kentgraham10
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 16, 2011
- Messages
- 92
- Reaction score
- 1
This write up didn't turn out how I expected. I wanted to break down the progress I made year by year. Writing this, I came to find out to progress is a process of ups and downs, successes and setbacks. I didn't just keep climbing a ladder to where I am. I fell down. A lot. Maybe reading this will help some of you out. Hopefully it doesn't deter you from improving yourself.
Year one 2010: Figuring out the Basics
At 20 years old, I was ready for a change. I read about picking up women and I wanted to do that too. For a computer geek with no sense of fashion and a limited social skill set, I didn't know how to start.
I went through many of the articles here. One of the core principles that got through to me early on was that before I could improve my chances with girls, I had to improve myself first. In other words, to pick up girls, I had to pick myself up. With my mindset at the time, the way I saw myself doing that was to improve my appearance. I couldn't sport the skinny frame glasses with the baggy clothes and New Balance sneakers and expect any sort of results.
Luckily, I had a great friend in C who was about a year into his own transformation from slacker pothead to a highly disciplined, hard working college student. I started working out with him, following a strict 5 day routine that allowed me to see results within months. After starting out in March as a rail-thin 140 pounds, I had gained twenty five pounds by the end of the summer. While I was still behind C in muscle tone, I started seeing reactions from women that I never saw before.
Through C, I was able to make some other important changes to help improve my appearance as well. I began to wear clothes that fit me. It doesn't sound like much, but wearing clothes that actually fit is the easiest but most helpful change you can make to your wardrobe if you haven't done that already.
While I made progress with my appearance, I still had issues I had to deal with internally. The reactions I did get from women I could never capitalize on.
Year Two 2011: Becoming Physically and Socially Toned
The social ineptness problem that plagued me in year one was still there, and I saw that as the next area I needed to improve.
I started by following one of the challenges I read on this site. I can't recall what it was called, but the basic premise was you start by saying hello to fifty random people in one day. From there, you start having conversations with strangers and then eventually, you ask a girl for their number and go from there. This was an important first step for me in breaking out of my shell and I highly recommend a program like this to anyone who is having similar issues.
During this year, I started to spend less weekends behind a computer and more time going out. It was during this time I had a completely random hook up with a girl (made out with a chick at an EDM concert) and got my first GF, K.
Things didn't end up working out with K in the long term, but I was with her from the end of year two until the middle of year three when I graduated college.
Year two and three overlap, so I just continued under year three.
Year Three 2012: My first GF
The first half of the year, my social circle was basically K, C, and his GF. Our weekends were always a blast. Lots of drinking, lots of dancing. I was in the best shape of my life. Scenarios I once avoided I embraced with enthusiasm. My confidence was soaring.
Sparing too many details, K and I cut it off towards the end of the year. I had graduated college, entered the work force, and had this idea in my head I could do better than her. I saw K as a 5.5 - 6. Whether it was the right thought process or not, I felt like I could do better, and it wasn't fair for me to have only ever been with one girl.
I'm not going to lie though, it was a tough time in my life. Once it broke off, the flood gate of women didn't' come. I was working insane hours. I broke my arm and had to stop going to the gym. I felt myself going through a regression, a feeling that took me almost an entire year to shake off. I stopped going out, I was back on the computer again. My social circle became a lot of losers who either didn't have jobs, didn't go to school, or both.
Year Four 2013: High Point 1.0
The end of year three was a big wake up call. I spent New Years Eve alone. I remember gaming until 10-11pm and wanting food, so I drove out to go to Wendys. I go into town, and not only is Wendys closed, but so was every other food place in town. For whatever reason, that's when reality hit me: I was alone on what should be one of the best nights of the year and I'm STARVING.
I never wanted to be sitting alone on New Years again.
Within a few weeks I was back in the gym with C. I got back into shape quickly, reaching my old weights in exercises by that summer. Since C was still into a long relationship with his then GF, they didn't want to go out like they used to, which at the time was harder for me to deal with than it should have been.
Despite that, I continued to develop socially . My work required me to get into uncomfortable, sometimes violent situations in rough inner city areas. I developed the ability to communicate effectively, learning to listen, empathize, and come up with solutions to solve problems. Eventually, this skillset applied to anyone I wanted or needed to talk to. With that, I became looser and let my personality out in a way I was afraid to show before.
Through work, I met two guys, D and J. If they weren't working or in the gym, they were out somewhere having a good time. I began tagging along with them whenever they went out, and eventually we developed a tight bond as a 3 person crew. While hanging out with them, my social circle expanded exponentially. To this day, I still don't have a night out where I don't run into someone I know that I met through them.
In a lot of ways, the life I led at this time was the life I had been striving to achieve back in Year 1. I was happy with my physical appearance and I felt confident instead of apprehensive in social situations.
And how did I spend my New Years this time? Out dancing with a random 8 I had just met that night with one of the best asses I've even seen. Had the police not been involved with a buddy of mine at the time (long story) I would have been waking up in her apartment to start Year 5.
Year 5 2014: Low point 1.0
To start the year, I was still hanging out with J, D, and other people I met through them on a weekly basis. Our social circle was an incredible mix of amazing people. I still can't believe we all got together as well as we did for as long as we did. When we all got together to party, it was just a great time.
During that time, I continued to build and improve myself and was never satisfied with where I was at. I was spinning plates for the first time, which as a concept even just a year prior seemed to me like something someone insane would try to pull off. I still contend that if you are single and aren't looking for anything long term, this is 100% the way to go. I had no problems with attachments and I didn't have to put up with bull****. It felt so good.
And then I met B.
I actually knew B for a while but she had been in a relationship that broke off. In fact, she was no longer talking to any of the friends she had when I first met her. I ignored the red flag though. I found her too attractive. She was a 9, and I was hooked.
Hard.
All I ever wanted was a HAF GF and that's what I got, and everything that came along with it.
I stopped going out as much with J and D as much and instead started spending a lot more time with her. I stopped going to the gym. B and I drank together almost every night. It got to the point where it started affecting my job, but I didn't care. I started growing distant from everyone else in my life, but I didn't care. I was with her and I thought that's all I ever wanted. She wanted to drink and if that's what she wanted to do, so did I.
None of my friends were a fan of her. Looking back, the reasons were obvious, but I was blinded. To do me a favor more than anything, J, D, and everyone else went out of their way to accommodate us. B burned a lot of bridges before I met her, but those bridges were repaired to give her the benefit of the doubt.
After a few months, I happened to go away for a week at the same time D did. During the week, B and I would talk at night. I felt like I was falling in love. We talked about how must we missed each other and how she never wants me to be away from her that long. When I get back from vacation, I find out that D, who got home a day earlier than I did, was hanging out with B while I was still away. We all met up at a party that night, and B and I hooked up at my place that night so I didn't think anything of it since she went home with me and not D.
I get a call from D the next day. He says we needed to talk. I come to find out, D was having the same conversations with B that I was. Sometimes, the texting would overlap with the calls we were having. I didn't know how to react, and I did nothing.
I saw the writing on the wall. B was digging the D. B and I stopped hanging out alone together. She would make excuses and would usuallyonly come out if D would be there.
It was on one of those nights that we were all out when D ended up passing away behind the wheel on his way home. It was a big blow that still affects everyone he knew.
Along with D's passing, J ended up moving out of state by year's end. The crew I was a part of was gone. I had to adapt, but instead got caught back in B's trap. She played every game you could think of with me, and then put me officially in the friendzone. It was a rough year. I needed to get my act together.
2015 below
Year one 2010: Figuring out the Basics
At 20 years old, I was ready for a change. I read about picking up women and I wanted to do that too. For a computer geek with no sense of fashion and a limited social skill set, I didn't know how to start.
I went through many of the articles here. One of the core principles that got through to me early on was that before I could improve my chances with girls, I had to improve myself first. In other words, to pick up girls, I had to pick myself up. With my mindset at the time, the way I saw myself doing that was to improve my appearance. I couldn't sport the skinny frame glasses with the baggy clothes and New Balance sneakers and expect any sort of results.
Luckily, I had a great friend in C who was about a year into his own transformation from slacker pothead to a highly disciplined, hard working college student. I started working out with him, following a strict 5 day routine that allowed me to see results within months. After starting out in March as a rail-thin 140 pounds, I had gained twenty five pounds by the end of the summer. While I was still behind C in muscle tone, I started seeing reactions from women that I never saw before.
Through C, I was able to make some other important changes to help improve my appearance as well. I began to wear clothes that fit me. It doesn't sound like much, but wearing clothes that actually fit is the easiest but most helpful change you can make to your wardrobe if you haven't done that already.
While I made progress with my appearance, I still had issues I had to deal with internally. The reactions I did get from women I could never capitalize on.
Year Two 2011: Becoming Physically and Socially Toned
The social ineptness problem that plagued me in year one was still there, and I saw that as the next area I needed to improve.
I started by following one of the challenges I read on this site. I can't recall what it was called, but the basic premise was you start by saying hello to fifty random people in one day. From there, you start having conversations with strangers and then eventually, you ask a girl for their number and go from there. This was an important first step for me in breaking out of my shell and I highly recommend a program like this to anyone who is having similar issues.
During this year, I started to spend less weekends behind a computer and more time going out. It was during this time I had a completely random hook up with a girl (made out with a chick at an EDM concert) and got my first GF, K.
Things didn't end up working out with K in the long term, but I was with her from the end of year two until the middle of year three when I graduated college.
Year two and three overlap, so I just continued under year three.
Year Three 2012: My first GF
The first half of the year, my social circle was basically K, C, and his GF. Our weekends were always a blast. Lots of drinking, lots of dancing. I was in the best shape of my life. Scenarios I once avoided I embraced with enthusiasm. My confidence was soaring.
Sparing too many details, K and I cut it off towards the end of the year. I had graduated college, entered the work force, and had this idea in my head I could do better than her. I saw K as a 5.5 - 6. Whether it was the right thought process or not, I felt like I could do better, and it wasn't fair for me to have only ever been with one girl.
I'm not going to lie though, it was a tough time in my life. Once it broke off, the flood gate of women didn't' come. I was working insane hours. I broke my arm and had to stop going to the gym. I felt myself going through a regression, a feeling that took me almost an entire year to shake off. I stopped going out, I was back on the computer again. My social circle became a lot of losers who either didn't have jobs, didn't go to school, or both.
Year Four 2013: High Point 1.0
The end of year three was a big wake up call. I spent New Years Eve alone. I remember gaming until 10-11pm and wanting food, so I drove out to go to Wendys. I go into town, and not only is Wendys closed, but so was every other food place in town. For whatever reason, that's when reality hit me: I was alone on what should be one of the best nights of the year and I'm STARVING.
I never wanted to be sitting alone on New Years again.
Within a few weeks I was back in the gym with C. I got back into shape quickly, reaching my old weights in exercises by that summer. Since C was still into a long relationship with his then GF, they didn't want to go out like they used to, which at the time was harder for me to deal with than it should have been.
Despite that, I continued to develop socially . My work required me to get into uncomfortable, sometimes violent situations in rough inner city areas. I developed the ability to communicate effectively, learning to listen, empathize, and come up with solutions to solve problems. Eventually, this skillset applied to anyone I wanted or needed to talk to. With that, I became looser and let my personality out in a way I was afraid to show before.
Through work, I met two guys, D and J. If they weren't working or in the gym, they were out somewhere having a good time. I began tagging along with them whenever they went out, and eventually we developed a tight bond as a 3 person crew. While hanging out with them, my social circle expanded exponentially. To this day, I still don't have a night out where I don't run into someone I know that I met through them.
In a lot of ways, the life I led at this time was the life I had been striving to achieve back in Year 1. I was happy with my physical appearance and I felt confident instead of apprehensive in social situations.
And how did I spend my New Years this time? Out dancing with a random 8 I had just met that night with one of the best asses I've even seen. Had the police not been involved with a buddy of mine at the time (long story) I would have been waking up in her apartment to start Year 5.
Year 5 2014: Low point 1.0
To start the year, I was still hanging out with J, D, and other people I met through them on a weekly basis. Our social circle was an incredible mix of amazing people. I still can't believe we all got together as well as we did for as long as we did. When we all got together to party, it was just a great time.
During that time, I continued to build and improve myself and was never satisfied with where I was at. I was spinning plates for the first time, which as a concept even just a year prior seemed to me like something someone insane would try to pull off. I still contend that if you are single and aren't looking for anything long term, this is 100% the way to go. I had no problems with attachments and I didn't have to put up with bull****. It felt so good.
And then I met B.
I actually knew B for a while but she had been in a relationship that broke off. In fact, she was no longer talking to any of the friends she had when I first met her. I ignored the red flag though. I found her too attractive. She was a 9, and I was hooked.
Hard.
All I ever wanted was a HAF GF and that's what I got, and everything that came along with it.
I stopped going out as much with J and D as much and instead started spending a lot more time with her. I stopped going to the gym. B and I drank together almost every night. It got to the point where it started affecting my job, but I didn't care. I started growing distant from everyone else in my life, but I didn't care. I was with her and I thought that's all I ever wanted. She wanted to drink and if that's what she wanted to do, so did I.
None of my friends were a fan of her. Looking back, the reasons were obvious, but I was blinded. To do me a favor more than anything, J, D, and everyone else went out of their way to accommodate us. B burned a lot of bridges before I met her, but those bridges were repaired to give her the benefit of the doubt.
After a few months, I happened to go away for a week at the same time D did. During the week, B and I would talk at night. I felt like I was falling in love. We talked about how must we missed each other and how she never wants me to be away from her that long. When I get back from vacation, I find out that D, who got home a day earlier than I did, was hanging out with B while I was still away. We all met up at a party that night, and B and I hooked up at my place that night so I didn't think anything of it since she went home with me and not D.
I get a call from D the next day. He says we needed to talk. I come to find out, D was having the same conversations with B that I was. Sometimes, the texting would overlap with the calls we were having. I didn't know how to react, and I did nothing.
I saw the writing on the wall. B was digging the D. B and I stopped hanging out alone together. She would make excuses and would usuallyonly come out if D would be there.
It was on one of those nights that we were all out when D ended up passing away behind the wheel on his way home. It was a big blow that still affects everyone he knew.
Along with D's passing, J ended up moving out of state by year's end. The crew I was a part of was gone. I had to adapt, but instead got caught back in B's trap. She played every game you could think of with me, and then put me officially in the friendzone. It was a rough year. I needed to get my act together.
2015 below
