mellow_yellow
Don Juan
As I work on my priorities like finding a product job, I'm trying to stay consistent in building up my dating life.
I'm at home most of the time, focused on my goals. When I do go out, it's usually to the same restaurant bar, or downtown nightlife area with friends. There's no way I'll make steady progress in dating by doing the same thing. I can't keep hitting only on girls at bars, bartenders, and servers. Where else should I be looking for quantity and quality?
I'm getting irritated with the flakes since I don't have other options. I need to build up the quantity so I can filter through and push on regardless of the high flakes. My focus is getting to the point where I can starting to spin plates, which is much harder done than said obviously. I have to get the quantity up since I don't have plates on the table that I can spin right now.
Sarah, Restaurant Server, HB 7
She works at the restaurant I visit for happy hour drinks with friends. I have a friend who works as a bartender here and I've met her once before at this same friend's BBQ gathering. I don't usually run into her when I'm in the bar area since she's serving in another area of the restaurant. She did say hi once or twice before when I was drinking with a friend. I should've grabbed her number then, but never did. When she said hi again, I asked how she was doing and when she'd be free. She was positive when I said we should meet up. I got her number and texted a week later for drinks.
She texted back nearly 2 days later on the day of the planned outing. She said sorry, she thought she responded to me and asked what time I wanted to go out. I said 9 pm and she replied 6 hours later saying she was gonna stay in for family dinner and that we should do next week for sure. I texted almost 2 weeks later and no response. I didn't try reaching out since.
I'm aware that this is like 99% low interest or she's aloof.
Janice, 30-something LA Vintage Fashion Designer, HB 7
She's the older sister of my friend's friend. Met her at an LA bar when there was a group meetup. My friend and I met up with the guy (the brother), Janice, and the rest of the group. Her vibe was standoffish and she didn't try to engage in conversation. I brushed it off with no reaction and made sure I talked with everyone else in the group too. At one point, Janice, my friend, and I were talking to each other and she said she was gonna take a quick smoke break. We join her and when talking outside, she mentioned how her neck was killing her due to her sewing work. I began giving her a massage and she was into it. We moved back inside and I isolated her to a corner of the lounge. We sat down and I continued to give her a deep neck & shoulder massage. She was into it and I was putting her into a trance. I wasn't sure how to escalate beyond this.
She awoke from her trance when she checked her phone. Her brother texted her asking where she was. I saw him 15 feet away shouting "where's my sister?!" lol. When everyone was getting ready to leave, I recommended her a good spa. Before we parted ways, we gave each other a hug and kissed her on the cheek. I reminded her about the spa and said I can get her number and text her. She gave her business card.
Texted her a few days later with the spa name and joke I've said to her back at the bar. She replied with a laugh emoji and thanks. About a week later, I was going to an event in Hollywood and knew I'd be in her area. I texted her to meet up for drinks. No reply back. I moved on since.
Rachel, Dive Bar Bartender, HB 7
Went to a dive bar I haven't been to in a while with a large group of friends. Began talking with the bartender about travel since we've been to the same places before. I didn't expect anything of it so I naturally moved onto talking with friends and she kept joining in on my conversations. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to ask for her number. I said "let's talk more about our travel adventures sometime. let me get your number." She looked down as she was fumbling around with glasses and said she doesn't give her number out and that we can talk about whatever here. I replied with "I see, I'm not back to this bar that often so let me get your number". She said sorry and I left it at that. I was neutral and kept talking with friends. I kept it normal when asking her for drinks.
I'm at home most of the time, focused on my goals. When I do go out, it's usually to the same restaurant bar, or downtown nightlife area with friends. There's no way I'll make steady progress in dating by doing the same thing. I can't keep hitting only on girls at bars, bartenders, and servers. Where else should I be looking for quantity and quality?
I'm getting irritated with the flakes since I don't have other options. I need to build up the quantity so I can filter through and push on regardless of the high flakes. My focus is getting to the point where I can starting to spin plates, which is much harder done than said obviously. I have to get the quantity up since I don't have plates on the table that I can spin right now.
Sarah, Restaurant Server, HB 7
She works at the restaurant I visit for happy hour drinks with friends. I have a friend who works as a bartender here and I've met her once before at this same friend's BBQ gathering. I don't usually run into her when I'm in the bar area since she's serving in another area of the restaurant. She did say hi once or twice before when I was drinking with a friend. I should've grabbed her number then, but never did. When she said hi again, I asked how she was doing and when she'd be free. She was positive when I said we should meet up. I got her number and texted a week later for drinks.
She texted back nearly 2 days later on the day of the planned outing. She said sorry, she thought she responded to me and asked what time I wanted to go out. I said 9 pm and she replied 6 hours later saying she was gonna stay in for family dinner and that we should do next week for sure. I texted almost 2 weeks later and no response. I didn't try reaching out since.
I'm aware that this is like 99% low interest or she's aloof.
Questions:
- Was I catering too much to her by asking her when she'd be free? I asked because I know restaurant people get odd days off.
- Did I wait too long before texting her?
- There's another attractive hostess I've seen at the restaurant. I was trying to figure out a way to say hi and get her number. Should I do a direct approach when she's walking around despite customers? I think she noticed I'm interested since I probably glanced at her a little too much. Also, bad idea to go for girls at places you hang out like restaurants and bars?
Janice, 30-something LA Vintage Fashion Designer, HB 7
She's the older sister of my friend's friend. Met her at an LA bar when there was a group meetup. My friend and I met up with the guy (the brother), Janice, and the rest of the group. Her vibe was standoffish and she didn't try to engage in conversation. I brushed it off with no reaction and made sure I talked with everyone else in the group too. At one point, Janice, my friend, and I were talking to each other and she said she was gonna take a quick smoke break. We join her and when talking outside, she mentioned how her neck was killing her due to her sewing work. I began giving her a massage and she was into it. We moved back inside and I isolated her to a corner of the lounge. We sat down and I continued to give her a deep neck & shoulder massage. She was into it and I was putting her into a trance. I wasn't sure how to escalate beyond this.
She awoke from her trance when she checked her phone. Her brother texted her asking where she was. I saw him 15 feet away shouting "where's my sister?!" lol. When everyone was getting ready to leave, I recommended her a good spa. Before we parted ways, we gave each other a hug and kissed her on the cheek. I reminded her about the spa and said I can get her number and text her. She gave her business card.
Texted her a few days later with the spa name and joke I've said to her back at the bar. She replied with a laugh emoji and thanks. About a week later, I was going to an event in Hollywood and knew I'd be in her area. I texted her to meet up for drinks. No reply back. I moved on since.
Questions
- How do I escalate to a kiss from a massage when I was with her at the bar? I have no idea how I could've transitioned smoothly. Wasn't sure if she was interested in me at all.
Rachel, Dive Bar Bartender, HB 7
Went to a dive bar I haven't been to in a while with a large group of friends. Began talking with the bartender about travel since we've been to the same places before. I didn't expect anything of it so I naturally moved onto talking with friends and she kept joining in on my conversations. I decided that it wouldn't hurt to ask for her number. I said "let's talk more about our travel adventures sometime. let me get your number." She looked down as she was fumbling around with glasses and said she doesn't give her number out and that we can talk about whatever here. I replied with "I see, I'm not back to this bar that often so let me get your number". She said sorry and I left it at that. I was neutral and kept talking with friends. I kept it normal when asking her for drinks.
Questions
- She was probably not that interested to begin with even with the rapport I had with her. Anything I could've done better? I think I could've said a joke like "don't worry I'm only going to call you 30 times per day" to get her to relax and give me the number.
