For anyone who thinks they are in a bpd relationship or just got out of one

[fuko2007]

Ive been seeing alot of posts on here about BPD relationships. I recently just got out of one and know how destructive it is. Im not going to elaborate on my relationship but would like to start this thread for anybody who is in one or is recovering from one.

I encourage everybody to share their thoughts on how they feel about what happend, and if their are any ways they might have found to cope with it. We all know how hard it is, and the ex is like a drug that you need etc. Also maybe through these posts someone that just enterd into the trap will see the warning sighns and learn from ours.

Hope to see some of yall's thoughts on here and hope everyone going through this can take something from this thread. Gods speed and hope you recover quickly.

 

[Sneevox]

I did the NC challenge. IT not only helped her like me again, but helped me realize I was obsessed with an ugly BPD. She was actually pretty at a time, but her smoking and drinking habits have given her awful acne and an ugly face.

Anyways, I basically just started seeing other girls as soon as I could, and I took up a few hobbies to occupy my time. I stopped texting her (deleted her number), stopped thinking about her whenever I caught myself thinking (I did this by finding something to occupy my brain, like a song or something intricate), and I just really broke off all links to her. IT was like losing a part of me, but I realized that she WAS a part of me... and that was bad.|

It took a good 2 months, and I ended up almost getting together with her again and then the day before Valentine's day, I decided to fvck with her head and get in a relationship with some random chick. I felt like I evened the score, and then I broke up with the chick.
That last part was immature, but hey, at least I knew that I could do it afterwards. It helped me become more fearless.


As for the idea of removing her from your mind... you just have to go through the emotional cycle. When you see her, treat her like air. Don't acknowledge her unless she acknowledges you, and when you do, be very unresponsive.

It's a painful process, but hey, once you've lost everything you learn to be truly free.

 

[fuko2007]

Good post man. I do the same thing it helps me alot. I try not to think about her and when i do i try to think of something else. also seeing other girls is a good way to help. I to did the same thing with takeing a girl with me to where she was.

It is childish in a sence but it shows her she has no control over you anymore and bpds hate not having control. Its a cycle for them though. once there done with you they find their next victim and it starts agin untill they have exhausted their resources and have a melt down.

The only thing to be carefull of is it might trigger their vindictive side and they to might wait untill your alone and do the same to you. Especially in my case. we ended on bad terms. I found out she had been sleeping with other guys and i called her on it. she did what a normal bpd would do and tried to turn it around on me but i did not put up with it.

i told her to leave me alone and give my stuff to a friend that works with her. i had a binder at her house with work info in it and had given her a few sentamental items of mine to hold onto when she was going through a bad time wich were not returned. but i know thats what they do. they hold onto something of yours because its like having a piece of you still. but she can keep it for all i care now.

 

[iamnobody]

NC helps. Fvcking other chicks helps. Forcing yourself not to think about her, I'm not sure. It's more like you're suppressing memories and this will usually turns into a pile of dirt under the carpet.

I have a different approach. I know she's a BPD and the sweet loving girl is just an act. Her feelings are not real as a BPD can't have real feelings. I remember mostly the bad parts and tell myself something that is real: she is not sane so there's no way you can have a healthy relationship with a BPD.

You've probably heard this line at least once from your BPD: "I'm a monster". Guess what? She was telling the truth.

I found this to be a good source of info: http://gettinbetter.com/fallout.html

 

[fuko2007]

or this line when they have a moment of clarity......"i cant be what you want me to be" or "ill never have a real relationship". i could go on and on. saw mine yesterday while driving. i had a girl in the car with me. dont know if she saw her or not. i hope she did haha

 

[GotED?]

My BPD ex-wife of just a few months was the 'END OF THE INNOCENCE' as Don Henley would have described it perfectly in his song.

 

[iamnobody]

or this line when they have a moment of clarity......"i cant be what you want me to be" or "ill never have a real relationship". i could go on and on.

It would be quite constructive to give people samples of what BPD chicks say...

I'll start:

"sooner or later you'll get bored of me and leave. all guys do that to me"
"we'll have more great moments together but afterwards it will end just like it always does - bad"
"i haven't even started to be clingy"
"one day you'll be out buying bread and you'll end up fvcking some other girl or when you're back you'll find me with somebody else in bed"
"is the sky blue? It's your fault, as always"

 

[fuko2007]

It would be quite constructive to give people samples of what BPD chicks say...

I'll start:

"sooner or later you'll get bored of me and leave. all guys do that to me"
"we'll have more great moments together but afterwards it will end just like it always does - bad"
"i haven't even started to be clingy"
"one day you'll be out buying bread and you'll end up fvcking some other girl or when you're back you'll find me with somebody else in bed"
"is the sky blue? It's your fault, as always"

or the classic they had a bad day so you try to cheer them up

"hey what's up how was your day?" her:"Bad" why? her: it doesnt matter.

Hey would you like to go out to eat or something? HER: " i just want sometime to myself and do nothing" Ok. You leave her alone go out and she finds out and blows up on you.

"Hey its going to be ok" HER: "I hate this town and evryone in it, everyone is out to get me blah blah blah"

Just a few of the emotional flip flops. its worse when yall go to a bar or somewhere togther and she is talking to friends and smileing and carrying on and when u get behind closed doors you become the emotional punchingbag again for everything thats wrong in her life that she tries to mirror onto you.

 

[fuko2007]

quck question for you guys. what did yall do with all the stuff your bpd gave you i.e. clothes , cards, etc? i still have a gift card she gave me to and was thinking about using it

 

[iamnobody]

quck question for you guys. what did yall do with all the stuff your bpd gave you i.e. clothes , cards, etc? i still have a gift card she gave me to and was thinking about using it

Mine gave me a dried flower she swiped from one of the places we used to go - something to remember her by. Into the garbage can it went, along with the hope of getting my stuff back from her.

 

[fuko2007]

yeh thats prolly the best bet. Throw everything away. She did however follow my instructions and give a binder that had alot of my work stuff in it to a friend of mine she works with. But i had given her a few sentamental items to "hold" onto for a while while she was going through a bad time. She did not give thouse to him as far as i know. I kinda want them back but not going to ask. she did get me a real nice expensive piece of clothing though that im debateing throwing away. I could wear it out on a date with a girl and if she saw that that would be a mind Fu**. haha

 

[iamnobody]

it would be a mindfvck indeed but is it worth it? think of it this way: due to her disorder, she's in pain anyway, and she will always be.

The aftermath is this: I dodged a bullet, no an artillery shell. But I don't hate her.

 

[fuko2007]

yeh i agree with you on that. best bet is to stear clear of her and leave it alone.

 

[fuko2007]

I have done just that. Since my ex is blocked on FB, as is her daughter's account, which she uses, she can't see mine either.

However, once I started dating another girl 3 months after we broke up, I made sure to post some pics of me and the new girl on my KID's FB page, as a share. Wearing clothing the ex BPD had given me, out with the new girl doing fun things.
My reason? I expect, since she can't get to my page, she will be snooping around my kid's pages, thorugh her daughter's account, as the kids remain friends.

So I made SURE those pics occasionall show up.
Is this twisted, cruel, etc?
Maybe.

If I did a million times worse - it still wouldn't touch the torment she put me through.

I can feel ya on that man. its weird as in how sometimes you think you made a misteak sometimes by leaving her and want to go back and apologize but then you think of the hell they pit you through. its only been a week for me today since i went nc. i have only seen her once driving down the road and i had another girl in the car with me. dont know if she saw her or not. but there are moments where i have to really think hard about what she did to me to keep myself from trying to contact her. i guess thats part of what that type of relationship does to you?

 

[Down Low]

It would be quite constructive to give people samples of what BPD chicks say...

I'll start:

"sooner or later you'll get bored of me and leave. all guys do that to me"
"we'll have more great moments together but afterwards it will end just like it always does - bad"
"i haven't even started to be clingy"
"one day you'll be out buying bread and you'll end up fvcking some other girl or when you're back you'll find me with somebody else in bed"
"is the sky blue? It's your fault, as always"

(After cheating on me God knows how many times) "My pvssy's nothing special."

(Discussing the facial features of her bastard kid of an unknown father) "I don't know if that's like you."

 

[fuko2007]

(After cheating on me God knows how many times) "My pvssy's nothing special."

(Discussing the facial features of her bastard kid of an unknown father) "I don't know if that's like you."

( mine while actively cheating) Im going to this party since you told me you had plans. ME: ok, whith who? None of your business your always questioning what i do etc. ME: whatever. I get a text , I went with so and so he and i are not on a date and have never done anything togther. I find out that they used to be fuc* buddys and im pissed.

Another night. HER: im going to go out to eat with so and so. ME: ok. Her: why are you so mad? i cant even go eat with my guy friends blah blah blah. Come to find out he used to be a fuc* buddy to.

The list goes on and on. She would say we were not exclusive but we were not sleeping with other people. she could go to dinner with her guy friends whom were fuc* buddies and lie about that and its ok. but if i went out one night she would blow up on me. I finially got the balls up and called her on it .