First post, seeking advice

[Cancerian]

Greetings everyone!

This is my first post, and I must say that I am glad that I found this site. Here is my situation:

I am 29 and was in a LTR with a very incompatible woman. I tried to stick it out because we have kids together. Anyway, its been two years of celibacy since we finally split. I am now ready to go out and do what I should have been doing these past years!

While I have been reading the forum and articles, I know that I have much to learn, but here it goes: I have been flirting with this woman at work. She has been single since April. The other day, I walked up to her and said "I was wondering if you would like to do anything this weekend?" (I was surprised that I didn't feel a bit nervous doing this). With a smile, she said that she had plans, but would let me know.

The next day, a female co-worker/friend told me that the woman told her that I had asked her out, but that it was against company rules to date co-workers, and that she didn't know what to do. So I took these events as a non-rejection. If she brings it up, I'm thinking of saying something ****y like "Do you have a copy of the company rulebook? I may need to use the bathroom later, and will need something to wipe my a$$ with" (might sound crude, but I know that she would find that to be hilarious).

Friday, since she didn't mention anything about the weekend, I asked her if she minded if I called her later. I didn't want to ask her about going out, since I felt that I would seem to eager. She said that I could. Later that day, I text'd her a joke (which we've been doing alot of lately) and she responded to it. About 30-45 minutes later I tried to call, but got her voice mail. I said something like "This is Cancerian, just calling to chat and see how you're doing, talk to you later". She didn't call back, so I just went out by myself last night (I like her, but hey, I'm not going to sit around and wait when there are other women out there).


Some other details...
We smile around each other a lot. When she is having a bad day and snaps at co-workers, she will still be nice, say "hi", and even smile at me. She had something going on and she told me about it before anyone else...

Rumors of a lay off have been going around, and her position would be the one let go. This was going to possibly happen on Friday after I left for the day, so maybe thats why she didn't answer the phone or call me back...

Any analysis/advice?

 

[Phyzzle]

"I was wondering if you would like to do anything this weekend?"

You should know that this sounds a bit flaccid. "Lets do x" or "Do you wanna do x" is better.

I asked her if she minded if I called her later.

Did she ever give you her #? Well then . . . I guess it's okay for you to call. I don't know why you'd ask again.

But anyways, she knew when you were going to call, and she didn't answer, and she hasn't called back.

Any analysis/advice?

Low interest. You can try calling again in a few days, and leaving a message, but you'll have to give up and take the hint soon. Asking her out at work isn't good. You'll have to do it by phone.

 

[Cancerian]

Thank you for your reply!

You should know that this sounds a bit flaccid. "Lets do x" or "Do you wanna do x" is better.

I agree, but I said what I said based on how the conversation was going (because she already had plans). When I talk to her again, I'll ask her if she wants to go out for a few drinks. I'm also a bit rusty when it comes to asking women out.

Did she ever give you her #? Well then . . . I guess it's okay for you to call. I don't know why you'd ask again.

She called my cell with her cell, and thus I have her number. I was going to ask her for it, but "fate" or "chance" intervened and she called about a work related thing. The reason why I "asked" her is because I didn't want to ask her again about going out, and she is quite busy with a recent move to another apartment.

But anyways, she knew when you were going to call, and she didn't answer, and she hasn't called back.


Low interest. You can try calling again in a few days, and leaving a message, but you'll have to give up and take the hint soon. Asking her out at work isn't good. You'll have to do it by phone.

She may have been avoiding the phone if she got laid off that day. I won't know any details until tomorrow. If I determine that she has low interest, I'll probably try some things I read in the Quick Tips, then move on. There are a couple other chicks that I'm currently flirting with, but they aren't as interesting as this one.

EDIT: This woman is blunt and straight forward, and speaks her mind. I think she would have told me "no" in the first place, or at least would have told my female co-worker/friend that she wasn't interested (they talk and hang out a bit).

 

[cyp6]

haha sweet

 

[Cancerian]

haha sweet

Which part is "sweet"?

 

[Cancerian]

bump

I'm hoping to hear more insight before I go back to work tomorrow.

 

[MacAvoy]

Asking a girl for permission to call her if AFC. Its like asking her if you can breathe the same air as her. Be a man, be bold. Women are attracted to men, take charge and be a man. If you pvssyfoot around the issue, she isn't going to be the man and take charge either.

Be confident. Be prepared to strike out. Its a numbers game, don't place any value on one women. Just get out there and get in the game again. Your first mistake is focussing on this women. Secondly think how awkard it is going to be if something goes wrong between you and you have to deal with her everyday at work. Thats why they say don't dip you pen in the company ink.

But your taking a step in the right direction. You've found this place and your getting out there. Now go out and approach other women. Remember act confident even if your nervous as heck, its all about perception. Remember you are the prize.

The most important help you are going to get from this site is reading the bible. Thats where all the answers are.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Actually there are some threads out there on dating co-workers - some are against and some are for...you don't want to jeopardize your job for a woman but if you feel that she will be leaving soon then get her number before she leaves - don't advertise this - be low-key!

 

[Cancerian]

Asking a girl for permission to call her if AFC. Its like asking her if you can breathe the same air as her. Be a man, be bold. Women are attracted to men, take charge and be a man. If you pvssyfoot around the issue, she isn't going to be the man and take charge either.

I tried to avoid asking her if I can call by saying "Do you mind if I called you later", but I suppose it is the same thing. I will just call her from now on, if I feel like it. I'm also thinking of telling her "that we should have a few drinks together on New Year's Eve" or something along that line. That way I am taking charge by making the suggestion, without asking her.

Be confident. Be prepared to strike out. Its a numbers game, don't place any value on one women. Just get out there and get in the game again. Your first mistake is focussing on this women. Secondly think how awkard it is going to be if something goes wrong between you and you have to deal with her everyday at work. Thats why they say don't dip you pen in the company ink.

I felt so much confidence asking her out that I surprised myself!

I'm trying not to focus 100% on her, especially since there couple of other women that I have been flirting with. I recognize that while I find this woman to be attractive and interesting, there is other fruit in the basket, so to speak.

The work thing is an issue, and I have been approaching the situation with caution. I try to avoid flirting with her around other co-workers, I asked her out when we were alone, etc. But since she may get laid off, and I've been thinking of getting a different job anyway, I'll see what happens.

But your taking a step in the right direction. You've found this place and your getting out there. Now go out and approach other women. Remember act confident even if your nervous as heck, its all about perception. Remember you are the prize.

The most important help you are going to get from this site is reading the bible. Thats where all the answers are.

I am very glad to have found this site. I have been reading the bible, and will definitely continue to do so. My main reason for posting this thread is to get some insight from as many DJs as possible, before I go back to work.

If she has low interest, blows me off or whatever, I'm going to act like it is no big deal and let her know how much of a great time I've been having regardless!

 

[Cancerian]

Actually there are some threads out there on dating co-workers - some are against and some are for...you don't want to jeopardize your job for a woman but if you feel that she will be leaving soon then get her number before she leaves - don't advertise this - be low-key!

I am trying to be subtle around the office. I won't be there forever (this is a temporary job that will look good on my resume). So even if she isn't laid off, violating company rules will eventually be a non-issue.

 

[Cod3r]

You need to up her attraction... read the bible, she's got low interest


-Cod3r

 

[MacAvoy]

I'm also thinking of telling her "that we should have a few drinks together on New Year's Eve" or something along that line.

When you call her already have something specific / concrete that you want to do with her. If she has IL in you she'll do anything, or she'll tell you that she doesn't like that which will tell you she's interested in you. Again women want a MAN, men take charge and set the stage, dictate what they want to do. Also don't ask, assume the sale, "Let's go to Julio's on Friday for some drinks" not wishwashy like you mentioned in your first post "I was wondering if you would like to do anything this weekend?"

Your givin her too many possibilities to say no and not enough to say yes. Also New Year's eve is a bad early date night IMO. I'd suggest you go out with her at least once or twice prior to that.

 

[Last Man Standing]

I am trying to be subtle around the office. I won't be there forever (this is a temporary job that will look good on my resume). So even if she isn't laid off, violating company rules will eventually be a non-issue.

If the consequences aren't severe then why not! But just remember - if things go bad women are known to go ballistic if front of other people - like pour coffee over your head when you are eating in the lunch room! Or make an embarrassing public announcement like "Your penis is so small I couldn't even feel it!!"

 

[Cancerian]

You need to up her attraction... read the bible, she's got low interest


-Cod3r

Thanks, I'll be reading the bible in a bit!

EDIT: Maybe I'm am over-analyzing here, but I text'd her a Smurf joke, and the next day she was drinking out of a Smurf glass that she brought with her. Would that indicate anything about IL?

 

[Cancerian]

When you call her already have something specific / concrete that you want to do with her. If she has IL in you she'll do anything, or she'll tell you that she doesn't like that which will tell you she's interested in you. Again women want a MAN, men take charge and set the stage, dictate what they want to do. Also don't ask, assume the sale, "Let's go to Julio's on Friday for some drinks" not wishwashy like you mentioned in your first post "I was wondering if you would like to do anything this weekend?"

Your givin her too many possibilities to say no and not enough to say yes. Also New Year's eve is a bad early date night IMO. I'd suggest you go out with her at least once or twice prior to that.

After reading opinions, I agree that I was being wishywashy. Though I wasn't feeling nervous, I wasn't exactly sure how to ask her out. I still feel that I got somewhat positive results, since I wasn't rejected to my face or through the co-worker/friend. No matter what happens, I am looking at this whole experience from a scientific angle, so see how I do and what reactions I get from her.

I don't think that I'll have much time for a couple of dates prior to New Year's, but there is time for at least one. I'm a single father with custody of my kids, and baby sitter's are hard to come by around here.

I know that she hasn't gone to party at any places around where she lives, since she told me so. Maybe that was a hint? So I'll scope some places and tell her we should go to one.

 

[Cancerian]

If the consequences aren't severe then why not! But just remember - if things go bad women are known to go ballistic if front of other people - like pour coffee over your head when you are eating in the lunch room! Or make an embarrassing public announcement like "Your penis is so small I couldn't even feel it!!"

The consequences wouldn't be severe for me, but they could be for her. I've proven to be an asset where we work and I can get away with things that others cannot. Bur that may explain her apprehension. When my friend told me that this woman "didn't know what to do", she said that she looked like she was pondering on whether she should say "fvck the rules"!

 

[Derek Flint]

Make women earn your weekend time.

New Years?

I'm sure she already has plans, but she has done nothing at this point to earn your time on such a special night.

Unless I'm already banging a chick, there is no way she gets my weekend time or especially a night like NYE

 

[Derek Flint]

Thanks, I'll be reading the bible in a bit!

EDIT: Maybe I'm am over-analyzing here, but I text'd her a Smurf joke, and the next day she was drinking out of a Smurf glass that she brought with her. Would that indicate anything about IL?

You're overanalyzing. Reading waaaay too much into her actions and words.

It also sounds like you've got a case of one-itis for this woman as well.

Start dating/bangin other women. If you don't, you'll focus too much on this one woman, and you'll come off as needy and creepy to her.

Regardless, I would forget about dating a woman at work, regardless of how much "pull" you have at the job.

No woman is worth losing your job over, and if you make her feel uncomfortable, she might file a suit against your company and you'll be gone in a flash, no matter how valuable you are to the company and no matter if you're right.

The fact that she told you she had plans, and told a co-worker that there is company policy against dating co-workers showed her lack of interest, and she didn't return your call.

3 strikes and you're out.

She is speaking loud and clear, but you ain't hearing it.

It was her way of saying "Thanks, but no thanks"

Women don't have the balls to directly reject someone, especially co-workers, so they dance around the issue.

Not to mention, you are putting her in a difficult position where you are asking her to risk her job in order to go on a date with you.

There are millions of hot women out there. Get out there and meet them and seduce them.

 

[Cod3r]

Definitely sounds like the beginnings of one-itis...

Do something better with your time, also someone made an important point. You want to spend NYE with her ?? That's ludacrious, not only to me, but also to the woman...

She's got to be thinking, "wat kind of shmuck would spend NYE with me ?". Girls like to be your second, third, fourth priority... NYE is to be spent with someone special or friends, I would never spend such time with anyone I was dating less than 6 months...


-Cod3r

 

[Derek Flint]

Definitely sounds like the beginnings of one-itis...

Do something better with your time, also someone made an important point. You want to spend NYE with her ?? That's ludacrious, not only to me, but also to the woman...

She's got to be thinking, "wat kind of shmuck would spend NYE with me ?". Girls like to be your second, third, fourth priority... NYE is to be spent with someone special or friends, I would never spend such time with anyone I was dating less than 6 months...


-Cod3r

Yep, and that's where that "creepy" vibe kicks in.

She starts to wonder, what kind of guy she has never even kissed or been out on a date with wants to spend NYE with her, and doesn't he have friends/other girls or plans on that night?

Smells of desperation and creepyness.