First night out...

[SenorBotches]

Hello everyone,

Been reading up on game for a year or so now, I go out socially pretty regularly, with "Game" being in the back of my mind. I'm there to spend time with friends and have a good time. If i end up meeting a girl that night, then so be it, but it's kind of on the backburner. Tonight is the FIRST night I will be going out (No wingman, but i will be accompanied by some people I know) with the exclusive intention of Practicing game. My primary goal is just to throw myself into as many social situations as possible, regardless of the outcome or length of contact. I have no intentions or pre-dispositions of getting laid, I just want to get out there and try, making the first steps.

Does anyone have any last-minute advice for me?

Sincerely,
Botch

 

[fastlife]

Wish I'd seen this earlier. First, props on going out. Even if you don't open a single set, just going out is a 'W.' It's a step in the right direction.

A couple of things--put yourself in as many awkward situations as possible. You'll be rewiring your brain to learn that 'Nothing bad happens.' You'll probably weird some people out, but a couple of things:

• No one gives a fvck. They're not going to see you later and be like, There's that weird pickup guy. I've said and done some outrageous sh1t. One girl, I told her I was gay & then she saw me making out with her friend--bumped into her a couple months later and she didn't remember who I was, bumped into her a couple months after that and she remember who I was from the first night but loved me. I met a girl tonight who I'd gotten her number before & never texted her--I isolated her at a dance club and tried to kiss her (the first night) and she literally told her friend, "Quick. Pull me away." Tonight she loved me. If girls do remember you, you can always make a better impression later, when your game improves.
• Open the easy sets. People will see you talking to everyone & just assume you're popular & know everybody.
• It's normal to be out by yourself. At first you might worry that people will think you're some friendless weirdo--and girls might sh1ttest you on this if you feel it's not normal. But see the step above. No one knows you're there by yourself; nobody cares. If you open the easy sets, people will think those are the people you came with. Before I got rained out, I opened about 3 sets of girls (4 or 5) each and not a single one even asked if I was there by myself. Everyone after that just saw me with like 20 girls and assumed I was the sh1t. You can even just stand close to other people for social proof.
• It's OK to fvck up. You will. I still have girls that ignore me, curse me out, I still run out of things to say, I still get rejected. BUT no one's watching you. They're all in their head, feeling self-conscious, worrying if they belong.
• Girls are terrible at indicating interest. So just assume attraction. If she's standing near you, she wants you to open. If she doesn't tell you to fvck off or leave, she likes you. If she's still talking to you, even if she's just insulting you and telling you you're a d1ck, she likes you (if she didn't, she'd leave). If she holds your hand when you introduce yourself, she likes you. If she's done all these things, move her to a new location. If she moves locations, do it again. If she does it a couple times, take her home.
• You can say anything if you follow it with a smile.
• People are bored and lonely and stuck in their heads--you're doing them the biggest favor by chatting them up.
• It's very hard to get in a fight, if you open a girl & she's with her boyfriend, just say, "Oh, props dude. Totally respect that." If a girl freak out, take a step back, apologize, change topics.
• Always make a point of talking to the bouncers & the bartenders. Most people walk by them and don't say sh1t. Tip well at the venues you like.
• Peacock. Have interesting clothes, a distinct haircut, accessorize. I'm not saying fuzzy hats and red leather trench coats--but have a distinct look. When you're starting out having a girl open you is HUGELY HELPFUL, especially on an off night--give her an excuse to talk to you.

Make it a habit. If you go out once a month, you'll be starting from scratch each time. For the first 3 months, you need to be going out as much as possible--at least 2x a week, 3-4 if you can swing it. You're literally rewiring your brain--this will happen much more quickly with constant exposure.

 

[SenorBotches]

Thanks for the tips, fastlife. Although I read them the next morning, they will be INFINITELY helpful tonight when I go out again.

I feel like i should at least give a quick field report:

Wins:
-I met a promoter for the club on the the street I was planning on going to anyway, chatted him up,and he got me a voucher into the club for free (when there was a 15$ cover)
-I spent about 2 months in Portland for work and promised myself I was going to learn to dance, which I did ( I was able to open any set by confidently asking any girl to dance with a confident face, knowing I had the skillset to keep that promise), and start physical escalation right there, since I was at a country bar and that sort of dancing REQUIRES physical escalation.
-I got in good with the friends of the girl that I was interested in, and waved them to join their group so I could be with their friend because the friend of the girl thought "I qualified to be with their friend" Even though I personally felt like she wasn't that interested in me.
- My friends ditched me so I was COMPLETELY by myself, which FORCED me into social situations with strangers.
-There was a SMOKING hot 39yr old recently divorced cougar that was into me, but was hesitant due to the age difference (39,22), wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I appreciated her company and moved on.

Things I need to work on/Advice I need
-Keeping a girl's attention: I have NO problem approaching a group of girls and get them chatting, and once I get them talking, or once i'm done dancing with them: I'm like: ****! I don't remember reading ANY tips on this, so I revert to my typical: "So what's your major/what do you do for a living?"
-Projecting my voice: I found myself constantly having to repeat what I said because I REFUSE to peck (leaning in to speak to a girl), so I was wondering how to effectively speak and project so I girl gets it the first few times.
-Isolating the girl: I always found myself opening up sets, and when we finish dancing, they ALWAYS want to go back to their friends. How do I show my value to effectively say "Hey, i'm more interesting than your friends, let's go grab a drink!"
-Got a NUMBER!: a girl wanted me to text her within 10 minutes of meeting her so we could meet later in the same club, (to be honest, she was pretty ****ed up, but smoking hot), she snatched my phone away from me and called herself on my phone. Later on, her friends told me she had "someone special", but they obviously weren't there since she was rubbing up on me/kissing me in the club. Problem is, I want to text this girl, but I don't know whether or not she'll remember me. I texted her, "Hey, it's me, Bruno", so obviously she has at least a conversation with my number in it. Does anyone have any tips of text game for a situation like this?

All the best,
Botch

 

[fastlife]

@SenorBotches that's a successful night. Seems like you already have some pretty solid social skills--so you're starting off way ahead of a lot of other guys. Plenty of guys would have to go out for months to make enough headway to have a night like that.

-There was a SMOKING hot 39yr old recently divorced cougar that was into me, but was hesitant due to the age difference (39,22), wasn't sure how to respond to that, so I appreciated her company and moved on.

Disqualify her first. I.e. "Oh my god, so old. I thought you were like 25. You're like the creepy old woman trying to seduce an innocent little boy." Of course, she'll have to argue all the reasons she's not too old for you and why age doesn't matter.

-Keeping a girl's attention: I have NO problem approaching a group of girls and get them chatting, and once I get them talking, or once i'm done dancing with them: I'm like: ****! I don't remember reading ANY tips on this, so I revert to my typical: "So what's your major/what do you do for a living?"

The dancefloor is a frame. What happens on a dancefloor is all framed within that dancefloor. So a girl thinks, Oh, my god! This is fun! He's a good dancer. I can grind on him but it's not slvtty cause we're DANCING!!! But you're not really a person to her. Mid-song, just say something about it being hot, grab her hand & lead her to a different area of the venue. Her emotions were spiked by the dancefloor environment so then you can build comfort. Asking a girl about her major isn't bad, but try to direct the convo towards something more personal. "Oh, a psyche major? You must be crazy. It's OK, every psyche major's crazy--either trying to figure out themselves or to figure out their parents." This gets her talking about either, herself, or her past very quickly. She thinks, Wow, I normally don't tell anyone this unless I'm in love with them or I've known them for a long time. Well, I just met this guy so I must really like him and feel comfortable around him.

-Projecting my voice: I found myself constantly having to repeat what I said because I REFUSE to peck (leaning in to speak to a girl), so I was wondering how to effectively speak and project so I girl gets it the first few times.

Some venues are so loud you have to 'lean in.' I do it all the time--BUT you have to do it in a dominant way: put your hands on her waste, or an arm around her shoulder, pull her in body-to-body, where your cheeks are almost touching so that you can talk into her ear & she can talk into yours; push her back every now & then to make eye contact. Smile.

-Isolating the girl: I always found myself opening up sets, and when we finish dancing, they ALWAYS want to go back to their friends. How do I show my value to effectively say "Hey, i'm more interesting than your friends, let's go grab a drink!"

Never try to compete with their friends. "One second. Come with me to the bar & then we'll go find your friends." It'll take a while until you're comfortable enough with this concept for the girl to feel like, Oh, it's OK. He seems really sure of himself. You'll eventually develop a certain tonality (with practice) where you sound so authoritative girls will just come with you before they even realize they forgot about their friends.

 

[fastlife]

-Got a NUMBER!: a girl wanted me to text her within 10 minutes of meeting her so we could meet later in the same club, (to be honest, she was pretty ****ed up, but smoking hot), she snatched my phone away from me and called herself on my phone. Later on, her friends told me she had "someone special", but they obviously weren't there since she was rubbing up on me/kissing me in the club. Problem is, I want to text this girl, but I don't know whether or not she'll remember me. I texted her, "Hey, it's me, Bruno", so obviously she has at least a conversation with my number in it. Does anyone have any tips of text game for a situation like this?

This number's probably botched; in the future ALWAYS text their number almost as soon as you get it. I.e. "You're really ****ing drunk right now. But you better text me back tom --[Your name]." She'll go through her phone in the morning, see your text, and decide you must've been important when she was drunk. She might not remember who you are but you just tease her, bust on her for being tore up, tell her you're unforgettable, highly offended but she can make it up to you by buying you coffee."

In this case, just text her: "Lol. You're crazy. Probably shouldn't even text you but I have thing for girls with [whatever physical characteristic she has]--and I've always had bad judgement " And go from there.

I'm about to copy a text convo I had from almost that exact same situation, except I texted her the night off. I'll try to break it down a little so you can see why it works:

Fastlife, 1:28 AM: You're really drunk right now. But you better text me back tom. -Fastlife.
Girl, 10:40 AM: hahaha I'm slightly sober now [Texted back. IOI.]
Fastlife, 1:13 PM: Trouble lol. I have a thing for small girl with green eyes
Girl, 3:14 PM: reaaaaally [**** test]
Fastlife, 3:39 PM: You gonna be in town over spring break? [Ignore sh1t test]
Girl, 3:39 PM: no! going home to [redacted] [Her attraction is spiked]
Girl, 3:40 PM: I'm really sorry but who is this [Sh1t test--she knew who I was]
Fastlife, 3:41 PM: We met at [redacted]. I told you you looked like a hobbit [Remaining unaffected. Callback humor]
Girl, 3:43 PM: I slightly remember that
Girls, 3:43 PM: you're such a gentleman [Sh1t test]
Fastlife, 3:48 PM: I want you to draw me like your french girls [Nuke her frame. More callback humor]
Girl, 3:49 PM: definitely could do that for ya [IOI]
Girl, 3:53 PM: tell me your first name though [Seeking comfort/rapport]
Fastlife, 3:56 PM: [Redacted]. And you're...was it [redacted]? [Pretend I don't 100 % remember her name. Match her level of investment]
Girl, 3:57 PM: [Redacted]? we both have grandparent names [Seeking rapport]
Girl, 3:57 PM: yeah it's [redacted]
Fastlife, 4:02 PM: Totally. Prolly going out with some friends tues [Time bridge. DHV--social proof]
Girl, 4:02 PM: wait where are you from [Investment]
Fastlife, 4:03 PM: You should come thru. Make sure it wasn't the beer goggles [Time bridge. Neg. Deny to her investment]
Girl, 4:03 PM: lol it wasn't I'm super cute [Qualification]
Fastlife, 4:20 PM: I'm from a little bit of everywhere. [Redacted] mostly [Comfort as reward]
Girl, 4:20 PM: how tall are you [Sh1t test--trying to make me qualify]
Fastlife, 4:20 PM: You totally told me you were from [redacted] lol [Blast past her frame]
Girl, 4:20 PM: I am from [redacted]
Fastlife, 4:21 PM: You only want me for my height [Make fun of her frame]
Girl, 4:21 PM: depends
Girl, 4:21 PM: if you're over 6 I def only want you for your height. [This is her trying to flirt]
Fastlife, 4:25 PM: 6'1. And your like 4'11? [Finally give in. Make her qualify]
Girl, 4:25 PM: and a half
Fastlife, 4:27 PM: A little too tall but we'll make it work [Qualifying her]
Girl, 4:27 PM: you're a little too short but I'll settle [Sh1t test or just flirting. No biggie]
Fastlife, 4:54 PM: Picture. Don't want you to embarrass me in front of my friends [New frame. Ask for big investment]
Girl, 4:57 PM: lol [Too much investment for her right now]
Fastlife, 5:08 PM: Or we can hangout tonight [Frame shift. Ask for a smaller investment]
Girl, 5:08 PM: I'm down [She's likely to do the smaller investment]
Girl, 5:09 PM: I have a big test tomorrow that I have 0 motivation to study for
Fastlife, 5:16 PM: Stress relief. You stay [redacted]?
Girl, 5:17 PM: yessssir [redacted]
Fastlife, 5:25 PM: Early day tom. But if I come thru around 8 we can play uno or something [I don't own uno lol--but it won't trigger ASD]
Girl, 5:26 PM: that sounds incredible
Fastlife, 5:28: Text me your address & I'll text you when I head that way
Girl, 5:29 PM: i really need to study fvck [Sh1t test]
Girl, 5:29 PM: im still drunk [Sh1t test--possible ASD--can't possibly be drunk 15 hours later]
Fastlife, 5:32 PM: Couple rounds. Half an hour. Study now, stress relief, study later [Reassert my frame[
Girl, 5:33 PM: okay okay
Fastlife, 5:38 MP: Your address [Assert my frame]
Girl, 5:39 PM: [Redacted]
Girl, 5:39 PM: wait
Girl, 5:39 PM: are you a serial killer [Seeking comfort]
Fastlife, 5:41 PM: No. I'm a [redacted]. Like the opposite [Comfort]
Fastlife, 5:41 PM: Serial killers don't play uno [Comfort]
Girl, 5:42 PM: oh you weren't kidding about playing uno [She knows what's up]
Fastlife, 5:42 PM: Maybe [I know she knows...]
Girl, 5:42 PM: what's our plan
Fastlife, 5:44 PM: 8 o'clock. I'll bring uno. We'll go from there [But I can't say all that since it'll trigger ASD]
Girl, 5:44 PM: sounds good

However, you can make a text convo work without worrying about all those nuances. In fact, I'd recommend learning to play by ear before worrying about all the nuances. But it might be helpful to see the kinds of sh1t tests you'll run into in this type of scenario.

 

[Roober]

This number's probably botched; in the future ALWAYS text their number almost as soon as you get it. I.e. "You're really ****ing drunk right now. But you better text me back tom --[Your name]." She'll go through her phone in the morning, see your text, and decide you must've been important when she was drunk. She might not remember who you are but you just tease her, bust on her for being tore up, tell her you're unforgettable, highly offended but she can make it up to you by buying you coffee."

In this case, just text her: "Lol. You're crazy. Probably shouldn't even text you but I have thing for girls with [whatever physical characteristic she has]--and I've always had bad judgement " And go from there.

I'm about to copy a text convo I had from almost that exact same situation, except I texted her the night off. I'll try to break it down a little so you can see why it works:

Fastlife, 1:28 AM: You're really drunk right now. But you better text me back tom. -Fastlife.
Girl, 10:40 AM: hahaha I'm slightly sober now [Texted back. IOI.]
Fastlife, 1:13 PM: Trouble lol. I have a thing for small girl with green eyes
Girl, 3:14 PM: reaaaaally [**** test]
Fastlife, 3:39 PM: You gonna be in town over spring break? [Ignore sh1t test]
Girl, 3:39 PM: no! going home to [redacted] [Her attraction is spiked]
Girl, 3:40 PM: I'm really sorry but who is this [Sh1t test--she knew who I was]
Fastlife, 3:41 PM: We met at [redacted]. I told you you looked like a hobbit [Remaining unaffected. Callback humor]
Girl, 3:43 PM: I slightly remember that
Girls, 3:43 PM: you're such a gentleman [Sh1t test]
Fastlife, 3:48 PM: I want you to draw me like your french girls [Nuke her frame. More callback humor]
Girl, 3:49 PM: definitely could do that for ya [IOI]
Girl, 3:53 PM: tell me your first name though [Seeking comfort/rapport]
Fastlife, 3:56 PM: [Redacted]. And you're...was it [redacted]? [Pretend I don't 100 % remember her name. Match her level of investment]
Girl, 3:57 PM: [Redacted]? we both have grandparent names [Seeking rapport]
Girl, 3:57 PM: yeah it's [redacted]
Fastlife, 4:02 PM: Totally. Prolly going out with some friends tues [Time bridge. DHV--social proof]
Girl, 4:02 PM: wait where are you from [Investment]
Fastlife, 4:03 PM: You should come thru. Make sure it wasn't the beer goggles [Time bridge. Neg. Deny to her investment]
Girl, 4:03 PM: lol it wasn't I'm super cute [Qualification]
Fastlife, 4:20 PM: I'm from a little bit of everywhere. [Redacted] mostly [Comfort as reward]
Girl, 4:20 PM: how tall are you [Sh1t test--trying to make me qualify]
Fastlife, 4:20 PM: You totally told me you were from [redacted] lol [Blast past her frame]
Girl, 4:20 PM: I am from [redacted]
Fastlife, 4:21 PM: You only want me for my height [Make fun of her frame]
Girl, 4:21 PM: depends
Girl, 4:21 PM: if you're over 6 I def only want you for your height. [This is her trying to flirt]
Fastlife, 4:25 PM: 6'1. And your like 4'11? [Finally give in. Make her qualify]
Girl, 4:25 PM: and a half
Fastlife, 4:27 PM: A little too tall but we'll make it work [Qualifying her]
Girl, 4:27 PM: you're a little too short but I'll settle [Sh1t test or just flirting. No biggie]
Fastlife, 4:54 PM: Picture. Don't want you to embarrass me in front of my friends [New frame. Ask for big investment]
Girl, 4:57 PM: lol [Too much investment for her right now]
Fastlife, 5:08 PM: Or we can hangout tonight [Frame shift. Ask for a smaller investment]
Girl, 5:08 PM: I'm down [She's likely to do the smaller investment]
Girl, 5:09 PM: I have a big test tomorrow that I have 0 motivation to study for
Fastlife, 5:16 PM: Stress relief. You stay [redacted]?
Girl, 5:17 PM: yessssir [redacted]
Fastlife, 5:25 PM: Early day tom. But if I come thru around 8 we can play uno or something [I don't own uno lol--but it won't trigger ASD]
Girl, 5:26 PM: that sounds incredible
Fastlife, 5:28: Text me your address & I'll text you when I head that way
Girl, 5:29 PM: i really need to study fvck [Sh1t test]
Girl, 5:29 PM: im still drunk [Sh1t test--possible ASD--can't possibly be drunk 15 hours later]
Fastlife, 5:32 PM: Couple rounds. Half an hour. Study now, stress relief, study later [Reassert my frame[
Girl, 5:33 PM: okay okay
Fastlife, 5:38 MP: Your address [Assert my frame]
Girl, 5:39 PM: [Redacted]
Girl, 5:39 PM: wait
Girl, 5:39 PM: are you a serial killer [Seeking comfort]
Fastlife, 5:41 PM: No. I'm a [redacted]. Like the opposite [Comfort]
Fastlife, 5:41 PM: Serial killers don't play uno [Comfort]
Girl, 5:42 PM: oh you weren't kidding about playing uno [She knows what's up]
Fastlife, 5:42 PM: Maybe [I know she knows...]
Girl, 5:42 PM: what's our plan
Fastlife, 5:44 PM: 8 o'clock. I'll bring uno. We'll go from there [But I can't say all that since it'll trigger ASD]
Girl, 5:44 PM: sounds good

However, you can make a text convo work without worrying about all those nuances. In fact, I'd recommend learning to play by ear before worrying about all the nuances. But it might be helpful to see the kinds of sh1t tests you'll run into in this type of scenario.

You invited yourself over to her place and then...? major props to you man. My text game needs serious work

What is ASD?

 

[SenorBotches]

That was impressive fastlife. Im starting with "God you were messed up at [redacted] saturday. I bet you even forgot how good of a dancer i was "

 

[fastlife]

What is ASD?

'Anti-Slvt Defense.' It's an old PUA term, but it's basically the idea that a girl doesn't want to ever feel like a slvt, even if she wants to do slvtty things. It's why if you tell a girl you just made out with, "Let's go back to my place and FVCK," she'll HAVE to reject you 9/10, whereas if you say, "Hey, remember my pet goldfish? I want to take you back to my place to introduce you," she'll be like, OK, well I am going back to his house. But I'm only going to meet his pet goldfish! so she never has to take responsibility and 'things just happened.'

Im starting with "God you were messed up at [redacted] saturday. I bet you even forgot how good of a dancer i was "

Not bad; I mean if she really likes you, it'll work regardless. BUT it sounds like you're qualifying yourself (You're unforgettable, remember. You're the coolest guy she's ever met. Girls always remember you--in fact, she's probably been waiting by her phone like a puppy just hoping you'd text her--that's the frame you need to come from). And you're directing things back to the dancefloor frame. It's Tuesday; she's gone to school, work, 134 guys liked her last Instagram post. She's not in the same head space right now that she was on the dancefloor.

Now maybe you could do something like, "Ya, you're a terrible dancer...but you were also pretty drunk so I won't hold it against you," which kind of downplays the whole significance of the dancefloor anyway, forces her to qualify ("Lol I'm a great dancer!"), and keeps the convo on her. Then you could just hold frame--"Girl you were stepping all on my feet. Drinks on you Thurs night" and push the interaction towards a meetup.

 

[SenorBotches]

Hmmm.....so i sent that around lunchtime, no response. Botched that one, not expecting a reply now haha. But im a strong believer in the abundance mentality. Theres alot of girls out there with alot of phone numbers. Gonna go find another tonight.

Hear from me soon,
Botch