And I'd like to know what the female DJ's think...out of curiousity of course.

sincerely,

Chubbs Peterson
Master of my domain.
 

afterbuzz

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Good post! Format is somewhat confusing at first glance though... lots of double negatives. But if you actually read the post, there are a lot of good points made. Getting emotional is an occupational hazard for DJs.
 

1utfan1

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very well done.

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"I'm not a gentleman, or a nice guy, or a good fella. Just ask and I'll straight up tell ya."
 

DJinArizona

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How about adding "We need to talk" ... those words always turn out to be something more serious than first imagined, usually have to do with the female greatly exaggerating some little thing and blowing it all out of proportion, and 9 times out of 10, the first hour of the "we need to talk" conversation isn't even about the REAL problem that's on her mind - that comes out later on after we tactfully question her and bring it out.
 

Thug Intellect

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That was tha shiznit man, mods this belongs in the bible.

P.S.- are you still planning to update this?
 

Don diego

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Originally posted by Thug Intellect:
That was tha shiznit man, mods this belongs in the bible.

P.S.- are you still planning to update this?
I agree.
 

Chubbs Peterson

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Originally posted by Thug Intellect:
That was tha shiznit man, mods this belongs in the bible.

P.S.- are you still planning to update this?
Bible? whoa. That's flattering. Thanks for the appreciation.

I was thinking about updating it for a while. There was somthing recently that I thought would've been good to add to it, but I forgot. And it was only one extra entry, so I didn't feel compelled to add it.

Honestly, I wrote this in one night. Something just possessed me. I haven't really felt inspired to update it, though I think it should be.

I really was hoping that more people could contribute their own definitions. I wish something like this was around back in my AFC days. As men, we need to understand that even when something is in plain english, it can still be misinterpreted.

Everyone, please feel free to add more, and I will compile it over time. How's that sound?
 

Take A Number

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Man, one piece of impressive work! Depressing 'cause I can see it's all true.

First off, I think the definition of Romance needs some work. I'm too tired to take a crack at it tonight, but I don't think you've hit the nail on that one. From what I understand, it has something to do with a gesture that is creative, memorable and a bit extravagant (though not particularly money-wise). The tip I read awhile back about taking her out for pizza, but having the pizzeria make it heart-shaped in advance, is a good example.

Right after that, I think you have the negative definition of Selfish backwards. It should say: "IT DOES NOT MEAN: Someone who is cheap..." etc. In other words, a guy who is a cheap, egotistical jerk but DOES give HER attention would not be considered selfish.

------------------
Newton's Third Law of Expertise:

"To every expert there is always opposed an equal expert."
 
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