First meeting...what to do regarding the tab?

[Jaylan]

I wont go into many details...

but lets say you start talking to a cool chick, and you text, have had good phone convos, and have done the facebook add thing. Now currently the conversation has not become flirty or anything yet, but youre both interested in hanging out together to get to know one another better.

Currently things feel like we are getting to know one another as friends would normally do, and Im still not sure if theres a romantic vibe there yet. We plan to get lunch next weekend. If this is out first meeting, and theres no set vibe yet...I was wondering about how paying for our hanging out goes.

She suggested we get lunch, and since I have to travel a decent little distance to her area (an hour and change), she picked a place to eat. I was thinking since its a first meeting, and she suggested we meet up at a particular spot, that things are strictly dutch. However, since this will be our first one on one hangout...if a romantic vibe comes of it, I was wondering if itd be weird if I picked up more of the tab?

Then again Im also worried about setting a precedent or making things weird in the event that things are just friendly. Thoughts? I figure I can just let her get the drinks, if theres a romantic vibe between us. And go dutch if theres only a friend vibe. I mean, the place isn't really expensive, but gas and tolls cost money. What say you men? I wanna put a good foot forward if we click, but part of me still feels weird picking up a portion of someones tab that I don't know well.

 

[VladPatton]

Just to be clear, you're basically traveling an hour to meet up a chick that is on the way to friend zone you. In that regards, this is not a date, and I would abandon any romantic plans, therefore, go Dutch.

 

[thatfeel]

I sort of agree with Vlad's take, even if he didn't explicitly say you shouldn't do it, an hour and some change of a drive is quite a pain to partake in considering all of the unknowns. Hell, I don't even have a good time driving to the Microsoft Store at the Galleria in Houston from where I live now which is pretty much a straight shot on the freeway and 610, 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back. And you want to drive an hour to have something as CASUAL as lunch? You should try and entice her to come to your place or something, not out on a date, and have drinks ready. Or have her drive to your place and then you drive yourselves to a place close by to eat. Then come back and you know what.

 

[Jaylan]

I sort of agree with Vlad's take, even if he didn't explicitly say you shouldn't do it, an hour and some change of a drive is quite a pain to partake in considering all of the unknowns. Hell, I don't even have a good time driving to the Microsoft Store at the Galleria in Houston from where I live now which is pretty much a straight shot on the freeway and 610, 30 minutes there and 30 minutes back. And you want to drive an hour to have something as CASUAL as lunch? You should try and entice her to come to your place or something, not out on a date, and have drinks ready. Or have her drive to your place and then you drive yourselves to a place close by to eat. Then come back and you know what.

She does not drive. I live in the burbs and she lives in the city, so coming to my place is not an option at the moment.

The reason Im not too bothered about the drive though is because I grew up in the city and will have plans made for the evening with friends. I never go down to the city without having a whole weekend planned out.

Youre right though, considering the unknowns, and considering Im not even sure myself If either of us will be into one another in a romantic sense, dutch is the smart bet. Like I said, its a first meeting, so while I do enjoy talking to her, Im not even sure about chemistry yet.

Ive learned that texting and phone convo is a lot different than in-person chemistry.

Jaylan,

My advice is that you are asking the wrong question.

If you are having this much interaction, and no flirting or anything, you are setting a bad precedent. How? By now making any sort of escalation feeling forced and awkward.

Before any sort of contact information is exchanged, there should already be sexual tension. And by that I mean, you should have already teased her and flirted with her.

You are basically already in the comfort stage, when you should be starting with the attraction phase.

Yeah, the thing is...we met through work. I work in the suburban satellite office and she works at HQ. So Ive been treading lightly. I wanted to have a one on one hangout before starting up with anything too flirty or sexual. The only reason Im considering hanging out one on one with a girl who works at my company is because we don't work in the same office.

I mean Ive lightly tried to get into the flirty/sexual talk, but I noticed a little bit of resistance and thought better of it until weve hung out.

 

[Jaylan]

Thanks, Ill give that kinda talk a try.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Fakebook add & you haven't even met her yet?

Ugh an hour drive for a broad, noway. 25-30 tops for me.

Good luck dude!

 

[Jaylan]

Dude, when you live in sparsely populated burbs, you do what you gotta do. Plus I grew up in the big city, so my friends and family are there. I get to kill multiple birds with one stone by swinging through the city on a weekend.