First Time Ever In A Club - FIELD REPORT (Advice Needed, Several Problems)

[Bob-Newbie]

So I went to a club for the first time ever (a proper one) with a couple of other friends. We went into a pub beforehand to drink and it did loosen me up a bit. In the queue I spoke to a couple of girls behind us, and my friend joined in (I think she asked us if it's the queue), but I never really pursued it. Got inside and there were a few different areas of the club. The music in the main area where I stayed was EXCEPTIONALLY loud and I could not hear myself shout, even when I was shouting as loud as I possibly could...

When we were walking across the dance floor, there was a girl with a digital camera so I just messed around and did some stupid pose to the camera which she took a picture of... Then I grabbed a couple of her friends into me for another picture (one was an extremely hot blonde girl, and the other was a brunette I think not sure, but the blonde was exceptional and stood out to me). I left very prematurely. I felt as though I should have stayed with these because the group who were all girls seemed receptive (in fact I think they looked at me when I went like "wtf, why are you walking away now?" but that was just something I caught in my peripheral for a split second as I went and I'm probably imagining it), but for a couple of reasons (mainly nerves) I did not stay. I think I started speaking to another girl, I don't really remember that one except that I put my arm around her a lot, she didn't seem to mind the contact but then again it was quite crowded so perhaps it just felt natural, I don't remember what I said to her but it wasn't anything important... Then a bit later on there was a girl with a big inflatable hand thing, so I asked her where she got it as I wanted one... I'm not sure that she heard but she seemed receptive towards me as she kept smiling and tapping me on the head with it (I don't think she heard a word I was saying though I was screaming my words at her, she just kept smiling and hitting me with it whenever I said something)... After that there was the whole NYE countdown and that was that... About half hour later my buzz/state/hype CRASHED. I'm not sure exactly what the reason was, but I lost the buzz COMPLETELY, I was walking round as if I was in my living room, and from that point I was unable to approach anybody and it stopped being enjoyable. My friend continuously toured the dance floor but not approaching on these trips (we must've gone round the room about 50 times) he did approach girls about 4 or 5 times I think.

Some big problems I had were penetrating a girl's friend group, and initiating a conversation with such insanely loud music. It seemed that in these girl-circles when you tried to talk to the girl they wouldn't really acknowledge you and were 99% focused on this little circle they had going, and these circles were EVERYWHERE. I drew a diagram of how ALL the girls were set out (pretty much all of them):

http://i.imgur.com/gLhNS.png

I think another big problem I had was that I was not leading the interactions anywhere, I felt a bit scared to try it, though touch was fine (it actually didn't feel awkward at all to put my arm round a girl when I was speaking to her, seeing as everyone is in such close proximity and people had been bumping into me non-stop, it felt kinda normal to touch)... But I wasn't asking their name, showing interest in them, or anything like that, or trying to take things further.

Another thing that happened was that a couple of times a girl would dance INTO me kinda, and I didn't know what to do. Like I'd be standing next to her dancing and she'd come right into me, wasn't sure whether it was because of the lack of space, but I THINK she had enough room to not have to be making contact with me like that. Then my friend did something really awkward (he just grabbed her friend's hand and she looked freaked and he was like "don't you want to dance with me?") and they all went away. Oh and one last problem, I forgot girls I'd approached/"approached" so I wasn't sure which ones I should talk to near the end of it all.

Any tips/advice etc? I feel good about it as it was my first time doing such a thing and I never expected to pull anything off, just glad to make progress.

 

[Bob-Newbie]

Bump for advice and how to improve?

 

[FairShake]

Don't try to talk in a loud club. Dance, tap, hug, make faces, smile, wink, etc.

 

[dandellion]

The dancing into you part is usually a cry for attention, just make sure you see wether they have space or it was by accident! Usually they want some attention from you; its up to you wether you give it or not; a good thing is often to look her in the eye, smile and go "Hi": and see how she responds.

The girl-circles are... well circles; its the henhouse and well you can peacock for attention, or grab your balls and crash in there. If you crash in; make sure you ARE the life of the party; don't be a clown, but be ****y/funny. If they shoot you down, just laugh it off. Just don't hover around the circle, that just looks creepy!

In general; don't be too focused on Pick-Up in a club; have FUN! And if you hook up, great, but that should not really be the objective. If you are having fun, girls will often position themselves around you giving you a good chance to make a contact!

edit: The picture bit was good! You probably should have talked a bit to check it out. Maybe the whole "posing" was a bit clowny (well not my style anyways), but its a fun way to break the ice!

 

[Bob-Newbie]

Don't try to talk in a loud club. Dance, tap, hug, make faces, smile, wink, etc.

Yeah I guess it's more physical than verbal on the dance floor. It's helpful to me because then it puts less pressure on me to make conversation and I'm pretty comfortable touching a girl. Another tip I got was to talk into their ear, as it's a good excuse to get touchy and close early on.

The dancing into you part is usually a cry for attention, just make sure you see wether they have space or it was by accident! Usually they want some attention from you; its up to you wether you give it or not; a good thing is often to look her in the eye, smile and go "Hi": and see how she responds.

The girl-circles are... well circles; its the henhouse and well you can peacock for attention, or grab your balls and crash in there. If you crash in; make sure you ARE the life of the party; don't be a clown, but be ****y/funny. If they shoot you down, just laugh it off. Just don't hover around the circle, that just looks creepy!

In general; don't be too focused on Pick-Up in a club; have FUN! And if you hook up, great, but that should not really be the objective. If you are having fun, girls will often position themselves around you giving you a good chance to make a contact!

edit: The picture bit was good! You probably should have talked a bit to check it out. Maybe the whole "posing" was a bit clowny (well not my style anyways), but its a fun way to break the ice!

Thanks! I'll keep the first part in mind for next time, if a girl's getting all up in my space I'll say hi to her etc. And yeah me and my friends were hovering around the outside of the circles because we just couldn't think of any way to initiate a conversation with them. They weren't really acknowledging guys who were approaching them and these circles of girls were pretty much everywhere.

The girls in the picture bit seemed receptive towards me, I definitely should've stuck around (I mean I had an easy way, to ask to check out the picture), and it was just that she was pointing the camera in my direction as I went past so I saw the opportunity and stopped in front of her.

I still have a fear of being humiliated/the people I'm talking to thinking I'm a loser and it held me back a lot. Also I feel under a lot of pressure when meeting them which is why I ejected from all the girls I opened way too quickly (it was more like I was doing openers then leaving immediately due to pressure and nerves).

I will use all this advice in real life though and it should help me improve I'm going out again next week so that'll be my chance to put some of this stuff into practice.

I mainly just feel stupid for ejecting from the first set because the blonde was the first or second most attractive girl in the whole club and I really wanted to talk to her. Also the other two girls who seemed comfortable with me I think I could've landed a makeout with (well one of them I'm more sure about), so again it just makes me feel stupid. I did post on RSDNation and got some great advice there too, so I'm gonna put it all into practice.