flakes...i cant stand these women, advice?

[boynamedsue]

Met this girl who seemed to be extremly interested in me. She became friends with my buddys gf same day I met her. The next day they hung out this girl could not stop talking about me. We spoke couple days later but couldn't get a date bc I was going out of town. Following weeekend she couldn't bc her kids were with her. So this last tuesday I set up a date for thurs. She said she has to find out if she can get a sitter so shell let me know morning of... Well no suprise she texts me saying her son is sick and can't go out. Maybe some other time. I responded with "hope ur son feels better. Ill give u a call another time.". Any ideas where or if anything went wrong and what my next course of action should be?

 

[wait_out]

I think its important not to take the disappointment to heart. So you have to temper your enthusiasm, not invest emotionally in a stranger, and not endlessly analyze their motives etc.

The reason this is important: letting the false prospects you're working ruin your present mental state, will prevent you from being in a good state to meet girls who ARE for real in the future. I'm pretty sure I will make a personal rule about that.

To a certain point we all do it to ourselves. Look at the DJ forum.

 

[boynamedsue]

Yeah. I figured her kids could make it legitimate.... I remember her saying she prefers to go out on weekdays bc her weekends she likes hanging out with girlfriends. Should I try to ask her out this weekend since she won't have her kids or wait another week and try again next thursday. I feel like too much time off will cool her feelings for me$

 

[women haze]

The older you get the harder it is to find childless women....
Good luck on that

 

[wait_out]

I feel like too much time off will cool her feelings for me$

That's very true, attraction has a certain momentum and once its gone its gone.

Instead of endlessly working to get a girl who's a flake to act reliable, you might want to find a reliable girl. It'll be better for you in the long run

 

[Powerlifter]

Call me a chump but I will never call a woman with kids a flake she is only doing what her natural responsibility tells her to do like find a babysitter when she has a date common sense. No babysitter theres no date. Her son or daughter is sick she wants to stay with them until they are better it's that simple has nothing to do with you.

Having a bit of empathy... I know.... it's hard to be sensitive being a man but learn if you want to involve yourself with women with kids for it will take you further with a woman with kids for they are expert testers to the max when you fail once there is no second chance. Her kids are her first love it's in her nature a good thing and should be respected.

Another thing never assume just because a woman has kids shes free meat to eat not saying this is your opinion but if it is you will soon find out you will starve for being a ignorant hunter.

Either understand her situation or find someone without kids thats the solution have empathy so never assume a woman with kids is flaking unless it is obvious and you know the facts and except a mothers love for her kids.

Best of luck

Powerlifter

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

Flakes are one of the hazards of dating. Having more options mitigates against the disappointment of a woman flaking. Also: not caring.

If she has kids, her excuses are more likely to be legitimate. Not saying a mom can't flake on you, but her kids are her top priority. You're better off dating childless women.

^ ^ ^

Best advice. Read it a couple times and let it sink in, OP.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

The older you get the harder it is to find childless women....
Good luck on that

I believe this to be absolutely false based on my experience. Your ability to find and attract women is independent of the pool of available women. The better your skills, the more success you'll have. The pool of available women stays the same.

Any limits based on old man/young women are only in your head. Throughout history women have been attracted to older, wealthier, more powerful men, and men attracted to younger, slimmer, childless women.

Any change or difference is due to the collective bargaining power of old, ugly, fat women. Don't buy into the myth. Stick with your preferred demographic, regardless of your age.

 

[jophil28]

Any ideas where or if anything went wrong and what my next course of action should be?

She did not technically "flake" on you, she was just unavailable because of her domestic obligations.
IF I were you I would do nothing until you ran into her again and then, when you do, pay close attention to her attitude towards you. IF she shows high signs of interest, ask her out again on the spot while her emotions are stirred.
If she accepts but then cancels or bails again, take her off your radar.

 

[boynamedsue]

Jophil, what if the chances of me seeing her out again are slim? How long would you suggest waiting till calling again?

 

[Powerlifter]

Boynamedsue,. if you like the girl go for it or stay home and listen to Johnny Cash songs until you get it that is how a woman with kids thinks and learn to be second to her kids.

Powerlifter

 

[jophil28]

Jophil, what if the chances of me seeing her out again are slim? How long would you suggest waiting till calling again?

Personally I would not call again.....just wait.

To have any kind of connection or relationship with a woman, there needs to be two fundamental elements present - 1 )She needs to be available and 2) She needs to show high (or at least moderate) interest in being with you or going out with you.
IF she has enough IL , she will find a way to "appear" in your cone of vision. Women are good at that.
IF she wants to spend time with you, she will organize her time accordingly.

In the mean time look elsewhere for some fun.

(OH, remember the 2 strikes rule too)

 

[drak_ool]

you can't chase a woman with kids and complain she is flaky. Her excuse is more legitimate than 99% of what girls come up with these days.

General advice if you wanna avoid flaking: set up dates with multiple women at the same time. Even if one or two flakes, the 3rd or 4th will come around. Then you can just postpone by a couple hours with the other(s) or re-schedule.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Great advice in this thread. Powerlifter is right--she didn't flake, she just had to take care of her sick kid!

A girl that flakes DISAPPEARS. They don't return texts or calls at all. It makes sense; this allows them to drop a guy without an awkward conversation, yet STILL maintain a "good girl" image (calling out a girl on flaking is something of a social transgression).

Your girl didn't flake; however, as more time elapses between meets, her interest in you is going to drop. If you still want to pursue her, you are going to have to be the one to initiate it, because for her to ask you out after so long would be characteristic of someone that is desperate. Women very naturally have WAY better social skills than guys, so a woman that OVERTLY chases you is usually one that's a little "off."

Instead, look for her to "appear" a la Jophil- realize that something as subtle as bumping into her at a place you frequent is a woman's way of asking you out, similar to when a woman tells you about a place she really wants to go. The correct thing to do is RECOGNIZE her intent (not verbally, though!), and then ask her out--thus making her feel like a woman.

If you want to avoid FLAKING, that just requires a lot of rapport. Texting is the best flake prevention, because it keeps the lines of communication open. Even better, it can re-open lines of communication that haven't been used in a while--you can text a girl you had one date with a year ago and odds are you'll still get a response (if you didn't creep her out). Save phone calls for when the iron is "hot"-- i.e. when you know she has enough interest to pick up.

 

[runner83]

Any ideas where or if anything went wrong and what my next course of action should be?

In my opinion, you went wrong by dating a woman with children.

She probably didn't flake - her excuse was probably true.

If you still want to "pursue" her, you'll just have to accept that you won't be the most important person in her life for a long, long time.

 

[boynamedsue]

im pretty sure something is up. either IL is low or shes just an AW. I decided to give her another opportunity (2 strike rule). I texted her, "Im going to the street festival tommorow during the day. you want to come with me?" she responds 6 hours later with "just wanted to ask what time because out with girls tonite and i know im sleeping in tommorow." obviously if she was interested she would have said, sure is 3pm cool, or something like that... This festival is an all day thing.. im pretty sure if you slept in till noon, you can still meet up with me and go.. i think shes trying to see if there is something better to do first...


on another note, i was suppose to go out with a different girl today and she flaked too.. funny thing is i knew she was going to flake when she agreed to go out. im slumping pretty bigtime this month.

 

[window]

I would have just said no problem and left it at that...no need to say you'll call again nor comment on the son who may or may not be sick. What she should have said if she was keen is for eg my son should be better by next week so how about you give me a call in a few days and we'll set something up. She didn't do this so her son wasn't sick imo. Just an excuse.

On an aside to say someone shouldn't date women with children is kinda formulated imo and life is anything but.

 

[window]

On a parallel one thing guys should NEVER do when they get flaked on or rejected is...(copied from the Roissy blog).

"Leave in a Huff

What’s worse than getting rejected? Getting rejected and giving the girl the satisfaction of knowing her rejection got to you. I can’t tell you how many men I’ve observed get blown out and then leave the scene of the accident with a parting insult or a noticeable sulk in their body language. Why would you treat some random chick worth no more than a humid summer day’s condensation on a single short and curly to the pleasure of your petty meltdown? The best response to a rejection is no response. Say goodbye as if you were parting company with a gas station attendant.

Maxim #45: Before sex, no girl you are attracted to is important enough to merit an emotional reaction should the pickup attempt turn bad."

 

[jophil28]

DANGER for the gold medal in scrutiny and accurate evaluation.

 

[boynamedsue]

just wanted to give an update...
texted the girl with the kids this noon, "im going to the festival at 3pm. Bring some friends too."

She didnt respond. obviously im going to next her, i am just very suprised at how the IL can drop sooooooo fast. Ive read threads on this site about how others went out with girls who have shown huge interest, then flake or dont go out with them anymore...Never thought i would be in the same boat.

When i met this girl she was jocking so bad. Talking to all my friends about me, wanting me to ask her out and so many other IOI's. now she flakes.

On top of all this, ive been thinking about my ex alot lately too. I have reason to believe shes dating someone. Sucks that im not moving or progressing forward but my ex is.