Flirting or not? and how to handle it?

[Mental]

Well, I'm getting more into the flirting thing. I flirt, and seem to get shot down, but I'm not sure if they think they're flirting...

Example. I was out with a few friends recently. One of the women in my group is watching me play.

"Hey now, I know it's tempting to stare at my cute butt, but let's show some dignity, here."

She answers with: ::Laugh:: "oh, that is SO not a problem! I would never look at your butt."

"Alright, so you admit you were looking at my whole body then."

(laugh)"Uh, no."

(Ok, so you won't ADMIT it... even though we all know you were. )

"Ok, I'll tell you what. I'll let you look... but you can't touch... ok, well, maybe you can touch, but... just so we're all aware, I'm not just some cheap piece of meat. And try not to drool, it's a real turn off."

"I'll remember that." (laugh)

Alright, is this some sort of flirting back? The girls who have had crushes on "the cute older guy" try flirting by insulting... is this a similar type of thing, but with this time a woman, or is this chick just really honestly unattracted to me?

There's the laugh (which seems like flirting), but then there's the "That's so not going to happen" (and then more laughter). I usually end trying to recover (and still flirt) at the same time.

There's never any obviously flirty banter back, like: "It'll be hard not to, but I'll try." Nothing like that. It's always, "trust me, I would never look at you" kind of remark, but then a lot of laughter (seems like flirting).

My flirting is pretty rusty, granted... still...

But was this good, or should I stop flirting with the chick, since she's most likely not interested? Or, might I be changing her mind a little?

::Edited for spelling and addition of last question::

 

[Thomas94305]

Flirting is about maintaining and building a tension. When you said

"Hey now, I know it's tempting to stare at my cute butt, but let's show some dignity, here."

She answers with: ::Laugh:: "oh, that is SO not a problem! I would never look at your butt"

Your opening line was great. Her response was tepid, lame, or whatever. What works from here is to either play, tease, or if all else fails, let it go as if it's no big deal. What you did was to work to prove your point. You're working for her validation when you do that, you don't need her to validate you.

Some other options... take her answer, and find a way to play/tease with it. You're not trying to prove a case in court. You could have went back to playing pool, then accuse her of staring again. Make that a chase, where you go to a different side of the pool table, or tell her to move so she can't look at your butt. You could have ignored her comment, say "I know better, you're a bum watcher.. you're watching me bum.. you bum watcher. Hey guys, we have a bum watcher here." Say it loud and indignantly, with a British accent. Find any way to make fun of her. You could follow up with asking her if she's a butt gal, or a chest gal.

A direct, logical assault on her response turns it into a court case. Making her response the root of a new joke is flirting. The goal is not to get her to admit to an attraction, the goal is to create a chase. You're building tension.

Respect for having the nads to flirt with her!

 

[Mental]

Flirting is about maintaining and building a tension. When you said



Your opening line was great. Her response was tepid, lame, or whatever. What works from here is to either play, tease, or if all else fails, let it go as if it's no big deal...

Respect for having the nads to flirt with her!

Thanks for your answer, Thomas. Again, I'm not used to the whole flirting thing (I have to learn at some time!), so I'm not always sure what constitutes as flirting.

Ok, so she's probably not interested if she comes up with something lame to say back... but I'm not sure if I'm turning things around slowly or not. (a woman with a sense of humor who flirts with me? Yeah, I'd start enjoying that). And my idea is that she isn't flirting back. She's probably laughing more at the guts I have to say that.

But then, since the flirting back usually doesn't happen, I'm starting to wonder if they actually are flirting (the laugh is kind of flirty) back, and I'm somehow missing it.

The teens whom I teach, some of them inevitably think I'm cute. - They try to insult me, but I think it's an akward attempt at flirting. So could this be a "grown up" version of that?

 

[Thomas94305]

If her response is lame, you can't read too much into it. Many women don't know how to flirt, make conversation, be interesting, etc. Recommend not focusing on her response, but how you handle her response.

It sux, but many women don't give you much to work with. They expect the guy to do all the work, then they wonder why they have bad relationships. The value of being a DJ is being able to approach several women, start getting attractions, and then pick the good ones.

If it were me, I'd view any interaction as a chance to practice. You can decide later if she's worth hanging with or not.

As for the teens.. I dunno. Probably best to treat them with kid gloves. Understanding the line between playing and insulting is more advanced.

 

[Mental]

If her response is lame, you can't read too much into it. Many women don't know how to flirt, make conversation, be interesting, etc. Recommend not focusing on her response, but how you handle her response.

It sux, but many women don't give you much to work with. They expect the guy to do all the work, then they wonder why they have bad relationships. The value of being a DJ is being able to approach several women, start getting attractions, and then pick the good ones.

If it were me, I'd view any interaction as a chance to practice. You can decide later if she's worth hanging with or not.

As for the teens.. I dunno. Probably best to treat them with kid gloves. Understanding the line between playing and insulting is more advanced.

Bah. Well, I got the "friended" thing. Didn't even ask this one out. Now she's started adding in all these demands on her "ideal man" when before it was fairly simple. And I went from being appreciated to "You don't need to open the door for me." Jeez, and I KNOW I didn't act chumpy.

I've been doing great about all that stuff, and I still get the "friend" crap. WTH? I've been really great about not being "nice." I've really taken charge of situations. I didn't even ask her out. I just was blindsided by the preverbial punch. Ugh.

Oh well, forget her. She's now in the "flaking" category. She doesn't get any quality time. That's the way she wants it...she'll have to show me a vast improvement.

 

[Thomas94305]

Sorry for the late reply.. just got around to checking on prior threads of interest..

Ya, they'll pull that horsecrap of testing your interest by using that "ideal man" stuff... I had this one gal get into this loooonnnggg talk on the phone with me about relationships. She was asking crap like.. should the guy provide.. if married, is it OK for the woman to not work.. etc. I answered honestly, without a care for her reactions. But, you can see where she stands.. FREELOADER. Anyhow, I really was only interested in a friendship with her, but it gets back to me through mutual friends that she thought I was hitting on her in that conversation. We kept a light friendship over the next couple of years, and it pyssed her off that I never asked her out. She's maybe an HB4, a freeloader, only likes going out to eat when she socializes, so it's easy to figure out why I never asked her out.

Point being, women will basically take your "hello", and read it into "he really wants in my pants".. the female ego, it's the size of a small country.

Something constructive.. when they start pulling that ideal man stuff, give it right back to her. Woman sez.. "ideal man, blah blah blah.." DJ sez.. "Ya know, a lot of women don't get romance or how to partner or connect with someone. Relationships are about us being encouraging, cheering the other on to his/her goals, not about having stuff brought to you or services provided. I've noticed that men really understand romance more than women." I've turned her crap into a tension, and then she had to justify herself. Some will say that leads her attraction. At least, it leads to telling her to respect me.

Anyhow, next'ing sounds like a good thing.