flaking out

[speedo_meme]

what should I do about a girl who is always flaking out? This girl (we've been together for a month) calls me once, sometimes twice a day, calls me "baby" and all those other sweet little words but flakes out whenever I want to see her? I've been upping my challenge card and she doesn't like it, I can tell. Last night we were supposed to meet up after a funeral she went to, but she didn't call until 10:30, and I didn't answer. She did it last Saturday too, when she was supposed to call after a baby shower, but she called me and told me to go have fun with my friends...

I've seen her once in the past week, I never call, she always does, and I just don't know if we're serious enough to sit down and have an honest conversation about where this is going. I'm not going to play games with her this time (we dated for 3 months before, nov. - feb.). She also said Saturday she's having trouble being serious bc an ex bf dumped her between the time we went out first and now.

What should be my next step? not call her, even though she did call last night, but flaked? Or call her and try to get the truth?

 

[Vibe]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
What should be my next step? not call her, even though she did call last night, but flaked? Or call her and try to get the truth?

Flake out on her. Make her realize that hanging out with her is not your top priority. Seriously, when a girl flakes out like that, it is likely to become a pattern unless you STOMP on it. Either NEXT her or call her out on it. Next time she flakes out on you, call her on it playfully. Tell her she's on probation (found that on another thread - don't know who said it) for a week and not to call you until you call her. If she does call (she probably will), then just remind her that she's on probation and you'll try to talk to her at the end of the week. Then when the week is over, she will be missing you. Because, as we all know, everybody wants to push the big red button that says "DO NOT PUSH!"

This is not playing games. This is just staking your manhood and regaining (or maybe just gaining) control of the relationship. Don't let a woman jerk you around. It is not in YOUR best interest. If she keeps doing it, lose her. You will only regret it later if you don't.

~Vibe~

 

[Hound_of_Love]

but flakes out whenever I want to see her?

This is all you need to know. Judge people by what they do, never by what they say.

The same thing was happening to me recently - I just stopped making contact. I won't ignore her if she calls me but she no longer gets any special treatment - she's just another acquaintance, to all intents and purposes, nexted.

 

[speedo_meme]

the only thing is, as much as i don't want to admit it, i really really like this girl. All logic points to the fact that she's the one. This time around I can't just "quit" calling and forget it. I think we need to figure out what's happening, face to face. Is this too much to ask? Maybe I'm overreacting and should act as if nothing's wrong. As you all probly know, it's tough to next and play hard to get with a chick you really care about.....

 

[Hound_of_Love]

All logic points to the fact that she's the one.

To me this is a contradiction in terms. Logic can't dictate such a thing.

Read the DJ Bible...there is no 'One'.

This time around I can't just "quit" calling and forget it. I think we need to figure out what's happening, face to face. Is this too much to ask? Maybe I'm overreacting and should act as if nothing's wrong. As you all probly know, it's tough to next and play hard to get with a chick you really care about..... [/B]

Y'know what, I've always been a big fan of Bhuddism. They say that all suffering derives from loss. If you never wanted anything, you'd never feel that pain. You can quit calling - I've been where you are (probably the majority here have) and I should have done it then.

The paradox is that if you really want her, you have to be willing to risk losing her.

 

[drZaius09]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
This girl (we've been together for a month) calls me once, sometimes twice a day, calls me "baby" and all those other sweet little words but flakes out whenever I want to see her? I've been upping my challenge card and she doesn't like it, I can tell.

What she doesn't like is YOU. Simply put, her words mean nothing. Like we've all heard before: your actions speak so loud, I can't hear what you say. In this case it is lack of action which tells the story. When it's time to get down to business, this girl isn't producing. That speaks volumes to me.

Last night we were supposed to meet up after a funeral she went to, but she didn't call until 10:30, and I didn't answer. She did it last Saturday too, when she was supposed to call after a baby shower, but she called me and told me to go have fun with my friends...

Sounds like she always has something to do which doesn't include you.

I've seen her once in the past week, I never call, she always does

She calls for your attention. You are a quick pick-me-up for her. She is using you as an ego boost and she NEVER plans on reciprocating.

...and I just don't know if we're serious enough to sit down and have an honest conversation about where this is going.

Please, spare yourself the embarassment of this conversation. Go find something else to do that doesn't include this girl. Stop thinking about her, stop taking her calls. If I'm wrong about her being an attention wh0re, then it won't matter anyway. If I'm right, then you just avoided a whole lot of humiliation.

She also said Saturday she's having trouble being serious bc an ex bf dumped her between the time we went out first and now.

That pretty much says it all. You are merely a momentary distraction until she finds the BBD. Forget the games, find something worthwhile to do with your time instead.

What should be my next step? not call her, even though she did call last night, but flaked? Or call her and try to get the truth?

We already know the truth. And even if we didn't, we would never get it from her.

 

[Broham]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
the only thing is, as much as i don't want to admit it, i really really like this girl. All logic points to the fact that she's the one. This time around I can't just "quit" calling and forget it. I think we need to figure out what's happening, face to face. Is this too much to ask? Maybe I'm overreacting and should act as if nothing's wrong. As you all probly know, it's tough to next and play hard to get with a chick you really care about.....

Are you kidding me? Why are you using logic with women? If she was really "The One" she wouldn't be playing these stupid games. Give this one a rest for awhile and go out with other girls.....and for Christ's sake read the bible.

 

[DonJuanMonk]

NEXT.

Oh and this is from the DJ Bible, READ THE DJ BIBLE:


For a strategy to work, one of the sexes CAN'T be using a strategy.
Read this again.

One side has to be defenseless for the 'strategy side' to WIN.
Read this also again.

A man who is a nice guy will call a woman repeatedly because in the "Rules" she won't return a man's calls.

I other words the guy has to _ 'beg' for a date. Real men don't beg.

Begging is impossible with my strategy because of the two call limit. You are not defenseless.

If the male and the female are both using a strategy, like in chess, you have a STALE MATE.

Both of you LOSE the game.

The answer is simple: Date only women who have no 'plan'. Here's the great part. Women dislike strategies. As soon as they meet a guy they have HIGH interest in, they are the first to break the rules!

This is why you should never make an exception. The woman will be the first to compromise (a little).

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

WOW

This chick sounds exactly like a girl I just nexted. Her behaviour is identical. I wouldn't be surprised if it was ther same girl hahaha. (not a chance, but it's alarming at how similar the calling you baby, and always phoning...etc..)

I don't put up with flakiness, at all.

I gave her 3 strikes, then i put her on "probation".

She said, I owe you dinner and let's get together for a movie on Sunday (as in 4 days ago.) She bailed on me again, so I stopped calling and blocked/deleted her from messenger. Haven't heard from her since lol.

It's her loss, not mine. I wasn't sure I was totally into her, anyways so that makes it easier to just walk away. (that's the mindset you gotta have, anyways)

I've got other girls to date, but I'm so caught up in my music that it doesn't matter eitherway.

I'd say next her. She'd make the effort to see you if she was 100% into you.

Also, I'm starting to realise that when a girl calls you baby and hun right from the get go, she usually calls alot of people that, so it's meaningless. Even total strangers have gotten "Hun" from this girl hahahahaha... that was one of my red flags.

 

[speedo_meme]

yeah i can dig that canadian, did you ever call her out on her flakiness? she invited me to a keg party her neighbors having Saturday. I've got another girl on the backburner but like i said i'm still into this girl. I mean, she's had legit plans both nights, but h*ll i guess i need to grow balls and forget her.

It would be easier with a little closure and not to just shut the door like this....

I know it's the wrong thing to do, but I want to call her out on this sh*t and let her know her games suck. Isn't the rule to call her once for every time she calls you? I'd like to call her up once more and make definitive plans, and if she bails, she's out. That would be the third strike...

 

[speedo_meme]

also, I came back to this girl to ante up, and lay it all on the line, either we do it or we don't, and I think i deserve an answer from her. Now I know if I ignore her, eventually she'll come back to me, maybe for a short while, I don't know.....but it will just be wasted time unless I'm just straight with her now I think....any comments on this approach?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Do you really want a girl who is like this, from the get go? regardless of if she comes back or not... she probably likes to keep you within arms reach, in case her "other plans" don't pan out. Women can't stand not having a backup plan... the thought of not being fancied by a guy is enough to drive them wacko... these are attention wh0res, and that's all this girl is... she's stringing you along wether you want to admit it or not.

Do yourself a favor and get far away from her.

If the girl I was talking about calls me back at some point, I'm gonna tell her I'm not interested, and I'm gonna tell her exactly why. Don't call her on it now... wait til she comes looking for it then give it to her, and then cut her off.

They need to be taught that they can't do this to every guy that comes around. Some will put up with it, but I sure as hell won't.


AND THIS IS MY 900th POST!!!!!! uhhhh.... is that a good thing? :woo: :cheer:

 

[sapphire]

Originally posted by The Bad Ass Canadian
Do you really want a girl who is like this, from the get go? regardless of if she comes back or not... she probably likes to keep you within arms reach, in case her "other plans" don't pan out. Women can't stand not having a backup plan... the thought of not being fancied by a guy is enough to drive them wacko... these are attention wh0res, and that's all this girl is... she's stringing you along wether you want to admit it or not.

Do yourself a favor and get far away from her.

If the girl I was talking about calls me back at some point, I'm gonna tell her I'm not interested, and I'm gonna tell her exactly why. Don't call her on it now... wait til she comes looking for it then give it to her, and then cut her off.

They need to be taught that they can't do this to every guy that comes around. Some will put up with it, but I sure as hell won't.


AND THIS IS MY 900th POST!!!!!! uhhhh.... is that a good thing? :woo: :cheer:

BAC is right on the money. Brilliant advice and analysis

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
what should I do about a girl who is always flaking out? This girl (we've been together for a month) calls me once, sometimes twice a day, calls me "baby" and all those other sweet little words but flakes out whenever I want to see her? I've been upping my challenge card and she doesn't like it, I can tell. Last night we were supposed to meet up after a funeral she went to, but she didn't call until 10:30, and I didn't answer. She did it last Saturday too, when she was supposed to call after a baby shower, but she called me and told me to go have fun with my friends...

I've seen her once in the past week, I never call, she always does, and I just don't know if we're serious enough to sit down and have an honest conversation about where this is going. I'm not going to play games with her this time (we dated for 3 months before, nov. - feb.). She also said Saturday she's having trouble being serious bc an ex bf dumped her between the time we went out first and now.

What should be my next step? not call her, even though she did call last night, but flaked? Or call her and try to get the truth?

If she had plans to go to a baby shower and funeral (these are things people sometimes unexpectedly have to attend) and wasn't sure she could get together with you, I wouldn't really consider that "flaking". She could have been tired since both of those kinds of events can be pretty draining on a person. If she cancels plans with you when she didn't have a funeral or baby shower she had to attend, then it would be reason for concern.

It sounds like she is at least somewhat interested in something, because she makes contact with you. Break ups can be tough on a person, especially for the one who got broken up with. If her b/f broke up with her, it might take her some time of grieving before she's going to be ready to jump too deep into anything with someone else. If her ex is still contacting her, which often happens, that would prolong the process for her.

Rather than try to force anything, you should just date other people as if she weren't in the picture at all. There's no reason why you can't still talk to her and temporarily put her in your ljbf zone for the time being to see if things improve over time. You shouldn't put much effort in pursuing anything with her, but remain open to her when she contacts you while STILL seeing others. If she isn't over her ex, by doing what I've suggested, you won't ruin any chances you might have with her in the future. The most important thing is that you not put all your eggs in this one basket because she's just not ready to give enough of herself to you to make it worth your while right now.

 

[speedo_meme]

that pretty much sums up the situation. her friends have told me to play it cool with her, and she'll come around, they say she's just not into the commitment thing now, i don't know, whatever...

but basically i shouldn't call her? or call her out on the flaking?

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by speedo_meme
that pretty much sums up the situation. her friends have told me to play it cool with her, and she'll come around, they say she's just not into the commitment thing now, i don't know, whatever...

but basically i shouldn't call her? or call her out on the flaking?

You said she calls you...so it's not like you won't hear from her. If the only "flaking" was after the funeral and baby shower, you should just let that go. Funerals are always last minute things that a person can't control. Baby showers are often the same way. You can't really ditch events like that.

It sounds like she needs some time and she seems to like you well enough, so I don't think that's the problem. I think she's still licking her break up wounds. Go meet other girls and go about your business and if you haven't found someone else when she's over her ex, then you can give it a go then. Don't wait around for her, though. You can move on without burning the bridges.