"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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first post, need some advice

M

md3sign

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I've been reading the articles on this site for several months now and it's good stuff. I think my game has gone from zero to 1 or 2. Anyway, I need some advice on the most recent "thing".

I met this girl online about 3 weeks ago. We went on a movie date (our first IRL meeting) a couple Friday's ago. It went well, I got some good kino in - the theater had those swinging arm rests so we were sitting shoulders together the whole time and I took her hand at one point. Not sure if that was coming on too strong but it's worked in the past and seemed to this time as well.

I took her home, got a nice hug and kiss closed after a little "go ahead" sign from her. Important note: she's kinda tall and about 1" taller than me - that probably has something to do with everything.

Anyway, I didn't talk to her for a couple days after and then she invited me out this bar with her friends where a band was playing Tuesday night. I think this might be where I went wrong. I said "I'd call her" and I did after the gym that evening but she didn't answer. So I just went to the place because it was on my way home but it turns out the band wasn't playing until much later. All in all I didn't end up going again. Without typing everything out in detail let's just say she flaked on me and that was time #1.

I also initiated conversations online and what not, so probably not being as scarce as I should have been.

Now, we had a second date set up for Friday for almost the entire week. Thursday night I wanted to confirm and got an excuse. I made other plans for Friday but I did end up catching her online. She said she didn't end up doing what she was going to and asked what I was doing. I said I had plans but I asked if she wanted to get together Saturday night. She said "ok give me a call sometime tomorrow".

I talked to her briefly Saturday online but she had to go, and no definite plans. I almost called it off but then she calls me and we set something up for later that night, time and everything. I call and she doesn't answer. BIGTIME flake, #2. I've seen her online since but haven't said anything and she hasn't said anything to me. Whenever we talk she'd be interested and what not but wouldn't initiate the conversations - ever.

So I guess I'm wondering if there's anything I can/should do with this or chalk it up to experience because well, it seems kinda shady.



Also, anyone have any good threads or articles in particular that would be helpful for an aspiring DJ?

edit - I'm definitely a noob at all this so feel free to pick apart everything I could have done differently
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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D

Docs

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Once a flake (bar), twice a flake (thurs - excuse), three times a flake (no answer sat)...are you going to have a fourth?
 
M

md3sign

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No, I don't want a 4th. But, I would like to know 3 things:

1) What I did wrong/could have done differently, from the perspective of someone more experienced.

2) If I should write her off completely. For instance, let's pretend (doubtful but if it ever happens with any girl at least I'll be prepared) she wants to hang out out of nowhere. Similar things have happened. If she were to arrange everything and agree to pick me up and basically make up for it, should I agree?

3) Is there any point in talking to her?
 
F

flexion_

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Seems to me you already know the answer... you came on too strong and she wasn't that interested = game over.

Also in the future, none of this "I'll call you crap." Pick a definite time and place and her answer is yes otherwise anything else out her mouth means no thanks.
 
S

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agreed...i do a 3 strike rule...then i drop it all together. i do believe in second chances but she has a short ass leash.

for example...week or 2 later she calls you out of no where to talk. (notice -calls- not IM)
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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D

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md3sign said:
No, I don't want a 4th. But, I would like to know 3 things:

1) What I did wrong/could have done differently, from the perspective of someone more experienced.
Too much interest (after the date). You tried to get ahold of her a lot... Just a big note, maybe you did everything right, but she just plain wasn't interested :)

2) If I should write her off completely. For instance, let's pretend (doubtful but if it ever happens with any girl at least I'll be prepared) she wants to hang out out of nowhere. Similar things have happened. If she were to arrange everything and agree to pick me up and basically make up for it, should I agree?
"Hmm...I'm not busy tonight...she's willing to pay the whole shot...mmmmmhmmm"..... :)

3) Is there any point in talking to her?She isn't talking now?! She's not dead, nothing died, she's visibly online, you got ahold of her on the phone, but yet..she still won't talk....back to that couple weeks aloof idea that always comes up..
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