First date tomorrow in 6 yrs

[kim jong chill]

Hi everyone. New guy coming in for some advice.

In December I got out of a 6 year relationship. I'll spare you the details for another time. Let's leave it at that it's been devastating and I'm far from over her, but slowly trying to move on.

Last week I was at a bar and met a female friend's girlfriend. We talked for a bit and hit it off pretty well. I didn't get a chance to get her number before she left, but I did ask our mutual friend to put in a good word for me. The friend went ahead and asked her what she thought of me the next day, saying that I asked about her the night before. Here is what that girl replied: "he did seem very nice and received bonus points for being able to name the important cities upstate. multilingualism is always a plus." So my friend said she was going to give me her number - to which the girl obviously didn't object.

I called her and after some unintentional phone tag we set up a coffee date for tomorrow. On the phone she sounded pretty engaged, although I didn't keep the conversation long. And as I was saying bye, she let out a giddy laugh that sounded out of place in the conversation, and which I'm not sure how to interpret. It could have been that she was excited, or she was surprised because she was expecting our conversation to last longer.

I'm not sure how this is going to turn out, but I'm not putting too much pressure on myself. At the least, it's going to be a useful distraction. But I haven't actually done this for years, so I'll probably be rusty and nervous regardless.

What are some ground rules for these situations? I'll take basically any advice right now.

 

[shizz702]

Important thing is to relax.

Don't have any expectations out of this other than you are just looking to meet her and have a good time. Smile, be happy, positive energy radiates, and if you do just that it will rub off on her.

Don't pour yourself and tell your life story, and never bring up your past relationship. Maintain some mystery.

I could go on and on here but the take home is relax and keep it in perspective of simply having a good time and don't have any expectations cause you can't predict the future, just go and see where it takes you.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with the above. Most of all, don't talk about anything negative or accidentally reveal any skeletons from your past such as you and your ex fighting, etc. Everything should be light, fun, and positive.

Don't let the date go on too long. Maybe an hour or two max. It's easy to get too comfortable and talk all night. That kills the mystery.

You can tell a LOT at the end of the date.

Good - She lingers in your presence in the parking lot and looks in your eyes. Perfect for a kiss.

Bad - She keeps a LOT of distance between you and her on the way out and seems a bit in a hurry to get to her car. In other words, she wants to avoid the kiss.

 

[kim jong chill]

I'm pretty sure I will not try to go in for a kiss tomorrow, even if things are going well. First, I don't want to seem pushy or desperate. Second, I suspect this girl is a bit on the socially conservative side, so I don't think she will approve if I try that. Third, I want to get to know her better before I decide whether I really want to start something up with her.

Also, should I send her a text a couple of hours before our time? Something like "See you soon "

 

[backseatjuan]

Keep talking to her, always initiate new and fun subjects. Don't let the silence happen.

 

[kim jong chill]

any other last minute tips?

 

[backseatjuan]

pop 100 mg viagra. Women are reflections of what we feel, and if you are turned on, she too will be turned on.

 

[shizz702]

any updates on this? Hope it went well for you bud.

 

[kim jong chill]

Just got back. I sent her a text about 3 hours before our meeting, saying "See you soon ". She replied about an hour later with "Looking forward to it."

She was about 5 min. late and I was already waiting inside. Before she came I got us the best seats in the cafe on a couch. I bought her coffee, and made some small talk to break the ice. We got on pretty well, and I followed all the usual tips: maintain eye contact, keep her talking, smile, crack a couple of semi-****y jokes. And fortunately, nothing about my ex spilled out.

At one point I remember being surprised by how close to me she was sitting. There was plenty of room on the couch, but it did seem like she was trying to get closer. There were practically no lulls of silence in the conversation. And I think overall there were some good vibes between us. I believe I even noticed her blushing!

Things were going well, but I decided to cut our discussion short since we were already at the hour mark and I was afraid I would run out of things to say when more silence would happen. She definitely seemed kind of surprised when I said I had to go, because I know I did come off as kind of sudden, and I'm sure she would have liked to stay longer. The goodbye was a little weird. I walked with her down the block to the corner, and when it became clear that we were going in different directions, I said it was nice seeing her and we should talk soon. She smiled and said ok. But at this point there was already a couple of feet distance between us.

Overall, I'd give myself a 70/100, which could have been an 80-85 if I closed out better. But I'm not too upset with the night as a whole.

Now to plot the next steps...

 

[LoneWolf]

I know how it feels at the end of a great date, trying to get that kiss. What you probably should of done is offered to walk her to her car. Or just walk out the cafe or whatever really close to her and

You: "Well I had a great time getting to know you..."
Her: "Me too

both: "...." *if she waits or is slow to walk off - she's probably waiting for a kiss*

Or even while you were walking down the block, I would of slowly stopped and said "Hey..." Gotten closer and looked her in the eyes and then "Had a really great time tonight." then bang, kiss her.

Or if you had walked her to the car, before getting in the car.

You can kinda work out if she wants a kiss or not. Because if they don't they try to get in their car quickly (or however she's going home) and not look at you and be close. A girl who likes you will kind of linger around and be slow to say goodbye. I think she was a little shocked that you ended it soon and perhaps is thinking you're not into her because of that.. which is why you should of went for a kiss. However, second dates is another chance and you MUST do it then or it's possibly over.


Just get in close and go for a kiss. I know it hurts if they turn away but it's always better trying than not. And they will think you got balls for it. I almost always get the kiss at end of first dates. But it's usually in the car before leaving.

 

[kim jong chill]

I'm spending some time today mulling over last night. I did enjoy talking to this girl and would like to get to know her better. I consider yesterday to have been an effort at feeling her out, just to see if she's an interesting person.

At the same time, I don't want either to get too caught up with oneitis or lead this girl on. Like I said before, I'm also not over my ex, and I know a part of me doesn't want to move on. I'm confused and that's why I'm trying to take things slow right now.

 

[bigneil]

The date went fine. By the book for first date (Doc Love, Louis/Copeland, etc.). Now go NC until she contacts you.

Just go for the cheek kiss with every girl every time . Practice this. Once it becomes natural you appear "smooth" to them. But God knows it takes practice. I remember sitting with this girl in 1987, who was about 10 feet away and saying "so, can I kiss you?" Never saw that girl again.

 

[kim jong chill]

No contact? I always thought 1-2 days is enough time to get in touch with her again.

Also, Facebook friending, y/n?

 

[bigneil]

NO to FB Friends! Do you want them seeing your every deliberation? It's so unromantic. Plus, they like you to withhold something. Just say you'll stick to FB emails, or real email.

And I feel a woman should wonder if she'll ever hear from you again after a date (Doc Love). Asking for the next date is "anti-challenge".

 

[shizz702]

Sounds like it went fine. Alway walk them to their car and at a minimum give a hug good bye. If the vibe feels right and you see the invite (you will know what to look for in time) go for the kiss close.

Give it a few days and get another date set up. I'd recommend something fun and action oriented such as bowling, a theme park, miniature golf, or something of the like.

I'm sure you will be in good for the next round. Try to be a bit more physical next time, do some kino all throughout and go for that kiss.

 

[LoneWolf]

The date went fine. By the book for first date (Doc Love, Louis/Copeland, etc.). Now go NC until she contacts you.

Just go for the cheek kiss with every girl every time . Practice this. Once it becomes natural you appear "smooth" to them. But God knows it takes practice. I remember sitting with this girl in 1987, who was about 10 feet away and saying "so, can I kiss you?" Never saw that girl again.

lol. When I was 18, I asked a girl that once in a cinema when everyone left, I said "Can I kiss you?" haha what a dumb ass. But she actually replied with a laugh and YES! She really liked me that girl.

 

[kim jong chill]

I'm thinking of calling or texting her to ask if she wants to get lunch tomorrow. I'm lacking interesting second day ideas right now.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

An hour date is a short ass date if you asked me. You should have ended the date when you felt like your flow was slowing down. Some of the guys here say kiss a girl on he cheek and don't try to kiss her first date but this isn't what I do. A girl should already know I am interested in seeing what she is about on a meetup. If I'm still interested in her after the date then I always seal the deal with a kiss. This is my way of saying that I am still interested in them. It also lets me know that they are still interested in me. That first kiss shyness bulls*it is when I did when I was a virgin. To me now though a kiss ain't sh*t. It just a signal saying that I'm feeling you.

Kim enough with the dates. You need to bring her to the crib and show her how you live. Get a movie poppin. Get some Hypnotiq poppin and do what it do.

 

[kim jong chill]

Ok so new question:

I called her yesterday to follow up on our date. She didn't pick up and I left a message saying that I'm calling just to say hi and see how she is. I was calling to ask her out for dinner but I didn't want to do that in a voice mail.

She called me back about an hour later, but I couldn't pick up and I was in class. She left me a voice mail saying she's sorry she missed my call earlier, but her phone was being strange and she hopes she gets my call when I call her back.

I called her back about an hour and a half later and again she didn't pick up. Then I texted her saying "we keep missing each other...hopefully this won't be a habitual pattern " A day later, she hasn't returned my call or texted back.

Should I try calling her again tonight? And if she wasn't interested, why would she bother to call me back?

 

[Iceberg]

Should I try calling her again tonight? And if she wasn't interested, why would she bother to call me back?

Ha. Don't start asking those types of questions.

Girls are uncanny in their methods of finding new, and impressive ways to waste your time.

Give her another shot, maybe in another day or two.