flirty married co-worker

[sparky uk]

A married woman started flirting with me about 6 months ago at work, i thought it was a bit of innocent fun, then she started too ask me too go out for meals and asked me too go away for the weekend, i just never answered or changed the conversation, or just laughed it off, then she started too ask for hugs and a kiss and too hold her hand, i did the same again laughed it off, etc, etc, then she told me she cared for me and had feelings for me, so i said don`t play games with me, too which she replied i don`t play games or tell lies, every day she kept saying i don`t play games, i`m serious about you, well by now she had started too reel me in like a fool that i was, she then asked me if i had any feelings for her, like an even bigger fool i said yes i did, she then started too flirt even more and i started paying her lots of attention, so i said to her we both have feelings for each other what are we going too do about it, her reply was, nothing because has you know i`m married, at the time we were on the verge of splitting up, but what we have is special and i don`t want our relationship too change, but please stay close too me, because if you don`t it will hurt like hell, but please can we stay good friends, well i thought thats very strange, so has you can imagine i don`t speak or reply to her texts anymore, so guys what i want too know is was i being used as a back up in case her marriage failed or was it attention she was seeking.

 

[Igetit!]

Bingo man. You called it exactly right. All she was after was attention and validation. When she asked you if you have feelings for her and you said yes,mission accomplished. She got what she wanted. My guess is that she probably isn't getting her emotional need met by her husband,so she found someone else (you) to meet her needs. If you'll notice,she was flirty and attentive,and just kept picking and picking at you until you cracked. Then once you started giving her all that attention,and admitted you had feeling for her,she backed off. Actually,it's a pretty good deal from her point of view.
She gets her emotional needs met from you without having to be intimate with you,without have to invest anything physical in you,and at the same time,technically she hasn't cheated on her husband. That's why when you said to her,"Well,what are we going to do about these feeling we have for each other?",she said nothing. The "feelings" was all she was after. That was all she wanted.And here's the funny part about all this.You said to her,"Don't play games with me.",and she said,"I don't play games"! Now that's funny,man.Listen,stop wasting your time with this girl. She said that she is about to split up with her husband,right? Who cares? And she wants you to just "hang around" until she gets divorced,then once her divorce is final,then the two of you can live happily ever after,right? Just move on,man. Don't be this girl's spare tire,just lying around until she decides to use you.

 

[Wodan]

A married woman started flirting with me about 6 months ago at work, i thought it was a bit of innocent fun, then she started too ask me too go out for meals and asked me too go away for the weekend, i just never answered or changed the conversation, or just laughed it off, then she started too ask for hugs and a kiss and too hold her hand, i did the same again laughed it off, etc, etc, then she told me she cared for me and had feelings for me, so i said don`t play games with me, too which she replied i don`t play games or tell lies, every day she kept saying i don`t play games, i`m serious about you, well by now she had started too reel me in like a fool that i was, she then asked me if i had any feelings for her, like an even bigger fool i said yes i did, she then started too flirt even more and i started paying her lots of attention, so i said to her we both have feelings for each other what are we going too do about it, her reply was, nothing because has you know i`m married, at the time we were on the verge of splitting up, but what we have is special and i don`t want our relationship too change, but please stay close too me, because if you don`t it will hurt like hell, but please can we stay good friends, well i thought thats very strange, so has you can imagine i don`t speak or reply to her texts anymore, so guys what i want too know is was i being used as a back up in case her marriage failed or was it attention she was seeking.

Done the right thing in the end. She was after more attention/validation and also her husband probably isnt that affectionaite with her. Plenty of women Think theyve tamed a player that then gives them very little affection (because he doesnt love her) and she goes on to seek it from 'nice guys' that she would never be with because she can always get affection off them and stay with her husband.

 

[sparky uk]

Cheers for that guys,

Quick update,
she asked me today at work, what was wrong with me and said that i had changed, i just replied i`ve been busy, then just as i was leaving work she sent me a sms, saying hey you are you talking too me yet, i did`nt reply,
hopefully that`ll be the end.

Just like too say what an excellent forum this is, some great tips on here,
respect too all.

 

[Igetit!]

That's good news,man. I'm glad to see that you have the strength to leave all that nonsense behind. That's the good news. The bad news is that this is nowhere near being the end of this. Unfortunately,you pulling away like this will probably cause her to chase after you all the more stronger. Remember,she finally found a source of attention and validation,that source being you. And she isn't going to give it up without a fight. If you think she's just going to go quietly into the night and leave you alone,you are SADLY mistaken. My guess is that she is really going to amp up the flirting and the attention getting behaviors now. Believe me, you're really going to get the chance to see how strong you are. She"ll probably start saying sexual remarks to you, try to touch you or get you to touch her,or become really agressive whenever she can get you alone somewhere. But don't be fooled by all this.
She won"t be doing these things because she likes you or is interested in you,she'll be doing them because she needs another "fix". Another shot of emotions,which her husband should be doing. And if you crack again, well guess what happens? That's right,she'll back off because she will have gotten what she needed from you,then she'll go back to focusing on her husband because her "emotional fuel tank" will be full because of you. Then once her tank gets low again,she'll seek you out again. So be careful man.

 

[Mavrick]

I'm glad you didn't get to deep into this one. It had t-r-o-u-b-l-e written all over it. I mean, yea you could just play her, fcuk her, and keep your emotions out of the whole ordeal, but you still have to think about the fact that she has a husband that may find out and lose it on you.

Since she works with you, you might as well tell yourself that she's trouble because if things go south, work will suck for you.

 

[sparky uk]

Good news, bad news

Good news

she is now off work for 2 weeks due too her going on holiday, but she still sent me an sms saying are you talking too me yet has i would like too have clear the air talks so we can be friends again, when i come back off holiday,
No reply from me

Bad news

she has been made a team leader at work, now i have too take orders off her which could make my working life a little difficuilt.

 

[Vlad the Impaler]

Messing with a woman at work can be bad enough... I can't imagine messing with MARRIED woman at work. It's a deathwish.

 

[Lambda]

Bad news

she has been made a team leader at work, now i have too take orders off her which could make my working life a little difficuilt.

Man, that really is bad news for you. Now she has the power over you at work, and if she is a really bytch she can toy around with you if you don't play by her rules, and give her the attention she needs