Flaky girl I blew off is trying to reach me...

[ffm86]

So I followed the rule of the sosauve.com article "What to Do When a Woman is Stalling or Giving You the Runaround." Except I took it to an extreme.

I've been trying to develop my "bar-game" (which I really had none of), and I had made out with this girl at a bar last Sat. I got her number and facebook and everything.

Monday night, she calls me at 1:00 AM in the morning. I was sleeping, so when I woke up, I was groggy, so my "phone-game" wasn't at its top, granted, but I suggested meeting up Wed night at 9:00 at this cafe/bar.

Wed night roles by, but she's not there. I waited until 9:30 to call if she's coming, but she doesn't pick up, so I leave a message. I got tired of waiting, so at 10:00, I left 1 last message for her saying that I don't know what happened, but that if she calls back soon, we can still meet up sometime.

By Friday, I had already grown tired of waiting and deleted her number. I've developed a zero-tolerance policy for flakes, so through facebook, I sent her a message simply saying, "You had your chance, but you lost it. So sorry."

Earlier today, she sent a message saying this...

"Hi (my name)
I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I've had a lot going on lately. I should have called you back, but I never got the chance because I didn't have my phone on me Wednesday night. I hope you don't hate me and that we can still be friends, because you're an awesome guy. Happy Valentines Day !!!"

I gotta admit, it's pretty satisfying hearing her say she's sorry; hearing "sorry" from a girl seems like such a luxury these days.

I want to think I still have a chance with her. At the same time, that line sticks out: "I hope you don't hate me and that we can still be FRIENDS" so that kinda deters me a little.

What should I do? Should I respond? I have no problem not responding if I don't have a chance, but if I do, what should I say?

 

[MisterMcGee]

shes saying she wants to be friends and not date you. thats it. no reading between the lines necessary for this one...

she's just not that into you.

 

[Sir Shinra]

You claim to have developed a zero tolerance policy for flakes, yet as soon as this girl gives a phony "sorry," you instantly cave?

'Sorry' is probably the most frequently used word in the Flakey Woman's Dictionary.

She stood you up. Stop wasting your time and go approach someone else.

 

[ffm86]

I haven't caved in. I've already got a date with another girl planned for Tuesday.

I'm just considering the slight possibility that maybe, MAYBE, this girl might actually have had something important come up or lost her phone or whatever and that she really wants to make up for it.

Like I said, we made out a week a go.

She called me FIRST.

She contacted me after I blew her off.

I don't think it's unreasonable to consider that a pretty strong counterweight to being stood up once.

I haven't responded yet.

How does a vague, ambiguous "whatever" to her message sound?

 

[MisterMcGee]

You've caved because you're choosing to read between the lines when there's nothing to be read. She said sorry cause she's not into but wants to be friends. She flaked, and wants to not feel bad about it, hence the kind apology and offer to be friends.
Stop wasting time analyzing this when it shouldn't be worth your time. Who cares, she's not for you and you're not for her.

 

[Effington]

I'll agree with above posters. If she *really* was sorry, she'd want to make it up to you and propose another meeting time.

Based on the post alone, the first meeting was well done, but you failed the sh!t test. You picked up your phone in a poor condition at a bad time of the night (the latter is the more important part). Setting a date at that point is not a great option, and just in general, making any sort of plans with anyone at that time of the night deserves at least a confirmation.

A brief tangent, one of my best friends and I confirmed a date for a random Saturday, the odd part of this was that we were to meet at 7:00pm for predrinks at my place for a party that night (we are both on tight budgets currently). I called her at 6ish to confirm that she was ready, and she didn't pick up. She called me at around 8ish to say she was ready, she had to complete some errands with the family, and her phone died in the process, but she was ready then. She expressed that she was freaking out because if I had came to her house at the arranged time, I would be stuck with her parents at home and she was not. Case in point, she's not playing games with me, but even she acts like a woman. Ya gotta learn that.

Lesson learned, ya always gotta confirm times, especially when plans are made in advance. Women are notoriously late for everything, anyway. But thinking that 1am plans for three days in advance are solid is terrible.

I also think your message that she "missed her chance" was a bit melodramatic and over the edge, but at least you got a legitimately thought-out response from her, saying let's just be friends.

If you want to hold on to a glimmer of hope, you should send her a text/call her in a week or two if you have a party or if you're going out with a group and suggest she meet you out, but I do not suggest anything more intimate.

Cheers and let us know how it goes!

 

[JJMcLure]

Red flags:
- She stood you up
- She didn't have the courtesy to respond to you for 3 days.
- She says she wants to be friends.

Chicks love accumulating admirers, because attention boosts their ego. That doesn't mean they would consider dating them. She blew you off - nice try telling her "she lost her chance" but she intended to.

Forget her, and no point sending another message - you already sent too many messages after she stood you up.

 

[Black suit]

Ya, do what these guys say: nothing. You nexted her, end of story!

 

[vitor]

No offense but what you did showed desperation and you were reaching out to her for validation or some type of reaction.

She didnt show up, you called - Not a big Deal - I would have left a little message and no mention of meeting up again as she said " F OFF your schedule, time, and feelings mean nothing to me "

friday you send her a message on facebook - Why do this at all. this is where you are reaching out to her, hey you dissed me a few days ago, and you had better contact me soon if you want to see me, please write or call me is what you said there. IF you really wanted her to know that you would never talk to her again then just erase her number, and never write her. "MAKE her WONDER WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU"

You and her are done romanticlly , do not get all wimpy and remove her from your facebook page, maybe in the future there will be a party she is throwing, or you are throwing and she will have hot friends. Move on to bigger and better things.

 

[Badmannaz]

hey what you do is:

1.agree to be friends!! and say we can just be friends because she already had her chance...

2.then make her set up a date or whatever so you have to meet her

3. and then you flake her ASS!!!!! txt her the nxt day and say.... "im sorry i've had alot of stuff going on but we can still be friends!!"

do it!!! do it!!! do it!!! lmao!! i would.....

 

[r0cky]

I would've deleted her f.ing a.ss from my page.
But if you really think there is chance for you, send her back something like "I dont think you have what I look for in a friend. So long and happy valentines day to you too". If she responds qualifying herself to you, throw her some more sh.it tests. See if she's really looking for another chance with you or just toying with your feelings.

 

[Badmannaz]

Become like steel on the inside.

exactly :box:


you really have no other possible choice if you want to survive in the world of dating

 

[Don Zorro]

No response, no revenge, no desperateness. Just move on.

 

[jdjd]

No response, no revenge, no desperateness. Just move on.

i like this answer the most

take the lost and move on

i keep telling myself that and still workin on it...

it takes a lot to NOT do anything afterwards..

 

[LuisGarcia10]

I've had my head completely messed up by stupid, flakey women, my advice is to do what you've been doing, and just ignore the girl.

Flakey girls have a habit of randomly contacting you, because presumeably the reason they got to know you in the first place was for the attention, so when you stop giving it to them they phone you looking for it.

I had one girl who was the ultimate flake, as in absolutely ridiculous, she'd cancel on pretty much every plan she ever made with me. Being an AFC I still avidly pursued her, blisfully unaware that every missed call and text message that I sent her was putting another nail in the coffin.

These days, if a girl cancels on me without a very good ****ing reason then her number gets deleted.

The "I hope we can still be friends," line says it all. I doubt it's anything you've done wrong, she probably has a boyfriend or something and hence **** out of the date.

 

[romangod]

No response, no revenge, no desperateness. Just move
on.

I agree with this. Especially, "no desperateness". It'll just show your desperation.


Cheers!

 

[Julian]

No ****. Agree with zorro

I mean get real bro...who really cares. Its so trivial its like how do you even have time to worry about something to stupid and make a thread about it.

You dont say what you do.

And in my opinion the best defense towards this is a simple "hey whats up, we still on for tonight at 7 ?" If at that point she dont respond then it is what it is, NEXT.

I mean im tired of these clowns always trying to get the last word like "oh you had your shotblabla" Its childish brah. This chick that you are trying to game is probably hot and has dudes all over her jock all day so you saying some **** like that when she wasnt even putting barely any effort into it to begin with is just lame.

 

[ffm86]

Where the **** is your backbone? Where is your self respect?

Basically you said that you are SO desperate for women, that you will allow them to make a fool out of you.

Become like steel on the inside.

I thought I WAS showing backbone and and self respect by telling her off!

How the hell did I say that I'm so desperate for women, that I'll allow her to make a fool of me? I told you I deleted her number and told her off! A desperate move would have been to call her a bunch of times a beg for a second date!

I told her that I wasn't cool by her standing me up and I deleted her number! How the hell did I allow her to make a fool of me?

Did you read a single sentence of my original post?

 

[ffm86]

Eitherway, if she just wants to be friends, she can provide social proof and access to hot friends.

With this as a goal, what is the best response? Is there a way I can get her to make it up to me?

 

[The_411]

I thought I WAS showing backbone and and self respect by telling her off!

How the hell did I say that I'm so desperate for women, that I'll allow her to make a fool of me? I told you I deleted her number and told her off! A desperate move would have been to call her a bunch of times a beg for a second date!

I told her that I wasn't cool by her standing me up and I deleted her number! How the hell did I allow her to make a fool of me?

Did you read a single sentence of my original post?

FFM86,

You are showing backbone but ... she was not entitled to any more of you time energy etc as soon as she flaked and didn't even bother to call. So there was no reason to tell her off.

Remember anger is not the opposite of love whereas indifference is. By getting angry you're showing emotion and what she did bothers you which implies what does does in relation to you carries value.

The real question was why follow-up with the facebook message after you got angry at her?

That is desperation. The first call may have been reasonable but the facebook message showed that despite her crap behavior you are still giving her attention.

Point is when someone pulls crap like that you just ignore them and cut them out of your life. If you know them well (i.e family member, girlfriends etc.) you make a strong point in a controlled fashion and then leave it alone.

In this case she would have placed more value on you had you said nothing not even called and just moved on. Doesn't mean she would have called etc or even ended up liking you. She did you a favor she showed that's not worth your time.

Now you won't waste your time with her and you're able to move on to much better options.